[onetinyhand]

[daftpnk-deactivated20131109]

now hold on just a diddly-darn minute

[babyanus]

[lotapani-deactivated20150807]

WHY!!!!! DO STRAIGHT MEN!! GET MARRIED!!!!!! IF THEY FIND HAVING A WIFE A BURDEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bricesander]

[chrisharnick]

Wreath Witherspoon.

[iwishihadafather]

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR LEGITIMATELY 3 MINUTES STRAIGHT

[ammarmali]

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

[cremia-deactivated20210626]

I hope the Nintendo theme park thing has a smash bros area where I can literally just beat the shit out of someone irl

[ruinedchildhood]

Rihanna cosplaying Mario Party

[deactivatedtheuntitledpiece]

[thetrumanshow]

Colourised black and white photo of an American soldier at an allied base in 1942 

This is amazing

[legalwifi]

me trying to fit in a new group

[luuvbird-deactivated20140614]

when u accidentally say something REALLY RUDE in front of people u just met

[gael-garcia]

[saffronburke]

I did a show once with a female comedian. She got on stage and the first thing that happened is some idiot in the front yells, ‘TAKE IT OFF!’ If you’re a dude, never yell, ‘Take it off’. Unless a woman has placed a tarantula or a scorpion on one of your shoulders, there’s no reason to yell, ‘Take it off!”

Aziz fucking gets it. 

[realitytvgifs]

this sounds like a fight at a PTA meeting

[gohufflepuffyourself]

When customers ask how I’m doing I generally reply with “can’t complain” because they think I’m doing alright but literally I can’t complain I’ll get fired

[subwayprobs]

gonna start saying this lol

[richist-deactivated20150511]

i love that movie where the two white people think they can’t be together but in the end it turns out that they can

[jxhn-mulaney]

*cracks neck* my time has come

[breelandwalker]

Okay, first? Pay off all your debts. Take out a small loan and pay it off right away.

Buy several hundred vacant houses. Schedule repairs for said houses with reputable contractors and make sizable down payments in advance. Get everything in writing and hang onto those deeds.

Buy a large open parcel of land that is being auctioned for development. And when I say large, I mean LARGE.

Sink millions into paying off people’s Kickstarters / college loans / medical bills / mortgages, and give generously charity organizations. That alone will carry off a lot of money.

Once you’ve got things down to a reasonable level, say $1m, buy yourself a house, furnishings, appliances, and a dependable car. Pay everything off so that you own it free and clear. Purchase about $200k worth of something easy to liquidate (i.e. gold, gems, bonds, stocks). Put the rest onto prepaid credit cards and wait for Monday to roll around.

NOW THE FUN BEGINS.

You now have commendable credit and a shining public reputation.

Fix up and flip those houses, sell them for fair market value or below to families who need them, or create non-profit homeless shelters. (After all, it’s not like you need to “make” money, this is all running on the proceeds from the property sales.)

Sell the parcel of land to developers, or donate it to public works as a park or open space. Have them name it after you.

Retire to your fully furnished home. Liquidate your extra assets, or leave them to appreciate in value for a later date. Make Christmas epic with those gift cards. Keep the extra money in the bank and keep your day job.

And don’t worry about taxes when return time rolls around, because you’ll be able to write off several millions’ worth of charitable donations.

[currentlymovingflights-deactiva]

Basically this

[goingtopshelf-deactivated201510]

This is someone who paid attention in finance class. 

[sagihairius]

My mom just informed me that my first word was “quote” so I’m going to make sure my last word before I die will be “unquote”

[aesthetic-dissonance]

you have been blessed with a rare and epic opportunity