#life rant

[raahisblog]

The ones who feel like they belong to me are always taken by others. I watch them go, quietly breaking inside, wondering why the people meant for my heart never stay long enough to call it home.

[bagsovbones]

A little bit of ersatz fan art for people to enjoy. Legit, the pilot is sooooooo fkn goood!

2026, even though it's just started, it's already screwed me over. (Honestly, it may be just my luck with the month of January, but I'm blaming the year). So far, I've gotten sick, my injuries have been acting up, having a much harder time losing my holiday pounds. And the icing on the cake? My 2nd job has essentially pulled the rug out from under me. My whole group is but a small slice of a much bigger unit. As such, my unit rotates the groups on and off a major ongoing project. Which is all fine and dandy, aside from the point that I didn't know I was put back on rotation until essentially last minute! I've been losing sleep over this and have been falling back into a bad head space, a self-destructive one that I haven't indulged since grade school.

I know this is a fairly minor complaint, and I'll just be losing maybe a year off of my 60+ life. It's... it's just so unfair and messed up. I had major plans for this year, and I'll have to put a good chunk of them on the back burner, and I'll be missing my lil bro's graduation.

Anywho. Ending my rant here, just desperately need to express my voice into an empty void.

[jeza-red]

Went to restaurant for lunch today and was yet again disappointed by the English "cuisine". Money wasted on a salad that could be good if someone spent 5 minutes googling "what dip goes with a falafel?" and a cake that made me believe in dark forces. First time in my life I've encountered a cake that included zucchini and yet came out dry as dust.

And it actually made me angry, because I paid a lot for a meal seemingly thrown together by a thirdgrader.

For every article that goes "Why is English cuisine considered bad? Let me tell you why it's actually not..." I have to say no, it is. It's bad. It's baaaad. If you've ever had a chance to try anything else, you won't have any questions left.

And for all the cultural and social, and historical reasons these articles serve as excuses/reasons for the "perceived" badness - there is only one reason. In these modern times when one doesn't have to add chalk to milk for longevity or depend on other cost-saving measures, in the time when access to ingredients and ideas for all budgets is available at a touch of a hand...

The reason is that the British are the most incurious people I've met in my life, when it comes to food. If their mom didn't feed them something during their formative years, they won't try it out of their own free will. If Nigella or Jimmy didn't show them something "exotic" is actually good, you can get blue in the face praising it but they won't try. Living in a pretty multicultural and mixed part of England, it took me five years to train my English coworkers enough so that they'll eat a candy in a wrapper with foreign writing on it and give it a shot. And I mean it, years of conscious training by yours truly.

Sorrounded by all the amazing food options and culinary treasures from all over the world, the English will stick to their sad excuse of patisserie - once you try the sad reality of the dry sugar feel of Victoria Sponge, you'll yearn for a simple Polish cheesecake. They'll stick to their limited options of meats - the same English sausage in fifty slightly differing mixes of the same 2 spices and 3 herbs. To the same five fruits/vegetables that the supermarket serves - when sorrounded by all the foreign delis packed to the ceiling with delicious options from all over.

And yeah, some of it are the leftovers of a weird ingrained racism - Spanish or French meats are fine and fancy, but the exact same product from Eastern Europe or Middle East is dirty and yuk. But i don't know where the rest of it comes from...

[theiudices]

my least favorite thing ever about sports season is when all the guys and sports-enthused family-friends come together and watch the match and hoorah! My mother and I are all of a sudden everybody’s personal live-in cook, servant, hostess, and cleaner.

No, no, of course I don’t want to eat! Yes, of course you can take my entire plate of food downstairs! I would love to clean all your dirty dishes and take it upstairs. No, really: I would.

Yes, I love it when you yell at me for forgetting something and I have to go upstairs to get it! Really, I do. I’ve been meaning to get in exercise! It’s really only through your magnanimity that I can get that exercise in. I’ll live and die eternally grateful!

[artellip]

Restless today, so went out to do a grocery run and ended up eating chicken and waffles, and then omw to the grocery saw the local bakery came out with a new tiramisu, and normally i wouldn't indulge myself (old habits die hard) but i was restless and sad so i bought the cake and now i am still restless and sad but i have a no longer empty kitchen AND tiramisu

[croissntsblog]

In case of despair, there’s always a tome of LoTR waiting on your bedchamber table

[evekeii]

A strong girl? "海に飛び込むまで、その深さがどれほどなのか決してわからない." this is just a simple blog or rather a 'rant' I want to let out from my heart.  ⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖

"You'll never discover how deep the ocean is until you dive into it."

This quote had a big impact in my life ever since I entered the part of life called 'adulting'.

Since I grew up as an independent girl always end up doing everything for my own happiness and well-being, I am confident back then that when I am at my adulting stage, I will just go to it with a smooth flow. But things turned out differently and the stress and exhaustion start to consume me, even at this very minute.

I have been working ever since I graduated college. Job just at my way. Lucky? so be it. I am much thankful for it and have no regrets but at that time, I wish I had spent more time resting after 18 years of studying. I moved from one job to another because of different circumstances but now, I can say that I am at the greatest and my dream job. I am happy, super happy. But then of course, I got stressed and tired at the end of the day. I am just a normal person, anyway. 

For the past days working and improving myself, I was happy. Then, things became out of hand. My siblings got in a relationship and soon to be married. I am the next heir to be the "breadwinner". My world just suddenly stopped. I never get enough sleep at night and always feel tired when I woke up.

"How will I manage to stay sane with it?"

"Will I fill that role perfectly?"

Those are the questions that always popped out on my head before I sleep at night. And so, I will think of it for the whole nighttime until the clocks restart again. 

"Am I really successful now?"

Another question that keeps me awake wondering if I really did a great job. I don't know, I really don't. My friends always say, "Yes" but I don't think so myself. I always put a brave face helping other people genuinely because I know the feeling of being helpless. I want them to enjoy the things they really love to do because when they are at this point of their lives, they will not do those as frequent as they did when they are younger. I always make other people feel like they wanted because I know the feeling of being unwanted. 

But despite it all, I will get on my knees and stand up again. I know I will get through this sooner or later. I don't want to make myself pathetic and hopeless. I always say to myself that I need to be brave not because I want to but because I need to. I know I can. I just need to believe in me.

Because at the end of the day, I always have me that is proud of what I have accomplished. 

design idea: my dearest, @cxliztaaa (go read her stories :3) ‎ꫂ᭪݁ banner: @curtainhshsh 𑣲⋆ this is just me writing my thoughts...