why am i like this?
its getting bad. why do i feel like this? i dont want to die but thats all i can think about for some reason. i hate being alive. i hate the way i am. i see myself every day in my head hurting or killing myself lately. why is this? i was doing so well a month ago. im scared of myself again. im scared of slipping all the way down this trench of depression im in. i feel like im gonna be put in a hospital soon if this doesnt go away. im so scared of what my future holds. what if i attempt? then what? i just want to hurt myself. i deserve to be put down. i deserve the pain. im such a failure. im pathetic. i hate the way i am. i hate the way i look. im so fat and disgusting. i hate the way i live, its disgusting. i deserve to die. i know it will hurt the people around me but what else am i supposed to do get rid of this pain. i do everything i can that used to help. im being creative. im seeing friends. im visiting back home to see my parents. yet all i can think of is ways i could die or ways to mutilate my physical being. this is too much. idk what to do.
