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Learning to heal and not be silent any more ❤️‍🩹

[ikka97]

Have nothing but my bible and my broken heart.💔✝️

[ikka97]

Confirming you’re in a new relationship today.

I cried, who wouldn’t? It hasn’t even been a year since we last had sex.

Now you’ve moved on… and I’m still here, waiting for an apology that will never come.

I love you enough to never cross your feed or story again.

I love you enough to stay completely out of your life.

You wanted me gone.

So I’ll stay away.

[ikka97]

You cheated, I stayed...

You lied to my face, I Stayed...

You spoke to girls, I didn't want you near, I still stayed...

And you left me because I argued too much because of the things you did ?

[ikka97]

Did you walk away because you couldn’t fix the heart you broke?

No matter how much I begged, how many times I beat on your chest, pleading for you to fix it. Pleading: “Fix it.” “Please fix it.” “It hurts. Please. You always know how to fix it. Fix it.”

I had never cried that hard for a relationship in all my 26 years of being alive. I kept crying and pounding on your chest, as if I could reach your heart, begging you to fix the one you shattered into millions of pieces.

You held me and said, “I can’t fix it.”

And you never did.

Now I sit here alone, picking up the pieces of my heart, one day at a time.

[ikka97]

When we broke up, you told me that you’re not like me. That you can’t just forget people and act like they didn’t exist. That it was easier for me, but it’s not but I also have no choice . If I don’t let go, it hurts and I’m tired of hurting, so no it’s not easier for me. I just what I have to do so I can be okay. 

[ikka97]

I don’t know if I’m doing it right but I just noticed I don’t remember how it feels to be in his arms anymore. About ten months ago I couldn’t sleep without him, now I don’t remember how I felt to sleep next to him. I don’t remember how he smells or the warm from his body. I don’t even know how he looks now.

[ikka97]

“ if a guy cheats.” … I’m over this line.. not every guy cheats. Unfortunately, I haven’t found one that hasn’t cheated on me. Since all my exes have, whether it is with one or with multiple. but if I believe that every guy cheats, I don’t think I would believe in love with her again. 

[ikka97]

Thanksgiving alone this year and I’m okay with that.

[ikka97]

Good girls get cheated on…. I don’t want to be a good girl anymore…

[ikka97]

We are like two magnets trying to connect but facing the wrong way, we can feel some tension, but we know that it will not connect unless we change. 

[ikka97]

All my fears

I told you I was scared you would still be checking out your ex and you did that

I told you I was scared you would break my heart and you did that

I told you I was scared you were cheating and you did that

I told you I was scared you were talking to other girls and you did that

I told you I was scared you were gonna leave me behind when you moved town and you did that

I told you I was scared you were gonna leave me and you did that

I told you I was scared you were gonna forget me and you did that

[ikka97]

I cleaned our house today…

I found things that reminded me of you…

I couldn’t stop thinking about you…

[ikka97]

You told me I wouldn’t do it on my own but I did. I carried our baby for almost 2 months, felt all the symptoms. I felt all the emotions, heartburn, nausea and cravings. I made the appointment to possibly see the baby. I even lost our baby alone… why did you said I wouldn’t do it alone because I did. I was alone in pain and crying will pregnant and while miscarrying.

[ikka97]

Having to go through a miscarriage alone, has been one of the hardest things i have done in my life.

[ikka97]

Finding out I was pregnant but wishing it wasn’t at the same time. I knew I could lose it. I cried over the loss before it even happened. I asked him to hold me when I told him of my fear and now that I have lost it he isn’t here to hold me.

[ikka97]

People that don’t know me, can see the smile on my face and think I am loving life. I know if you saw me, you would see the sadness in my eyes.

[ikka97]

Once again I lost a part that’s I wasn’t ready to let go of. My phone deleted all our text… is it a sign or just a glitch.