synopsis: for the first half of your life, you’ve always loved lee donghyuck. you finally learnt to stop loving him but the universe plays a cruel joke by making him your marriage partner.
word count: 22.9k
tags: drama, childhood friends to lovers, arranged marriage, unrequited love, unresolved feelings, mentions of mild panic attack, fluff, angst with happy ending
playlist recommendation: urs by niki, blue moon by niki, drop dead by olivia rodrigo, start over by 5sos
authors note: tbh I’m surprised I even finished writing this but since it’s done and his birthday aligned with the completion of my fic, I thought I should just post this here. happy birthday haechan and to everyone else, enjoy!
The first meeting between you two happened when you were mere children. You were taller than him, by a handful of inches of course but it still mattered to him. Donghyuck didn’t like it. The adults teased him relentlessly while you were oblivious to it.
“What a cute pair!” His grandfather would say. You had your usual gummy smile when you heard that, simply accepting the truth. You liked Donghyuck. You think he was smart, confident and cute. You were his best friend and he was yours. If all the adults had the same opinion about you two being a perfect match, the only consensus to your younger self is that it must be true.
Donghyuck, ever the boy, would openly frown at any sweet comments about the two of you but when it was just the two of you, things were different. He would fix your pigtails when it came loose. When you came over to his house for a play date, he would surprise you with a dress up doll. His actions were confusing but that didn’t deter you. It felt like a secret between the two of you. The way he quietly showed you care and concern made your tiny heart swell. It was enough if it meant keeping Donghyuck by your side.
When you reached your tween years, the meetings naturally grew lesser. From seeing him once every season to seeing him annually, your relationship had shrivelled but your hope hadn’t. The yearning had always lingered at the back of your chest. It was an ache you ended up growing up with.
Polite smiles and cold gazes are exchanged and beneath it all was your longing. Every change does not go unnoticed by you. Donghyuck has grown taller, brazen. He has his own group of friends that hangs around him during year end parties while the rest of the crowd can only stand in the sidelines, admiring their presence. His laughter is more interesting than the crowd.
It stays the same for a few years up until you turn seventeen. You had wished for a quiet celebration with your loved ones but your mother had insisted on a bigger celebration. She had rented out a popular restaurant in the heart of the city. It had an open rooftop concept and the party was swarming with guests, majority had been decided by your parents. Your own friends and relatives were there, thankfully.
You stuck with your new best friend for moral support. It was much needed when Donghyuck walked towards your table. He carried his usual self with suave, a complete difference from the panic rising in your chest. You leaned in closer to your cousin when your best friend Yizhou says, “I’m not drunk am I? That is Lee Donghyuck.”
There is barely any time to recover from your shock. Donghyuck saunters to the table. Your mother is overjoyed, her face splitting into a wide smile as she gets up to greet him. Your father joins her and you force yourself to rise, slowly approaching them. You barely notice the friends he had brought with him, your eyes are glued onto him.
Donghyuck finally turn towards you and you hope the hitching of your breath isn’t audible. “Happy birthday,” he says as he extends a wrapped present to you.
“Thank you.” You mumble, stiffly accepting the gift. Your mother forces a laugh as if to compensate for your lack of emotions.
“Go. Enjoy the party boys!” Your mother tells him and his friends.
“It’s so nice of him to show up.” You hear your father say.
When Donghyuck disappeared into the crowd, you confronted your mother. “Why did you invite him?”
She takes a sip of her wine, fixing you with a smirk. “It’s your birthday dear. Everyone is invited.” While you love your mother, her ambition has always been bigger than your own interests. The worst part is that you can’t find it in you to be whole heartedly mad, the little girl in you is pleased by Donghyuck’s presence. It makes you feel pathetic. You thought that once you had grown older, you would have grown out of your affection for him. Clearly you were wrong.
It’s your birthday party but your attention has drifted towards Donghyuck. It should tick you off that he is the centre of attention at your party but you’re relieved to have this small chance to collect yourself.
“Hey, I need a toilet break.” You inform Yizhou as you pass your gift to her. Your cousin overheard you and tried to call after you, but you waved her off, rushing to the bathroom.
It’s times like these you wished you picked up smoking. You settle for gently patting your face down with water. Your hands are pressed against the sink, staring down at your own reflection. In a matter of hours, your birthday glow has faded and you’re back to the lovesick girl you used to be.
The thought brings tears to your eyes. “Fuck, no.” You refuse to cry over him, not when he’s a few feet away from you. You can’t even hate him. It is not his fault that you harbour such helpless feelings for him.
Looking at your reflection again, you try to smile. It comes out small and uncertain and you can’t help but laugh at the silliness of it all. You feel more like your usual self, taking it as a sign to join the party again.
You push the door ajar and the person behind it yells, “Oh, fuck!”
“Oh my god!” You try to shut the door again, eyes clenching shut but you’re met with resistance. You slowly peel your eyes open and meet the victim of your actions. The only intelligent reply you could come up with is prolonged silence.
Donghyuck clears his throat and gently tugs the door handle towards him, urging you to step out of the bathroom and into the corridor. “Right, I am sorry about that. Thank you for holding the door and um,” you pause, doing a once over at his appearance. “Are you hurt?”
His soft laughter surprises you. “I’m okay.” The grimace from your face doesn’t fade so he adds, “Didn’t you used to say that I was strong? I can handle a door.” Donghyuck winks as if to prove a point.
Your eyes dart towards the direction of your party, ignoring the flutter in your chest. You side step Donghyuck, getting out of the tiny corridor. The reason for your brief escape just had to appear right before you.
“Were you going to the men’s? You should go. I am leaving too.” You ramble, already walking away.
“No.”
Your steps halt and you slowly turn around. “Huh?”
There’s a decisive look in Donghyuck’s eyes and the way your stomach churns tells you that whatever is going through his mind, you will inevitably cave into his whims.
“I saw you leaving your party so I followed you.” He takes a step toward you. “I– Do you wanna dance with me?”
Your breath hitched. “What?”
There’s a redness that fans his cheeks but Donghyuck remains confident, even going as far as offering you his hand. The music is fainter in this part of the rooftop but even then, the scenery felt perfect. The potted trees were decorated with fairy lights to illuminate the area, along with the warm lights installed along the trees.
As far as your imagination goes, having Donghyuck willingly giving you his sole attention is much better than anything you have ever imagined.
“Are you sure? Don’t you miss the dance floor? I know it calls your name.” You tease.
At your remark, Donghyuck affectionately rolls his eyes. “The dance floor could use a little breather from my presence.”
You break into a shy grin when you slip your hand into his. “Okay. Then let’s take a breather together.”
It’s like the whole night was leading up to this moment. The song transitions to a slower beat, giving you the opportunity to sidle up Donghyuck and try to relax.
His mouth brushes the side of your head. “Follow my lead,” he softly instructs. It is as good as a warning you got from him. Donghyuck pulls you close so that you’re chest to chest. His free hand rests slightly above your hips, merely holding you but the reaction for you instant. It feels like his warmth is burning through the expensive material of your dress. Your eyes nervously dart around his figure.
Donghyuck’s voice softens. “Look at me.” Your eyes slowly shift towards his face. It starts at his forehead where stray strands of hair effortlessly frame his head, then it lands on his arched brows. They’re perfectly shaped because of course, the heir of the Lee’s has a beautician to tidy up his god sent feature. You purposely avoid his eyes, moving onto the slope of his nose and his inviting lips.
Bad move. You make a misstep and Donghyuck holds you firmer than before, his hand pressing into your hips to support you. You clutch onto his back a little tighter, probably leaving wrinkles in his pristine suit. This time you do meet his eyes, albeit apologetically. “I‘ve never done this before,” you tell him.
Donghyuck smiles and he slowly dips you, letting you lean back onto his sturdy arm as he brings his face to yours. “You have done this before though.”
You almost missed his reply. Your mouth part in confusion, a question already leaving your lips. “When?”
He brings you back to your proper position but this time, you feel caged in. Your brows are furrowed and Donghyuck’s humour dims. “You really don’t remember at all?”
When you shake your head, Donghyuck sighs wistfully. “It was my uncle’s wedding. You were seven and I was eight. We danced on the dance floor that day.”
You squint at him as you try to jog your memories. Slowly, bits and pieces of your earlier memories from your shared childhood comes back to you. It was an outdoor wedding on a sunny day. You were appointed as the flower girl and Donghyuck was the ring bearer.
“Wait,” you said as the memories came flashing in. “You were the ring bearer and you tripped on the carpet at the end of the aisle. Oh I remember now!”
You were grinning widely but Donghyuck wasn’t all too pleased. “Seriously? You couldn’t remember our dance but you remembered my embarrassing moment?”
You shrugged sheepishly. “Help me remember more of that day.”
Donghyuck laughs. “We weren’t really dancing, just swaying like this,” he says before changing the pace to an uncoordinated rhythm, causing you to squeal.
“Are you sure?” You exclaimed as you latch your chin over his shoulders.
Donghyuck suddenly stops. “Still don’t remember?” You lift your head to look at him and he’s already staring you, an unspeakable thing glimmering in his eyes. You shake your head.
“I spun you around.” You take it as a queue to pull back from his chest until you’re eye to eye. The first spin comes, with his arm raised above your heads. You try your best to follow his lead and you end up resting your hand on his chest, a bubble of laughter erupting from within you.
“That was clumsy of me.” Donghyuck agrees with a smile. “Try again,” he softly says. This time you are prepared and when you spin, you barely even trip. You beamed brightly as you look up at Donghyuck for approval and he nodded encouragingly.
Your smile drops a little when you tell him, “Unfortunately, I still don’t remember the wedding.”
“Hmm?” There’s a lilt in his voice that you didn’t expect. “Maybe this will help you remember.”
A soft peck lands on your cheek, taking you by surprise. You look at Donghyuck and he’s blushing when he pulls away. The tension between the two of you is palpable, your faces inches away from one another. It would be so easy to lean upwards and close the distance between you but you remained rooted in your spot.
“I think I’ll remember this better than our first dance from a decade ago.” Your voice comes out as soft as a whisper, barely heard above the noise.
Donghyuck releases you from his hold and he takes a step back, withdrawing himself from your shared space. You try to school your features to hide your hurt.
“I guess I’ll see you at the end of the year. Happy birthday Y/N.” There’s a guarded look in his eyes and you want nothing more than to scream at him but you don’t. You can’t. A lot of unsaid words were stuck in your throat and endless thoughts running through your mind as you watched Donghyuck turn his back on you, walking away from you with your fragile heart in his hands.
You didn’t tell any one of that sacred incident, opting to keep it to yourself. When you returned to your party, Donghyuck was long gone even though his friends stuck around. You ignore the skeptic glance they sent your way and plaster a smile for the rest of the night.
That same night, your dreams took you back to a forgotten memory, one where you’re dancing with your childhood best friend. His grip in your hand is warm and clammy but you didn’t mind, flashing him a smile. You’re still taller than him but even you can admit that Donghyuck is catching up to you in terms of height difference. The rest of the wedding-goers fade away and Donghyuck is leaning in. There’s alarm bells going off in your mind but you let it happen, his soft lips leaving a chaste peck on the apples of your cheeks. Donghyuck is saying something but it sounds garbled. You try to focus on his shy smile as the dream sequence slowly slips away from your consciousness.
When you wake up, you dart straight for the pile of gifts in the corner of your bedroom. You dig through the stacks of presents and take the wrapped gift that Donghyuck had given you. You’re sitting on your calfs, carefully tearing at the wrapping paper to unveil a sleek red box with gold embossing on it.
You cover your mouth with your hands, staring at the gift in disbelief. Inside the box, a gorgeous Baignoire in gold sits in there, waiting to be worn. You want to reach for your phone to send Donghyuck a text but you realised that you don’t even know if you had his number to begin with.
Amidst your shock, you finally notice the card that came with the present. You take the card to read what was written on it.
I can’t believe you’re 17 now. Time surely flies by when you’re busy growing up. I know you’ll wear this well.
lee donghyuck x
You don’t realise you’re crying until a stray tear lands on the back of your hand. You quickly wipe away the tears and gather his gifts in your arms before going to your storage trunk. In it is your most valuable possessions. It has started when you were young and you had developed an obsession with pirates. Donghyuck would always use it as his hiding spot for hide and seek.
You’re hit with a wave of nostalgia when you open up your trunk. There’s plenty of room for more possessions that you hope to collect in years to come. You carefully set the card down and put the jewellery box on top of it, just to hide it from any potential prying eyes. With a heavy heart, you will yourself to close the trunk.
“It’s his twenty first, you should be there!”
“I dunno,” you say as you turn the party invite around in your hands. Your thumb caresses the family crest embossed into the card. It has been ages since you had received an invite to Donghyuck’s birthday. To say you were curious would be a lie. “Besides, why would he have a party at his parent’s house? Shouldn’t it be at a club?”
Yizhou shrugs. “I don’t know? The Lee’s run a tight ship I guess with him being their heir and all that stuff. It would be safest to host a party at their estate.”
You’re not fully satisfied but her logic makes sense. “Your family got an invite too?”
“It was addressed to me, just like how your invite has your name on it.” Seeing as how you’re not convinced, Yizhou tries a different approach. “A masquerade sounds fun doesn’t it?”
“Yeah but it’s Donghyuck’s. Something isn’t quite right.”
“Then come to the party with me. Find out whatever it is that you’re suspecting him of.”
Without meaning to, you glance over at storage trunk situated at the end of your bed. It has been almost three years since you had received the priceless gift from him. It remains untouched by you.
“Okay,” you said softly.
“Okay?”
You nodded, holding the urge to take your words back. Yizhou squeals. “Yes! Thank you!”
You pull your best friend in for a hug, smothering Yizhou as she struggles against your strength. Your bright laughters carry through the night and your unease sits at the back of your mind.
And so, you’re left with a moments notice to scramble for an outfit. You have been to plenty of parties but a masquerade is a whole new ballgame. There’s a slight thrill behind the anonymity of the event and it serves as a comfort for you to lean into. Your mother is beyond thrilled to hear that you had accepted the invite. She had given you free rein on your choice of outfit and in a small act of rebellion, you decided to find yourself a vintage dress worthy of your mother’s credit card.
All that’s left was the mask. You browsed countless websites for a mask suitable to your likings and one finally caught your eyes. That purchase had also gone onto your mother’s credit card.
Even though it was not expected of you, you still wished to bring Donghyuck a present. Yizhou and your close cousins were of no use so you turned towards your father for help.
“Could you help me find out from Mr Lee what Donghyuck would want for his birthday?”
Your father tilted his head sideways. “Are you sure you came looking for the right parent?”
You walked further into the study room and dramatically dropped onto the vacant seat. “I don’t want to ask Ma for help. She will end up taking control of the gift and probably terrorise Mrs Lee.”
Your father snorts in agreement. He takes in your dejected mood and his face softened. “I don’t think me or Mr Lee would be of much help. Whatever the gift is, I know Donghyuck would appreciate it because it came from your heart.”
His words were true. You had been trying to avoid personalising your present but a meaningless present would be pointless for the both of you. “He grew up well,” your father suddenly says.
“What do you know of him? We only see him once a year.” You can’t help but challenge your father, curious as to what he thinks of your childhood best friend.
He clicked his tongue in disagreement. “No, you and Ma only see him at the end of the year. I have seen him socialising at the country club.”
Donghyuck is charming and has ambition which makes him a threat in your societal pool. While you typically choose to distance yourself from society, Donghyuck was rising through it, making all the right connections one handshake at a time. As far as you know, he was still in college. To think that he was juggling his ambitions on top of school was impressive to you.
“What does he do there?”
“He mostly plays tennis.” You hummed thoughtfully. It’s enough of a lead for a perfect gift. You thank your father and take your leave, occupied with a mental list of potential gifts for Donghyuck.
The day finally arrived. You went through your day slowly, not wanting to rush into it for fear of your nerves getting to you. By the time you were finished scrubbing yourself clean, you were left with sufficient time to get ready and head to the Lee’s estate.
Your family driver drove you to the party and you spent the majority of the ride stuck in your head, fiddling with the rings you had slipped on. You look downwards and gaze at your wrist, where a simple chained bracelet sits. The thought of wearing the watch Donghyuck gifted you had crossed your mind but you weren’t sure if you wanted him to notice you tonight.
“Y/N?” You’re startled out of your daze by your family driver. He turns in his seat, sporting a deep frown on his face. “Y/N, are you unwell?”
“No.”
“Are you sure because I can take you back home and–”
You cut in, “I am fine. I promise. I just had my mind elsewhere.”
The frown on his face loosens and he nods, respecting your wishes. “I’ll bring the car around at midnight but if you wish to stay here longer, or wish to leave earlier, do call me.”
You smile, grateful for the loyalty of your family’s employees. “Got it.”
Your hand reaches for the car door when your family driver hurriedly adds, “I think Mr Lee will be pleased to see you tonight.”
“What?”
“You are stunning. Even a mask cannot hide your brilliance and he would be a fool not to know that.”
It was what you needed to hear, a firm push to get you out of the car and into the party. You tied your mask onto your face and gathered your handful of belongings in your hands. Security and a staff checks your party invite and you hand over your gift at the entrance hall before being escorted into the main room.
You hadn’t known what to expect but Mrs Lee’s party planning blew your expectations out of the water. Waiters walk around the room with a tray of drinks and by the corner, there’s a buffet table with an assortment of sweet treats.
A masked stranger walks up to you, stealing your attention away from the party decor. “Fine evening Miss.”
You awkwardly smile, thankful to be able to hide behind your mask. “Hi. You don’t have to be formal with me.”
His laughter is warm, a low timbre that is surprisingly pleasant. “I’m sorry. I guess I got nervous given the fact that half of the room is looking at you.”
Confusion clouds over your eyes. “Me? You probably meant us.”
He shakes his head. “You,” he repeats with more emphasis.
Slowly, you look around the room and notice the crowd has grown bigger during the time of your conversation. Maybe the masks serves as a shield for everyone tonight. People barely shy away from your gaze, comfortable to watch you from afar behind the safety of a mask. Your skin prickles uncomfortably and your smile grows tight. “I dont understand.”
The lights in the room brightens up and the murmur of the crowd increases. Donghyuck enters, gliding into the room. “Come on,” the kind stranger beckons and you follow, the two of you moving through the crowd to get closer to Donghyuck.
He’s donned a silky blouse in a shade of baby blue. The blouse leaves little to no imagination, a bold opening at his chest and the strings were barely tied together. His trousers are just as tight. You kept your gaze on his mask. It’s intricately designed and it helps distracts you from your wandering thoughts.
“Thank you everyone for coming tonight. My parents, who aren’t here tonight, bestowed this party onto me for my twenty first.” Donghyuck pauses and the crowd chuckle. “However, I am thankful for the overwhelming turn out. I want to keep it short and sweet. I wish everyone has an enjoyable night." Anyone who was holding a drink raised their glasses in the air, toasting to Donghyuck's speech. You watch him as he smoohtly downed a flute of bubbly. The ones nearest to him hoots and hollers at his bravado, some even patting him on the shoulder.
The crowd had disperesed but your gaze remains on Donghyuck's figure as you finally piece your thoughts together. This man is a stranger to you, just as much as you are a stranger to him.
A soft touch to your arm pulls you away from your thoughts. You look at your companion who was patiently waiting for you. "Do you mind if you were to keep me company tonight?"
Seeing as how you have yet to find Yizhou, you accept his kind invite. You offer him your hand and he gladly accepts it. "I'm Jung Sungchan, by the way."
You vaguely remember hearing his name in passing though you cannot recall his face. "And I'm Y/N Y/L/N."
His face brightens, probably with recogniton but he doesn't press on about your identity which you are glad for. "Have you taken a proper look around the room?" Sungchan asks you and you shake your head. He breaks out into a wide grin, almost conspiratorial. "I'll show you which dishes to avoid."
The night takes a pleasant turn. You and Sungchan tried various food and drinks, stuck in your own bubble and genuinely enjoying each others company. You find out that Sungchan used to play soccer with Donghyuck in the little leauges, a past time you hadn't known Donghyuck had gotten involved with. In exchange, you tell Sungchan that you're Donghyuck's distant family friend.
His company was much needed and you hadn’t realised it. Sungchan makes you laugh when he breaks out dance moves that mismatch the beat of the song. Sungchan makes you laugh when he spins you around on the dance floor. Sungchan makes you laugh when he properly showcases his dance skills.
“You are such a fucking liar!” You yell over the music. Your tongue is looser than your usual poised self. Thanks to the unsupervised crowd, the two of you shared several glasses of alcoholic drinks. Now, the alcohol courses through your veins, leaving you a little unguarded. “You can dance! Hell! You probably invented dance!”
Sungchan chuckles and gently pulls you in. “You are drunk. Let’s get you some water.”
You reluctantly follow him, letting Sungchan pull you through the throng of partygoers. He stops in front of Donghyuck, quickly greeting him.
“Hyung! Happy birthday!” Sungchan greets.
Donghyuck looks at Sungchan then at the masked girl standing close to his back. Their fingers are loosely wrapped together and Donghyuck smirks. “Picking up a girl at my birthday party?”
“What? No!” Sungchan insists. “Y/N’s tipsy. Or drunk? Either way, I’m bringing her out for some fresh air. We’ll be back though!”
He takes a proper look and recognition dawns over him. “Y/N?” Donghyuck’s confusion gets drowned by the noise. Sungchan successfully pulls you through the crowd and you two disappear from Donghyuck’s sight. He belatedly notes that you didn’t acknowledge him. A sudden heaviness weighs on his chest as he realises that you’re at his party, spending time with his close friend.
Outside, you take in a deep breath. Sungchan had guided you into the Lee’s estates gardens. It felt like you had stumbled into a forgotten memory having been ages since you had last stepped foot in there.
You undo the tie of your mask and blindly toss it onto the bench behind you. Sungchan does the same. He chuckles, amused by your drunken behaviour. “Do you know who I am?”
You open your eyes and look at him. “Surprisingly, I do and I am drunk.” You decidedly plop down on the empty bench.
“Can you stay put? I need to go back in and get you some refreshments, maybe scavenge for whatever snacks there are left.”
“Okay but while you’re at it, can you find Yizhou and bring her to me?”
Your request is silly, you don’t even know if Sungchan knew her but Sungchan indulges in it. “Sure. I’ll be back.” Sungchan spins on his heels and takes his leave.
For lack of better things to do, you begin riffling through your purse. You take your time to fix your makeup then unlocking your phone to take some selfies. After a series of blurry pictures, you give up and start taking pictures of the garden.
“What are you doing?” The unexpected interruption causes you to let out a shrill scream, nearly dropping your phone in the process. You turn to glare at your intruder. Donghyuck is standing at the end of the bench, staring at you unapologetically.
“What the hell,” you cussed instead of answering his question.
He wordlessly offers you a mug. It’s nothing like the fancy glassware that is being used at the party. Your eyes narrow in suspicion. Donghyuck sighs deeply. “It’s warm water. I heard you’re drunk.”
“No I’m not.” You say rather petulantly as you accept the drink. “Thanks,” you quickly mutter before taking a sip.
Without your invite, Donghyuck settles down into the empty space beside you and you glare at him again. He merely ignores your childish reaction.
The warm water helps and gives you a little clarity but you don’t want to admit it out loud to Donghyuck so you remain silent, clutching the mug close to your chest. You decided to keep your gaze straight ahead, focusing on a bush of roses.
“I didn’t think you’d come.” He quietly admits after some time.
“Of course I did. We’re still friends even though we haven’t acted like one in a long time.” You replied, equally as quiet.
The obvious distance between you two can no longer be ignored. You can’t help but ask. “Why did we stop being friends?”
Donghyuck surprises you. “I guess I wanted to see if I could be a big boy and live my life without you circling in it. Make my own choices instead of trying to live the life everyone wants for me.”
The corner of your lips twitches, partly amused by his raw honesty. “And are you doing well?”
You turn to look over at Donghyuck and you note the dozens of emotions swimming in his eyes. He seems lost and your heart aches for him.
“No, I am not.” Donghyuck shakes his head, “I am not worthy of you, Y/N.”
Your breath hitches. You’re instantly sobered up. Even without explicitly saying it, you know what Donghyuck is referring to. You feign ignorance. “What are you on about?”
“Y/N… You are a remarkable woman. Don’t get tied down to me. You deserve a chance to find someone else, meet other people. Anyone you end up marrying would be lucky enough to have you as their partner.” Donghyuck chooses his words wisely, deliberately rejecting you before you’ve even gotten a chance to try.
“And so? You want me to marry someone else just because you’re insecure?” Your words sting Donghyuck and he visibly flinches away from you, seeking comfort in the distance between you two.
“That’s not it,” he tries again but you’re not having it. “Then what is it Donghyuck?” You ask, exasperated by his confusing nature.
“It’s not fair because neither of us has a say in this marriage agreement.”
You shakily inhale. “Does the fact that I want you scares you?”
Your heart lurches to the bottom of your stomach. His silence is deafening, a reply in itself. You turn your head away from him, refusing to let Donghyuck see the beginnings of a breakdown surfacing onto your face.
“Donghyuck, I didn’t come here tonight to beg for your attention. I only came because I was intrigued by the fact that I had received an invitation. Whether it was your decision or your parents, I don’t care anymore. You don’t want me here? Fine, I’ll leave but you terribly confuse me. Why did you come here to take care of me at your own party? Why did you tell me not to leave? Why did you dance with me and kiss me on the cheek only to run off? Why did you get me an expensive gift and a handwritten card for my birthday just to ignore me? I don’t get it.”
Donghyuck’s mouth parts open to say something, anything, but the words are caught at the back of his throat. He’s never seen you this devastated before and he is the cause of it. Your high strung emotions had finally snapped and it came out pouring out of your mouth, no longer able to push it down.
You abruptly stood up from the bench. “At least now I know what you think of me. I am just a burden from your past and I’ll stay there. I will get out of your way.”
Every step away from Donghyuck hurt more than you’d like to admit it. You wanted to look back at him. You wanted him to chase after you. You wanted him to comfort you.
You’re so caught up in your greed and hurt that you don’t notice two figures hiding behind the nearest pillar. A clothed hand reaches out and pulls you into their hiding spot. You recognise Yizhou through your blurry vision. “Ning,” you manage to croak out before bursting into tears.
Yizhou pulls you into a comforting embrace and Sungchan moves, covering you with his broad figure. Your heartbreaking cries are loud enough for anyone nearby to hear but you couldn’t care less. You fail to notice Donghyuck standing a couple of metres from the three of you, an anguished look on his face. Sungchan glares menacingly at him and Yizhou fixes him with a look of disappointment.
Donghyuck returns to the kitchen through the staff entrance, mug in one hand and your masquerade mask in another. He is too dazed and he doesn’t notice the whispering staffs as he passes through the house, decidedly ditching his own party. Donghyuck carefully places your mask on his nightstand before falling into bed, recounting the night before everything went wrong with you.
Life moved on, making it feel as though nothing had changed between the two of you. You had no idea what ran through his mind and decided that it was not worth fixating on. Again, you grew up without him by your side. You went off to college and moved out of your parent’s place much to your mother’s dismay. There was still one thing in your life that she could control which was your marriage prospects.
Over the years, the Lee’s hadn’t hinted any change in uniting your families in matrimony and you had no interest in finding a prospective marriage of your own. It is the only reason why you allow your mother to meddle.
One day, your livelihood had changed under the guise of your monthly family dinner. Instead of your usual spot, your parents told you to meet at a fine dining restaurant nestled in the heart of the city. Your clothes were rumpled from running around campus the whole day. You were sure that your hair had lost its curls over the course of the day.
“Y/N? You wore this the whole day?” Her thinly veiled judgment was not out of the ordinary but your suspicions should have been raised when she subtly spoke with the hostess.
Too bad you hadn’t noticed because your father was speaking with you. He brushed your hair back, tucking it behind your ear. “You look beautiful. Your mother is just on edge tonight.”
“For what?” You frown as the two of you trailed behind your mother.
“We have guests tonight.”
Before you could press him for more answers, the hostess stops in front of a pair of sliding doors. You have no choice but to brace yourself for whoever is waiting behind those doors.
The door slides open, revealing a married couple and their son. “Please come in! We’re so glad you could make it to dinner.” Mrs Lee says.
Your parents naturally step forward into the room, greeting their friends. You wish to stay rooted in your spot but the hostess is looking at you funny. You slightly bow to them and make your way inside, standing closely to your parents.
“You remember Y/N?” Your father asked the Lee’s.
“Of course!” Mrs Lee answers. You offer her a shy smile and she returns it by enthusiastically pulling you down into a warm hug. Mrs Lee, just like your parents, had grown too old for socialising at year end parties. Your generation had taken over the scene which meant that the last time you had met the Lee’s was over five years ago. She still wore the same perfume and you relaxed into the hug, now wearing a genuine smile on your face.
Mrs Lee lets you go and you turn to greet Mr Lee. “Thank you for the invite Mr Lee.”
He casually waved you off. “No need for the formalities. You seem like you’re doing well, Y/N.”
“I am. I hope you are doing well.”
From behind, you heard Donghyuck’s voice. “Mr Y/L/N. Mrs Y/L/N. It’s so great to see you again.”
You finally turn towards him. While your mother showers him with compliments, you stay silent, observing Donghyuck. He smiles and laughs appropriately, even bantering back with your mother.
Mr Lee addresses the room. “Let’s settle down. We’ll catch up over the courses.”
The elders easily settle into their seats which leaves you no choice but to sit next to your father, the seat that is directly across from Donghyuck’s. You keep your gaze down.
After the first course is served, conversation picks up amongst the elders. You keep your reactions to yourself and train yourself not to react whenever Donghyuck speaks.
Mr Lee changes the flow of the conversation. “And Y/N, are you in your final year of college?”
You lift your head and look directly at Mr Lee before replying. “Yes. I came from school. I was writing my dissertation and consulting with my professor.”
Mrs Lee chuckles. “You’re so hardworking. I don’t even remember Donghyuck working this hard during his final years of college.”
The table laughs and Donghyuck says, “Knowing Y/N, she’s probably working ten times harder than necessary. I am not lazy. Y/N is just an overachiever.”
Donghyuck is already staring at you when you bring your gaze over to him. Your eyes are clouded, a stark contrast to the practiced smile that has graced your face. Your mother swoons. “That’s our Y/N. You still know her well.”
A ghost of a smile appears on his face. “I had great memories with you.”
It’s terribly awkward and you are all too aware of the adults listening in on your conversation. “We did. How could I ever forget my childhood companion.” You say and quickly take a sip of your drink, desperate to end the interaction between you two.
Thankfully the next course is being brought in and you channel your focus onto the waiter clearing your dishes. The door slides shut and Mrs Lee speaks up. “It is good that you kids go way back. It does make your future look promising.”
The elders exchange furtive glances, leaving you and Donghyuck in the dark. Luckily, Donghyuck is impatient enough to ask them the million dollar question. “What future?”
Mr Lee places a reassuring hand over Mrs Lee’s. He turns to look at his son for a second, before turning over to you. “The two of you are to be wedded.”
It feels like all of the air has been knocked out of you. You’re almost certain that you heard wrong but the sound of Donghyuck’s chair dragging across the floor confirms that your present situation was real. Donghyuck stands, taking the cloth and throwing it into his seat.
“I wish to be excused.” He’s out the door before you even realise it. Tension hangs over the room upon his departure. You’re baffled by the way Donghyuck had chosen to flee the scene, leaving you alone at a time of crisis. Hurt blooms in your chest but you tamper it down.
You face Mr and Mrs Lee, putting on your practiced smile. “I am honoured that you think so highly of me. Thank you for your generous consideration but clearly this will not work out.”
“It’s already been decided.” Mrs Lee states.
A blank expression takes over your face before you could stop yourself. You hear your mother force out a laugh. “After decades, you still hold onto our promise. Your family is loyal and we are grateful.”
Your father adds on. “Thank you for accepting Y/N as your daughter.”
The elders are back in good spirits, raising their glasses for a toast. Meanwhile, your clouded gaze darts over the empty space in front of you, wondering the outcome of your shared fate.
His rejection is still fresh in your mind. It replays on loop without your consent, distracting you from your priorities. The sting that has long been associated with Donghyuck’s name returns but this time, there’s extra pressure pressing onto your chest. Your pride is bruised by the fact that your chance has been taken away from you again. Donghyuck hadn’t even given you a second thought before storming out of the room.
Were you really that unappealing to him after all these years? You weren’t madly in love with him anymore but the impact is still as painful as it once was.
You didn’t want to tell Yizhou or any of your cousins so you called up your last option.
“Y/N! What’s up?” Sungchan greets you.
The only positive outcome from that particular memory was your friendship with Sungchan. He quickly got over his initial crush on you and the two of you forged a strong friendship. Your mother had attempted to make you two a couple but you firmly stopped her each time.
You sit up from your bed. “Hey, are you busy?”
“Not really. I’m running right now.”
You roll your eyes. “You’re crazy.” Sungchan laughs and you continue, “I need to talk. Can you find somewhere to sit?”
After a brief pause, Sungchan returns to the call. “Okay, I’m ready.”
You take a deep breath. There’s no easy way to break the news. “I’m getting married to Lee Donghyuck.” A beat of silence passes through and you begin to worry about Sungchan’s wellbeing. “Hello?”
“No, I’m still here. Sorry I just– What?” Sungchan stumbles over his words. Normally you would laugh and tease him but the situation is too grave for you to crack a smile.
“Yeah. I got ambushed yesterday by both my parents and his parents. He was there too.”
Sungchan quietly asked, “And he accepted you?”
The sting of rejection returns but you keep your voice levelled. “No. He stormed out of the meeting. I haven’t heard from him since.”
Sungchan makes a noise of frustration and cusses. “What a fucking asshole. I’m sorry.”
“Nah, it’s okay. I need to tell somebody before all hell breaks loose.” You brush your hair through your hands, already imagining the widespread effect of your marriage announcement. Yizhou would fly back to Seoul in a matter of hours.
“Okay. Just keep me updated, yeah?”
You nodded. “Of course. Thanks Sungchan.”
The call ends and you drop your phone onto your bed, watching it bounce around. Despite your tarnished history with Donghyuck, getting married to him is the best outcome for your family’s wellbeing. You’re capable of compartmentalising your feelings but you can’t say the same for Donghyuck.
Worry etched onto your face. You throw yourself into your fluffy pillows, smothering your face in it while letting out a frustrated scream. Whatever it is that Donghyuck throws your way, you must overcome it.
You did not know whether to be worried or amused. You had walked into your apartment lobby, surprised by the sight of Donghyuck in the lounge area. He looks up from his iPad when he hears the doorman greeting you.
“Finally,” Donghyuck mutters as he gathers his belongings. From the looks of it, he had set up a makeshift office in the lobby. You come to a stop in front of him, the front of your shoes narrowly touching his.
“What are you doing?”
“I came here to find you. We need to talk.”
“That’s rich coming from the guy who stormed out before we got the chance to talk.”
The security guard behind the counter looks on curiously, wondering if he should intervene. Donghyuck closes his eyes to compose himself. “I am sorry.”
“Thank you.” You said and then turned your back on him, strutting towards the lift.
You can hear Donghyuck scrambling and you smile to yourself. “Wait!”
The security guard reaches you first, putting distance between you and Donghyuck. “Ms Y/L/N, is this man harassing you?”
“Ha– Harass?” Donghyuck sputtered out as if he couldn't even fathom the idea of him causing trouble. “No, I am not a harasser!”
The security guard throws a cold look at his direction and Donghyuck shrinks slightly. The lift arrives and you make your decision.
“Come with me Donghyuck. This is your only chance.” You announce. The security guard seemed reluctant to let Donghyuck near you but you gently assure him, thanking him for his service. The ride up is silent much to your surprise. You walk ahead of Donghyuck and he trails behind you, like a dog with his tail tucked behind his legs.
It feels oddly natural to have Donghyuck follow you into your apartment. He lined his shoes beside your shoe rack in a neat manner and you passed him a clean pair of house slippers to put on. As you make your way into your apartment, Donghyuck marvels quietly at the decorations on display. Upon entering your living room, you hear the unmistakable sound of the camera going off and you stop to turn around. He looks guilty but he clutches his phone tightly.
“What did you do?” You try to intimidate him.
“Just getting some inspiration.” He lies.
You take a step closer to Donghyuck, an attempt at asserting dominance. “This is your first and last time here. Now, spit out whatever it is that brought you here in the first place.”
Donghyuck pockets his phone. “Here’s the deal. I can’t marry someone who hates me.”
“I am lukewarm about you, at most.” You deadpanned.
He gives you an unimpressed look. “There’s no way you don’t hate me. Are you sure you haven’t submitted my name to an Etsy witch?”
“My life stopped revolving around you for a long time now. You’re good.” The tips of Donghyuck’s ears redden at the implication of your words but you maintain your nonchalant stance. “This marriage would be good for my family and if you really detest it then take it up with your parents, not me.”
Donghyuck frowns. “Did you plant the idea in my parents head?” His tone is accusatory which causes you to snort mockingly.
“I haven’t spoken to your parents in ages. Find someone else to blame your misery on.”
It’s written on his face, the way Donghyuck doesn’t seem satisfied with his findings. He sighs heavily and his shoulders sink into his figure. A tired man remains standing in his place and you almost feel sympathetic for him. Almost, if not for the fact that he has been trying to pin the blame for your shared situation entirely on you.
You gently comb your hair back with your hands as you speak up, “I am not going to beg for you to marry me but just know that I will not fight against anything. Not marrying you is a bigger loss to me. I hope you know where I stand.”
Donghyuck meets your gaze, an unreadable expression in his eyes. “Is it really that easy?” He asks. His question surprises you but you try your best to conceal your shock.
“Yes.” The air in the room shifts and it was at that moment you knew that you could only keep up with the act of lying to yourself for a little longer. Impending doom lingers in the air but you ignore it and usher Donghyuck out of your life, for now.
The days leading up to your engagement ceremony was emotionally bearable but the day itself was bad enough to dampen your spirits. Your engagement was a quiet affair, as if your relationship was meant to be kept under wraps from the public eye. Whether it was up to Donghyuck or his parents, you don’t know but it didn’t matter because your own feelings were never considered in the first place.
It’s an odd experience to finally get engaged to Donghyuck. His best friends keep a polite distance from you, looking at you as if you were some stranger barging into their lives and not Donghyuck’s childhood best friend. Your own family were scattered in the hall based on a seating chart created by your future mother in-law. At least from your seat, you could easily see Yizhou and Sungchan three tables away from yours. You stuck out your tongue playfully to silently express your gratitude.
Your father had prepared a speech, bringing you to tears and the crowd cooed at you, warmed by your reaction. Much to your surprise, Donghyuck gets up from the seat beside yours and takes the microphone from your father. The room quietens and the attention shifts onto your fiancé, yours included.
“Thank you everyone for coming tonight. Thank you to my father and future father in-law for the speeches,” he pauses with a light laugh. His gaze sweeps around the room as he resumes his speech, “I am glad to share this momentous occasion with all of our loved ones. As much as I want to keep it brief for everyone, I also want to make it memorable for Y/N. I don’t know where our future will take us but I am willing to build a forever with you.”
Your face burns as the whole room looks at you again. You stare ahead at Donghyuck, a strong mix of emotions riding in your chest nearly breaking your composure. Knowing that everyone was waiting for your reaction, you settled on blowing Donghyuck a kiss. The room bursts into cheers when Donghyuck catches it.
The dinner carries on smoothly but there is an unspoken tension stringing between the supposedly happy couple. Your moves were controlled and you kept your physical touches to a minimum. It took every ounce of effort to not tug harshly on Donghyuck’s arm when you slid your hand into his. Your fingers were loosely wrapped around his arm, barely clinging onto the fabric of his suit. The facade you had on cracked as soon as you stepped into his car.
The engine revs to life and your seat belt clicks into place. “Why’d you do that?” You accuse him.
Donghyuck furrows his brows. “What?”
You match his annoyance. “You heard me.”
He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “My parents told me to make a speech.”
“And you dedicated it to me?”
“Why are you mad at me? I thought this was what you wanted? I thought you wanted to marry me?”
You crossed your arms over your chest. “I do but why are you starting our marriage with empty promises! Building a forever with me? If you wanted to lie and perform you should have just gone all the way and said ‘I love you’ to seal the deal.” You rolled your eyes.
He scoffs in retaliation. “Seriously? And what about you and your fake kiss?” It was a pointless bicker but Donghyuck’s anger still rose, causing him to heavily breathe out of his nose. His hand on the wheel tenses.
“Everyone was expecting something from me because of you.” You punctuate the end of the sentence, every word hitting him heavily.
A pause fills the space between you two, every ticking moment ringing loudly in your ear. Donghyuck says, “I don’t know what you want from me.”
The engagement band on Donghyuck’s finger glimmers as the streetlights pass through the car windows. The overwhelming feelings from before return and your stomach clenches. Your voice weakens. “I want you to be real in our marriage.”
The car falls silent again and the only sound comes from the traffic outside. You don’t know if Donghyuck had heard you and you’re too prideful to repeat yourself so you remain silent, waiting for him. The car slows to a stop in front of a red light and Donghyuck’s breathing evens out.
“Tell me nicely next time instead of starting a fight, will you?” Your heart jolts at his unexpected reaction. “We could start by setting some boundaries. I was serious about my speech, Y/N. Let’s not make this any more difficult.”
His kept his voice was low and firm. The soft thrum of the engine keeps you calm as you process Donghyuck’s words. It sounds like he’s compromising with you based on the circumstances of your situation. They seem sincere enough for you to believe even though it’s unexpected of him. When Donghyuck drives into your apartment, you gather up your senses to apologise.
“I am sorry,” you loudly confess. Your eyes are cast downwards. The engagement band on your own finger is too hard to ignore at a time like this. “If you have time, you can come up and we can discuss such boundaries.” Your voice trails off at the end.
“I can’t.” Your gaze snaps towards his face, a small frown on display. “Not today but maybe tomorrow.”
“Okay.” You nod but remain seated in place. Now that it was time to leave, you find yourself wanting to stay with him longer. All fight has left you and the newfound peace is inviting as ever. You don’t know if you’ll be able to maintain it with him.
“Y/N,” Donghyuck says before he’s leaning in across the console, his lips lightly brushing against your cheek. You go completely still. “Text me when you’re in your apartment.”
You blindly reach for the door, seatbelt still strapped in and you can see Donghyuck giggling at you from your peripheral view. You glare at him and unbuckle yourself, tearing the passenger door opening and jumping out of the car. Donghyuck has the cheek to unwind the window, revealing a self-satisfied grin on his face.
“I’m leaving. See you tomorrow I think,” you announce as you spin on your heel and the echoes of Donghyuck’s laughter ring from behind you.
When you’re kicking your shoes off, you unzip your bag to take your phone out. You click on your chat with Donghyuck and send a simple thumbs up emoji. The message receipt changes immediately but you don’t get a response. Donghyuck clearly is still a menace who enjoys teasing you. You lock your phone and go about your night, ignoring the way your heart seems to race at the thought of your fiancé.
You hadn’t planned far enough.
While you knew you were getting married to Donghyuck, you still hadn’t made up your mind on whether you should fall in love with him again or protect your own heart. There’s a constant war of push and pull within you and you are not ready to let your pride down. Whenever you find yourself feeling the tiny bit giddy about Donghyuck, you immediately reel yourself in and remind yourself that your marriage will be built on camaraderie, not romance. Boundaries, rules, protocols. These were not norms of a couple romantically involved.
A soft knock on your workspace door interrupts your flow of thoughts and you look up to find Donghyuck sticking his head through the door. You slightly close your laptop to give him your attention.
“Wanna eat?” Donghyuck simply asks, holding a lunchbox above his head.
You quickly tidy up your work desk and Donghyuck makes himself comfortable, singing under his breath as he unpacks the contents of his lunchbox. You catch the melody of his favourite song. It sounds sweeter when he’s singing it.
The table is filled with comforting side dishes and your mouth waters at the sight of it. He saves the final box, pushing it towards the centre and cheekily glances over at you. “Hope you’re hungry because this is going to blow your mind.”
What Donghyuck doesn’t know is that you have been eating less than usual in the past week. You could barely count a banana and multiple cups of coffee as a meal but it was enough to keep you powered through your reports. Your stomach grumbles loudly, the savoury scent of chilli oil and chicken broth infiltrating your senses. Donghyuck had made steamed dumplings.
“Tada! The viral lasagne dumplings. All for you.”
“For me?”
“Yeah. I ate the first batch at home. It was too good to pass on.”
You quietly raised your brows as you picked up a clean set of chopsticks. He’s watching you intently, hands tucked under his chin and his elbows are resting on the table. You ignore him and focus on the food.
“Is it good?” He asks. You’re frowning as you chew. Looks like you found another unfair quality Donghyuck upholds, his ability to cook.
Your frown deepens. “This is amazing.”
Donghyuck laughs. His glasses slip from the bridge of his nose as he throws his head back. “You look so angry but you’re actually happy with my cooking.”
“This is my happy face,” you tell him.
“Right,” he shakes his head fondly and pushes the side dishes closer to you. “Eat up.”
You had thought your meal would be filled with endless chatter from Donghyuck’s end but a phone call suddenly takes over his attention. He stands at the edge of the table, phone in hand as his body leans against the table for support. You sit through your meal taking peeks at him and scrolling on your phone, catching familiar words but not fully grasping the situation. Your name is mentioned a few times followed by some hush remarks.
“Can’t you and Jeno lead the meeting? What do you even need me there for?” A tight expression draws upon your fiancé’s face. His eyes meet yours and you see a flash of anger in it. You quickly cast your eyes downwards and feign ignorance. “I’ll see you in twenty.”
The room is expectantly silent and you break it by sending him away. “Go. Whatever it is, it needs your attention.”
You’re not looking at him. You keep yourself busy by cleaning up the table. Donghyuck exhales. “I’ll see you around.”
Your will is stronger than expected. As he takes his leave, you make sure not to look at him. Donghyuck’s grip on the door falters and you don’t even notice. The door falls shut and tension in your body releases. You could hardly comprehend what had transpired between the two of you but you knew better than to let Donghyuck in. It’s clear that you will not be a priority to him and you will treat him the same.
As soon as the investors left the table, Donghyuck slumped into the seat. Chenle glared at him. All the niceness at the table had dissipated along with their investors.
“We almost didn’t close the deal because you’re distracted.” Chenle coldly remarked.
Donghyuck cocks his head. “You got what you wanted. Why complain?”
Jeno shakes his head. “We know you have a lot of things going on at home but Donghyuck, we need your one hundred percent commitment. Not unless you want this endeavour of ours to fall apart.”
Donghyuck takes a swig of his drink. The burn of the alcohol smoothly slides down his throat. Chenle challenges, “Are you done playing house?”
“Chenle,” Jeno says warningly.
“You’re letting Y/N cloud your priorities. Leaving work early just to see her? Hanging around a college campus to see herTrying to ditch an investor’s meeting? Dude, it’s an arranged marriage. Why are you trying so hard? Stop wasting time–”
“I’ll have to stop you right there. You guys don’t know the full story because I choose to keep some information to myself.” Donghyuck straightens up and leans forward, maintaining a steady gaze on his friend’s faces. “Talk shit about me all you want but not my marriage and definitely not Y/N. I don’t care how unhappy you are with me. That is not an excuse.”
Chenle dryly scoffs. “Sure. Fine. I’m sorry for that.”
“Thank you.” Donghyuck nods. His shoulders drop and he offers them a small smile. “I’ll try to be more proactive. Just bear with me a little. Y/N’s important to me.”
Chenle and Jeno share a silent look, Jeno wordlessly urging the younger to tone down his anger towards Donghyuck with a raise of a brow. Chenle sighs and waves a hand in the air. “You get one more chance to talk about Y/N for tonight and that will be the last!”
Donghyuck’s face splits into a wide smile as he leans forward. “Have I told you guys about the time when we went on a holiday to her family’s ski lodge?”
The past few years for Donghyuck had been a blur. While you went on to make a future for yourself, Donghyuck had found himself stuck in the past.
By the time he tried to put a name on his feelings, time had passed and the distance between you two had grown wider than before. He did not know how to cross it, if you would even let him shorten the gap just for him to offer up an apology. Ignoring your existence was easier than reaching out to you.
When his parents had hinted that they were arranging a marriage for him, he wasn’t all too happy but he conceded with their decision. His life was never his to begin with even though his heart longed for yours.
Maybe Donghyuck was naive or maybe he didn’t want to accept the truth when you walked into the room. He let his polished persona take over to distract himself from his impending panic. You hated him. You wouldn’t even look him in the eye and Donghyuck can’t blame you. After all, he had inflicted hurt upon you. Donghyuck can tell from the hardened gaze you throw his way and your closed off body language that you wanted nothing more than to run off from the dinner meeting.
The pretense of the meeting had unveiled itself. Ultimately, his father uttered the words that would trigger his fight or flight instincts. Donghyuck stupidly fled the scene. Tears clouded his visions as he fumbled with the car handle. The girl who had once loved him, the same girl who got hurt by his avoidant nature is now betrothed to him. What a horrible twist of fate.
Donghyuck took a strangled breath in and collected his emotions, at least enough for him to drive to Mark. Aside from Yizhou and Sungchan, Mark was the only other person who knew of the tragic end of your friendship. His hands are shaking but he manages to connect Mark to his car speakers.
“Mark hyung,” Donghyuck rasps out.
“Yo, shit?” Mark immediately replies. “What’s wrong?”
Donghyuck restlessly drums his fingers against the steering wheel. “Are you home?”
“Yeah.” He presses harder on the pedal. “I’m coming over.”
Mark wordlessly led a tear-stricken Donghyuck into his living room. He came back with a mug of warm water but it remained untouched by Donghyuck. Mark sits upright in his own chair, observing his best friend. “What happened?”
Donghyuck opens his mouth to try and speak but the words don’t come out. His tongue darts out as he sighs heavily. “I’m getting married to Y/N.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t deserve her. I never did. I never will. I am total fuck up.”
Mark frowns. “Wait. This whole time your parents were set on getting you two together?”
“Turns out the future partner they were looking for me had always been there. Y/N.” Donghyuck laughs dryly at the circumstances of his life. He threads his fingers through his hair, channeling his frustration into messing his hair. “I’m so afraid that she’ll resent me even more. I realised my feelings for her too late. I did not even try to understand my feelings. I did not want to fall into the expectations surrounding us. I thought I could choose my own destiny but our fates were always going to be entangled. I was too foolish to grasp that.”
Mark stays silent as he allows Donghyuck’s words to sink in. He tilts his head thoughtfully. “Did Y/N say outright that she hates you?”
“No.”
“Then why are you adamant that Y/N hates you?”
“I see it in her eyes.” Donghyuck firmly says. “We have spent so much time apart in our formative years. We are basically different people now. I feel so inadequate to be her lifelong companion. People don’t get it. She doesn’t get it.”
Mark, ever so earnest, grows frustrated with his best friend’s stubbornness. “To be frank, I don’t get why you’re having an inferiority complex over Y/N. You are doing great things at your father’s company and your own independent business as well. The name you are building for yourself is remarkable. What more could impress Y/N?”
Donghyuck throws a hand in the air. “Maybe an emotionally intelligent guy who doesn’t suppress his emotions.”
“Then be that man!” Mark urges him. He stands up and walks over to Donghyuck. “Go and initiate things with her. Make things better between you two. Let it start with you.”
“You really think I can do that?” Donghyuck asks him in a small voice.
Mark grins encouragingly. “Sitting around here and moping about the girl you love is not enough. Go chase after her.”
Donghyuck feels his heart thudding in his chest, a surge of hope coasting through his body. “Well, maybe not today. I am kinda burnt out from this rollercoaster of emotions.” He says lightheartedly.
And so he tries because in spite of your strong demeanour, he can feel the gap between you two bridging slowly. You entertained his small talks with wordless gestures such as a quirk of your lip or twitch of an eye. You sent him an emoji every time you made it home after a meeting with him and his parents. And ever since the engagement ceremony, your dynamics have settled into a comfortable pace, similar to a partnership between two business partners.
Your boundaries had been laid out for him and Donghyuck feels hopeful about your marriage. He hadn’t realised how much his friends disapprove of your presence in his life until that dinner experience. If only everyone knew how Donghyuck treats you with utmost care because he wants to make it up to you for hurting you all those years ago. It wasn’t just him that was holding onto that memory. Donghyuck can still recall the curt smile Sungchan gave him at the engagement ceremony, obviously still holding a grudge against him.
The indifference you show him is subtle to others but Donghyuck can read you even after all those years apart. You barely show any reaction to his quips and your facial features are controlled to reveal just a fraction of emotions. He silently cusses Jeno and Chenle out for causing the setback in his progress.
You two are having dinner at the Lee’s estate. You’re seated on his left hand side, ever so poised and mannered. You only muttered one word replies to Donghyuck since he picked you up from your apartment. His mother leads the conversation and Donghyuck is grateful for that.
“Correct me if I’m wrong but your friends are Jung Sungchan and Ning Yizhou?” She suddenly asks.
You nod your head as confirmation. “Yes, why? Is there anything wrong?”
Mrs Lee laughs cordially. “Nothing wrong. It’s just that for a while, before we approached your parents about your marriage, we were all under the impression that you were being courted by Jung Sungchan.”
Donghyuck tenses. He remembers his mother prodding him about you and Sungchan and he mindlessly waved her off. It was pretty known that you two were close friends and it was natural for speculation to arise. He himself had believed in them at one point.
You nearly choke on your bite of food. Donghyuck panics and passes you your glass of water which you graciously accepted. “No. Not once have we ever been involved. I can assure you,” you say after collecting yourself.
“It’s not me you have to assure,” Mrs Lee finishes off with a hearty laugh.
Donghyuck doesn’t miss the crack in your composure, the side glance casted in his direction as he stares at the interesting patterns on the ceramic plate.
His parents retire to their room and only the two of you remain. You finish the last of your dessert, gracefully dabbing your napkin on your lips. Donghyuck had been unexpectedly silent. He barely looked at you for the rest of the night. The elephant needed to be addressed. “You were worried about me and Sungchan?” You causally questioned him.
Donghyuck shyly raises his gaze to meet yours. “No.”
“No?” You echoed.
His eyes draw away from yours as he replies, “I mean, my mother was asking about you. I just told her what I thought– what everyone thought.”
“Which was?”
He looks at you almost pleadingly but you remain firm, wanting to hear him admit it out loud. Donghyuck concedes in a small voice. “You and Sungchan? Everyone thought you were involved.”
“And you were worried.” You reminded him, your tone was steadier compared to his.
“I– I was not. Intrigued? Maybe.” He stuttered out.
Clearly you were unconvinced. You smirk at his flustered expression, leaning comfortably into your seat. It was a sight to see Donghyuck embarrassed but the humour only lasted briefly. “Just so you know, nothing happened between me and him. Nothing will happen in the future. We’re bound to each other now.” You tell him, hoping you sound as sincere as possible.
He doesn’t give you a verbal answer but you can tell from his body language that he’s partly relieved. Donghyuck still looks at you with a heavy gaze, as if he’s thinking deeply about you while you’re seated inches away from him. You raise a brow at him, the most expression you’ve given him lately. He’s so transparent. You can see it on his face when he loses his internal battle.
“Y/N, do you remember those questions you asked me on my birthday?” Donghyuck quietly asks. Maybe it was meant to be a rhetorical question but the shift in mood made it hard for you to believe so. You nod stiffly. “I found the answer for it. I won’t tell you now but one day, I will.” His shoulders are squared like a soldier who’s ready to walk into battle. Suddenly, the gravity of his words hit you.
A promise? Your brows furrowed as you tried to make sense of his words. If you were understanding his vague statement, it would mean that Donghyuck had figured out what you meant to him. It sounds terrifying and you are slightly grateful that Donghyuck was willing to delay the conversation a little longer.
Even tossing and turning in bed didn’t help soothe your anxiety. You itched to ask him outright and revisit the conversation from that night but it is still too emotionally taxing for you to revisit it.
Instead, you let yourself focus on wedding planning. You frequently met up with your mother, future mother in law, fiancé and the wedding planner. It took up a good chunk of your attention which managed to keep your sanity at bay. You give a lot of input considering the fact that it’s the only time you’ll ever be wedded in this lifetime. You even managed to negotiate with the elders to find a bridal dressmaker of your choice. Slowly, your dream wedding came to life. You had the groom you had always wanted even though the circumstances were not ideal.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Yizhou eyed you warily.
The two of you were seated on the patio of a café, lined along the alleyway of hipster buildings. Yizhou was back in Seoul for business and you had barely managed to squeeze in a meet up with her. You caught her up with your stale love life and now she’s staring at you with apprehension.
You nod sagely. “I’ve accepted the truth long ago.”
“Do you still love him?”
You hum thoughtfully, carefully picking your words. “It’s hard to say honestly. He meant the world to me. I think Donghyuck will always leave a deep mark on me. As long as nothing romantic happens between us, I’ll be fine. My feelings for him will remain dormant.” His promise crosses your mind as you speak but you decided to ignore it, resolute in your own words and beliefs.
“But you’ll be married forever. How can you be so sure nothing changes between the two of you?” Yizhou had a valid point and you didn’t have a proper answer for it.
You offer her a shrug and a half-hearted grin. “I guess I’ll have to cross that bridge if I ever get there.”
Wedding planning has been going well. You were set to marry a week after your last submissions, a terribly packed period for you but one that worked in favour for both parties. It was right before the fourth quarter of the year which gave you a chance to be introduced as a wedded couple during year end celebrations.
You had been cooped up on your assignments all week long but your appearance was needed for the venue viewing. The grease in your hair had built up over time and you dragged yourself to the shower, indulging yourself to a relaxing hair wash. The most put together outfit you have worn this whole week was a stained sweatpants and a tattered concert tee.
You had just stepped out of the shower when your phone buzzed with a message from Donghyuck, notifying you of his arrival. You grimaced and you plucked your phone from your nightstand. You immediately called him.
“Y/N?”
“Hey, I need you to park. I just got out of the shower.”
Donghyuck feels his mouth go dry. “Hmm?”
“Just park by the side and tell the guards that you’re coming up.” You tell him as you stand in front of your closet, eyeing your options with your phone lazily positioned close to your face. Donghyuck has yet to disconnect the call and you can hear him making his way to you, a soothing constant sound you needed to fill your room.
The tale-tell sound of the lift lobby resounds through your phone. “I’m entering the lift,” Donghyuck mutters.
You grab a long sleeved dress and hurriedly pull it over your body. You still have to dry your hair and do your makeup. You were plugging in your hair dryer when Donghyuck spoke up again. “Hey, I’m outside your door.”
You rattled off your code without a second thought. From your room, you could hear the door being unlocked and his successful attempt to let himself in. “Y/N?” Donghyuck called out.
“In here!” You replied, knowing that you had left your door ajar.
Your heart thrums with anticipation but you keep yourself focused on your task at hand. A soft knock on the door followed by Donghyuck sticking his head through the door. It’s quite the sight and you find yourself staring at him through the mirror. You turn the hair dryer off.
“Come in,” you invited him.
He freezes for a second and you nodded encouragingly, coaxing him into entering your room. “I need ten more minutes.”
Donghyuck glances at his wrist. You guys would inevitably be late but Donghyuck doesn’t mind the wrath his mother might incur on him. “That’s okay,” he says as he stands in a random spot by the door. You can see the clear restraint on his face which makes you laugh.
You turn in your seat, looking him in the eyes. “You don’t have to stand there. You can sit on my bed or look around my room.”
Donghyuck pointed towards the bed for confirmation and you nodded. While you are occupied with your hair and makeup, Donghyuck sits on the edge of your bed, simply taking in the details of your room. Your bookshelf is filled with books of all kinds of genres. He squints at a dark red box by the shelf above your bed frame. It sits underneath a stack of DVDs, titles of albums he doesn’t recognise. There’s several other memorabilia like a figurine or a photo frame on the shelf. It’s soothing to be in your space and having your presence nearby. He can imagine it, a near future where he’s all moved in, sharing mundane moments with you. He wants it all.
“Okay, I’m done.” You announce, snapping Donghyuck out of his reverie. You finally get a proper look at Donghyuck and realise how your outfit complements his. There’s something dizzying about the way Donghyuck stared at you. You subconsciously fix your hair.
“Wow,” he mumbled.
Not wanting to be swayed by Donghyuck’s reaction, you choose to glare at him. “We’re late! Let’s go.”
He giggles, knowing that your glare has no real heat to it. You break out into a matching smile having given up on being serious. “Come on.”
Donghyuck was in a good mood. His phone was ringing with incoming messages from his mother and a call quickly came along. He gestured at you to pick it up, knowing that if his mother heard your voice, she would be kinder.
“Lee Donghyuck, where are you? Did you know we’re running twenty minutes behind schedule?”
You cringed but worked up the courage to answer. “Hey Mrs Lee, it’s Y/N. Donghyuck is driving.”
“Oh! Y/N,” Mrs Lee perks up. She laughs offhandedly, “My Donghyuck is a troublemaker. Are you okay?”
“Actually, I was the one who was running late. I am sorry but we’re nearby. I promise! I think we’re five minutes away?”
You glance over at Donghyuck for help and he chuckles, leaning over to speak into the microphone. “We’re ten minutes away. Just calm down and sip some wine.”
“Yah, Donghyuck.” Mrs Lee starts and your eyes widens, panic creeping in.
Donghyuck mouths, “Hang up. Now.”
You do as you are told and the car lapses into silence for a brief moment. You were the first one to burst into laughter, crouching forward in your seat, eyes tightly closed as all you can think of was Donghyuck feeding into your future mother-in-law's anger.
“What?” Donghyuck asks, a lilt to his voice. He has not seen you unpoised in so long. Your bright laughter and relaxed posture is rare to him.
“Nothing,” you finally say as you straighten yourself out. You shake your head almost fondly. “Nothing really.”
Your smile remains on your face which betrays your attempt at being composed. Donghyuck sneaks a glance over to admire the sincerity of the moment and he decides to stay silent, afraid of disturbing your newfound glee.
By the time you two arrived at the venue, you had already calmed down enough. There’s the remnants of your smile on your face and only Donghyuck knows the details behind it. The thought sends a thrill up his spine.
Maybe your joy was infectious enough for his mother’s bad mood to disappear or perhaps Mrs Lee was relieved to see her future daughter-in-law finally feeling settled in the arrangement. Whatever annoyance Mrs Lee harboured disappeared when she happened to witness the way you and Donghyuck looked at each other. The mirth in both of your faces was similar to your childhood memories. She pulls the wedding planner to her side, happy to give the engaged couple some privacy.
The phone call comes while Donghyuck wraps up his report. Your name flashes on the screen and he jumps for his phone, waits for a second and then answers the call.
“Hyuck,” you drawled into the phone. The background of the call is loud but Donghyuck is more distracted by the old nickname.
“Y/N?”
“Everyone’s teasing me. They want you here.”
“They? What about you? Do you want me to come?” He asks even though he’s already digging through his pocket for his car keys.
You gasped dramatically. “You can’t ask that!”
An overlap of voices cut through the call and Donghyuck can vaguely hear you scolding your friends. You cuss them out before returning to the call.
“Sorry, my faculty mates are so nosy.” Your voice is clearer now, like you had stepped out to talk to him.
Donghyuck stands by his car. “Should I come over?”
“Yeah,” you replied quietly. “I want you here.”
“Share your location with me?”
He finds you seated alone in the outdoor seating of the bar. “Y/N!” Donghyuck calls out as he gets out of his car. You spot him, waving enthusiastically at him from the other side of the road.
He jogs over to you. “Why are you out here alone?”
You tilt your head to the side, not quite understanding the worried undertone of his voice. “I was waiting for you.”
Donghyuck steels himself to remain firm with you. A pout had formed on your lips. You’re irresistibly cute when you’re drunk, even now as an adult. He softens his tone, “Thank you for waiting out here but I don’t think it's safe that you’re out here alone. Maybe next time ask a friend to keep you company, ‘kay?”
“Okay,” you mumbled.
You remember your friends teasing you relentlessly about Donghyuck and your eyes widened at the memory. “Wait.” You grab his hands, pulling him and he stumbles into your space. “Everyone thinks you’re my secret partner. They think we’re madly in love with each other. My classmates, they don’t know what we know.”
Donghyuck blinks as he processes your words. He nods slowly. “That’s what I’m here for, right?”
You distractedly play with his hands, pressing your own palms against his. It’s warm to the touch. Your smooth slender fingers splayed over his thick roughened fingers. “Last time we held hands like this, we were still kids,” you offhandedly remarked.
“Y/N…” Donghyuck’s pained tone urges you to look up. “What do you want to do?” His voice is quiet but his plea is loud enough for you to hear.
The corners of your mouth twists with contemplation. Deep within you, the last walls that contained your affection for your fiancé, have cracked open. There’s too many thoughts running through your head and you’re not sober enough to confront them. It hurts to pretend you don’t notice the expectant look on Donghyuck’s face but it’s better than acting rashly.
“Can we just go inside? I’ll introduce you to my friends.” Donghyuck concedes with a nod of his head. You laced your fingers with his in one hand and slowly let go of the other. Throwing on your best smile, you look over your shoulder and try to lift the mood. “You’re going to love this place. There’s a pool table I want to show you.”
Embarrassing doesn’t even cut it.
Maybe the Lee’s estate is a homeground of your embarrassing moments like this one, where you wake up in the guest room of their estate as a disheveled mess. You wake up sprawled across a pillow with the Lee’s family insignia on it, the cursive font in the significant family colour. The longer you squeeze your eyes shut, the more memories you manage to recover. Nursing a hangover at your future in-law’s house is a terrifying situation you have landed yourself in.
You look around the room and thankfully, your phone is on the nightstand, plugged into a power outlet. Donghyuck’s name sits at the top of the list of notifications. You quickly read it, thankful that Donghyuck texted you to call him when you had woken up.
You have a small window of time to freshen up before facing him. Standing in front of the sink, you study yourself. You look put together for a person who had a chaotic night out. Your makeup has been removed, your hair a little tangled from sleep and you’re wearing a comfortable pyjamas set. The Lee’s family insignia is subtly embroidered into the collar of the shirt.
You’re in the midst of brushing your teeth when a soft knock comes from outside. Just like before, Donghyuck cautiously peers into the room before letting himself in. You step out of the joint bathroom to lean against the frame of the door, uncaring that your toothbrush was still hanging from your mouth.
“You’re up earlier than expected,” Donghyuck muses. You give him a small glare and hold your hand up before disappearing into the bathroom to rinse your mouth.
He’s seated on the bed by the time you get back. “Are your parents home?”
Donghyuck raised a brow. “They left this morning for church and whatnot but they know you’re here. Nothing ever stays a secret in this house.”
Your eye twitches. What a horrific impression you have made of yourself. “Why didn’t you send me home? You know my code!” You practically yell.
He raises his voice back. “I tried to! Wha– Wait. You don’t remember?”
You’re stumped. Hadn’t you recalled everything that happened last night? “Remember what?” You carefully asked.
Donghyuck’s hesitant response could not prepare you for the truth. “You wanted to follow me home. That’s why we’re here.”
“Oh, fuck.”
A deep frown settles on your face. You can only remember getting into Donghyuck’s car, the rest of the ride was a blur. You can’t think of a reason why Donghyuck would lie to you which meant that you were the clingy person you vowed not to be.
If he were being honest, Donghyuck was scared of you. Would you be mad at him and push him away? After last night, Donghyuck only wants to hold you closer to him. He’s seen before how much hurt he can unravel. He can only hope that things turn out differently.
You lightly tug at your hair, stressed out by the turn of events. “I’m going home.”
“Let me drive you home.” Donghyuck stood up. You didn’t try to fight him. Instead, you walk around the room trying to find your clothes from the night before but it’s nowhere to be found.
“Where’s my clothes?” Donghyuck pads across the room and opens the wardrobe, revealing your outfit from last night. Your top and jeans were hanging separately in a tidy manner. You stood a few inches behind Donghyuck. “You did this?”
“Yeah. Don’t worry though, my helper did the difficult job of undressing you.” Donghyuck grabs your clothes and offers it to you.
You scoffed to hide your embarrassment. “Difficult?”
Donghyuck is uncharacteristically silent and when you look at him, you find that he’s red in the face. He’s definitely recalling something that you did last night. Probably something embarrassing and life ending information that makes you wonder if you even wanted to gain back those memories. You narrowed your eyes and let out a harrumph, making a show out of walking past him and heading off to the bathroom.
The staff greet you and Donghyuck each time you pass them, completely blowing any sense of discreetness you tried to uphold. At the very least, his parents were still out which helped you save your last strand of dignity.
The car ride is mostly silent save for the occasional sound from Donghyuck when he sings under his breath. Your favourite song comes on shuffle and Donghyuck turns the volume up. You look at him, having not expected him to remember such a specific detail about you. You had thought you were the only one who held on tightly to your shared past but Donghyuck’s natural reaction says otherwise.
You’re still deep in thought when Donghyuck reaches the entrance of your apartment. He waits quietly, knowing better than to interrupt you. He’s staring blankly ahead and wonders about the weight you’ve been carrying alone, if you’re ready to put it down.
“Hey, I’m not sure what I did last night but thanks for putting up with me.”
He turns to you and sees that you’re shyly tucking your hair before your ear, looking down at your lap instead of him. Donghyuck couldn’t help himself from saying, “Do you think you’re a burden to me?”
This causes you to look up, shock written across your face. “What? Where’s this coming from?”
“I don’t put up with you, Y/N.” His voice is soft but firm. “You’re going to be my wife. We both agreed to this. You are a priority in my life.” You nervously chew on your lower lip. Again, you’re not in a proper mindset to be having such a heavy conversation with him. Despite that, you’re still affected by Donghyuck’s confession, leaving your stomach fluttering.
Your mouth parts but nothing comes out. Donghyuck breaks out into a small smile, an underlying melancholy to it. “You don’t have to say anything. I needed you to know that, that’s all.”
It doesn’t seem right to leave wordlessly so you lean across the console, craning your neck to leave a peck on his cheek. “Thank you,” you whisper before pulling away. The wistfulness from the two of you was palpable and you weren’t completely relieved from it. The crack in your walls grows wider and you don’t know if you’re ready for them to fall.
In a room full of people, Donghyuck would rather be alone with you.
He’s at a party with his friends but he’s not participating. Donghyuck has chosen to stick to the walls to watch his friends shake hands with potential business partners.
“You look mad.” Jaemin siddles up to him, his usual charming smile on full display.
“You could say that.” Donghyuck nods in acknowledgement.
“You miss her,” he says to Donghyuck as a matter-of-factly. Donghyuck stares at him with suspicion. He has never confided in Jaemin regarding you and he knows Mark would never gossip about him. Jaemin snorts. “Chill. I can tell because you’re miserable and you can’t stop playing with your ring.”
Donghyuck instantly stops fidgeting, his finger resting against the cool metal of his engagement band instead. He was not fully aware of his own actions. How can it be that Jaemin had managed to see through him?
“I think it’s nice.” Jaemin adds offhandedly.
Donghyuck drops his hands to his sides. “What’s nice?”
“That you’ve found someone to cherish. To love.”
The way you pleaded with him while you were drunk plays like a constant loop in his mind. A glimpse of your younger self had shone through that night before your matured self took over, demanding that you be taken back to the Lee’s estate. Even in your drunken state you were able to outsmart him by claiming that it is your marital right to stay there. Donghyuck smiled fondly. “She’s always been there. I just had trouble seeing what was in front of me all along.’
“Can I ask what made you come to a realisation? I think the Donghyuck I knew never really cared about settling down.”
“I didn’t just hurt Y/N. I crushed her.” Donghyuck looked down, collecting his thoughts to put it into perspective. “It was scary to see her devastated because of me and I hadn’t realised that I had inflicted hurt onto her. I care for her so much to the point that I didn’t even understand it until she walked away from me.”
His face crumpled up without meaning to and Jaemin takes a good look at his friend. Anyone can see the remorse eating away at him. Jaemin lays a comforting hand over Donghyuck’s shoulder, squeezing it. “Give yourself a chance to be forgiven.”
And Jaemin was right. All the hesitation could not prolong any more.
The sky is bright and cloudy, the perfect weather to be out enjoying the sunshine with the presence of another but you’re cooped indoors. You should be at home, the deadline for your dissertation inching closer day by day but as of late, your time has been occupied by your wedding. The only consolation is Donghyuck being there with you.
You had your first meeting with the bridal atelier of your choice two months back and now you’re back for the try on. The flutes of champagne remain untouched. Your fingers thrum against your thigh, feeling restless as the tailors prepare the dressing room for you. Donghyuck wordlessly slips his hand over yours, grounding you to the present moment. You peek over at him and he’s already looking at you. There’s an unspoken devotion in his gaze. You wonder when he had started looking at you with stars in his eyes.
“Ms Y/L/N? We’re ready for you.” You jump away from Donghyuck, clearing your throat. You offer him a small smile and he nods.
You’re careful when you try on your wedding gown, still in great disbelief about the fact that your dream dress has come to life. The assistant showered you with praises as she zipped you up. You let out a gasp as you gaze at your reflection in the mirror.
“Absolutely gorgeous. He is a lucky man.” The assistant said from behind you, startling you out of your reverie. “I’ll give you a moment. Let us know if you need anything.”
You touch the fabric of your gown with reverence, thumbing the rich silky fabric elegantly draped across your figure. A smile finds its way onto your face and you set your shoulder back to meet Donghyuck.
Donghyuck looks up from his phone when he hears the curtains open. His jaw goes slack when he sees you stepping into the room. Your hair has been pulled into a messy updo, stray pieces of hair framing the sides of your face. You’re looking at him with hope and Donghyuck can see the rest of your lives playing out before his eyes.
He rises to his feet. “Wow. That doesn't even cut it.”
You fold your hands in front of you. “Hyuck,” the old nickname slips out of your mouth, “stop. Be honest. Is it alright?”
“Alright?” He gawks. “Y/N, you're drop dead gorgeous!” Donghyuck exclaims before collapsing into his seat. Your laughter carries through the room, filling it with light.
“Whatever you say, Hyuck.” You giggle.
“You don’t believe me! Come here.” He beckons as he walks over to you. Donghyuck meets you halfway to stand face to face with you. “I cannot wait until you say the words ‘I do’ and I become yours.”
You’re blushing furiously but you don’t want to run away from the moment. Taking a leap of faith, you reach out for his hands, guiding it to rest on your waist. His hands are splayed firmly against the bodice of the gown, pressing into your body as a constant reminder that you’re not dreaming.
“I don’t know what to say.” Your voice is quiet as you confess to him.
Donghyuck shakes his head gently, leaning downwards to be closer to your face. “Just say ‘I do’ when the time comes.” And in that moment, you felt the final crack in your chest, the once impenetrable walls that had protected you, crumbled upon the promise of a loving future. You simply cannot wait.
You’re staring at your ring, letting yourself get distracted by it. Your mother is talking your ear off about wedding preparations while the rest of the table waits for Donghyuck’s arrival. You have never thought you’d be praying for his presence to offer you respite from your mother’s overwhelming chatter.
“I’m sorry I’m late.” You shoot up in your seat at the sound of his voice. After a long day bent over your laptop, you needed to see a comforting face.
Donghyuck goes over to your parents first. A firm pat to his back from your dad and a tight hug from your mom. He flashes you a glimmering smile when he gets to you and you feel your face redden under his attention. You turn in your seat to greet him and Donghyuck bends to your level, leaving a peck on your cheeks in greeting. “Hey, sorry I’m late.”
You know your parents are watching but you still try to keep your voice low enough for Donghyuck’s ears only. “Better now that you’re here.”
His eyes flicker to your mouth and back to your eyes. “Yeah,” Donghyuck thoughtlessly replies.
Across the table, your father coughs and Donghyuck scrambles into the empty seat beside you. You avoid his eyes and keep your head ducked, allowing your father to lead tonight’s dinner.
“I was just talking about the wedding. We’re so close to the date.” Your mother beams.
Donghyuck casts a glance over his shoulder and notices your dampened mood. He takes a small sip of water. “There’s always so much to prepare and on top of it all, Y/N is working hard on her dissertation.”
Your father smiles softly as he speaks, “That’s right. How’s it going honey?”
“I’m almost done. If my upcoming consultation with my professor goes well, I might be able to turn in my paper sooner than expected.”
“That’s great news darling,” Your mother says as you share the good news with them. She continues, “I’ve been worried that school was going to delay everything.”
Your smile dims and your eyes flicker over to Donghyuck, wishing if he could disappear. You hate moments like these with your mother as she dismisses your hard work, giving you backhanded praise as she priorities her pride over your emotions. The closer the wedding gets, the more remarks your mother makes and she’s clearly stopped holding herself back around onghyuck. Your face grows red in embarrassment and you feel yourself go mum.
Donghyuck shifts in his seat. He gives your mom a stiff smile as he says, “I would wait however long to marry Y/N. We are to be wedded for life. A brief delay means nothing to me if it’s to ensure Y/N’s happy.”
You see the whiplash your parents experience from Donghyuck’s assurance. Your brows are raised but you choose to remain silent, happy that someone else is protecting you for once. Donghyuck’s shoulders are squared and his eyes are full of unapologetic pride. He slides a hand to grab yours from under the table, offering you silent assurance.
“Glad to know that Y/N’s your priority. Let’s make sure to keep her happy.” Your father says in a rather diplomatic manner. He casts your mother a side glance and she nods along, keeping silent. Under the concealment of the table, you squeeze Donghyuck’s hands in appreciation, all while maintaining a casual expression in front of your parents.
Your dissertation was ready to be submitted earlier than scheduled but you didn’t want to tell your parents yet. Instead, you wanted to initiate a night out with your friends.
Or at least you were trying to. Yizhou was out of the country again and Sungchan was dealing with business outside of Seoul. Your clothes had been picked out. Your preferred club already in mind. All you needed was friends to go with. You scrolled through your contacts and realised the only other person you were comfortable calling up was your fiancé.
After contemplating your options, you caved in and called Donghyuck.
“Are you busy tonight?” You asked him, keeping your voice light. After all, it was a random weekday. He is a busy business man with plans stacked in his calendar.
“Not particularly. What’s up?” Not the answer you were hoping for. You had no choice but to bite the bullet and ask him out. “I was wondering if you’d go out with me tonight. I have good news and I want to celebrate.”
“Celebrate? Where?”
“The clubs.” You coughed into the phone. Donghyuck makes a sound of disbelief. You squeeze your eyes shut and plead with him, pulling out a desperate move. “Are you in or are you not?”
Donghyuck giggles and you know you have him onboard. Even when you were kids, your pleadings were persuasive enough for Donghyuck to give into you. “Should I meet you and your friends there?” He asks.
“Actually, none of my friends can make it tonight.” Your voice pitches to a loud tone as you try to play it off. “I want to go out though, so I called you.”
“Just a crazy idea that I’m throwing out here,” Donghyuck slowly says, already thinking about dragging his friends out of the comfort of their homes. “What if I invited my friends? You have never met them properly and this seems like a good time to introduce you.”
You think back to all the times you’ve had the opportunity to be in the same room as Donghyuck’s friends. Not once have they ever treated you in a friendly manner outside of the forced pleasantries that were expected of them. You can’t help but grimace. “No offence Hyuck but I think they hate me.”
“What! No!” Donghyuck says unconvincingly. You did not need to know that you had once been a topic of argument within his friend group. He rubs his temple, thinking of a solution. “Okay, Mark will be there and he is a great social lubricant.”
“Uh-huh.”
He senses the distrust in your voice and considers his options. “You trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Then trust me on this. I think it will go well or at least improve the coldness between you guys.”
“And whose fault is that?” You ask half jokingly.
“Mine. Sorry,” he replies in a small voice.
Your wedding was inching closer and meeting his friends would be an unavoidable experience in the long run. “That’s okay. Go ahead and invite them. I’ll give them a chance as long as they’re willing to do the same.”
Donghyuck grins, already cooking up ways to convince his friends for a night out. “I’ll see you soon.”
After pleading with Mark to help him be the voice of reason, Donghyuck manages to get all of his friends to agree to meet up. Renjun even offers to contact his close friend to get a couch reserved in a popular club. He instructs one of the family drivers to fetch you and you’re the last one to arrive. Donghyuck waves you over as he stands in a circle of his own, surrounded by familiar faces. From afar, they look rather intimidating and you have half the mind to turn around and run off but you steel your nerves, forcing yourself to get the meeting over and done with.
“Hi guys.” You offer them a small wave. You’re awkwardly standing alone and fortunately, Donghyuck slides up to you to wrap an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. The tension in your body slightly ebbs away. Jaemin gives you two a long stare and smiles wickedly wide. It’s slightly off-putting but you offer him a friendly smile despite your apprehension.
Mark clears his throat as he takes a step towards you. “Great to finally meet you.” Mark sticks a hand out and you firmly accept it.
A rather fashionable fellow who you recognised as Renjun comes up to you guys. He flashes you a charming smile. “Our table’s ready so let’s move inside and we can have a proper chat!”
“Table?”
“Oh, your man here has gone all out for you.” The rest of the group murmured in agreement which led you to look at Donghyuck for help. He merely shrugs, choosing to maintain indifference.
Renjun decides to pull you out of Donghyuck’s hold, guiding you to the very front of the group. “Just enjoy it. You should take his card and go crazy,” he leans in conspiratorially as he loops your arms together.
Behind you, Jeno snorts, making his presence known. You both exchange friendly smiles. “Hope you enjoy your time tonight, Y/N.”
Your group breeze through security with a flash of a smile from Renjun. It makes you wonder how well-known Donghyuck’s friends are. You have heard of the notorious wait list for this particular club which was bad enough to fizzle out your interest in coming down.
You are led to a table beside the dj booth. The expanse of the couch is much larger than expected. It could probably hold double the amount of people present at the moment. You stand by the sidelines. “Uh, are we expecting people?”
Everyone turns to look at Donghyuck who’s sporting a sheepish expression. “It was either this or we would have to stand at the tables. I’m not making you stand for the entire night.”
Your jaw dropped. Chenle hollers from where he’s seated. “Get a room, you love birds.”
With his eyes still trained on you, Donghyuck flips Chenle off. The table breaks out into snickers but you’re still hung up on the fact that Donghyuck had spent an incredible amount of money on you. “Are you mad?” He asks.
“No?” You shake your head. “I just– we could have gone elsewhere? I don’t know, I want to make your money’s worth.”
Donghyuck frowns. “You are worth every dollar I have.”
You blinked in surprise, not having expected Donghyuck to take the conversation to a personal level. You stepped forward to slip your arms around his, gently tugging him closer to you. “We’ll revisit this tomorrow,” you say before planting a chaste kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for being thoughtful.”
Donghyuck can feel his cheeks reddening and he’s glad that the lighting in the club makes it hard to see. You disappear from his side, welcoming the chaos with open arms as you approach the table. Donghyuck watches you as he silently nurses a drink in one hand. His eyes danced around your figure, the confidence radiating off you was palpable and it felt like a treat to be in your presence. Donghyuck focused on the little things like the way your nose scrunches when the alcohol hits too strongly for your liking or the way your body folds, laughing gleefully at whatever stories his friends tell you. He barely notices the music or his friends sharing wordless looks throughout the night.
Jisung scoots down the couch to be next to Donghyuck, lightly knocking their knees together for his attention. Jisung offers his hyung a small smile before leaning in, “You should ask her to dance.”
“What?”
“You look like Jay waiting on Daisy,” Jisung giggles drunkenly, head thrown back as he leans back into the leather couch. “Just go up to her.” He says encouragingly.
At that moment, you look over your shoulders and lock eyes with Donghyuck, flashing him a shy smile. His heart stutters in his chest as he rushes to his feet to move towards you like a lovesick fool in a trance. Donghyuck downs his drink, setting it down as he passes the table before finally reaching you. You never once looked away from him. Mark’s chatter comes to a halt when he senses Donghyuck’s presence and he makes a silent escape, sensing the shift in the air.
To Donghyuck’s surprise, you beat him at making the first move. “Let’s dance!” You cheered.
You had slipped your hand into his and led him onto the dance floor. Donghyuck naturally stands close to your back but the crowd pushes him into you. While you seemed unaffected by the skin on skin contact with passing strangers, Donghyuck had a frown on his face that seemed to grow deeper whenever a stranger did a double take at you. It was as if you could feel the anger radiating from behind you. You manoeuvred your joint hands to your stomach, forcing Donghyuck to stay pressed against your back.
He barely registers the close contact that’s happening between you two when you stopped walking, seemingly satisfied with the spot you had chosen. You lean your head backwards to smile up at Donghyuck. It’s a little lopsided but still full of energy. He wants to kiss you. The moment is cut short when the music transitions to an upbeat tempo. Your back is facing Donghyuck again as you move to the beat, still holding onto his arm which leaves him no choice but to stay close to you.
The alcohol he’s consumed barely compares to the intoxicating feeling of having you in his arms, bare skin brushing against each other while fully immersed in the moment. It’s not the same feeling as when you two first danced as kids or during your birthday party. There’s an underlying current of tension that’s building between you two, one that’s growing tauter as the wedding day approaches.
Donghyuck leans forward, his mouth inches away from your ear. “You never told me what we’re celebrating tonight for?”
You suddenly spin to face him and Donghyuck tightens his hold on you. “I never told you?” He shakes his head, his lips curling upwards. Donghyuck is absolutely smitten by you. “I finished my dissertation early!”
“Y/N!” Donghyuck cheers as he embraces you. You squeezed him tightly, happy to share your achievement with someone who cared about your wellbeing. “I’m so proud of you.” He presses a chaste kiss to the side of your head. You don’t know if you were meant to hear it but you nuzzle your face in his shirt for a moment longer than necessary, allowing yourself to indulge in Donghyuck’s presence.
When it’s time to end the night, Donghyuck books a ride to your apartment. You’re slumped over his shoulder, a tired smile on your face but you’re still dazzling to Donghyuck. He gently touches your cheek. “Sleep,” he commands.
Your power nap was interrupted by a melodious voice, stirring you awake. You slide your hands into his while muttering farewell to the patient driver. Donghyuck follows from behind, enjoying the way you drag him around, leading him into your apartment. He watches you kick off your shoe on your own, holding onto the wall for support. After watching you fail, he decides to close the distance by kneeling in front of you, sliding the other shoe off your feet.
Your face burns and you dart your eyes away from him. “Thanks, Hyuck.”
You set a second pair of house slippers for him, staring at him expectantly. Donghyuck toes his shoes off at record time and slides into the house slippers. You offer him a satisfied grin and reclasp your hands with his. “Stay the night.”
Donghyuck’s eyes widened. “Sure? I’ll put you to bed.”
This earns a surprised laugh from you. “I don’t need your help!”
He shakes your joint hands, whining petulantly. “Let me win. I just wanted an excuse to take care of you.” You roll your eyes but the smile on your face never fades. Donghyuck knows he has won and he childishly celebrates with a hurrah.
You lightly tug his arm. “Take me to bed then.”
You’re happy that this time, you’re sober enough to be in the moment. You get the chance to admire the attention Donghyuck holds for you. The comforting feeling of seeing Donghyuck in your space helps you relax. He’s kneeling on your bed while he has you sitting cross legged in the middle, gently wiping away the makeup from your face. Every swipe from him is full of utmost care. You have never been gentle with yourself. It makes your heart flutter from such a simple gesture.
“That’s all of it,” Donghyuck says, his tongue sticking out of his mouth in concentration.
“Thanks.” Your voice was barely above a whisper. You’re partly entranced by him but another part of you is distracted by your growing affection for him. It’s times like these you wished things were simpler between you two.
He pulls away first, giving you the chance to make your escape however you choose to linger by the entrance of your en suite bathroom. You stared at him expectantly. “Stay the night, yeah? I need to get you something clean to sleep in.”
“I’m sure I’ll make do with whatever.” He gestures to his outfit and you raise a brow, unconvinced.
“Wait here,” you instructed softly as you walked off to your guestroom.
You come back to see Donghyuck seated by the edge of your bed, his body angled towards the door as he anticipates your return. The corners of his eyes crinkle as he beams at the sight of you.
“Here.” You pass him a stack of clean clothes. He eyes it suspiciously, accepting it with a pout playing on his lips.
“This doesn’t belong to an ex boyfriend right?”
“No.” You snorted. “It belonged to Sungchan,” you offhandedly answered.
The look of surprise on Donghyuck’s face was priceless. His jaw tensed, torn between anger and shock while his eyes were openly showcasing his stirring emotions.
You laugh in his face. It was too good of an opportunity to tease him. “I’m kidding! Oh my god!” The stony expression on his face has yet to crack so you scoop his hand into yours, offering him assurance. “I swear on our lives, the shirt belongs to my dad. As for the pants, they were too big for me and I was too lazy to return them.”
Donghyuck squeezes your joint hands and the prior anger melts away. “Okay,” he mutters before bringing your hand to his mouth, pressing a light kiss to the back of it. His lips graze your skin and your body tingles from the heat. “Thank you.”
You gently pull your hand out of his hold, eager to put some space between you two. You press the clothes into his chest and spin on your heels, making a swift escape to the bathroom.
After an unnecessarily long time in the shower, you decided to bite the bullet and face Donghyuck. You thought you had steeled yourself enough but the sight of Donghyuck standing in the middle of your room has you jumping in surprise.
“Donghyuck!” You yelled, a hand pressed to your chest.
He looked equally surprised. “I’m sorry, I was just coming in to set a glass of water and painkillers.”
Your shoulders dropped and your eyes moved behind him, catching sight of your nightstand. True enough, Donghyuck had brought in a bottle of medicine and your favourite mug.
Donghyuck purses his lips, his eyes moving towards the door. “I’ll be in your guestroom if you need anything.”
“I’m fine.”
“You sure? If you need someone to hold your hair back while you’re bent over the toilet, just wake me up.” He teases, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
You rolled your eyes, stepping forward. “Get out,” you demanded but the ghost of your smile still remained.
Donghyuck holds his hands up in surrender. “Goodnight Y/N.”
You stayed rooted in your spot, offering him a small wave. “Goodnight Donghyuck.”
Silence enveloped your room and you didn’t mind it, knowing that Donghyuck was rooms away from you. You gingerly sat down by your bedside, gripping your mug as you tried to make sense of your heart. You were without a doubt, falling in love with Donghyuck all over again and you had no intention of ever stopping.
The morning of your wedding was a blur. You were first introduced to the beauty and styling team that you hired for the wedding. The day progresses quickly and the bridal room is open to visitors who file in and out like a constant stream, eager to bless you with their well wishes. A lot of small talk and hugs occurred and you could barely catch up.
Sungchan drops by to greet both you and Yizhou, the three of you enjoying a round of champagne and taking many pictures. Sungchan gives you a tight hug as he leaves.
Moments before you’re scheduled to walk down the aisle, you’re finally left alone. The silence that surrounds you weighs on your shoulders. Your eyes subconsciously drift to your ring finger, knowing that this is the last time it’ll be empty for the rest of your life. A mix of emotions cloud your mind. You reach for your bouquet when a loud knock resonates through the door, signaling that your time has arrived.
You loop your arms around your father’s as you walk to the back of the line. “Y/N,” your father softly muttered. He waits for you to look at him and you note the tears brimming around the corner of his eyes. “I hope I made the right choice. I hope he makes you happy.”
You clutch the bouquet of flowers closer to your chest. It was a bundle of sunflowers, hydrangeas and primroses, a mix comprising both of your favourite flowers. “You did.” You assured your father, confident of your answer.
The wedding march had begun and you quickly gave your father a peck on the cheek right before your veil was lifted over your face. Your cousin walks out first, joined by Jaemin. You watched from the end of the line as Yizhou accepted the arm Mark offered her. They reach the altar and finally, it was your turn to walk down the aisle.
Upon your first step, the piano notes shift into a different melody. Your eyes land on Donghyuck who has a small smile on his face. It comes as a genuine surprise to you once you register the melody of the song. Your heart thuds against your chest and you’re torn between breaking down into tears or leaping for joy. It is evident that Donghyuck hadn’t forgotten dancing with you at your birthday party all those years ago, the same song playing as you walk down the aisle towards him.
It’s a big cliche but you never stopped looking at Donghyuck. Not now, not when he’s openly staring back at you. There’s a matching secret grin that only you two understand. You can’t look away, you simply refuse to. Your father offers your hand to Donghyuck and he accepts it with so much tenderness, his fingers enveloping yours as he guides you to stand in front of him. You’re toe to toe, aligned with each other.
Time seems to move differently when you’re standing in front of Donghyuck, forced to look at him through a veil. There’s an undercurrent of want flowing not just in you, but Donghyuck as well. You try to soothe him by gently brushing your thumb against his palm.
Mark steps forward with the rings and you wet your mouth, eager not to mess up your exchange of vows.
“Do you, Lee Donghyuck, take Y/L/N Y/N as your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part.”
He looks you in the eye, certain as ever. “I do.” The ring slips onto your finger, cool to the touch which leaves goosebumps in its wake. The significance of the ring is setting in.
“And do you, Y/L/N Y/N, take Lee Donghyuck as your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part.”
You blindly reach for Donghyuck’s ring, too eager to complete the ceremony. Mark pushes the cushion into your hand and you pick up the ring. “I do,” you say as you slide the ring over Donghyuck’s ring finger. The ring sits perfectly below his knuckles. You squeeze his fingers tightly.
“By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Donghyuck tightly squeezes your hands before releasing them. He’s already reaching for your veil when the minister says, “You may kiss the bride.”
The church roused with applause and cheers as your veil was thrown over your head. Donghyuck sneaks his hand to the back of your neck, pressing against it as he leaned forward to capture your lips. Your eyes flutter shut, succumbing to your first kiss with Donghyuck. It’s a hard press to your lips. Nothing too indecent for a sacred occasion but heavier than the shy peck you had expected from him.
You pull away to rest your nose against the slope of his, unable to tame the smile on your face. No coherent thought could come out of your mouth as you gaze into Donghyuck’s eyes.
“Onto forever.” He says it loud enough for you to hear. You nodded and he moved his hand to wrap around your shoulders, pulling you in before you embarked on the mad dash down the aisle. One hand looped around Donghyuck’s neck and the other tightly clutching onto your bouquet, you couldn’t have imagined a better way to leave the church as a newly wedded couple.
It’s date night with your husband.
Three weeks have passed since the wedding and life has adjusted back to normal for everyone else. Meanwhile, you and Donghyuck were still balancing the newly wedded lifestyle. He had gone back to work and you were taking time to unwind from the stressful year that had passed.
Donghyuck had made a reservation for dinner and you had agreed to meet him there. You spend the whole day sitting in your jittery feelings, wildly anticipating seeing him.
Dinner was a lovely affair. You were sitting in a fancy restaurant, situated on the rooftop of an esteemed hotel. Conversation flowed between you two, from anecdotes of Donghyuck’s day at work to recounting the cherished memories of the wedding.
The hostess politely interrupts, carrying a plate of brownies topped with ice cream. “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. Here’s a complimentary cake from us. Congratulations and cheers to your future.”
The two of you eyed the plate, surprised to see a message written on it. Congrats to the love birds. You cover your face with your hands and Donghyuck laughs in disbelief. “This is crazy,” you said.
“No one taught us how to maximise our marriage.”
You slowly pulled your hands away and discovered that Donghyuck had been recording you the whole time. Shit. “Hyuck!”
“What?” He asks, chuckling from behind his phone.
You rolled your eyes. “Oh my god. Delete that.”
“Why? You look gorgeous.”
You frown at him but it fails to make an impact on Donghyuck. He takes one last picture of you before putting his phone away. “I wanted pictures to remember this by.” Donghyuck confesses as he takes a sip of his drink.
Your features softened and you were no longer annoyed by him. Taking a clean spoon, you cut into the brownie, scooping a big portion and lifting it to Donghyuck’s face. “Here.” You offered.
He looks from the spoon to your face, face heating up from the attention you were giving him. Donghyuck cranes his neck forward and accepts the offer, taking a bite from the spoon.
“Is it good?” You asked. Donghyuck hopes he doesn’t have any bit of chocolate smudge on his lips as he nodded wordlessly.
He hadn’t expected you to use the same spoon, licking at the remnants of chocolate before diving into the brownie to get a taste for yourself. Donghyuck grows slightly dazed, knowing how unaffected you are by the intimacy. His mouth grows dry at the thought of your lips. It has been three weeks without your kiss after all. He knows he’ll have to keep waiting for a chance to kiss you again.
You lightly nudge him out of his trance, your foot hitting him under the table. Donghyuck looks downward then at your face. You offer him a cheeky smile and he’s back with you, pushing aside any distractions.
It’s a beautiful night and the sky is clear enough to gaze at. You suggest going for a drive near the Han River. It was a refreshing experience for you. You and Donghyuck never had the chance to hang out casually, having missed each other throughout your adolescent years and your early twenties. Now, as husband and wife, you two have the chance to bask in the silence together.
You shiver slightly as the wind blows, your hair falling over your face. A jacket is suddenly draped over your shoulders and you gripped the fabric tightly. “Are you sure?”
“I have to take care of my wife.” You can’t deny that his intentions made you feel warm all over. You accepted his offer without much fight and slid your hands into his jacket, engulfed by Donghyuck’s lingering warmth. You could even smell the remnants of his cologne when you lean closer into the jacket.
Another lapse of comfortable silence passes when you felt a drop of water on the top of your head. You turn to Donghyuck with a frown. “Did you feel that?”
He sticks his hand out and you watch expectantly. Donghyuck jumps in surprise when the droplets of rain land on his palm. He laughs. “Oh shit, we have to go.”
In a matter of minutes, the sky is covered with thick clouds and the rain begins to fall steadily. The car park is a reasonable distance. All around, the trees begin swaying as you two rush to the car. You stopped in your tracks and Donghyuck slowed down to yell at you. “Hurry!”
You fumble with his jacket and create a makeshift cover, running up to him. “Get under.”
He joins you, one arm reaching for the sleeves of his jacket and the other wrapping around your shoulder to pull you close to him. The rain pours down on you two and you couldn’t help but laugh at your current predicament. Your glee was contagious and Donghyuck laughed along, melting into the sound of the downpour.
He ushered you into the passenger seat of his car before running over to the driver's side, his hair completely drenched. Donghyuck starts the engine and you blast the heater, adjusting the angle to blow towards Donghyuck.
“Aren’t you cold?” Even when his teeth are chattering and he’s visibly shaking, Donghyuck still tries to look after you. You rolled your eyes fondly. “You sacrificed your jacket for me. Just defrost a little, okay?”
You don’t miss the smile that’s tugged at the corner of his lips as he snuggles into the driver's seat, giving up his fight. When he deems himself warm enough, he begins the drive to your apartment. You keep your gaze on his profile, staring unabashedly. Donghyuck stares back several times. He can’t quite tame the feelings blossoming in his chest. He clenches the steering wheel, eager to make it back to your apartment.
Your intertwined hands keep each other warm. He follows you through your apartment and as always, he’s happy to have you pull him in whatever direction. You bring him into your room and grab two fresh sets of towels.
“Go in here. I’ll use the spare shower.” You hold the stacked towels and Donghyuck apprehensively glances at it, reluctant to separate from you. His eyes rove back at you and his eyes widen into a pleading look. You frowned. “What is it?”
“I want to stay with you.” Donghyuck shamelessly answered.
Your cheeks heat up and you push the towel to his chest, causing him to stumble backwards. “Don’t be stupid. We are both drenched and will fall sick. It is faster this way.”
His pout is still present but he finally accepts the fresh towel, your hands freed from his. The cold immediately replaces his warmth. “Go. I’ll need to find something you can fit in while waiting for your clothes to dry.” You tell him, keeping yourself away from the thoughts running through your head.
Donghyuck looks at you longingly for one last time before conceding to your instructions. You let out the breath you were holding when you heard the lock on the bathroom door, slouching against the wall to calm your nerves. After laying out the spare clothes you had stolen from your fathers closet, you quickly grabbed your own clothes and rushed to the spare shower.
Alone, surrounded by the tiled walls of your shower, you’re given some reprieve from your racing feelings. You didn’t mean to take a long shower but the stream of hot water was what you needed to unwind. By the time you returned to your room with a towel wrapped around your head, donning an oversized shirt and sweatpants, Donghyuck was already waiting for you on the edge of your bed.
You blinked at the sight. His hair was fluffy after a shower and your fathers shirt sits loosely over his frame, making Donghyuck look cuter than usual. Donghyuck has a sheepish look on his face as he obediently waits for your return.
“Come here,” you say as you walk over to your dressing table. You’re pulling out your hair dryer when Donghyuck stands beside you. You grinned at him. “Sit. I’ll dry your hair.”
Again, Donghyuck easily follows your direction as he settles down in front of the vanity. You work quietly as you dry his hair, brushing it with utmost care reminding you of your younger days, when he would let you style his hair. You gently apply some hair oil to your hands and run it through his soft strands. Standing close to him, you can smell the fragrant scent of your shampoo lingering on his hair. You inhale deeply.
Donghyuck breaks the silence as he murmurs softly, “Your turn.”
The tranquility that sits between you and him is too enjoyable to ruin so you let him have his way, inwardly pleased to have Donghyuck take care of you. He removes the towel from your head and begins working on your hair. Donghyuck is practically a magician. He expertly massages your head as he rubs your hair products into your hair. You’re content with the silence between you two as he brushes your hair before drying it.
When he’s done, Donghyuck tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, leaning over your shoulder to whisper in your ear. “You’re stunning.”
You meet his eyes through the mirror and you immediately grow shy, looking away and getting up from your seat. “Thanks,” you mutter as you busy yourself with tidying up the vanity.
Thankfully, Donghyuck gives you some space as he steps back to watch you. You can feel his eyes on you even with your back turned to him. It makes your heart skip a beat.
Once you’ve kept all of your things, you are forced to face Donghyuck again. You slowly turn on your heels to face him and he is already looking at you. Donghyuck’s stare has been fixed on you the whole time and you grow nervous under his stare, the weight of it starting to unnerve you.
Donghyuck’s gaze grows deeper as he straightens his posture, looking you dead in the eye. His resolve has hardened. It was a foreboding moment in which you were powerless to stop but you still tried. “Y/N, I love–”
Your eyes widened in fear. “Stop. Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say it.” You point at him accusingly.
His gaze falls to the distance between you two, unable to fathom how he ended up in this position when moments ago, you were inseparable. “Why? Are you scared?”
You part your mouth in disbelief. He wasn’t mocking you. Donghyuck was genuinely trying to get through you. The pressure of it all has you cracking under it. “Because I don’t know what’s going on between us anymore! You treat me with so much tenderness and affection, crossing the boundaries we have set, ever so often. My rationality flies out the window when I’m with you. I have a reason to be scared because the last time you treated me this way, you rejected me!” You exploded.
Donghyuck can see the way you’re shaking, a similar visual to the night of his birthday party. Even as the tears begin to gather in your eyes, he forces himself to stay calm for your sake. “I was a fool, Y/N. I am sorry but I get it now.”
“Are you sure you’re not just caught up in the moment?” You ask as your gaze drops to the ground. Donghyuck frowns deeply. You have become so small in the short span of your conversation. It hurts him to see you this way.
“God, no. Never.” He pleads as he steps into your space, one hand gently cupping your head, lifting your chin upwards to look you in the eye. “I love you. I have loved you forever ago and I’ll love you forevermore.”
Your vision blurs completely. “I love you,” you whispered into the hushed silence. Donghyuck slowly leans forward to bring your foreheads together. You blink away at the stray tears that pooled in your eyes. “I love you, Lee Donghyuck,” you repeated.
He nodded and closed his eyes, uncaring when your tears fell on his face. “I love you,” Donghyuck whispers as he holds you close, finally catching you as you fall apart in his palms.
Between job hunting and apartment hunting, your honeymoon couldn’t have been a better excuse to leave the world behind.
The sun shimmers in the sky. You’re leaning against cobbled streets that have been around longer than your existence, when Donghyuck comes over jogging to you. You chided lightly. “Slow down. I don’t want you to fall.”
Donghyuck almost crashes into the wall but he plays it off with a coy smile. “I love falling for you.”
You scrunched your nose, cringing at his joke. “You’re terrible.”
“Too bad. You’re married to me for life.” Donghyuck teases.
“Indeed, I am.” Your eyes flit to the ring on his finger and you smiled softly. “Hey, what took you so long?”
Donghyuck perked up. “I asked the receptionist for some help. He told me a few nights ago to visit a particular bakery. Thought we could venture out before lunchtime.”
You wrapped your arm around his, interlocking your fingers together. “Sounds like a plan. Lead the way.”
Savoury treats, sweet drinks and good company is all you needed and Donghyuck eagerly met your needs. The moonlight reflects on the cobbled stones of ground, a soft glow leading the way around the city. His fingers shyly brush yours after every few steps. It’s only been two months since the confession and Donghyuck has demonstrated impeccable patience with you. You knew this trip was a way to finally start returning the favour.
You timed it correctly, firmly pulling his fingers into your hold and intertwining it together. You can feel the surprise jolting through Donghyuck which elicits a giggle from you.
“What’s going on?” He asks, aiming for a relaxed tone but ultimately, you can hear his underlying worry.
“I felt like holding hands with my husband.” You lift your gaze to smile at him, “I know you like this.”
Just as you had expected, Donghyuck starts blushing. His composure doesn’t break much to his credit. He remains collected and squeezes your hand tightly. “I do. I do like this and I like you.”
“Like?” You asked, voice lilt in an attempt to push Donghyuck’s buttons.
You hear Donghyuck muttering under his breath and you laugh gleefully, knowing he has fallen straight into your trap. It’s too easy to tease Donghyuck. It’s a skill that never faded away even after all those years apart.
“I’m the luckiest girl alive. My husband likes me.” You said loudly. Some passersby give you a quizzical look as Donghyuck’s face burns with mild embarrassment.
“I don’t like you.” His face is red but his eyes are filled with determination. You’ve seen this version of Donghyuck many times under various circumstances. He’s standing his ground. Donghyuck looks at you, maintaining a steady grip on your hand.
“Hm?”
“I love you.” He declares.
You slowly reach out to gently cup his cheeks, caressing it ever so softly. Hearing him say it still makes your world spin round, giddy with joy and excitement. Standing on your toes, you inch your head upwards to give him a peck on the lip.
Donghyuck squeaks out of surprise and the kiss ends as quickly as it happens. His eyes are rounded, seemingly frozen and fixed on you. You smiled sheepishly as pink dust the apples of your cheeks. “I love you,” you said.
Donghyuck blinks and suddenly you’re being pulled into his body, stumbling over your feet as you land on his chest. You exclaimed softly and he wrapped his slender arms around your waist, grounding you.
“You can’t just do that.” His eyes are roving across your face. It’s clear that his restraint has stretched thinly. You pulled your lips into a smirk as you confidently met his gaze. “What are you going to do about it?”
Your eyes fall shut as Donghyuck presses his lips against yours, this time with more pressure than your attempt. He takes his time with you, kissing your breath away, bathed underneath the moonlight. Your fingers find purchase at the back of his neck and Donghyuck groans.
The kiss breaks and you’re smiling wildly at him. “I’m yours, Hyuck. I’m not going anywhere.”
You trail your other hand up his chest, pressing it flat against his shirt to feel his heartbeat. You look at him in awe and he leans down to rub his nose against your cheekbone. Donghyuck utters, “And I’m yours. Forever and always.”
synopsis: where in a world ruled by fear and instinct, you find people whose hearts are still beating... and someone your heart starts beating again for.
pairing: keeho x fem!reader, featuring all of p1h
genre: zombie apocalypse!au, strangers to ???, angst, humor
words: 11k
cw: zombies, post-apo world, smoking tobacco, violence, blood, gore, corpses, weapons, mentions of death, minor and major character injury, piwon might be very ooc for the sake of the story
author's note: i genuinely cannot believe i'm finally posting this after sitting on this idea for so long 😭 please give it lots of love 🫶
一 some scenes might be inspired by the walking dead (the series and the game) and other pieces of media in that universe
♡ the biggest thanks to @jiuchip for helping me figure out the storyline and being the angel she is <3 ily
part one 一 part two
two years, seven months, eleven days.
that’s how long it’s been since the society as you knew it stopped existing. since fear took over the everyday lives of the eight billion people on earth, eradicating the importance of any and all values they might have had. since economies collapsed, governments shut down, and survival outweighed all sense of guilt, remorse, or humanity.
that’s how long it’s been since patient zero.
at least, how much you think it’s been.
you’ve lost count a couple of times already, but you pretend you haven’t, because keeping track of passing time seems to be the only thing that has kept you relatively sane up until now. as sane as you could be in this world.
you still remember the day it all started.
you were watching tv in your old apartment in seoul – one of those stupid reality shows about dating – splayed out on the couch, stuffing your mouth full of some kind of savoury snack you can’t even remember now. you had been let go from your job as a waitress earlier that week (something about inappropriate and rude behavior towards customers, as your ex-boss said), your family lived back in your hometown hours away by train, and you still hadn’t managed to find any friends in the big city, so you had nowhere to be until your classes started again on monday.
you were planning to fall asleep on that couch like you had been doing for the past few nights, but you were startled out of your half-awake state by a sudden shift in the tone coming from the tv. when you opened your eyes, the first thing you saw was the angry red text at the bottom of the screen, saying “EMERGENCY BROADCAST’’ in all caps.
confused, you reached for the remote to turn the volume up to be able to hear the news presenter better. the lady said something about a group of young people in hongdae exhibiting extreme levels of violence, and the video in the top right corner showed a livestream from the site - too blurry and chaotic to be comprehensible, but you could tell there was a lot of blood involved, and possibly a few bodies on the ground.
you were about to change the channel, murmuring something about the country going to the dogs, but your finger froze on the remote button when you heard her next words:
“witnesses also report cannibalistic behaviour among the culprits. victims who have sustained bite or puncture wounds start showing similar aggressive tendencies within hours, and are uncooperative towards authorities. there have been reports of similar cases in other big cities in korea and overseas. all residents of larger cities are advised to stay at home until-”
the presenter was cut off by a high-pitched beeping sound as the transmission ended abruptly.
you sat there, your snack and the show you were watching long forgotten, trying to make sense of what you’d just heard in your head.
you remember thinking that it couldn’t possibly be true. that it must have been some kind of exaggeration, or maybe a government scheme to spread panic and conceal something else going on.
but the tv didn’t turn back on for the rest of the day – so despite your scepticism, you stayed home.
on the first day, you tried to occupy yourself with something to kill boredom. you picked up old hobbies like knitting and puzzles, burned a few pots trying to invent new recipes with what you had in the fridge. you called your family to make sure they’re okay, and even went on a small walk around your apartment building - but the streets were eerily empty, and all shops had closed, so you went back quickly.
on the second day, you heard screams coming from further down your street. you peeked out of your balcony, but you saw nothing but a couple of people running, as if they were scared of something. you closed the blinds. you called your family again - they said your brother left to look for his girlfriend. they were worried.
on the third day, there were corpses littered on the street when you peered through the blinds. you didn’t look again. you finished all of your puzzles, and called your parents again. your mom was crying.
on the fourth day, you started rationing your food. you called your parents again, but they didn’t pick up. you ran out of wool to knit with, so you unpicked an old sweater. you never wore it these days anyway.
on the fifth day, they cut off the water. you reassembled all of your puzzles, and tried calling your parents again, but there was no signal.
on the sixth day, they cut off electricity. you ate the last of your food stores. you only had one bottle of water left, so you saved it for later. still no signal.
on the seventh day, you left your apartment.
#♡
you wrap your jacket tighter around yourself, tightening your grip on your kitchen knife. you have been walking through this forest for hours now, but it feels like you’ve been running in circles, passing by the same points over and over again with no sight of an exit.
you didn’t mean to stay here for long – you were only hoping to find a place clear of biters to rest for a while before moving on to find somewhere to spend the night, but now the sun has set and you have no idea where you’re going or how to get out. but it’s now past the third quarter of the year, so the nights are getting longer and too cold to wait them out outside, and the forest is the last place you want to be after dark, so you keep walking, clenching your teeth when they start to chatter.
a hushed curse leaves your shaking lips when you almost trip over after stepping on a branch you failed to notice, the noise of dry wood snapping and the clank of your belongings turning over inside your backpack echoing through the quiet forest.
you freeze, not daring to do as much as breathe while you listen for any signs of danger. but there’s nothing – a sigh of relief leaving your lips as you straighten up, adjusting the strap of your backpack that fell down your shoulder.
then you hear it.
it’s quiet, probably far away, but unmistakable. it’s the sound that has been fueling your nightmares every night for the past two and a half years, that makes the blood in your veins curdle and all hairs on your body bristle.
a biter’s groaning.
“shit–” you take off again right away, now even more desperate to find some kind of shelter. biters rarely stray away from groups – something you’ve learned from the countless unfortunate encounters in the past – so if there’s one, there’s probably more where it came from. and one thing those things can do is hear very well.
the quickened pace causes more shuffling and cracking sounds to come from under your feet despite your best efforts to stay quiet. you keep walking faster as the gruelling sounds get louder, eyes frantically scanning your surroundings in the dark. come on, come on…
there’s a darker shape that reveals itself from a thinning of trees, not too far away from where you are now. it could be a bunker or an old house someone left behind when shit went down.
“fuck it,” you think, before breaking into a run. the amount noise you’re making is definitely loud enough to attract the attention of biters now, but you don’t care. you’re going to be dead anyway if you don’t get there soon.
your lungs burn, the cool autumn air prickling your skin where it’s not covered up. the shape gets clearer the closer you get – it seems to be a small forest hut, surrounded by a chain-link fence. if you weren’t running for your life, you’d probably fall to your knees to thank the universe right now.
your backpack slides off your shoulders easily when you finally reach the fence, and you throw it over to the other side and pocket your knife before climbing over yourself. the landing is almost noiseless – graceful and practised, the only sounds now being your ragged pants as you catch your breath and the distant moans of the undead.
you bend down to grab your discarded backpack, but your movement is halted when something yanks on your hair harshly, making you stumble backwards with a surprised gasp.
the next few seconds are a blur – a few more silhouettes flashing before your eyes, your hands flying towards where you’ve hidden your weapon as your fight or flight kicks in full force. you try to wriggle free and blindly swing your knife into whatever is holding you from behind, but then your hair is gripped even tighter and something cold and sharp presses against your throat. your whole body tenses.
“drop the knife,” a voice growls into your ear, “or i’ll slice through that pretty throat of yours.”
another person takes a step closer, shining their flashlight right into your face and blinding you for a short moment. at first, you hesitate, weighing your odds against a group of six men in the middle or nowhere – at least that’s how many of them you can see right now – but the blade presses harder against your skin as the one behind you starts to get impatient.
you swallow heavily and raise your hands in a gesture of defeat, the knife falling to the ground with a soft thud.
“smart choice,” the man at your rear snickers. he lets go of his grip on your hair, but his other hand keeps the blade in the near vicinity of your neck, “how did you find this place?”
you swallow heavily to soothe your dry throat, your words slow and careful. you don’t dare to lower your hands yet, “i was just walking through the forest. i was trying to find a place to spend the night, and then i saw a house so i–”
“you were walking through the forest at sundown?” someone cuts you off – a different voice this time. it seems like that person is standing somewhere off to the back, but you can’t see any details with the flashlight aimed right at your face, “do you have a death wish?”
“that’s why i was looking for shelter,” the words come out almost as a snarl, annoyance bubbling up inside you despite your best efforts to not get killed tonight. damn it.
there’s a moment of tense silence. the six pairs of eyes fixated on you make shivers go down your spine, and your neck aches from having your head tilted back this whole time. then the warmth against your back disappears as the man steps back, pulling the knife away from you but keeping it ready just in case.
“well, you’re not gonna find one here,” he says, walking around you to stand next to the rest of the group and nodding towards someone on the opposite side, “intak, give her back her things. she’s leaving.”
the finality in his voice makes your stomach drop, your hand freezing mid-motion of reaching down for your discarded weapon. there’s no way you’re going to survive the night alone in the woods with biters lurking behind every bush and nothing but a knife to protect yourself.
you’re about to protest, fully prepared to start begging if needed, but another voice beats you to it.
“holy shit, she’s got a lot of food in here!” you’re guessing it’s the intak the other one mentioned that’s holding your backpack open, his dirty, nosy hand diving between cans and jars of non-perishables you’ve risked your life to find, “it’s like a damn piggy bank!”
your head snaps up at that. without thinking, you lurch forward towards him, amrs reaching out in an almost primal instinct to get back what’s yours – but you’re forced to step back when they all raise their weapons again in response to your sudden movement. you’re outnumbered.
it’s time to change the strategy.
“listen,” you keep your voice steady and your palms open, “i won’t survive the night if you kick me out now. i can share my food, and i can take care of myself. just let me stay here for a while, please.”
the men share a few glances and hushed whispers with each other. now that you don’t have a stream of light blinding you and your eyes are slowly getting used to the darkness, you can make out a little of what they look like; they all seem somewhere in their twenties, their clothes mismatched and well-worn, just like yours. they’re not exactly clean, but they certainly look cleaner than you feel right now.
“no. absolutely not,” the one who held a knife to your neck speaks up, his words directed towards someone else in the group rather than to you. he emanates the kind of authority that makes you think they all trust his judgement endlessly, “we don’t need another mouth to feed.”
“please,” the tone of your voice becomes more disturbed with each firm shake of the head when one of them agrees with him, “i heard biters on my way here, there’s no way–”
“biters?” another guy snickers as he speaks up for the first time. his hair is a bit longer and a lighter shade of blonde, dark roots reaching down almost to his ears, "that’s what you call those things?”
intak next to him chuckles, slapping the other one’s shoulder, “what, because they bite?”
you blink once, then twice, confused by the sudden change of topic. it never really occurred to you before that there could be different names for the undead, and maybe you’d even find it a bit funny if you weren’t busy desperately trying to save your life.
“what do you call them, then?”
they both answer simultaneously,
“walkers.”
there’s a beat of silence. their confident facades drop gradually under your judgemental glare, but before they can try to recover, the leader (as you named him in your head) sighs loudly as he pinches the bridge of his nose.
“intak, taeyang, for fuck’s sake–” he growls, and the two falter immediately, “it doesn’t matter right now. she’s leaving–”
“wait, keeho,”
a quieter, gentler voice speaks from the back of the group. the guy seems younger than the rest, his delicate features evident even through signs of exhaustion and malnourishment.
“she’s all alone. we can’t just leave her to die.”
something about that one speaking up makes keeho hesitate. his lips press into a thin line as he glances between you and the kid, “jongseob, it’s not our problem–”
“she has food, and she doesn’t seem sick or injured. she can sleep in the shed tonight to make sure she’s not infected,” he insists. you don’t know why he’s on your side in all of this, but you’re sure as hell not going to intervene.
when met with another uncertain murmur, he opens his mouth to say something else, but he swallows it back down when a faraway, gruelling noise reaches everyone’s ears.
“walkers!” keeho whisper-yells. all of you follow his lead as you gear up, eyes darting around to look for any signs of immediate danger.
his eyebrows crease as he vacillates, but he seems to realise there’s not much choice left here as they have to act quickly.
finally, he nods, relenting, although it’s clear he’s not thrilled about the outcome, “fine! jiung, take her to the shed behind the house, make sure to strip her of all weapons. shota and intak, check the gates first. everyone else back to the house, now.”
the way he orders them around seems to come to him naturally, and everyone obeys with no resistance. the sound of boots shuffling against the ground echoes as they all dissipate – the one with shorter black hair grabbing your arm and dragging you towards the back of the premises, not giving you a second to even try to negotiate.
he leads you to a small toolshed behind the cabin. the chains rattle as he fumbles to open the rusted padlock, before yanking the door open and pushing you inside after it finally gives.
“listen– i know it’s not a hotel, but it’s gonna keep you safe for now,” jiung’s words come out rushed, aware of how little time you might have until the first biters show up. he glances back over his shoulder quickly, “keep that knife. just in case.”
you’re stunned by the unexpected act of kindness and the way he opposed the leader by deciding against confiscating your weapons, but before you can mutter out a response or express your gratitude, he’s already shutting the door in your face.
“i’m sorry,” his muffled voice reaches you through the door along with the clinking of metal, “i’m gonna come get you in the morning.”
after that, he’s gone.
you turn around with a deep sigh, taking a look around the place you’re going to spend the next few hours in. it’s almost pitch dark, but with the few last rays of sunlight seeping in through the slits and holes in the walls you can see a bunch of wooden pallets and planks laying around, a few boxes that you’d rather not open, and no sight of anything even remotely resembling a bed or at least a blanket. the stench of decaying matter is dizzying, and the floor is covered in so much dirt it might as well just start growing grass.
but between getting killed on the spot, or worse, by a bunch of men and the nearing moans of the undead, you know that this is still probably the best thing that could’ve happened to you tonight.
with that thought, you slump against the wall, hugging your knees to your chest tightly to stop your body from shivering.
you don’t know what fate awaits you tomorrow, but after two and a half years of fighting to survive every single day in a world where death isn’t the worst sentence anymore, you’re not sure if you’re even scared anymore.
when your eyes flutter shut, you see the faces of your family members again. there’s no way of knowing how they’re doing or if they’re even still alive after all this time, but it’s good to see them again.
even if their features are starting to blur.
#♡
the night passes fairly quickly, given how little sleep you managed to get. the thin walls did nothing to shield you from the cool night air, the dampness of the wood sinking deep into your bones and making your teeth chatter. and yet, you welcomed the feeling, almost comfortable with how familiar it is by now, floating through the night more zoned out than actually asleep.
a gentle knock on the door finally brings you out of the doze, the chains rattling before it opens, letting in the first rays of light you’ve seen since yesterday.
“see? told you she’d be alive,” a voice you recognise to be jiung says. he’s grinning down at you, his gaze flickering between you and someone else standing next to him. it takes a couple of blinks to get used to the brightness before you see the other person clearly.
“yeah, yeah, whatever,” intak grumbles in response, seemingly not too thrilled to see that your skin hasn’t turned green over the night. he crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the doorframe that lets out a weak squeak under his weight, “you can choke on that fucking candy bar for all i care.”
jiung only laughs at that, unbothered.
he must have noticed your confused expression, because he finally turns his attention to you, “slept well?” he asks, tone seemingly lighter than yesterday night.
“yeah,” you hum as you rub your hands over your face, as if trying to erase the traces of fatigue. it’s an obvious lie – you don’t even try to pretend it’s not – but no one cares enough to call you out on it.
“come on, get up,” this time it’s intak who speaks, stretching his arm out as he offers a helping hand, “you gotta eat something. you look like hell.”
there’s a moment of silence while you glance at his palm, before you send him an unamused glare and push yourself up to your feet on your own. the man only shrugs and slides his hand into his pockets.
your body aches all over from being in the same position for hours, but you follow their lead towards the front of the house without argument. the forest seems peacefully quiet in the morning hours, the sound of birdsong making it feel almost normal - if it weren’t for the barricaded windows and a few rotten bodies hanging on the fence, but you’ve learned to ignore that.
“so, am i allowed to enter the house now?” the sarcastic edge in your voice is not lost on the two when you speak up from where you’re walking behind them. you tug your jacket tighter around yourself, trying to warm yourself up now that you’re out of that shed.
“uh-huh. keeho said you can come in and eat with us,” jiung grins, “he and shota went out on a run a few hours ago, they should be back pretty soon.”
you hum in response; the thought of eating something is appealing enough that you don’t even want to try your luck by barking back.
“keeho’s the one who grabbed me, no? is he your leader or something?”
they both seem a little sheepish when you mention what happened yesterday, lips twisting in grimaces that seem almost apologetic.
“yeah, that’s him. and no, he’s not our leader,” he grumbles the last word out as if it offended him that you’d even think that, “he just… naturally takes charge. and he’s good at it. we trust him.”
all of you stop when you reach the front door. jiung’s the one to grab the handle and open it - stepping to the side to let you walk past, “ladies first.”
you roll your eyes at that, but the corners of your lips involuntarily curl up into a barely-there smile as you pass the threshold of the house.
the interior is surprisingly… okay. it’s rather dark from the planks screwed over the windows blocking the sunlight, but there is a fireplace in the corner and a few candles lying around that you suppose are used during the evenings. there’s an open living room to your left with a coffee table, a couch, and two armchairs – all of the furniture looking worn but still quite decent. a tourist map of the city is spread over the table, certain spots marked or circled with a sharpie. to your right is a kitchen; you don’t go inside yet, but you can tell it’s rather small even from outside. the smell of food fills your nose, making your stomach rumble.
“oh, you’re here,” the man with longer hair emerges from down the corridor in front if you soon after the front door clicks shut – jongseob, if you recall from yesterday correctly. it seems like he woke up not too long ago, his face slightly puffy and hair sticking out in all directions. he points his finger towards you, then towards the man behind your right shoulder, “so jiung was right.”
intak grumbles something under his breath.
“you made a bet on whether or not i’d survive until morning?” the question comes out of your mouth as curiosity gets the better of you, your gaze still taking in the new space. this is the second time someone has mentioned it today, and you’re not sure if you should be worried or glad you’re still alive.
“yup,” there’s no shame or guilt in jongseob’s voice when he answers. he stretches his arms over his head and yawns loudly, “we thought you’d either flee or turn into a walker before dawn. jiung and shota were the only ones who bid on you making it. but, hey, look at you now.”
you don’t know how to react to that, so you settle on shooting a glare over your shoulder towards intak, who at least has the decency to look a little sheepish and sends you an awkward grin. it looks like he’s about to say something else to justify himself, but he’s cut off by a voice yelling from the kitchen.
“food’s ready! sit your asses down!”
all of the boys perk up at that, the conversation completely forgotten as they mutter something about starving and having waited the whole night to eat again. they make their way towards the couch, pushing away the map and whatever else is on the table to make space for the food.
but your feet stay planted on the floor.
you basically broke onto their property just yesterday, and they not only let you sleep here, but now they’re also feeding you? just like that, no questions asked? you haven’t met that many people since the world went to shit, but you wouldn’t exactly call any of them generous. something about this feels very wrong.
it’s only when taeyang emerges from the kitchen holding a rusty, steaming pot through an old cloth that someone notices you lagging.
“you’re not eating?” he asks, barely sparing you a glance as he walks towards the others and sets the pot on the table. there are five bowls on the table now as well, each of them in a different size and colour – someone must have placed them there while you were busy thinking.
you watch from the same spot as he begins to ladle the food into the dishes, torn between giving into your famishment and staying cautious.
he seems to realise your hesitation, because he adds with a slight mocking edge, “don’t feel bad. i used a bit of what you had in that backpack of yours.”
that makes your eyebrows crease. you finally move from your spot in the corridor, standing to the side of the couch, “you took my supplies?”
your indignation only earns a mildly amused hum from him as he places the last bowl next to the last unoccupied seat, “you didn’t think we’d let you stay for free, did you?”
well, at least that part is clear now.
you let out a long exhale before lowering yourself onto the couch at last. everyone is already shovelling food into their mouths by the time you take the bowl into your hands, the warmth of it feeling heavenly against your skin after freezing outside for the whole night. the ingredients of the mysterious food remain unknown – you can vaguely make out some kind of beans and crushed ramen noodles (which is what he took from your stash, you figure), but it’s hot and still looks much more appetising than anything you’ve had for the past god knows how long, so you don’t even bother questioning it before taking the spoon in your hand and following in their steps.
“so,” intak is the one to break the silence after a while, spread out on one of the armchairs on the other side of the table as he speaks with his mouth stuffed full, “what’s your deal? you’ve been running around on your own this whole time?”
four pairs of eyes turn to you at once. your hand halts in the air, sauce dripping from the spoon and back into the bowl as you stare back, before swallowing what’s left in your mouth and clearing your throat, “uh… yeah, basically,”
all of them share glances with each other, some surprised and some more disbelieving.
“like, completely on your own?” jongseob chimes in from the seat next to intak, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “you’ve never had a group?”
your gaze falls to your food as you stir it idly, shoulders rising in a non-committal shrug, “not one that lasted, anyways.”
taeyang lets out a whistle, “damn,” you glance to your right when he mumbles around the noodles in his mouth, joining the conversation, “you must be tough to have lasted that long.”
“i guess so…” the sudden attention on you sends an uncomfortable shiver down your spine. you’ve gone so long without talking to anyone but yourself, except a couple of less-than-pleasant encounters here and there, that it feels almost as if you forgot how to act around other people, “...what’s your story, then? you’ve all known each other before?”
intak shakes his head.
“nah,” he mumbles between spoonfuls. there’s little emotion on his face as he recalls the story, as if he has told it multiple times before – to who, you don’t know, “only me, keeho, and shota vaguely knew each other. we went to the same uni, and we were all on campus when the lockdown happened. the rest came along the way.”
“i met them like a week or two after the outbreak,” jiung chimes in from his spot on the couch, and you have to lean forward to be able to see him past theo in between you, “we stuck together ever since. then we ran into taeyang– what, two, three months later?”
he looks at the blonde man for confirmation, to which he nods shortly.
“yeah. i was looking for food at some gas station when they came in and threatened to blow my head off,” a low snicker leaves his lips, “that’s how all the strongest friendships start these days.”
you let out a hum, taking in the four men eating together as if you weren’t in the middle of the world ending at all. they do seem to be working quite well together from what you’ve seen so far.
“what about you?” your gaze falls on jongseob at last, who has been quiet throughout since the topic shifted into their group.
he stirs in his seat, more interested in watching the red slop in his bowl now than anything else. the atmosphere suddenly shifts to something heavier, tense with unspoken grief from a memory they all share.
it’s jiung who speaks up instead of him, the tone of his voice softening just a fraction, “jongseob came along this spring. he was…” he trails off, glancing at the seemingly younger man from the corner of his eye, “in a rough shape when we found him.”
it all makes sense now why he was the one who insisted on letting you stay. they don’t need to say it out loud for you to understand that you shouldn’t push the topic, but your gaze trails over to jongseob involuntarily; he appears daintier than the others, his cheeks are slightly hollow, and there’s the kind of look in his eyes that shows just how much he’s been through. he sends you a tight, but genuine smile when he lifts his eyes to meet yours, as if silently telling you that he’s okay now.
soon enough everyone reaches the bottom of their bowls, the conversation quieting into a slightly tense but otherwise comfortable silence. it’s not enough to get you full by any means, you’re pretty sure you’ve forgotten what that feels like, but it was warm and you’re not starving anymore, and that’s plenty enough for you.
“alright, i’m gonna go clean up,” taeyang grunts as he pushes himself up, taking each dish and stacking them on top of each other before turning on his heel and making his way back towards the kitchen, “at least there are two bowls less to wash today.”
that catches your attention – your eyebrows shooting up as you turn to follow him with your gaze, “you guys have water here?”
the man disappears behind the doorframe before you can finish, either too far away to hear you or ignoring you on purpose, so it’s intak who answers you instead.
“we use rainwater for the dishes,” he explains, standing up from the armchair and stretching his arms over his head. the other two follow in his steps as well, “we have a small filtration system for drinking water too, but we try to use it scarcely since it needs a change of parts every now and then.”
noticing your almost glimmering eyes and parted lips, he adds, “no, we don’t use it for showering. if you want to wash up you need to wait until it starts raining.”
you deflate at that, shoulders slumping in resignation after getting your hopes crushed. it was worth a try.
you’re left in your seat as they all scatter around the house, wordlessly moving on to their respective tasks like one big, oiled machine. it’s quite an odd sight – from one side it’s clear that everyone here is struggling, half-starved, and exhausted, each of them carrying the weight of their own stories and survivor’s guilt after probably losing more than just their own lives; but from the other side, the mood in this house is anything but that. they walk around like they know the place like the backs of their own hands, their postures relaxed and the conversation flowing easily, without a trace of awkwardness.
jongseob’s voice brings you out of your thoughts.
“wanna go check the perimeter with me?” he’s standing by the front door, slinging a jacket that looks a few sizes too big over his shoulders as he speaks.
your first reaction is to look around, expecting him to be talking to someone else behind you – but to your surprise, there’s no one there.
“wanna do what?” the incredulous look on your face makes him chuckle when you turn to face him again.
“check the perimeter. you know– the fence,” it’s almost as if the previous conversation never happened with the way his lips are curled into an amused smile. he picks up something that looks like a baseball bat with nails in it from the dresser next to the exit, and flips it around in his hand effortlessly, “walkers get stuck in it sometimes, we need to take them off once in a while so they don’t topple it over.”
that’s when it clicks – you remember seeing a few of them tangled in the wire while jiung and intak were walking you to the house in the morning, but you were too shaken to even think about what’s going to happen to them.
“okay,” you give him a curt nod in response as you push yourself up to your feet, hand sliding into your back pocket to find your knife. there’s not much else for you to do here for the time being anyway, and there is a part of you that feels some sort of an obligation towards them for letting you be here at all–
“jiung gave it back to you already?” jongseob suddenly halts right in the doorway, his eyebrows creasing as he glances down at the weapon in your hand.
shit.
“i– yeah,” the lie slips off your tongue with little hesitation, though you do hope he didn’t hear the waver in your voice, “when he came to get me out of the shed.”
there’s a beat of silence as his gaze flickers between you and your hand suspiciously, but he doesn’t seem to deem it worthy of dwelling on – you let out a quiet relieved exhale when he shrugs and steps out of the door, before trailing after him.
the sun is high up in the sky as the two of you walk towards one corner of the chain-link fence, making the weather feel slightly warmer than a few hours ago; it must be somewhere past noon, you think. there are a few corpses caught on the fence you can already spot from here.
“so, where did you stay at before?” jongseob asks as you start making your way down along the fence, his voice quieter than before in order not to draw too much attention. one of his hands is hidden in his pocket while the other one is holding the bat and resting it on shoulder, his posture at ease as if he’s done this countless times already.
you take a moment to answer, gaze drifting somewhere far beyond the trees, “just… wherever was available,” you reply vaguely, but truthfully, “some old apartments, stores, cars… it’s safer to stay on the move, so i never really lingered in one place for too long.”
he lets out a thoughtful hum at your words, “and you’re from..?” the questions trails off as you approach the first biter. the sight is not pretty – its head hangs half-ripped off over the fence, the metal wire sunken into its neck. its hands are squeezed through the holes as if it was trying to force its way through, and its jaw is almost completely decayed.
“...yikes,” jongseob winces. the smell of a rotting corpse is something you’ve never managed to get used to, and you don’t think you ever will.
the chains rattle quietly as he braces his boot on the fence and uses the wooden bat to push on the biter’s body. the sound of once-human flesh being torn apart is sickening, making both of you grit your teeth as he keeps pressing harder and harder.
he stumbles when the pressure finally gives at once, the dead body dropping onto the grass behind the fence – but the head catches onto the wires and lands right under your feet.
there’s a moment where both of you stare at it, unsure how to proceed. the silence feels like a whole conversation – there’s no way either of you is gonna touch is unless it’s necessary.
but it doesn’t bother anyone by just lying here, does it?
“so,” jongseob wipes the imaginary dust off his hands on his pants, and turns around on his heel as if nothing happened, “where are you from?”
you take a big step over the discarded head, catching up to him quickly. you’ve seen countless beheaded biters before, but something about this whole thing makes you tighten the grip on your knife, “i, uh… lived in seoul,”
“me too,” he smiles faintly at the mention of his hometown, resuming the unhurried march, “shit got bad pretty fast in there, huh?”
“yeah…” the sigh that leaves your lips is almost nostalgic, in a way. you remember just how little time it took before the city went to ruins, and how quickly you had to make the decision to leave everything behind after realising that no help was coming for you, “and the cabin? you all seem pretty settled in here.”
“they’ve been here for a while before i even joined,” there’s a flicker of sadness in his expression when he mentions the time the group found him once more, before he pushes it back down. whatever happened to him, aside from what jiung told you earlier, must still haunt him to this day, “i think it used to belong to keeho’s uncle or something.”
you glance back over your shoulder, taking in the house and the surrounding area once more now that it’s bright enough to see, “it’s… nice. seems pretty safe.”
“it is,” it’s all he says before he stops again, his head tilting down to leer at another biter.
this one is a little easier to look at, though still terrifying – most of its body is still intact, his whole weight leaning on the fence and slanting it forward almost halfway to the ground. there’s almost no injuries on it besides the red patch on the shoulder where you assume the person was bitten, and no visible signs of decay yet. it couldn’t have been more than a day or two since they died.
“well, that one shouldn’t be too hard,” jongseob murmurs under his breath. he drops his weapon to the ground to be able to grab the fence with both hands and pushes on it with a quiet, strained grunt.
and the biter grunts back.
all of a sudden, it lurches towards the man, stretching its crooked arms towards him. a strangled gasp leaves jongseob’s mouth as he flinches back, but the corpse is fast enough to grab onto his jacket, gnawing its teeth right in his face.
you move on instinct. one of your hands yanks him back and away from the danger while the other swings, the blade of your knife sinking deep into the back of the biter’s skull with a gruelling crack.
you stay still for a long moment, breathing heavily as the adrenaline spike wears off while you watch dark crimson blood trickle out of the wound to make sure that it’s dead dead this time.
“fucking hell–” jongseob looks as flabbergasted as you, if not more, his face pale and lips still parted in shock. he doesn’t dare to let the biter out of his sight as he bends over to pick his weapon back up, “...thanks.”
the corpse falls limp to the ground when you yank the knife out of its head and wipe the gore off of the blade on your pants – there’s enough dirt and grime on them that you can’t bring yourself to give a single fuck anymore, “don’t mention it.”
the man takes a few more seconds to pull himself together before you two resume your walk. you can’t see any more biters from where you are right now, but you suppose it’s probably a routine thing for them to make a round along the whole fence, so you don’t argue. it’s quite unexpected how easily you two connect – the small talk is comfortable as if you haven’t just met yesterday, and he even pays you a compliment on your fast reflexes.
by the time you reach the part of the possession behind the house, the sun descends enough to let you feel the chill breeze through your jacket, the trees rustling slightly under the force of the wind and drowning out any far-away growls of the undead. you don’t ask about jongseob’s past anymore – you can tell it’s not something he talks about with ease, so you stay on more surface-level topics to take your minds off of everything else.
you’re about to reach your starting point again, leaves crunching underneath your boots as you plant one foot after another with no rush to finish the task, when the back door of the cabin swings open. both of you spin around at the suddenness of the noise, arms rising in a battle-ready stance out of reflex – and falling back down to your sides when you notice jiung’s disturbed expression.
“soul and keeho are back–” he spits out in a rush, as if he just learned about it himself and ran to you first thing, “they’re hurt.”
he wastes no time before hurrying back inside. jongseob breaks into a run after him immediately, stumbling through the open door with a muttered string of curses, and you follow right behind.
you find everyone gathered in the living room. intak and theo are running around, gathering things in their arms and spreading them out on the same table you ate on earlier, while jongseob and jiung are talking to the injured members sitting on the couch. you can’t see too much from where you’re standing, but you can tell they’re both beaten up and distressed.
“i told you, they just bruised me up,” soul’s voice is raised as he pushes jiung’s hand off his shoulder and stands to his feet. he gestures towards keeho who’s gripping onto his shoulder, his face twisted in a pained grimace that looks like he's trying to force it back to neutral, “you need to take care of him first, he’s bleeding!”
“i’m fine–” the said man tries to argue, but his words are cut off by a sharp hiss when theo forces his hand away and yanks the sleeve of his sweater up to take a look at his injury, his lips curling into a scowl at the sight.
“it looks bad… and it’s dirty as hell. it’s definitely gonna need stitches,” theo grumbles, letting the material fall back in its place, “does anyone even know how to sew a wound?”
the rooms falls silent, everyone sharing uncertain glances.
jiung speaks up at last, voice quieter than usual and full of hesitation, “i could try but–”
“i can do it.”
six pairs of eyes turn to you at once as if only now noticing your presence. it makes you waver a little, but square your shoulders, confident in your skills, “my brother was a med student. he taught me some things just in case.”
no one seems convinced to let a stranger do something this important, a silent conversation passing between some of them – but then keeho sways on the couch with a quiet grunt, his skin paler than just a couple of minutes ago.
“okay, okay–” taeyang braces one knee on the couch to hold keeho from falling over despite his weak protests, and nods towards the supplies on the coffee table, “there should be a needle and some thread in here. i think we still have some clean gauze left too.”
you don’t need to be told twice. your mind instantly slips into focused mode as you shrug your jacket off your shoulders and throw it onto one of the armchairs, before crouching in front of the containers on the table, “take his sweater off.”
they still in hesitation once again, none of them making a move to follow your command as you open containers and line up everything you might need. you slam one of them closed, eyebrows furrowing in indignation at how slow they are to help their own friend as you whip around, “did you hear me fucking stutter? take it off.”
that seems to pull them out of the frozen state, taeyang and joung scrambling to help keeho out of his clothes as gently as they can to not jostle his injured arm, but his face scrunches up in agony despite their best efforts. you can tell he’s trying to keep a strong facade through all of this, even if the pain is starting to really get to him.
you turn back towards him when his garments are off, and there’s a split second when your gaze locks onto his bare upper body – his tan skin glistening with sweat, the defined lines of the muscles of his chest that rise with every shallow breath, the faint trail of hair that disappears underneath the waistband of his jeans…
for fuck’s sake.
you clear your throat and plop down on the couch next to keeho to have better access to his arm. he turns his head to face the opposite direction, clenching his jaw tightly as you probe around the cut, blood staining your fingers quickly and dripping down onto the couch.
“it’s pretty deep, but the edges look smooth. it should be fine if we can stop the bleeding,” your tone is firm, almost mechanical, “do you have anything to disinfect it?”
as soon as the words leave your mouth, intak rushes into the living room from the kitchen. he’s out of breath when he holds up a bottle with no etiquette, half-full of clear liquid, “vodka. that’s all we have.”
everyone in the room winces sympathetically at that, and keeho’s face goes even paler, the crease between his eyebrows deepening.
taking the bottle from intak, you unscrew it with ease, hesitating for a moment as your gaze locks onto keeho’s perturbed expression, “this is gonna hurt like a bitch.”
“just do it–” he grunts out, snarling from between clenched teeth.
there’s barely any more time for him to prepare before you’re pouring a generous amount over the cut – his words cutting off as his whole body tenses, his eyes squeezing shut and back arching off the backrest of the couch with a loud groan as the liquid turns red and pools on the pillows.
it isn’t comfortable for you to see someone in that much pain, even if they’re a stranger that was holding a knife to your throat less than twenty-four hours ago. but you steel yourself as you hurriedly sanitise your hands as well with a smaller amount of alcohol, before placing the bottle to the side and reaching for the thread and needle.
it takes you a couple of tries to thread the needle with how much your hands are trembling from adrenaline, but you finally manage, leaning closer as you shift into a more comfortable position, “this is probably gonna hurt even more.”
that’s all you say before pinching the torn skin together and pushing the needle through in one smooth movement, stitching together the middle of the wound. keeho’s hissed curse echoes in the room, his arm jerking instinctively under your hands before he forces it still; he looks like he’s seconds away from fainting, his face paper-white and covered in a sheen layer of sweat.
“don’t let him pass out,” you throw the words over your shoulder without tearing your gaze away from the cut, your hands working steadily with the kind of confidence only someone who has lived through hell could have in a situation like this.
the others get to it right away – everyone gathering close to engage him in a conversation about something stupid just to keep him conscious, patting his cheek and dampening his face with water when his eyelids start to flutter. he lets out short, grumbled out respones, his head swaying slightly to the sides every few painfull stabs of the needle.
it’s chaotic but it helps, taking his mind off of the pain at least a little bit until you pull the last stitch through the skin and tie the thread off. you wrap the gauze around his arm tightly and make sure it’s secure before leaning back with a deep, relieved exhale, just now realising that you’ve been holding your breath the entire time.
keeho lets his eyes fall closed, covering them with the crook of his arm while taking deep breaths to ground himself after what could have possibly been the worst pain he has felt in his life.
“thanks for the help,” you feel a pat on your shoulder as taeyang passes behind you, handing you an old, but fairly clean-looking rag to wipe the blood off of your hands.
jiung chimes in from the other side of the couch, spreading out on the pillows as some of the tension leaves his body, “yeah… you did a good job.”
you only respond with a quick wave of your hand, the cloth is stained crimson by the time you discard it onto the table. no one speaks for a long moment while the frantic energy settles down – until intak gets back up on his feet and walks over to where the other injured man is sitting.
“come on, shota, i’ll clean you up,” he pours some of the leftover vodka on a smaller piece of gauze, tilting the other one’s head up with a hand under his chin as he inspects the little cuts and bruises with his gaze.
there are no protests from shota this time now that his friend has been taken care of. he lets intak dab the damp material over his wounds, wincing when the sting gets sharper around the few deeper ones, but he seems fine otherwise.
that seems to pull everyone back to reality, the atmosphere still heavy with a sense of danger but more lively now. jongseob leans forward in the armchair, forearms braced on his thighs, “how did this even happen?”
keeho lets out a long sigh, tired and almost embarrassed, in a way, for even letting this happen in the first place. he’s the unofficial leader of the group – he should be the one they trust to get the job done and to be able to protect himself and the others. and yet he failed, both them and himself.
“we wanted to search this old seven-eleven,” he murmurs under his nose, lifting his arm from his face and letting it fall limp onto the couch with a soft thud. he doesn’t take his gaze off the ceiling, “we didn’t see that there was another group of survivors until we went inside. we were outnumbered… and outweaponed.”
despite your sympathy, you have to bite your tongue to not let out the bitter laugh that bubbles up in your throat at the irony. it’s better that you let them solve this between themselves.
“you didn’t have your bags when you came back…” jiung’s voice quietens at the end of the sentence, as if he already knows what happened but has to ask anyway.
that brings another low breath out of keeho’s lips. he finally brings his head back up, but his eyes fall onto the floor immediately in shame. soul doesn’t pitch in, but he’s clearly avoiding intak’s gaze now, “they took everything.”
a beat of stunned silence.
“wait– they took all the stuff you had with you?” jiung’s incredulous gasp makes keeho bristle, his shoulders tensing.
the anger is clear in his voice and in the way the muscles in his jaw twitch from how tight it is, “like i said, they took everything.”
no one dares to say anything after that. it seems that between their shared looks they all realise that however fucked they were before in terms of supplies, they’re even more fucked now.
it’s keeho who breaks the quiet again – his voice gentler this time, more resigned than angry. he braces one booted foot on the edge of the coffee table.
“not only did we lose whatever me and shota managed to scavenge, but now we’re also behind with first aid,” the boxes rattle when he nudges the table with his leg, the unscrewed bottle swaying but maaging to stay upright. he pushes on the inside of his cheek with his tongue as he lets out a long exhale, “we’re gonna have to go out again tomorrow.”
it’s obvious by the way everyone’s shoulders slump almost at once that they’re not exactly thrilled about this idea; the more they go past the edge of the forest, the bigger the chance someone won’t come back in one piece, or at all. and with how things went this time, the stakes are exceptionally high.
“who’s gonna go?” jongseob asks. he seems to have curled into himself as if to appear smaller.
to your surprise, one hand rises almost right away.
“i’ll go,” intak mutters, throwing a bloodied gaze onto the table as he steps back from between shota’s legs. he doesn’t seem happy about it, his tone more like he’s doing the others a favour, but no one points it out, “it’s my turn, anyway.”
“i’m going, too,”
everyone’s eyes turn to keeho this time. he’s still paler than usual, his usually firm posture softened by the dizziness caused by blood loss.
“are you insane?” taeyang doesn’t feel too bothered by his friend’s weakened state as he whacks him in the back of his head, earning a surprised huff and a sharp glare in response, “you almost bled out on that couch. you’re not going anywhere.”
“well, good thing i didn’t ask for your fucking opinion,” he barks back, “it’s my fault that we didn’t bring anything back, so i’m gonna fix it.”
taeyang opens his mouth to argue further, but intak’s hand on his shoulder and a firm shake of his head makes him close it back up. he murmurs something about his keeho’s damn saviour complex, but he seems to know better than to fight him when he gets this stubborn. they all do.
throughout all of this, you stay seated on the far end of the couch, hands folded in your lap and eyes flickering between each speaker like you’re watching a tennis match. you’re torn between not wanting to intervene in their group dynamics and the urge to help; because despite the fact that you just got here yesterday and knowing that you could use the rest more than anyone, you can’t just sit here and wait for them to bring you food and supplies.
besides, if there’s one thing you’re good at, it’s surviving.
“...i can go with you,”
six heads snap in your direction, staring at you with various levels of shock and confusion as if you grew another head in seconds.
“i told you she has a death wish,” jiung murmurs, running a hand over his face.
you only shrug at that, “i mean, i survived on my own this whole time, i can handle myself. and you might need someone to stitch you up again.”
there’s a long pause as everyone considers the idea. sending you on a run would mean they should start treating you as a part of the group already, which is not appealing, but not less appealing than sending an injured member with just one more person to take care of him. and you do have a point about being capable and independent.
keeho hangs his head low, pinching the bridge of his nose with the hand of his healthy arm.
“sure, whatever. you, intak, and i will go,” he pushes himself up from the couch, ignoring the way they all hover around him in worry, “we leave at dawn.”
#♡
later that day, after the sun disappears behind the thick curtain of trees and gives way to the soft glow of the moon, you’re sitting on the front step of the cabin, the white smoke of the cigarette held between your fingers curling around your face and dissolving into the night.
after patching keeho up, you managed to convince taeyang to show you where he hid your backpack in exchange for some more of your food supplies. you’ve never been that big of a smoker before the world ended – your parents always warned you about addictions, something about taking care of your body and all that, but when one day a few months ago you found a whole ten-pack of camels, you didn’t think twice before taking them with you. between malnutrition, exhaustion, and living in constant fear, tobacco is probably the least deadly factor.
the guys were nice enough to offer you the couch to sleep on; jiung even put in the extra work of wiping it down with the remaining alcohol (to intak’s disappointment) to make sure there’s no blood stains, or any other stains for that matter. but despite a pillow under your head and the safety of a locked door, sleep didn’t find you for hours.
it’s your family again. you see them behind your eyelids every time you try to get some shut-eye, their happy faces, as you last saw them, reminding you of the worry gnawing at your chest ever since that first day the call went unanswered two and a half years ago.
are they alive? if they’re not, did they go in pain, turning into one of those monsters? and if they survived, how the hell are you gonna find them now?
you’re pulled out of your thoughts by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind you.
your head snaps around so fast it almost gives you whiplash, your body tensing on reflex – then loosens up when you’re met with the sight of no one else but keeho.
he’s leaning against the doorframe of the front entrance, his injured hand hanging down freely while the other sits in the pocket of the jacket he’s wearing – you recognise it to be the same one jongseob had on earlier today, probably since pulling that sweater over his head would be too painful right now. his expression doesn’t show much more than before, cheeks hollowed and a frown pulling on the corners of his lips as he watches you with a tired gaze.
“haven’t you heard that smoking kills?”
you raise an eyebrow at his murmured words, eyes taking in his whole body before going back up to his face, “no, that’s a new one on me,” you take a long drag, lips wrapping around the filter before you let the smoke out, and hold out the pack towards him in your other hand, “want one?”
the man hesitates, watching you exhale with a late-night kind of intensity, before he finally relents.
pushing himself off the frame, he takes a step forward, then another, until he’s close enough to lower himself onto the stair. without a word, he reaches out over the space he has left between you on purpose to take a single cigarette out of the pack, and brings it to his lips.
he stretches his hand out again with a silent question, but freezes when instead of dropping the lighter into his palm you strike it and hold it out on the same level as his face. his gaze catches yours for a split second, glinting with something in the likeness of a reluctant respect, before he moves his head forward to hold the end of the cigarette in the fire until it lights up.
his eyes fall shut as the tobacco smoke fills his lungs, the world spinning slightly from the first hit in years. his shoulders slump while he leans back, bracing his elbow on the step behind him. when he speaks, his voice drops an octave, his words coming out more raspy from the smoke, “holy shit…”
“i know,” the corners of your lips tug into a small smile at the sight of keeho letting go for the first time in the little time you’ve been in their house. it’s also the first time you have a moment to actually watch him more closely; his sharp cheekbones reflecting the moonlight, the tired lines around his eyes, the bridge of his nose curving just slightly…
even if he notices your lingering gaze, he doesn’t comment on it.
“couldn’t sleep?” the question leaves his mouth together with a puff of smoke, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.
you shift your gaze back onto the trees before it meets his, “no… you?”
“me neither,” keeho shakes his head and flicks the ash off the cigarette, the way his eyes keep boring into the side of your head feeling almost like a test. there’s a beat of silence before he speaks again, “why’d you offer to go on that run?”
“what do you mean?” you tilt your head, taking another deep drag.
“you know… you’ve been here for one day. you have no reason to risk your life for us,” his tone is matter-of-fact, as if he’s struggling to fully understand your motives just yet, “could’ve just stayed here.”
you don’t respond right away, taking a moment to think as you watch the smoke leave your lips and disappear into the night. he’s right – you could have said nothing and stayed here, and probably should have.
“i don’t know,” your shoulders rise in a shrug as you sigh, fingers toying with the cigarette, “i guess i just feel like i owe it to you in some way.”
a thoughtful hum leaves his mouth, followed by something too bitter to be a chuckle, the corners of his lips barely twitching upwards, “you’ve got a backbone. it’s not something you see often these days.”
you let out a huff of air, somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. you’re not sure if you’re convincing him or yourself.
“well, that’s what makes us different from biters, isn’t it?” your eyes flicker to his face at last to take in his reaction, “morality.”
keeho’s gaze meets yours, watching you intently as if trying to solve a puzzle. he seems impressed – albeit begrudgingly.
one of his eyebrows raises in a questioning look, maybe even challenging, “i’ve seen people do unforgivable things to survive.”
“those aren’t people,” shaking your head, you inhale the last of the smoke from your cigarette and throw it onto the lower step, crushing it with the sole of your boot, “and besides, if they are the kind that will survive this shit in the end and restore the population, then i’m glad i won’t be here to see it.”
keeho’s cigarette is almost burned out, but he doesn’t pay it any mind as he keeps his gaze fixated on you. his eyebrows furrow in thought, teeth biting down on his lower lip. not that you’re looking, anyway.
“well,” he murmurs at last, finally tearing his gaze away from you. he stubs the cigarette and throws it somewhere on the ground carelessly, before bracing his healthy arm on the stairs and pushing himself up to his feet.
his hands slip into the pockets of his jacket as he takes a moment to observe your surroundings, a not-fully comfortable silence falling between the two of you. you tilt your head up slightly to follow his eyes – the quiet forest, the crescent moon, the stars that have gotten so much brighter since all electricity in the cities was cut off. it’s almost serene, if you forget about the death that lurks behind every corner.
a few minutes pass like this before keeho speaks again, voice lower than before as if even he knows not to disturb the fragile peace.
“we leave at first light,” he steps onto the higher stair, “don’t make me regret taking you with me.”
you almost want to laugh at his words, a smartass remark bubbling up in your throat already. but you swallow it back down, sending him a mock-salute in response.
that seems to be enough for him, because he turns around fully after that and takes the last stair to the entrance. he doesn’t ask if you’re going inside as well, doesn’t tell you to get some sleep before the run – just goes through the threshold wordlessly, leaving you alone with your thoughts on the porch.
but instead of the click of the door being closed, there’s a pause, silent. a prickling sensation crawls up the back of your neck.
REPORTING LIVE FROM THE DAILY BUGLE! Your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man has been keeping another secret under his mask of secrecy! He is painfully in love with you— his best friend since childhood, what will he do? Will he risk his vigilance, showing his identity to you and you only, or will he risk your friendship?
PAIRINGS. HWANG INTAK! SPIDERMAN - FEM READER
WARNINGS. angst. patching up wounds (👀). suggestive . illusions to sex. eventual fluff. (not really proof read because i wrote this at 5am)
Ever since you and Intak were young, he promised to never lie to you, and he never did break that promise once— that was until he got bit by a radioactive spider and started feeling changes he’s never felt before. He knew then that he could never tell you or anyone (except Keeho who found out due to Intak stupidly giving himself away). Although, that wasn’t the only thing he kept from you. His love for you was kept under the suit, trapped under the surface that beats just for you, with his secret identity. He wanted nothing but to keep you safe, so if breaking your promise you made together many years ago meant you were safe, then he was fine with it. He was okay with his heart breaking if it meant you were aware of the danger he tried to stop.
Yeah, New York was a dangerous city, and there was always danger lurking around the corners, but he turned it away from you— trying his best to protect you.
You were both currently walking to class. Intak had a limp in his step and was trying his best to hide it— safe to say he didn’t hide it well.
You stop him, grabbing his arm (and let’s just say he was so glad you weren’t able to hear his heartbeat at that moment) “You’re limping.” You frown, your eyes glancing down to his leg. “What happened?”
Looking into your eyes he felt the pain in his leg go away, the scars under his hoodie faded away. You made everything better. Coming out of his daydream, he stammers, trying to think of an excuse on the spot— adding to the list of lies he kept from you, he forces out the words, like word vomit. “I think I slept on it weird.” He shrugged calmly, wanting to get to class. He couldn’t deal with lying to you, if you stared him down any longer he was going to explode.
You pause, being suspicious for a moment. “Okay…” muttering as you trail behind him, not wanting to question him any further. You linked your arm in his, wanting to at least help him, “Hey, at least you slept for once. You’re always drifting off in class.” You smile, reassuring him. He almost got lost in it.
“Yeah, I finally got to catch up on sleeping.” His chest tightened underneath his hoodie, another lie to you, he felt sick just at the thought of him keeping stuff from you, he felt horrible. He hadn’t slept that well, he got into a pretty gruesome fight the night before— he was sure you probably saw it on the news, not being phased because you had no clue about his other life.
“That’s good. You need to stop overworking yourself, with school and work. I’m going to have to have a word with your boss and tell him he needs to go easy on you.” You laugh softly, being protective of him. He really loved how much you cared.
He laughs softly, joking. “I’m sure he’ll listen.” He won’t. It’s J. Jonah Jameson for crying out loud
A few days creep by slowly, Intak tries his best to be there, but it’s hard for him to maintain so many things at once. He was trying to stay in school while also busting his ass at his job, while also being a vigilante (he prefers the term Superhero) that protects the city— and you.
Speaking of you— your birthday was around the corner, and he was worried he wasn’t going to make it, he’d hate to miss it, and he hates to see you disappointed.
On the day of your birthday, he wished you a happy birthday, a massive paragraph because you deserved it. Then he gave you your gift, which was a necklace and a scrap book of memories of you together through the years— which he started months ago because every time he thought he had the chance to work on it, the city needed him, and he didn’t want to bleed all over the pages!
Safe to say you loved your gifts, the entire campus would be able to hear you. Students passing by gave weird looks to you both as you latched yourself to him as a thank you, he couldn’t bring himself to care about their looks, all he cared about was you and making your day special. With your hands around him in an embrace he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if you both were somewhere else alone, more secluded, no judging gazes from other students, just the two of you. He shakes those thoughts away— guilty that he’d even think of you that way.
He tried to not let anything get out of the way of your day, he even took a day off work (which was almost impossible) for today, and he wasn’t letting anything ruin it. He was hoping Spider-Man wasn’t needed, even if it was just for an hour, but that was never the case.
Unfortunately, he was right. He was back in his dorm after classes, getting ready for your party, he was half dressed and spraying his cologne that he chose just for you, because you have complimented him on it multiple times when the police radio went off on his dresser, alarming the authorities something bad was happening.
He closes his eyes with a sigh, realising he was going to have to choose between you and his other life once again.
He swallows the lump in his throat and picks up his phone, dialing your number immediately. You pick up, with a cheery voice, making his heart break into pieces.
“Hey! I’m getting ready right now, are you on your way to get me soon?” You ask, you sounded so excited, he felt like he was going to throw up.
Intak clears his throat, “Yeah, about that, I might be late, something came up at work and they need me. I’m going to send Keeho to pick you up, okay?”
He swore he could hear the disappointment in your voice, although you tried not to show it. After a few moments of silence you break through it like a sharp knife. “Okay. You are coming though?” You question.
I don’t know. Intak thought.
“Yeah, of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ll swing by later, I promise!” He tries to assure you, although he wasn’t sure if he meant it. He meant it when he said he’d be swinging by, if he could. The call ends leaving him alone for his thoughts for a moment, before he rushes to put his suit on, dialing Keeho in the process.
Keeho answers almost immediately. “Hello?”
“Hey, man, are you doing anything?” Intak asks, voice rushed.
“Yeah sort of, I’m getting ready for your girlfriend’s party.” He tells him jokingly.
Intak rolls his eyes, adjusting his suit on his body, “Ha ha, very funny. I seriously need your help.” He spoke.
“Are you finally asking her out?” Keeho asks.
“No. I need you to pick her up for me, something came up.”
Keeho sighs on the other end, the sound crackling through the speakers, now Intak feels bad again, he really hates feeling like this. “I’ll make it up to you both, I promise.” He tells him, trying to sound reasonable.
“Could it not wait? She really wants you to be there, man.” Intak could hear his frown on the other end of the phone.
Sliding open his window, making sure nobody spotted him. “The city needs me too, Keeho.” He tells him.
“I know it does, but so does she. More than ever. You need to tell her, before you make it worse.” Keeho voices, his concern for both of you evident, Intak could tell that he hated to be a part of his lie, considering he was also your friend.
“And I will.” He declares, the city air nipping at his face, even if it was covered, as he swings past the buildings to where the fight was waiting.
The call ends then. Leaving him alone with his thoughts once again.
⋆˙⟡
The fight went poorly. His mind was occupied, and he let himself get distracted, and he’s never like that. The swing back was hard, he was barely conscious, blood seeping through his suit, the cold air was the only thing that kept him awake.
He was conscious enough to check the time, cursing under his breath when he noticed it was too late to show face, he also saw the texts you left him. He didn’t know what he would say to you even if he showed up late, would you be mad at him and kick him out of your party in front of everyone? Or would you accept him with open arms like you usually did because you were so kind and accepting.
Somehow, he found himself at your window, like his body took himself here out of habit. Your blinds were open, your head was on your desk, it looked like you were asleep. Your phone was next to you, you had probably fallen asleep texting him.
Two simple knocks on your window cause your head to lift, you wipe the sleep from your eyes as you look around for the sound, spotting him at your window— well, spotting Spider-Man at your window at 11pm at night.
You rush over, opening your window. “Is this a dream?”
He couldn’t get the words out, he tumbles into your dorm, making your eyes widen. “Oh my god, you’re bleeding.” You state the obvious, rushing around to try to find something to clean his wounds, you were lucky you kept a first aid kid at hand.
You help him sit on your bed, careful to not hurt him even more. You mutter under your breath, rummaging through the first aid kit that was on the bed next to him. “Spider-Man is bleeding out on my bed. On my birthday.” You lift your hand to disinfect one of his wounds, the gnarly gash had caused his suit to rip.
He grabs your hand, making you pause your movements, you look down at him, eyes trying to peer through his bug like ones, he moves your hand to his neck, where his mask starts.
Your eyes widen at his silent request, “Are you sure?”
He nods, allowing you to peel the mask off. Your face shifts when you notice who has been hiding under the mask this whole time, not knowing how to feel. You swallow the lump in your throat, your hands moving from his neck to his face, holding him softly in your hands. “It’s been you this whole time?”
Intak nods, guilt cursing through his veins. “I’m sorry.” He mutters, his lip quivering as you hold him in your embrace, bringing him to you.
“Don’t apologise.” You tell him, then pull apart, quickly going to clean his scrapes, you didn’t want him dying on you— not now, not ever.
About an hour after you cleaned his wounds and patched him up, you both sat side by side on the floor at the bottom of your bed, unspoken words lingering in the air. You go to stand up, but he stops you, getting on his knees, grabbing your hands desperately. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to lie to you. I did it for you.”
You sigh, removing a hand from his grip. He frowned at the loss of contact before he felt warmth on the side of his face. His face was cold from the wind from swinging here. Your hand was warm because of the warmth of your dorm room— or maybe it was from the warmth of how kind and lovable you are. “Why are you sorry?” You ask, your hand softly rubbing his cheek comfortingly. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I have everything to feel sorry for. I broke our promise. I lied about so much stuff— I kept stuff from you.” He’s a stammering mess
You shake your head. “I don’t care about that. I care about you, and seeing you hurt like this breaks my heart. I just don’t understand why you’d keep it from me.”
“To keep you safe.” He tells you, tears pooling in his eyes.
You join him on the floor, “I only feel safe when I’m with you.” You tell him.
His eyes follow you, making their way to your lips, he couldn’t hold himself back— he had one secret out of the bag, why not tell the other?
“I love you,” He confesses, his eyes not leaving your face once.
You open your mouth to speak, but no other words seem to form. “What?”
“I’m serious. I’ve known for years now. I love you so much that it hurts me.” He tells you, his heart beating in his chest.
“You mean it?” You whisper, hopefully. He nods. You take that as an invitation, pressing your lips to his, the kiss wasn’t soft, it was filled with desperation and years of want.
After moments, you pull back, catching your breath. Intak chases your lips when you pull away, almost whining at the loss of contact. You laugh, “I was going to get you water, by the way.”
He shakes his head, “It can wait.” He says, kissing you once again. Still attached to your lips and suddenly not bothered by his wounds, he lifts you to your bed, must’ve been the super strength.
“Is this okay?” He asks, pushing your hair out of your face, his hands cradling your face. You nod, but then pull back. “But your wounds?” He shakes his head, “I’m used to it.”
It was your turn to shake your head, pushing him back slightly, switching your places. “I want to take care of you.” You tell him, helping him with his suit. He nods, then he carefully grabs your neck, pulling you back onto him. “Okay.” He agrees, he picks up the necklace that was around your neck, the one he got you, murmuring against your lips. “I won’t let anything get in between us again.”
⋆˙⟡
notes. i’m embarrassed anyways this is for everyones who is tagged but especially kj and ari because of do not wait by wallows as the title🥹✌🏻
so have we as a collective understood the importance of jiung spanking keeho (or appearing to) at the start of the wednesday girl special video. cuz um. i think abt this. i will talk abt this. 😭😭😭
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
izzy806
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
titsay
vaporwave
discoholicmusic
areudirty
ellievsbear
