sugar, we're going down swinging. @illbeyournumberonewithabullet - Tumblr Blog

Love is Nothing More Than a Bad Habit

I still catch you in the quiet parts in the hum of streetlamps in the pause before sleep when my brain won't shut up about ghosts

It's stupid, really how love sticks around like smoke in clothes you forgot to wash like a song you hate but somehow still know every word to

You left in a way that didn't slam doors just a slow fade like turning down the volume on something that used to shake the walls

And I kept replaying your laugh your crooked way of saying my name the nights we swore we'd never become a memory

I remember a kiss that tastes of Red Bull and cigarettes like we were trying to outrun the morning like sleep was optional and forever felt close enough to touch

Now forever is just a word I trip over

I see you in strangers sometimes same hair, same walk, but they never turn around and it's never you

I don't know how to stop loving someone who feels like a place I used to live

so I don't

I just carry you like a bad habit I'm not ready to quit like a fire I know will burn me again if I get too close

And maybe that's the worst part

If you showed up tonight said my name the way you used to I'd forget every lesson every scar every reason we fell apart

and I'd still choose you

manchestermauler

let's romanticize never moving on and never getting over anything and feeling the enormity of our desire forever

isitspokenfor

The art of feeling

We humans, have the tendency to feel. In my native language, it says that humans have 6 senses while animals have 5. The sixth sense is intellect. Our ability to think, to rationalise. But we also let our feelings cloud us, overtake us, reduce our rationality to nothing.

I'm a feeler. I feel, I empathise everything. Sometimes it's suffocating to me because I overthink too. Other times, I suffocate others because I feel too much. I am too much, I say too much, I overshare, I over explain, I overthink, I also, feel too much. I wear my heart on my sleeve, trust others so blindly and willingly because I want to feel safe for once. I want to feel like whatever friendship or relationship I have now, won't go away. I fear that these people will also see me as too much and leave. It hurts when they leave, but it hurts even more when I tire them out with my feelings. It hurts, it makes me feel like I shouldn't feel. Why do I get upset at the tiniest things? Because I care. I care too much. Not just about them , I care about being treated right. I care about the friendships and the relationships lasting, even if they might leave me at some point for being too much.

I don't know why I do too much , I think something's wrong with me. I wish I could delete the part of me that cares.