gingersnaps not so fanpage

yep

[ilovedupitch]

hi!! i know no one will read this but i'm aliveeee lol

during these months ive been growing a lot as a person, thinking about my past decisions and the future that'll come afterwards, i made lots of new experiences and now im finally studying at uni! it's weird that after all this time i'm finally a film, music and performative arts student...but honestly it's worth it because i found a new career path and big passion and i want to pursue it as much as i can. i could be a film director, or a play director, or i could even be an actress later on, because i will start working with a theater company this autumn and it's so exciting!! 

i might be able to see a new psychiatrist soon and probably get a bipolar diagnosis, or borderline, or whatever that is...if it were only autism nothing would change tbh, but at least im taking a step forward to heal and feel better.

i know that lots of things ive done have hurt people. ive been sitting with these regrets for years and thought there was no way out, that i wouldnt be able to fix it...fix her. i would cry to my best friend about how awful ive been in the past and she would always be right by my side. and maybe that was a reward for growing as a person. even though ive been through a lot of hard times with this person, we just had the chance to get closer and we miiiight have fallen in love with each other in the process...

i finally have a girl that respects me, that loves me for who i actually am. we consider ourselves the dream team, weve had problems and instead of repeating past mistakes we always found a way, that could also help both of us grow as different people. i'm glad i can finally be able to move on and work to leave the past behind, and i hope that my ex will finally find her peace and put effort in improving herself, just as i do🩷

[ilovedupitch]

porcoddio si è fianzata mis a io mi arrendo

[ilovedupitch]

hi guys i think she doxxed me in a discord server and shes reposting stuff about her getting a crush/wanting a gf/being happy this is over. lmao i will never forget about the sweet little things she used to say to me while destroying herself. yeah great

and now i even feel guilty about processing how i feel about my best friend, who i MIGHT have a little interest in.

[ilovedupitch]

anyway on may 26th i finally sent her a risky breakup text and ended it for good

too bad now shes victimizing herself (while blaming everything on me of course) on her tiktok reposts and showing her true gooner side😶like imagine your gf leaves you for obvious reasons and you cope by reposting things to guilttrip her AND playing multiple dating sims, such as one where you goon to the objects inside your house......

[ilovedupitch]

tagazzu anime gemelle che qualcosa ci deve sempre ostacolare😂😂😂

[ilovedupitch]

che il dio sia sempre lodato

[ilovedupitch]

this blog might as well die after all the things that happened.

ive been using it rarely to talk to myself, and i feel quite crazy, but i wanted to let these bad feelings out because i'm exhausted from this damn situation.

i want to definitely break up with my girlfriend, because shes probably never really believed in this. i found out she's not over the things ive done, after trying to make me feel bad for things ive done YEARS ago when i was a dumb 15 year old; and it would be understandable, if only she didn't ALWAYS tell me shes ok now and that she had no resentment towards me. but instead she literally told me that "i would never heal and her scar will always remain. literally." and from that i knew i had to run away as fast as i could.

plus, she makes a whole idea of her friends (and me of course) and projects it, without even trying to understand them or get to effectively know them. she loved the idea she created of me, not me as a whole person. she kept reducing me as a stereotype and a diagnosis, and that hurt, because i have a poor self esteem and sense of having no personality. i slowly understood why shes never really wanted to, for example, have THAT ONE kind of conversation or even intercourse with me, she would do it just to get some pleasure out of me, not because she actually foumd me attractive. she used to have lots of intercourses with me when we werent even in a relationship, and slowly she stopped even asking for it, until i told her i felt bad, and she started forcing being attracted to me to shut me up. she basically used me during the whole relationship to feel less alone and probably to say that "oh wow she has a girlfriend". shes never liked me, and i was indirectly asking her for it, if not directly.

i finally understood the kind of person she was and i hope she quits playing cards with her own therapist instead of getting proper help, because shes done irreversible harm to me, and she even hurt my friends because of me. i used to make her and my friends know each other because my girlfriend told me quite often she felt alone and she didnt really have any friends, so i was trying to do something good for her. but instead, she kept talking to my friends only to talk about me, get some info about me, vent about me, and so on. she had created these weird stereotypes even for my friends and even dared to tell them weird things, like they were "too basic" or "wow i think you're androgynous". and how fucked up is that?

and i cant even tell her these things more directly because I CANT, and if i do tell her shes gonna freak out (because shes gonna lose the only stable thing she had left) and her mom's gonna try and make me the villain of the situation by telling my parents, trying to bring out those OLD things that happened years ago and stuff like that. so yeah. i'm quite awfully done with this, and i have no way out for now, so i just have to wait and see what to do, while she keeps playing the victim.

[ilovedupitch]

yeah i might be losing feelings due to the situation being irrecoverable and distance hurting too much. i even blocked her because ive also realized i was badly hurt by her and i repressed these feelings in order to get her attention and "love"

but i doubt shes ever even loved me

[ilovedupitch]

she's gone and it's all my fault, why am i like this

[ilovedupitch]

man my life is getting so bad and this relationship is declining with it. wish i could rewind and fix this

[ilovedupitch]

stuff's going like shit lately, as if i wasn't feeling anything anymore. and that also includes the feelings for my girlfriend, who i think is starting to hate me now

[ilovedupitch]

wellllll i mightve been doing something stupid

[ilovedupitch]

it was our anniversary two days ago and it feels so weird to know that shes still here for me after all the fucked up things i've done

[ilovedupitch]

she smoked fucking weed im out of here🩷

[ilovedupitch]

happy anniversary to this wonderful event🩷🩷

[ilovedupitch]

i just want us to be a normal couple for fuck's sake

[ilovedupitch]

i feel like everything is falling apart again. im getting more and more tired and angry at things that dont even make sense and today it was supposed to be our fourth anniversary but we still managed to fight for some reason.

what if it really isnt meant to be?

[ilovedupitch]

guys. something revolutionary happened

her mom mightve taken my side now

AND WE WATCHED THE FIREWORKS TOGETHER

this aint real at all oh god

[ilovedupitch]

i ruined everything again bro

[ilovedupitch]

guys i LOVE HERRRRR