A putrid scent filled the air, setting a trap for each unsuspecting victim.
A door creaked, followed by a violent cough. “Geez. Can’t you put that out? It stinks.”
“Then leave,” a voice snapped.
“Really?” A bitter tone. “I just came to warn you Keiko is coming. Don’t shoot the messenger because you’re in a pissy mood, Yusuke.”
“I don’t give a damn about what Keiko thinks. You know that by now, Mizuko.”
“Wow, full name and everything. What crawled up your butt and died?” Mizuko said deadpan.
Yusuke took a deep breath and blew smoke toward her. Her eyes watered as she coughed into her sleeve, shooting him a death glare.
“What’s the point of coming to school if you’re not even in class?” Mizuko sighed.
“It’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?”
Mizuko glanced at the door, shrugging. “Sure. Just tell that to Keiko.”
“I will. Just. You. Watch,” he grumbled.
Mizuko gave Yusuke a side-eye. A light warmth washed over her, the emotion lingering momentarily before vanishing...
To Be Continued
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Art:Lynniica Instagram
Surprise! Or not a surprise? A lot of my friends know I have a #YYHOC. Fun fact: I've had her since 2002!
Above is when Mizuko would first be introduced with a scene I wrote with it. Massive shout out to one of my best friends who drew this! lynniica idk what I would do without you ❣️❣️❣️
I wish I could attach her character song but oh well 😭 I have years worth of content for her so let me know if you wanna see moreee
A putrid scent filled the air, setting a trap for each unsuspecting victim.
A door creaked, followed by a violent cough. “Geez. Can’t you put that out? It stinks.”
“Then leave,” a voice snapped.
“Really?” A bitter tone. “I just came to warn you Keiko is coming. Don’t shoot the messenger because you’re in a pissy mood, Yusuke.”
“I don’t give a damn about what Keiko thinks. You know that by now, Mizuko.”
“Wow, full name and everything. What crawled up your butt and died?” Mizuko said deadpan.
Yusuke took a deep breath and blew smoke toward her. Her eyes watered as she coughed into her sleeve, shooting him a death glare.
“What’s the point of coming to school if you’re not even in class?” Mizuko sighed.
“It’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?”
Mizuko glanced at the door, shrugging. “Sure. Just tell that to Keiko.”
“I will. Just. You. Watch,” he grumbled.
Mizuko gave Yusuke a side-eye. A light warmth washed over her, the emotion lingering momentarily before vanishing...
To Be Continued
-------
Art:Lynniica Instagram
Surprise! Or not a surprise? A lot of my friends know I have a #YYHOC. Fun fact: I've had her since 2002!
Above is when Mizuko would first be introduced with a scene I wrote with it. Massive shout out to one of my best friends who drew this! lynniica idk what I would do without you ❣️❣️❣️
I wish I could attach her character song but oh well 😭 I have years worth of content for her so let me know if you wanna see moreee
I once said that he doesn't prioritise personal connection, but it's more nuanced than that, so very badly worded from my part.
Gojo very much understood personal connections and relationships.
Gojo however loves being the strongest, he loves his strength, revels in it infact and wouldn't give up on it for anything, even if it caused him loneliness and that's why his dehumanisation comes from HIMSELF too. He is fine being a tool and being lonely if it means he can have his strength. Yes, his mindset is fucked up, that's the point.
That's why I never subscribed to all the "bring back nerfed" theories because chapter 236 made it ever clear.
Sukuna calls him (and kashimo) greedy, because unlike sukuna who thinks "love" is worthless, gojo very much wants both connections AND strength.
It wasn't that people were not reaching out to him, it's just that, he wouldn't stoop to their level, he wanted them to become stronger so that they can become as strong as him, so no one is lonely, so that strength doesn't isolate them like it did with him.
He pushes away people while at the same time craves attachment and understanding, but since he would NEVER give up on his strength, that results into largening the gap/distance even more. He causes his own misery and is ready to live with it.
The recent chapter was pretty much very consistent with his portrayal, he fully committed to his role by becoming the monster he was stopping himself from being all these year, for his students. Even in this chapter yuta very much reached out to him, in a way gojo couldn't to geto during that kfc meet, but it's gojo who again decided that it's his burden to bear alone. His was being reached out, it's HIM who didn't close the gap.
People are not ok with him just being treated like a tool and just being seen for his strength, but my point is, when has he ever had any identity beyond being "The strongest," not to imply he doesn’t have any other identity at all, but everyone always prioritized his identity as the strongest, EVEN he himself.
That's the reason why he loved his youth so much and considered it the best time of his life, because then, he had BOTH, strength and a equal buddy (geto), that's why that friendship lasted such huge impact on him. (Also imma just say here, people both underestimate and overestimate his relationship with geto, it's very funny to watch)
People were complaining about characters seeing him as a tool, but they were quite unironically doing the very same thing. Putting him on pedestal, using him to continue being in series for their own happiness and enjoyment of the series, not respecting his wishes from chapter 236, and treating him the same way characters within the story do with him.
Also, you can dislike the way he was treated, that's precisely the point, but don't go around claiming the gege assassinated his own writing because your dislike ≠ bad writing. People are using morality of their real life within a story where everything is being questioned, the so called "good guys" of the story keep repeating that they are not heros, most of them are murderers themselves.
The curses are showing humanity, everything related to normal human morality is being questioned.
So the "he would be happy powerless" doesn't work because thats what YOUR morality tells you (its fine to feel that way), but he most likely wouldn't be happy with it, he isn't a real person either lol. Dude has nasty aspects to him, it’s one of them, they add more to his character, he is selfish (and selfless too), and let him be like that.
In the very end, Gojo very much managed to raise a bunch of students who will carry his will, he is alive in them.
Peace out ✌️
Pretty much my rant after this chapter because of the discourse going around is creating wayyy too many misinterpretations. Also I don't care what you think of the series as long as you just stop forcing your beliefs on others and saying its bad writing, when it's not. I don't think a character can exist outside of the narrative or story he was created in, gojo is amazing because of jujutsu kaisen story, outside of it, who is he?
I mentioned in the author’s note of The Peculiar Perils of Straw Hat Parties that I was working on a design for the Polar Tang for that fic (and any subsequent fics involving Law’s submarine), and as I get ready to publish chapter 3 here it is, as promised! Click to enlarge/view higher res versions.
(well, at least here are the decks relevant to chapter 3: decks 0, 1, and 2. Decks 3 and 4 will come with later chapters, once I’ve had a chance to complete them)
Please let me know if there are any problems. Thoughts/comments appreciated!
I forget how cool this was. I am making a public statement to hold myself accountable that I want to get the rest of this layout up and posted! It’s technically already roughly drawn I just gotta… clean it up. No ETA or anything but… yeah. Wanna get this done.
After thoroughly cleaning my office from top to bottom and digging through every cabinet… I found the rest of the layout!! It’s super rough and hand drawn. I’ll scan and digitize it later. But for the time being…
FLAMES!!! a guide to khr’s really really fun magic/personality system by me, zephaniah grainjew
(this post contains spoilers to the very end of the manga. abridged, nonspoilery version available here)
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While reading Reborn! over the course of May, I fell very, very rapidly in love with the weather symbolism of the Guardians and everything that spirals out from there. This guide / meta post is the end result of that enthusiasm, and I hope you enjoy it!
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INTRODUCTION
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One of the things attracted me initially to this system was the fact that, unlike most sorting systems (for example, Hogwarts Houses), instead of looking at your personality or your individual impact on reality, the Reborn! system looks at how you operate in a group setting.
What that means for this guide is that none of the attributes are indicators of your personality — I’m a much, much friendlier Cloud than Hibari will ever be, and for a canon example, Reborn, Ryohei and Shoichi are all Suns. Instead, what I attempted to do here was isolate the commonalities between how each character possessing a certain attribute acted and related to the rest of their group, and also find the similarities between the powers of each Sky attribute and its equivalent Earth attribute.
Generally, these categories are meant to be guidelines at best. A way to have fun. Even the offensive/defensive leanings in the proficiency sections of the bios are leanings, not hard lines: just looking at Tsuna’s Guardians, Gokudera, Ryohei, Mukuro, and possibly Lambo all have a fighting style counter to their attribute’s proficiency leaning.
All that said, enjoy the meta, I like to think it all makes sense, and my ask and dms are always open for questions or if you want to talk!
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DIAGRAMS
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(diagram 1: almost entirely canon, minus a couple of the earth flame action words that I came up with based on context - specifically growth, compression, and mirage)
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(diagram 2: theoretical system that melds the sky and earth gemstones into one cohesive whole and forms the basic structure of this post)
To be frank, calling the shape the diagrams are based on a hexagon sounded a bit silly, so I made the executive decision to refer to it as the gemstone layout instead, because it kiiiiinda looks like a faceted gemstone, for example, the type one might find in an ostentatious old ring. You see where I’m going with this. (The Vongola rings is where I’m going with this.)
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STANDARD FLAMES
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REALITY
The reality axis of the gemstone deals in both actual and perceived reality, what is and what seems to be. Its component attributes are destruction, represented by Storm and Swamp, and creation, represented by Mist and Desert.
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DESTRUCTION
“to be the nucleus that attacks relentless, never resting. the raging tempest!!”
powerset: The nature of the destruction attribute is self-evident: it destroys. Through degeneration or fermentation, it breaks reality down into its component parts and in so doing creates something new and chaotic.
personality: In a group, a person with the destruction attribute is always in the middle of everything— not creating a harmonious whole like someone with the unification attribute, but fueling the group’s activities, whether that be drama or conflict or speculation or a valiant effort at cohesion. They are the energy that follows after the attribute of organic replication’s original push and keeps it going; they create a hurricane of chaos and then stand in its eye, produce a bog for everyone to get stuck in and then participate in the scuffle to escape and become the loudest voice of panic. The attribute of destruction destroys the ordinary or the peaceful or the routine and then stands in the whirlwind and gives it their best.
proficiency: Offensive. The destruction attribute attacks directly, widely, and obviously. Don’t get caught in the blast.
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CREATION
“within the illusions hide real illusions… from the real illusions, the illusions are created. within the truth hides the lie… within the lie hides the truth. this is the mist.”
powerset: Where the destruction attribute deals mainly in physical reality, the creation attribute focuses primarily on the perceived reality and only on physical reality through that. Using construction and mirage, it creates illusions, some so powerful they can become real, and destroys the victim’s perception of reality to replace it with its own.
personality: Because they deal in lies and deceit, people with the creation attribute are often disliked at some point in their relationships, although it is not an imperative and certainly not an inevitability, and while their trust is often difficult to gain, the fierce loyalty they share with the destruction attribute is certainly worth the trouble. They are often changeable, the image they present to the world as shifting and elusive as the sands of desert or the morning mists, but nonetheless based around an almost unexpectedly firm sense of self. Those masks are just that: masks, created things, and while they keep to themselves (although not to the extent of the attribute of inorganic replication), if you can earn their trust they will certainly welcome your company. The attribute of creation creates curtains and shields and illusions around themself and the group, and then challenges everyone else to see past them.
proficiency: Defensive. The creation attribute manipulates perspective and reality so that one cannot even approach to attack in the first place.
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REPLICATION
The replication axis of the gemstone deals in replication, reproduction, and generation of all sorts. Its component attributes are organic replication, represented by Sun and Forest, and inorganic replication, represented by Cloud and Glacier.
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ORGANIC REPLICATION
“destroying the misfortune that attacks the family with their own body, they become the sun that shines brightly upon an area.”
powerset: The attribute of organic replication affects the living and the natural: using the concepts of activation and growth, and thus activating natural processes of growth and reproduction, it can cause plants to grow, wounds to heal, and cells to divide, instigating vitality in all that lives.
personality: People who embody organic replication are the people who provide that initial push towards activity. Whether they are warm and bright or cold and calculating, they are the ultimate defense against inertia, the instigators of action, whatever that action is and whether they are consciously catalyzing it in the group or simply in themself with the expectation that the rest will follow. Like the sun shining bright through canopied leaves, they illuminate what must be done, and like a tree’s life-force pushing its seedling out of the forest floor, they provide the motivation to embark on what has been illuminated. The attribute of organic replication catalyzes change, creates motivation, shines a light in their chosen direction, and in so doing provides strength and energy to the people who surround them.
proficiency: Defensive. The organic replication attribute heals broken bodies and broken wills, strengthening the group both literally and metaphorically.
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INORGANIC REPLICATION
“to be the aloof, drifting cloud who protects the family from an independent standpoint, and whom nothing can ever bind”
powerset: The strength of the attribute of inorganic replication lies in unnatural or non-living replication through propagation and calcification. In its grasp resides such processes as the multiplication of objects, the expansion of glaciers, the replication of DNA, and the enlargement of items.
personality: People with the attribute of inorganic replication are loners. Though nominally part of a group, they often act independent and separate from it for whatever reason, and do not appreciate being roped in with the rest of the members, nor do they tend to make friends easily or of their own volition. Make no mistake, however: like cirrus wisping themselves across the dome of the sky or glacial ice flowing relentless over new-frozen earth, they are bound in their own way to those they love and respect, and will step in should they feel themselves needed. The attribute of inorganic replication keeps to themself, a solitary presence with their own thoughts and goals and motivations, but nonetheless an integral part of the whole.
proficiency: Offensive. The inorganic replication attribute is territorial, not here for idle chitchit, and ready to evict you.
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REACTION
The reaction axis of the gemstone deals in response, to conflict and to threat. Its component attributes are solidity, represented by Lightning and Mountain, and flow, represented by Rain and an unknown Earth flame.
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SOLIDITY
“he must not only take the lightning, but also the damage to the family, like a lightning rod”
powerset: The attribute of solidity creates shields and walls and impediments through its abilities of hardening and compression. Its ability to sharpen and create projectiles is a notable secondary effect but primarily it can call up cliffs of rock and turn even a single sheet of paper into an impenetrable shield.
personality: When a person with the solidity attribute sees a conflict approaching, their first instinct is to put a wall — physical, metaphorical, or otherwise — between it and them. Their second instinct is to put themself behind the wall and in front of the people they love. Sometimes the solidity attribute can seem demanding or selfish: they know what they want and they do not show weakness or lower their walls easily, similar to the creation attribute. However, just as much as they protect, they also invite protection, and often prefer to act from a distance, through proxies and created things. Like the branching-stretching-spreading of a lightning strike they can be fickle and difficult to touch, and yet like the deep foundation of the mountain they are a stubborn wall in the face of trouble — or simply because they wish to be. The attribute of solidity is a contradictory presence, at once protective and protected, defensive and demanding, and yet an essential element of the foundation of the group.
proficiency: Defensive. The solidity attribute puts up defenses and takes the damage, becoming a solid barrier that their own can rely on.
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FLOW
“squaring the accounts of battle, washing away the blood spilled: the requiem rain”
powerset: Calming like the sound of a stream, the flow attribute’s tranquility slows things down and pulls them to a stop, be those things movement or tides or the cycle of life or simply another person’s heartbeat.
personality: A person who typifies the flow attribute is someone who arrives to a situation and leaves with that situation changed. Because of the way they ripple into conflict and smooth it into a different shape, they often take the role of mediators, whether consciously or unconsciously, through action or distraction. They provide levity when things are serious, calmness when things are chaotic, and a gentle hand when things are rough: but do not mistake them for soft. The rain can patter down in a gentle, refreshing shower, touch softly in a manner almost as light as mist, or pound in a ferocious downpour, but always it washes away the stifling heat and transforms the air into something new. The attribute of flow is thus a force of transformation and renewal, sweeping through a moment or a dynamic and providing it the water to blossom.
proficiency: Offensive. The flow attribute strikes hard and fast and heavy like a driving downpour, defusing conflict through amiable words or spilled blood.
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UNIFICATION
As the centerpiece of the gemstone, and that which is colored by the outer attributes and embraces them in turn, the unification attribute deals in connection, attraction, integrity, and concord. It is represented by Sky and Earth.
”sun, lightning, storm, rain, mist, cloud. he influences all of them. he understands and accepts all of them. that is the sky’s mission.“
powerset: Using its natural gravity and operating under the principle of harmony, the unification attribute draws objects and people towards itself or a certain point and transforms things into other things, making the world right as the user feels it ought to be.
personality: What people with the unification attribute do best is gather. It may begin slowly — they may need that push provided by the attribute of organic replication — but ultimately they will become the glue that binds together a disparate collection of people, the center that even the destruction attribute orbits around and paints itself on. Just as the sky is accented by the weather that sweeps across its face and the earth is adorned by its natural features, a person with the unification attribute’s own personality — be it angry, timid, nonchalant, mysterious, enthusiastic — is complemented and completed by the people who surround them. The attribute of unification attracts and accepts and embraces, drawing people into their gravity and giving them every reason to stay.
proficiency: Neutral. The unification attributes defends and attacks as needed to keep the balance of the group.
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UNUSUAL AND NON-STANDARD FLAMES
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THE FLAME OF WRATH
The Flame of Wrath, being the result of a person possessing a perfect balance of the sky and storm attributes and a very intense Will, is famed for its destructive potential. Presumably this is because with harmony to convert something into something else more easily destroyed, and degeneration to speed up the process, very little can escape unscathed. However, I do not consider it its own Flame-type, but rather a fancy name given to a particular rare manifestation of the storm and sky attributes. Face it, the Vongola bosses are absolutely that pretentious.
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THE OATH FLAME
The Oath Flame is not so much a new phenomenon as the ultimate expression of the attribute of unification. By uniting the central flames of Sky and Earth through the mechanism of the Vongola and Shimon rings and an ancient promise of eternal friendship, the Vongola user of the Oath Flame gains access to the Earth’s gravity by way of the Sky’s harmony, thus unifying the opposite sides of the unification attributes to encompass not just the dome of the Sky or the bowl of the Earth but the world as a whole, and all that is contained within it.
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THE FLAME OF NIGHT
The Flame of Night is, obviously, a special case. Created by Bermuda von Veckenschtein out of sheer vindictive rage after his flames and Arcobaleno status were taken by Kawahira, it grants the ability to create warps, possibly to live forever, and definitely to look very ominous. The only known users are Bermuda (along with the Vindice, through Bermuda), and Daemon Spade. However, I believe that Daemon doesn’t count as a real user of the Flame of Night: the way Bermuda distributes the Flame to the rest of the Vindice proves that it can be transferred between individuals, and Daemon was around a whole bunch of Night-powered Vindice when he escaped from Vendicare with Mukuro’s body. And really, it’s Daemon Spade. His whole fighting style is stealing other people’s stuff. Of course he would steal the Flame of Night.
And besides his predilection towards ability (and identity) thievery, there is another reason why Spade could not have developed the Flame of Night naturally: he was still possessed of his natural flames.
There are two conditions needed to activate the Flame of Night: a will for revenge so intense and strong and hating that it defies death itself, and the artificial absence of one’s flames. The first condition is, while not exactly commonplace, relatively understandable. It could happen to anyone! Betrayal is kind of terrible like that, and life sure can deal some shit turns to a person. It’s the second condition that makes the Flame of Night as absurdly rare as it is. Everyone in the Reborn! universe has at least the potential to wield flames. It’s part of being an alive sentient person: if you’re those three things then you have flames, no matter what. Honestly you can even remove the alive part, if Giotto and Daemon have anything to say about this nonsense.
However, when Kawahira retires a generation of Arcobaleno, he removes their flames. Usually, this causes death, although not immediately. However it also creates an opening for the Flame of Night, which can only appear in the absence of natural flames, which is by definition an artificial state. Normally, without Will, a person would die, but Bermuda was so deeply invested in his revenge, his will towards vengeance so strong, that the Dying Will Flame of Night surged up to fill the space left by his natural flame and grant him the ability to keep living and see his vengeance fulfilled.
All that said, a profile:
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VENGEANCE
The vengeance attribute appears only in the absence of any other attribute, and deals in hatred, discord, and retribution. It is represented by Night.
powerset: The attribute of vengeance provides opportunity and space for action through the principle of obfuscation. It upends the balance of reality and allows instant transportation between points as well as the ability to continue on living forever without a natural flame, in violation of natural law.
personality: Absolutely ready and willing to do a murder. Pretty much not a team player unless the hypothetical team is also absolutely ready and willing to do the same murder.
proficiency: Neutral. The vengeance attribute can flee from a scene and burst forth to attack with equal ease.
Yamamoto in the anime introduction is a cool carefree dude super friendly and supportive, but in the manga he:
First approaches Tsuna 'cause he think he of all people might get the feeling of being a failure.
It's implied he's feeling really down even when he acts chill about it, to the point he doesn't know what to do and has to ask Tsuna for advice.
Takes Tsuna seriously since the very beginning, is willing to share the burden of their lost, sees Tsuna as someone he can count on in sports / competitions but also for advice. He trust Tsuna.
Gets actually mad when he thinks Tsuna is bragging about them not being the same. He behaves rather darkly in his first epidose.
Joins Tsuna not because he is suddendly talented in sports, seems to be having fun or anything else. Yamamoto joins him because Tsuna is there for him in a emotional level that he visibly didn't have access to until then. Meaning, everyone was too busy seeing Yamamoto as some sport star that no one noticed how the weight on his shoulders was wearing him down.
Tries to suicide 'cause he broke his arm and he thinks he's only good at baseball.
The whole reason behind Yamamoto's crazy loyalty is because before Tsuna he was just a baseball player. Yamamoto lived for one thing and one thing only. People admired him for his ability, but he had no real close friends. He was breaking down and on his limit, but after Tsuna, his reasons to live multiplied.
He connected with his father, he got a group of friends to hang out with, he found value in his own life and not only on what he could do for others, got proud on his other talents that were not only baseball, got even a mentor / rival that was willing to cross the sea to go train him personally, grew more confident in himself, etc.
The whole point of his manga introduction is that he didn't had a perfect life but everyone thought he did, 'cause he's the guy that does not want to act like a burden. Tsuna allowed him to acknowledge his vulnerabilities, his flaws, withou denying his worth. Take that away in the anime and you're left with just a cool guy who's bored so he joined a mafia game with his friends.
Yknow what, if M and the detective get married I’d love to think of their wedding bands being like this.
Iirc M’s (proposing or wedding band I don’t remember) would be a golden band (?) with like a small gem but I looove to think N would tell M about this and M would do it.
Like it’s so fitting bc it’s not like a ring with a lot of big gems and is super showy and flashy- instead it’s a simple yet unique and extremely meaningful ring that would mean that their bond with the MC is unbreakable. Like don’t get me wrong I love me some big pretty gems but this low key reminds me of Ms romance- maybe they’re not the type to freaking serenade you outside and bring you a bouquet of flowers every day- but it’s small and simple things that show how much they care- always keeping an eye on you, checking you’re healthy, playing with your hair and vice versa, keeping you close, going to things you enjoy even if they wouldn’t like it, wrapping their arms around you or letting you sit on their lap (or them on yours)
Idk I just thought about it today and thought it was cute for our dear grumpy mcgrumpkins 🥰
Hey, guys! I had a few people asking about suggestions for other IFs that aren't Wayhaven, so I've taken my list I keep for myself and put them all together here for you!
KEY
Favorite**
Complete
On Hiatus
Purchase Required*
if you liked The Wayhaven Chronicles !
under the cut for length ;w;
Visual Novels
Our Life: Beginnings & Always***
Blooming Panic**
Andromeda Six
Ebon Light**
Touchstarved
It Lives Within** (fanmade sequel to It Lives in The Woods / It Lives Beneath available through the Choices app)
Vampire: The Masquerade - Coteries of New York* !
Vampire: The Masquerade - Shadows of New York* !
MeChat (available through the App Store)
ChoiceScript Games
The Exile**
Faith of Gods**
Hollowed Minds**
Mind Blind** !
Witches of Ferngrove
The Golden Rose*
The Fernweh Saga*** !
The Passenger*** !
OFNA: Birds of a Feather**
God of the Red Mountain (on hiatus)**
Virtue’s End
Body Count (on hiatus)
Creme de la Creme* (I've only played book one, but there are two of these!)
Infamous**
Vampire: The Masquerade - Night Road* !
Vampire: The Masquerade - Parliament of Knives* !
Itch.io
Attollo**
A Tale of Crowns**
Project Hadea**
The Northern Passage**
Greenwarden
Vespertines
Red Sugar Society**
The Nameless**
The Numbers Game
When Twilight Strikes** !
The Black River**
Event Horizon
Swan Song
Scout: An Apocalypse Story**
Larkin** !
Tell Me If There’s A Way Home
Snakeroot
The Gray Ascendancy
Zorlok**
Sinners
The Eight Years Revolution
Signal Hill**
Speaker**
Supernova: Renegade**
All links should go directly to the game! However, most (as in, like, 80% probably) of these games do have development tumblrs!
You can find the tumblr linked for the itch.io games on their itch.io pages mostly.
The choicescript games you can probably find by googling (name) tumblr.
Sidenote: Please don't be offended by anything not marked 'favorite' if it's on this list it means I really like it!!! It's just an Extra Hard recommendation instead of a regular one ;w;
Hi, friends! We've gotten so far into the manga and have watched Mikan's feelings intensify without her knowledge. Today we will discuss the Christmas Ball Arc, which will introduce romantic themes for Mikan in a way she can't shrug off as easily this time. Cheek kisses, accidental kisses, really long kisses in trees... It's a big night for her!
I feel like I might not have been the only one anticipating this particular post, so I hope you all enjoy. Please go easy on me. You have no idea how nervous I am posting these.
<- Prev Next ->
Chapter Forty-Eight
Finally--the Christmas Ball Arc! This long awaited (by me) event has finally come to Alice Academy! Mikan is easily impressed by her surroundings and the cake she helped with. We go through the typical line-up to see what all the costumes look like this time and to give Mikan an excuse to hang out with all her friends. She even sees Natsume briefly, though he sours things by sticking his tongue out at her. She knows quite a few people on the stage during the representative’s address, but it’s Natsume who stands out to her. She still doesn’t understand all the mystery around him, so he’s intriguing for that reason (like we still don't really know what he's doing onstage). Also, she has a crush on him, which makes him stand out even more.
He's so special and important! That's why he's on a stage!
The Masquerade Ball is another great hook-up event of Alice Academy. There’s an in-depth tradition regarding the switching of masks and confessions and staying together forever, but there’s also a dark side: if your mask falls off when you’re dancing, then you’ll lose something important to you. Hotaru’s logic is to just not dance then, but Mikan finds the tradition terrifying, even if she doesn’t really understand what it means. This will be important later which is why I’m bringing it up now.
Mikan is introduced to more customs and traditions until she notices Youichi, who’s lost his teddy bear. He perks up when he gets attached to Mr. Bear, but Mr. Bear does not want to spend time with a toddler when he has a job to do. But Mikan owes Youichi a favor from Natsume’s birthday, so she’s forced into the position of negotiator. This obligation is what makes her try to make a deal with Bear, but there’s something else that makes her decide to clean up the party in Bear’s stead so he can hang out with Youichi.
Natsume cares about Youichi.
Natsume isn't even here, but the fact that Natsume cares about Youichi is enough to get Mikan to make the deal with Mr. Bear.
It’s something Mikan doesn’t want to do. She’s been looking forward to this party for a long time and making this deal means she won’t be participating as much. But Natsume looks out for Youichi. They’re both in the DA class, they both suffer, and Natsume takes care of him. So even though Mikan is doing this out of kindness and to help Youichi, it’s undeniable that she’s also doing it for Natsume.
She stays upbeat, even though this job sucks, and she refuses help because she doesn’t want anyone else to miss out on the holiday fun. The gig isn’t half-bad, though, when she can see Youichi is happy.
Eventually, her gig becomes unnecessary: Hotaru has started issuing littering fees (capitalistic profiteering off of environmentalist efforts is okay when it’s her) and Mr. Bear ran away from Youichi anyway. So Mikan is chilling out on the terrace to catch her breath before going back inside.
Mr. Bear ran away, but Youichi still wants to thank her. He does so by pulling her hair and then kissing her cheek. It’s innocent and sweet, so Mikan just giggles. A pleasant little surprise to make the cleaning business all worth it. But then Ruka kisses her on her other cheek, thanking her too.
Thanks for what, exactly?
But she didn’t really do anything to prompt thanks from him, and that kiss didn’t feel like Youichi’s. That’s Ruka’s command: to keep that kiss a secret between them.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Mikan is freaking out. She’s confused by romance and has never been “pursued” in this way. I use the word “pursue” hesitantly because Ruka is ten and all he did was kiss her on the cheek. It’s hardly a marriage proposal or even asking her out. But even though it came at the tail of Youichi thanking her and kissing her, Mikan can tell there’s romantic intent. Mikan might be oblivious for the most part, but I think this kiss gave her a pretty good idea about how Ruka feels. After all, his kiss felt unprompted and much more serious than Youichi’s.
I think part of Mikan's discomfort about romance, particularly in this moment, aside from the fact that she's only ten, is that Ruka liking her romantically would complicate their relationship. She doesn't know anything about romance or romantic feelings or how to tell how she feels, so Ruka acting in a way that suggests he likes her makes her nervous. He likes her. So does she like him? If she does, are they supposed to date or something? If she doesn't, is she supposed to tell him? How is she supposed to tell the difference between romance and friendship? It makes sense that Mikan would freak out so much.
Mikan may be pretty oblivious to romance, but it's partially because she doesn't really want to understand. Despite that, she can still tell the difference between a toddler kissing her out of gratitude and Ruka kissing her out of... something else.
It doesn’t help that Hotaru becomes cold with her when she figures out that Mikan is keeping a secret from her. They’re supposed to be best friends and best friends don’t keep secrets but Ruka commanded her.
(Also, Hotaru can tell the secret has something to do with Ruka so she torments him with a bad slice of cake as retribution.)
It’s time for the Masquerade Ball and though Mikan is excited to dance, she starts freaking out again as soon as she spots Ruka. He doesn’t seem to be nervous about what happened at all, which only makes her feel weirder, but calm and composed Ruka puts her and Natsume on the spot by proposing they dance together, since they didn’t get to at the festival afterparty (and we know why they didn’t dance then). He sets them up and then takes off, seemingly proud of himself. Both Mikan and Natsume are startled by this.
Why the hell did he think this would be a good idea? They both look uncomfortable!
Even at the after-party, dancing with Natsume hadn’t seemed like a possibility. So far in the story, Natsume and Mikan haven’t really touched a lot. The beginning of their relationship has involved a degree of violent touch (like slamming her against a tree, keeping her in a headlock, tackling him in the middle of a suicide attempt). Then there was a bit of “mocking” touch (like when Natsume rubs in his victory at the end of the SA labyrinth, or his little kick in Chapter Forty-Seven). There hasn’t been a lot of earnest, gentle touch. (Which is bizarre because Natsume is so tactile when he loves someone. See how he interacts with Ruka for evidence.)
Dancing requires touch. Not violence, not mocking, but actual touch. And Mikan isn’t used to touching Natsume, so the idea of dancing with him--being in close proximity, holding onto each other--is startling. They’re the only ones without their masks on, standing still among a sea of masked dancers. I think it’s interesting that they’re not wearing masks. Whether they do or don’t wouldn’t really change the way the scene progresses. But they don’t and every choice is worth analyzing (step #1 of any literary analysis is just asking “why?”). The idea that most appeals to me after I asked myself that question is that their “courtship” (again, I’m using these words hesitantly) is so outside the sphere of what’s normal.
I'm always asking myself, "Is this arc my favorite?" and I can't really answer that question but whenever I read this scene, I feel like it might just be my favorite...
For one: he’s not even courting her. He may have feelings for her, but that’s a secret he’s content to keep to himself. Second, she’s not courting him! Mikan may have a crush on him by now, but it’s certainly not something she’s aware of and if someone suggested it, she’d protest. Third, most people dance with those they like; they go through the motions. The hook-up event requires the masks and the tradition, the social rules and graces of the normal way to get together. It’s very interesting that Natsume and Mikan don’t follow any of these rules and don’t engage with each other properly for any of the hook-up events. The great hook-up events of Alice Academy tease the potential of a relationship blossoming, but at no point during these events does such a hook-up actually occur! (Mikan dances the Last Dance with Hotaru, the mask tradition only bears relevance during her dance with the ESP, and giving Ruka chocolates is the focal part of Valentine’s Day--they’re all misleading.) They’re not wearing masks because, narratively, the rules and traditions just don’t apply to their relationship.
But they don’t stand still for too long, because Natsume suddenly moves closer and takes her hand to start dancing. When she reacts with surprise, he responds casually: “What? We’re gonna dance, right?” That bizarre scenario of dancing with Natsume is now reality! They’re standing close, holding hands. Mikan blushes and is hyper-aware of Natsume touching her--her waist, her hand. Natsume has never been so gentle with her before, just dancing nicely, the way a normal person would, and Mikan blushes whenever Natsume acts outside of her expectations.
She's danced this close before. Why is it only weird with Natsume? :)
Mikan danced with Ruka, with Hotaru, with every minor character ever, during the festival afterparty. She smiled and had fun. The proximity and closeness and touching didn’t bother her at all. It’s only when she dances with Natsume that she becomes insecure and nervous, that she starts to “feel weird” (and I look forward to comparing this “uncomfortable” dance with her dance with the ESP later). Mikan isn’t upset to be dancing with Natsume, but she feels internal pressure to do well, something she didn’t feel with the others. She wonders if dancing always requires this level of closeness, of touching, of holding hands--because it’s only with Natsume that she notices at all. She even steps on his foot and he doesn’t react negatively, the way he usually would.
She is so insecure and uncomfortable that she can’t even hear the music playing. But why is this? Again, Natsume is different. She feels differently about him than she does anybody else but she doesn’t understand why he’s different, so that’s one reason why she’s uncomfortable. Another is that the feelings she doesn’t understand are actually romantic in nature, which will always bring a heightened awareness to touch (especially when it’s so rare). And one more reason is what I brought up when they were sitting by the lake during the Z Arc: fear of rejection. This fear is present whenever romantic feelings are involved, because there’s always the chance the other person doesn’t feel the same. Natsume might be special to her, but that doesn’t mean she’s special to him. The feeling of him holding her hand makes her blush, freaks her out, means something. That doesn’t mean that holding her hand means anything to him beyond the mechanics of dancing. She’s uncomfortable and he’s not and that only makes her more insecure. It’s only made worse by the fact that he’s acting so unlike himself, tolerating her stepping on his foot and just dancing.
He obviously isn't pleased to have his foot stepped on, but he doesn't say anything or do anything. He just keeps dancing. Very strange behavior.
(This is probably the way he danced with all the other people he danced with at the festival after-party: silent and exactly like he’s supposed to.)
She’s quiet and she’s not smiling, so Natsume complains. How come she’s not smiling like she did with Ruka? How come he’s different? (And we know from Natsume’s POV that he’s doing everything right on purpose, so that she might smile or have fun with him like she did with Ruka before.) Neither of them have any clue that he’s different because she actually likes him (likes him likes him, loves him likes him). So Natsume is done doing everything right on purpose. He’s back to being a jerk, calling her names, which only incites her to call him names and in no time at all they’re insulting each other under their breaths, but dancing all the same.
What if I told you that this is what true love looks like...
They never stop dancing. They don’t stand farther apart or stop holding hands. Mikan doesn’t stop blushing. But she does start smiling, because bickering with Natsume makes her happy, even if he’s being mean. And maybe Higuchi Tachibana could make her masochism claim here, but I don’t think that’s why she enjoys it.
She’s bickering with him, but she feels herself forget about all of the things that were bothering her before. Ruka kissing her on the cheek doesn’t feel like such a big deal anymore, dancing doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Fighting with him makes her feel normal again.
Why is this different from the time she danced with Ruka?
Dancing with Ruka made her forget about romance. Dancing with him felt fun and platonic enough that romance didn’t matter. She’d been freaking out about the Last Dance and all the traditions, as well as all the gossip about her, that she felt left out regarding ideas about romance. Ruka made her feel like dancing didn’t have to be romantic, that she didn’t have to worry about that.
She's so happy! He makes her so happy!
Dancing with Natsume made her feel insecure. It’s arguing with him that makes her feel normal again. Natsume’s intriguing when it comes to Mikan because he both challenges her to get out of her comfort zone while also being her comfort zone (I’ll talk way more about this next chapter). Her conclusion in this scene isn’t that “dancing should just be fun!” It’s that being with Natsume (specifically) makes her feel better, particularly when he’s acting like himself.
But the happy moment ends abruptly when they’re shoved by another dancing couple by accident, sending them both falling to the floor.
She lands with her mouth on his, her teeth piercing his lip and causing him to bleed. It’s hardly a kiss, just an accident.
Ruh roh...
She’s still freaking out and he looks pissed, but she’s waiting for a solid reaction from him, for him to dismiss what happened as nothing, because she wants it to be nothing (not the best way to have a first kiss, and she already had a not-a-great-first-kiss scare with the musical).
But then he says--in front of everyone--that she sucks at dancing and kissing, almost as if just wanted to piss her off.
Chapter Fifty
:)
It’s time.
At first she’s just pissed off at Natsume. She can’t blame him for the kiss itself because it was an accident and thus not his fault. But she can blame him for calling it a kiss. Her anger is interrupted by Sumire attacking her--Permy is angrier at the idea of a NatsuMikan kiss than Mikan is--and Natsume gets the chance to escape, saying something about it not being a big deal, before finding solace in a tree for most of the chapter. Thus rumors start circulating that Natsume’s kissed plenty of girls before, which bothers Mikan. It might not be a big deal to him, after all, but it is to her!
They're so cute. I love them so much.
Koko embarrasses her by saying her thoughts out loud, particularly about how it was different when Ruka did it and how she doesn’t want Ruka to get the wrong idea.
Which leads to me thinking that Mikan knows Ruka’s cheek kiss was supposed to be romantic, which is why the accidental kiss on the mouth with Natsume felt different. It was just something that happened when they fell, with no intentions of any kind, so it can’t be romantic. I also think Mikan gets very confused about romance around this part of the manga. Ruka likes her romantically and she knows it. She likes Natsume romantically but she doesn’t know it. Being around Ruka is fun and he’s very nice, a clear source of comfort for her. It’s easy to get confused then.
If only Koko would mind his own business...
Again, I’m not a multishipper. I’m not interested in the love triangle. I don’t wanna say anything bad about the Mikan/Ruka ship because I actually really like their relationship (I just only like them platonically). It’s just that to me this seems familiar, like something that has happened to me before, thinking you like somebody just because he’s nice to you. I don’t think Mikan’s had a lot of close friends of the same quality as Ruka. Finding out he likes her romantically inspires questions like, “Do I like him that way too?” and she’s not really sure how she’s supposed to know the answer.
In any case, she definitely doesn’t want Ruka to come to any conclusions before they’ve actually talked--though she also doesn’t want to talk about it.
In the end, Ruka chases Koko off (and how sweet is it that even though Koko is reading Mikan’s thoughts, and thoughts he might like to hear, Ruka chases him off and scolds him for invading her privacy? Like I said--I like their relationship!).
Ruka is a gentleman! I want to get him a lot of pets on the head!
Mikan’s thoughts about romance only get further complicated by Tsubasa and Misaki, who dance the Last Dance each year and aren’t wearing masks when they dance (and it’s only here that Mikan learns people wear masks with friends or when they’re dating already, so my earlier analysis still counts!!). Tsubasa starts to say that they are going out, but Misaki laughs and waves off the idea, saying they’re friends and she only dances with him because he’s comfortable. Mikan can tell that there’s romance between them but that it’s unspoken. If Misaki only thinks that she and Tsubasa have a platonic relationship, but that they are really romantic, then maybe it’s the same for her?
After all, a whole panel serves to parallel Misaki’s obliviousness to Mikan’s. It’s understandably very confusing.
Anyway, Mikan dances with a few more people, all presumably without feeling insecure or hyper-aware of touching them, until she is approached by a mysterious boy (the ESP). He looks to be her age but she’s unfamiliar with him. He startles her too, just like Natsume had. He also seems to know all about her, including her name and that she’s Natsume’s partner. She starts blushing because he’s not really acting like a kid: his mannerisms and the way he speaks are all too elegant and smooth.
He killed your dad, Mikan! Walk away!!
Like when she was dancing with Natsume, Mikan is a little uncomfortable, but this time it’s because the boy is charming and complimenting her. She’s embarrassed to be addressed like this, but it’s not entirely unpleasant. UNTIL, the mood changes. And unlike when she was dancing with Natsume and the mood changed to something nicer because he started bickering with her, the mood turns sour. He moves suddenly and her mask falls off. The boy smiles the entire time as Mikan recalls the darker side of the mask tradition: that your mask falling off means you’ll lose something important.
He warns her to be careful not to lose something important to her and then he walks away, but not before taking his mask off so that Mikan can recognize him (though she’s still unsure it’s really the ESP).
Scummy, scummy little weasel man...
Ugh. WHY WAS THIS DANCE DIFFERENT, you might ask.
The ESP is charming and handsome and always has been. It’s why he’s managed to get such loyal followers like Persona and Luna. He knows how to talk in order to charm the pants off of someone or how to terrify them, both of which he demonstrates here in one conversation.
Mikan is an intuitive girl, like we’ve seen, so she gets a weird vibe from him (“the atmosphere changed” when he showed up). She has no idea who he is or where he came from but he’s not like the other kids.
Unlike with Natsume, that “different” vibe doesn’t come from romantic feelings, it comes from the fact that the ESP is actually a grown-ass man and that he is the villain of the story.
Long story short, Natsume’s dance was different in a good, romantic way, and ESP’s was different in a weird, chilling way.
I’m not 100% sure if it’s Natsume or Mikan remembering his warning to her from the night of the festival afterparty because they both appear on the page, but for all I know it was both of them! Whatever, we’re analyzing Mikan so let’s go.
Everything is connected!
If she’s thinking it, then that means that she’s making a connection. She can tell that the ESP’s warning was ominous, and that it might have even been a threat. She’s received a warning before (one of many), from Natsume, when he told her to stay in the light and out of the dark. It wasn’t a threat when Natsume said it, just the most explanation she ever got in terms of his behavior towards her. She isn’t sure what to make of the ESP’s threat, but it concerns her just like Natsume’s did.
She wanders around trying to find someone to comfort her, specifically thinking of Hotaru, Yuu, Ruka, or Tsubasa. She climbs the Christmas tree in the hopes that she’ll see one of them from up there. She has a distinct goal in mind: to find someone who will listen to her and make her feel better.
But the person she finds is Natsume.
Mikan was told to stay away from black cats when she first met him, but Mikan’s instincts with Natsume are never to run away, even when she’s mad at him. She could easily just crawl back down the tree and find somebody else, but she stays with him. For all of him being unpleasant, he’s still a friend, albeit a weird and different friend.
Even though she doesn’t think of him as the supportive, comforting type, she ends up venting to him, complaining about the situation (particularly in terms of the jinx). It’s worth noting that her explanation must have been unclear because Natsume doesn’t figure out it was the ESP she danced with until he speaks to stalker-Nobara. If he knew, he might have been more concerned. Instead he tells her she’s worried over nothing. It’s pathetic to be this worked up over something so insignificant! Her mask fell off, so what?!
And Mikan smiles.
"Makes people angry." Y'all already get it at this point, right?
He might not be comforting in the way Ruka or Yuu are, but he is able to comfort her in a completely different way. “It’s because he always ticks me off that bad things stop bothering me.” She has an epiphany about him--even though he’s not saying nice things, she always feels better when she talks with him.
(Like I said in the Natsume chapter, that’s the method that feels safest. When he starts being comforting in kinder ways, she’ll find him to be that much more of a safe space.)
We’re beginning to see the ways that Natsume is Mikan’s sunshine too.
But Natsume reminds her that she was mad and she remembers the rage until Natsume asks her about what happened between her and Ruka. Mikan, sworn to secrecy, clams up, even though Natsume keeps bugging her about it. She changes the subject to the rumors of Natsume kissing lots of people before. It becomes a back and forth--who kissed who forever.
I think it’s interesting that Mikan stays firm on the subject of Natsume kissing other people, almost like it bothers her to imagine. We’ll later see Mikan get jealous in a bigger way, but this is sort of like a preview. Not only was their “kiss” not a big deal to him, but it’s not a big deal because he kisses all the time! The tense conversation again progresses into an argument where Mikan is screaming insults, particularly that she doesn’t understand why anybody would kiss him and shouting that what happened between them does not count as a kiss.
So he makes it official.
Smooch!
You might recall that I more or less brushed over the kiss in the Natsume essay. I said that he kisses her and that she pulls away and then I moved on to the post-kiss scene. That’s because Natsume is very interesting post-kiss. But Mikan is very interesting during the kiss. Why?
Because it’s a long kiss! And it didn’t have to be!
(For context, here are some other examples of kisses in this manga and their lengths: Narumi and Misaki’s kiss in Chapter 39 is two panels. Yuka and Izumi’s first kiss is one page/3 panels before it transitions into a post-sex scene. Hotaru and Mikan’s kiss is one panel. Naru and Yuka’s kiss in Chapter 132 is one panel. For the sake of fairness, I am only counting panels where the characters are actually kissing, not just leaning in or hugging.)
9 panels. 4 pages. She had time to say (part of) his name between kisses. A pretty looooooong kiss. This is not a quick peck.
And it could’ve been.
I’m not entirely sure why it took her so long to pull away (yes I am). But my honest opinion is that the only reason she did was because she couldn’t breathe, not because she didn't want to kiss him. Because she had been kissing him back by that point. Embarrassing.
He might have initially forced the kiss, but by this point she's kissing back, holding onto him, blah blah blah blah!
This kiss is much more romantic than an accidental kiss on the dance floor; there’s twinkly lights, they’re alone in a tree, it’s Christmas. It’s nice. This might have started out as a surprise kiss but Mikan kisses back. I don’t think that anyone who would read almost 60k words about how much Mikan loves Natsume would need much convincing about that point, but I’ll do it anyway, for both our sakes, because we're obviously both insane. She’s obviously surprised, confused, flustered. I think she’s also… happy? Content? Not entirely sure what word I’d use for a ten-year-old enjoying her first kiss. She holds onto his arm five panels in. She closes her eyes. Panel eight of the kiss has always looked like her leaning in to me. It honestly doesn’t matter because in the last panel of the kiss, he’s holding onto her and she’s holding onto him.
Zoe put it nicely during a text exchange I had with her when I was writing this part of the analysis: “he’s got the initiative (somehow despite his whole isolating, break her heart to save her schtick) and she’s got a lot of pent up affection and frustration that she can’t communicate properly because he’s so wishy-washy.” Brilliant.
When she pulls away, it’s with a gasp. She stays silent and tries to catch her breath because WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT. What a bizarre scene, to have Mikan silent for once, and Natsume talking to fill in the silence. Nobody is forcing the boy to speak, for once, and yet he keeps yammering on, first to explain himself, then to muse on what kisses feel like. Mikan now has her answer--no, Natsume hadn’t “kissed other people.” It’s just her, just now. Their first real, official, earnest kiss.
Then he says it’s no big deal, nothing to get worked up about. All that fuss people make about kissing is needless hype!
Big fuss over nothing??? People died!!!
But it’s a big deal to Mikan. This is Chapter Fifty--Mikan likes him romantically already, even if she doesn’t understand that. She just got swept away in a 9-panel long kiss just for the guy to say it was no big deal. She says nothing because there’s nothing she can say. She’s not angry like she was at the beginning of the chapter. The only evidence that the kiss meant anything to Natsume is that, after he jumps from the tree, he turns back to look at her.
Chapter Fifty-One
Mikan spends her cleaning day stuck on Christmas. It’s hard to move on when she hasn’t spoken to either Ruka or Natsume. The kids of Class B gather to tell scary stories and Mikan takes cover behind Hotaru when she makes eye contact with Ruka and Natsume. She’s very confused about the whole thing and only gets more confused the more she thinks of what happened--especially in regards to Natsume.
Poor Mikan! I know I say that a lot but she's so innocent and confused.
“The more I think about it, what they’re probably thinking and my own feelings get all messed up.” Thinking about what the boys are thinking and feeling only makes her more confused about what she thinks and feels, and that sucks because she was already confused to begin with! And the sad thing is that this chapter doesn’t really clear anything up either, though they all eventually “make up.”
Mikan is caught between being terrified of the ghosts stories and conflicted about having been kissed by two best friends. Natsume is acting relatively normal, but he and Ruka aren’t speaking very much, which only serves to freak Mikan out even more.
They get stuck together cleaning the halls. The silence is haunting, but Natsume seems to be the only one working to end it. Mikan is usually the one who can’t shut up and yet she’s entirely silent. It’s awkward until Natsume starts teasing her. Then it’s just weird and tense until there’s blackout and all three of them are cursed into sitting against the wall and waiting for the power to turn back on.
Mikan is still scared of the ghost stories, but somehow this situation is harder than that. She’s confused about her feelings, about their feelings, about the fact that they haven’t spoken to each other. What are ghosts compared to that?
It’s only made worse when both of them take hold of one of her hands. Poor Mikan has no idea what to do. She doesn’t want to cause more of a conflict or to further confuse herself, but the boys seem to be doing all the work on that front anyway. When they each spot the other holding onto her other hand…
"WTF???"
They start to laugh. And Mikan is only more confused. I don’t think that Mikan is that stupid that she can’t tell their conversation is about her; I just don’t think that their conversation is what she’s focusing on. They’re talking cryptically and she’s not really following it, if she’s even really listening. Honestly, I think she’s more taken by the fact that they’re so laid-back and jovial about the situation. So she smiles, relieved, because there isn’t a problem after all. She’d been concerned that the boys would get into some sort of conflict because of her, and there’s good reason why she thought she’d already caused some, before they assuaged all her doubts.
She’s happy for once until a ghost (Nobara) seems to appear down the hall. Mikan and Ruka take off out of fear.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Mikan is touched that Nobara would “become a ghost” just to see her again, but they are quickly parted once again by cleaning duties, when Mikan gets sent to the SA room to help tidy up there. Though Mikan is in much brighter spirits than before, she’s still concerned about why nobody likes Nobara. Even Natsume, who’s in the same class, dislikes her, even though he likes Yo-chan. Is there no feeling of kinship? But Hotaru appears out of nowhere to assure her that just Mikan being friends with her is enough.
While the SA class is cleaning, they move a bookshelf and see that the wall behind it is covered in love-confession graffiti. One speaks to Mikan: Yuka and Sensei. They also find a bunch of old photo albums, which prompts many questions.
For one, many pictures have two specific people (Yuka and Izumi) burnt out of them. (This is sad to me because it means that after she watches them both die, Mikan won’t have any pictures of them to look back on. Evidence of their existence will be gone except for in fickle memory.) Noda is able to clarify that the teacher in question used to have his job as lead teacher of the SA class who had the nullification alice like Mikan does.
Then there’s the question of parentage and love connections. Apparently most alices marry other alices, particularly that they meet at school. Ruka, who was born from two non-Alices is a rarity compared to most of the other kids who have at least one Alice parent.
The sad and tragic longing.
These new topics cause Mikan to feel a connection to the Yuka and Sensei graffiti. She wonders if her own parents had a love story, if they met at school, if they were Alices. We know already that Mikan feels a sense of connection to the mysterious former SA teacher, but she doesn’t know much about him other than his alice. It’s primarily Sensei that has her attention, and then incidentally Yuka, both of whom had their faces burnt out of all the pictures. That particular graffiti is precious to her now and she doesn’t want to clean it up and erase what little evidence of their love is left (and I don’t think she’s completely ignorant to the fact that she could be evidence to their love too).
When Tsubasa catches her being sad, he attempts to cheer her up by adding something silly to the graffiti. He also adds a heart to the Yuka/Sensei graffiti to reassure her that their love was strong and wouldn’t be disturbed by tiny obstacles (like Narumi falling in love with Yuka, like Mikan erasing the graffiti, like Izumi being murdered…). It gets out of hand when everyone starts adding more names to the wall, making up a bunch of SA drama and making the sadness of the Yuka/Sensei graffiti feel a little more fun.
And Mikan gains the courage to add her own writing to the wall, since it’ll all get erased anyway: Jii-chan on the top, and Mikan on the bottom, the daughter of Yuka and Sensei.
Like I have said many times, Mikan is intuitive. She gets feelings about things and is usually right. She guessed rather easily that Natsume had the fourth alice shape without much evidence, though she disregarded that theory. And she can sense now that the former SA teacher who had the nullification alice like her must have something to do with her, as well as the student Yuka. She draws the line and makes the connection because Mikan has been yearning for her parents for her whole life. She has never known anything about them and this is the closest thing she’s ever gotten to an idea of who they were. People who were in love. People who loved her.
This is so cute and sweet. She just wants to connect to her parents!
Mikan’s embarrassed by Hotaru catching her in the act, but her friend only supports her, saying that “Mikan” and “Yuka” seem to match, two citrus names. Hotaru adds herself to the graffiti too, eventually adding on “Penguin” as well. It’s all Mikan wanted, to add new people into her mysterious and mostly empty family tree.
I think this may be the reason Mikan craves connections the way she does. She never knew much about her real biological family and the only person she had from the start was her Jii-chan. She understands the importance of knowing people because she knows how much it hurts to not know. It’s why she looks so closely at people, why she seeks out their “true selves,” why now that she’s at Alice Academy she feels more compelled to make friends than ever. She might have been a strange girl before, but this is her home and will be for another ten years (or so she thinks). This might’ve been her parents’ home. She wants to fill the hole her parents’ absence created by loving and knowing and understanding as many people as she can.
Conclusion
I wanted to leave off on Chapter 50 but then I'd have to save 51 and 52 for one stand alone post and I kinda hate the idea of that. I want these essays to be more or less connected through arcs and themes, and I want them all to be long and fun to read. So.
Well, in any case, today we talked a lot about the Christmas Ball and a couple kisses that take place, including one really long one. Next time, we'll begin the New Years Arc, beginning with Mikan's birthday! I spent so much time analyzing that arc... I'm now only a measly 20 chapters ahead of the posts, which means I'm gonna have to pick up the pace!
I mentioned in the author’s note of The Peculiar Perils of Straw Hat Parties that I was working on a design for the Polar Tang for that fic (and any subsequent fics involving Law’s submarine), and as I get ready to publish chapter 3 here it is, as promised! Click to enlarge/view higher res versions.
(well, at least here are the decks relevant to chapter 3: decks 0, 1, and 2. Decks 3 and 4 will come with later chapters, once I’ve had a chance to complete them)
Please let me know if there are any problems. Thoughts/comments appreciated!
Why are the Heart Pirates the best you ask? Because everything about them is so damn ingenious in s
On the many meanings behinds Law’s name, as well as the meaning of his crew’s names;
On the reason the heart pirates travel in a yellow submarine;
On why the jumpsuits;
And many other points relating to the heart pirates and their captain.
I knew some of this, but it’s awesome to have all the information put into one place and summarized succinctly (with pictures!). Kudos to the author!
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