just me :D

mild concern, but it’s ok.

[ilybangchann]

hiii <3

this is my super random blog full of super random thoughts. i post pretty much anytime i remember that i have tumblr - so i usually disappear for a few months (i'm working on it i promise!!)

i say random because i'm kind of a 'dabbler', in that i'm not deep into too many fandoms or hobbies/skills, but i like to learn about them! i post my thoughts, or little things i find out that i think are interesting or silly. i dabble in writing/worldbuilding, birds (im a birder teehee), music production, drawing, music theory, a capella, fanfiction, dance, k-pop, and classical music. there's more, but that's mainly just because i love to learn more about anything anyone ever mentions/ fandoms my friends are into/etc. i'm always happy to listen to anyone's hyperfixations/ interests because OMG I HAVE SUCH COOL AND NERDY FRIENDS LIKE GIVE ME SOME OF THAT *grabby hands* 😋😋😋

i do, however, have a particular passion for RM FROM BTS LIKE I LITERALLY LOVE HIS PERSONA SM AND HIS VOICE IS ART AND HIS HEART IS GOLD AND HE'S SOOOSOSOSOSO COOL BUT SERIOUSLY HE'S SO IMPORTANT TO ME I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HIS MUSIC TIME AND TIME AGAIN AND I PLAN ON CONTINUING THIS FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER 40 YEARS MAYBE 50 OMG WHAT'S THAT? YOU WANNA YAP ABOUT RM? YOU WANT RECS? SIT DOWN WE'RE BESTIES NOW YAYAYA

um

she/he/they so refer to me as you wish 🥹

anyways this is my intro post (but honestly it's just my super awesome friends that follow me so most of you already know who i ammmmm🤭🤭)

okiee i hope you do something nice for yourself todayyy ty for reading 💖

[ilybangchann]

guys niall dropped 💯💯💯

[ilybangchann]

aw man these days i just have two personalities;

sometimes i'm like 'i'm tired of never being enough for my father and i miss being honest with my mother i hate being on the opposite side of my family and what's worse is that sometimes they think im intentionally rebelling just to piss them off but i it's really just that i can't anymore with their expectations of me and how much of a control freak he can be at times it's so suffocating because also i don't want to be ungrateful bc im not i swear like especially with my mom it's like i owe her the world and my life so the least i can do is just do as she says and keep her comfortable to the best of my capabilities right but how that's been playing out as neglecting myself emotionally and artistically and i just never know what to do anymore and i just wanna leave this town so badly bc i can't think properly anymore and i'm trying not to lose my identity amidst the weirdness of this and high school oh god high school what a simultaneously shitty yet exciting experience that takes away any of the time i would otherwise have to process these family dynamics and then i'm worrying if i'm doing enough now for my future which all leaves me in the same place all over again goddamn' and the other times i'm just 'i love my bf sm 🥰🥰😊😊'

[ilybangchann]

navaratri season can't come soon enough 😞😞

[hands-off-my-dinosaur]

log (😅) = 💧log 😄

[ilybangchann]

that post-performance adrenaline rush after your group locks in with each other for the finale >>>

[doveghost]

I love when you go to scratch a pet bird's cheek and they start nibling you like "oh you wanna preen me? Let me preen you!"

[ilybangchann]

woah

i was gonna do something big. but it hit me so suddenly that it is not worth it. i changed my mind. i'm not sure what exactly pushes me to that familiar point, what exactly makes/made me insistent on going through with it. if i were to do it, too many things would change, yet no problems would become solved. it would've been selfish. in my preparation, i wrote letters to my family. but writing them made me immeasurably existential. what would i do if i regretted my choice at the last minute? when it was too late? what if i hurt someone else badly with my choice? i kept thinking of my mother. it didn't make sense, along with everything else. so i put my notebook down. i don't like the world sometimes. but leaving it was not going to be my best decision. it probably isn't ever going to be. i was gonna do something, and i thought about it each and every past weekend. but it's not worth it. it really isn't. this morning, i got on the bus to a notification from someone i care about a lot. and i just thought, "i really want to stay here". woah. so maybe this feeling will prove to be fleeting like the bad ones too, but i'm hoping that posting this, just to have it written somewhere, making it real, will help me hold on to it. idk.

also i love youuu

[ilybangchann]

fuck ice

[ilybangchann]

pics i took of the moon

[ilybangchann]

wait i forgot to sleep

[ilybangchann]

[ilybangchann]

wait this isn't groundbreaking or anything but the thought of it made me sad

i used to hate the night as a kid. it was when i had to lie bored in the dark while my parents didn't give me any attention (they were asleep), and my sister would hole up in her room studying, and i wasn't allowed to play or watch tv, or do kid stuff, etc etc

but now the night is like the best part of my day bc everything gets to be paused for a little while

???

[ilybangchann]

bro i just watched one of RM's concerts (Live in Seoul @Rolling Hall) which was obviously amazing nobody is surprised

and the collabs really stuck out to me too! he was performing his album 'Indigo', which has a really thought out sprinkle of collaborations

and he brought out 4 of them during his performance! kim sawol and youjeen's vocals are seriously so soul-moving and beautiful

they're probably very famous as they've both been on the scene for a while but i'm still calling them extremely underrated because i literally fell in love with the songs all over againnnn

[herpsandbirds]

Red-breasted Goose (Branta ruficollis) hangs out with a flock of Bar-headed Geese (Anser indicus), family Anatidae, order Anseriformes, Gujarat, India

photograph by Nalsarovar Latif Alvani

[ilybangchann]

gaspp Gujarati birds?? this is my people 😃😃

[ilybangchann]

so i'm walking to my bus after classes and i see my awesome super duper friend so i call to them! but they're wearing earbuds so they can't hear me and i don't know what came over me but instead of repeating their name i panicked and started shouting words that remind me of them in hopes that they'd hear and notice

i was like "DILJIT DOSANJH!!" "PETEY THE CAT!" "AO3!!" "MR. SECRETARY!!" while waving my hands hysterically from down the hill- and they STILL didn't notice me 🥹😭

have a nice weekend though bestie <3

[herpsandbirds]

Laughing Falcon (Herpetotheres cachinnans), family Falconidae, order Falconiformes, Veracruz, Mexico

photograph by Eva D L Torre