Here comes December this has been a year of learning I put down the gun I’d held to my own head the love-to-hate myself it was ugly I used rolls toilet tissue because Kleenex boxes weren’t big enough I stopped reading poetry, I wanted to but I couldn’t read, it might have been the medication, I don’t know where my head was, I can read again now, I’m okay. A year of learning; People are, in general, good. I might freeze at friendliness because being liked can feel foreign - It took me 18 years to like myself at all, please forgive me if I feel confused by a smile when we’ve just met, I’m learning, I’m trying, I’m smiling, I’m stumbling. I pick myself up. Survival. Feeling lifeless is a side effect of losing the most basic human instinct. I am back. I wear my coat, I eat my vegetables, I take baths but not too many, like I used to, like an excuse for a locked door, like a ritual, like a sacrifice. I brushed my teeth this morning. I washed my hair today. I ate my breakfast alone but not lonely, like living like breathing like waking up.
Rebuilt by Georgia Radley (illaqueated.tumblr.com)
