some kind of control @illbeathinboy - Tumblr Blog

♡ i havent been on here for about a month but im back! im not in recovery but im trying to limit how much i restrict (so no more 4+ day 'fasts', i was starting to seriously endanger my health) and i wont be logged on as regularly as before, but ill probably keep my queue filled up for the most part. personal/non ed life updates in the tags ♡

#this past semester was really hard on my mental health but im trying to pick up the pieces right now #im temporarily mostly sober until i can trust myself to use recreationally and not as a form of self medication #ive put some distance between me and a friend with whom i have (had?) a mutually enabling and self destructive relationship with #im trying to figure out how to be around people without needing to make myself useful to 'earn' it #thats basically it! im not really feeling any better than i have been but im taking steps in the right direction at least.#rambles #pro ana #for blacklist #i really really dont want people stumbling on this blog from some unrelated search

ed-boy-2

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transboyed

Some bedroom malespo that makes me want to try harder

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gotta-b-grunge

Favorite thinspos 👀

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andy-rexia

Finaly back to a flat stomach 114 lb , 5,10 , bmi 16.5

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im going to break my 4 or 5 day fast (i cant remember how many days lmao my brain stopped working properly) and im not going to feel guilty for it and im also not going to binge

#those are probably gonna be not true but im trying to b positive #rambles

gothboiskinny

misunderstood, but fuck it i'm cool.

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used-body

im genuinely glad that my friends are relatively happy and stable but i miss when everyone i knew was just as unhealthy as me bc i never had to face how fucked up my brain is. today i made a joke about a hallucination i had and my friend told me i need to get help. lmao.

#rambles #im a deeply unhealthy person but not hot enough for it to be sexy yknow what i mean #so it has to be funny #not ed related

can somehow tell me how the fuck im 12 pounds heavier than a week ago?? like ive been eating "normally" with like one or two binges but jesus christ dude 12 pounds? 12??? i cant even deal with this lmao

#rambles #i was dehydrated & hadnt eaten for 4 days vs now when ive been drinking water & eating healthy amounts but #12 fucking pounds???#i was already borderline suicidal but now 😎

sadfce-deactivated20211006

pluto

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i think im out of the honeymoon phase of relapsing, where i feel euphoric and in control. now i just feel helpless and shitty and so fucking tired.

#im gonna delete these tomorrow #im just losing my shit #rambles

ive been ✨🌟fasting💫✨ since sunday and i got an hour of sleep last night and let me tell you guys. my body is hating every minute of this. 😍🤪

#i look like shit right now i look diseased #i have so much classwork i need to do but i did literally none today because i feel like im dying #rambles

starving-man

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i thought this was obvious but apparently i need to say it: if youre a nsf/w blog, do not interact, i WILL block you. dont sexualize ea/ting diso/rders or thi/nspo. this goes for aest/hetic blogs too.

in general: if youre not an ed blog, dont rb thi/nspo from me :)

#text posts are a bit different just use judgement #rambles #also sorry about the slashes i just dont want this to accidentally show up in any searches

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some kind of control