With an "I see, I see," I nodded and walked along...
@imaginarydaydreams
Hey, I'm Mari and I write and/or draw every blue moon. Do enjoy these magical tales weaved from the galaxy~ ♡ฅ(ᐤˊ꒳ฅˋᐤ♪)
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Hey, I finally have a ko-fi after so long ;_; still gotta set some stuff up later but if you like any of my works and wanna support me, please feel free to pay me in snacks ;u;
Also will consider taking ko-fi commissions; just DM me for details!
Sorry about the slightly weird formatting; apparently tumblr has a change where you can't??? post more than 4064 characters or some stupid asinine garbage like that and that was the only way to make it readable on desktop;; I'll start linking the AO3 link though so you guys can see how it's intended to be read
Fandom: Persona 2 Eternal Punishment (ft. Innocent Sin)
Concept: “A bouquet for the boy who loved too much. That way, you never forget the sin you committed.” A retelling of Persona 2 Eternal Punishment, but Tatsuya Suou has hanahaki disease. A retelling of Persona 2 Eternal Punishment, but Tatsuya Suou has Hanahaki disease. Heavily implied Tatsujun but this ain't about them.
Date Written: 7/22/2023
Thoughts: Welcome…to the Sky Museum—Thunderdome. Welcome to the Thunderdome. This is the first part in what I hope to be a multi chapter fic that I will actually finish. Thank you to my collaborator, @thatrandomlittlegirl, for being my enabler and most importantly, helping me fact check everything because god knows my memory in terms of events that happened in Persona 2 IS and EP is shaky at best, despite us playing the games together.
AO3 Link | Tagging: @pieuteu
"You know what? I'm glad we met again. Next time, you're gonna join my band, got that? It's a promise; don't forget."
"Chinyan, darling...remember me, no matter what. I love you..."
"I won't forget; not my sin, not you, not anyone. We'll meet again, and together, we'll save Maya. So I won't say goodbye, only...thank you."
"I shall always watch over you from within, and pray that you break through the unwritten laws of destiny and remember each other...Farewell."
Farewell.
That was such a finite word, Tatsuya thought as he watched his friends leave one by one through the portal connecting the new world to the old, into the new timeline they had created.
With each tearful goodbye, each back turned on him, he could only stare silently while they disappeared into the void, the memories reclaimed after years apart melting away in exchange for a hopeful future where their big sister figured lived once more.
But was that not such a steep price to pay? They had only just found each other again. Saving Jun from the clutches of a demented god; clearing up the misconceptions from ten years ago; fighting for humanity’s future with the power of the friendships once forged at an unassuming shrine so long ago… A mere few days wasn’t enough when the world sought to fall apart around them before they could even play catch-up. Especially when a majority of that time was spent ignorant to the truth and each other’s identities.
Tatsuya clenched his fists at the unfairness of it all. He didn’t want to do this—to forget his time with his beloved friends. He had only just gotten them back. It wasn’t fair that they were so cruelly taken away because of a stupid bet between gods and a cheating prophecy that they couldn’t ever hope of beating.
And yet, he didn’t really have a choice in the matter anymore.
Eikichi, Lisa, Jun, and he had all made their decisions immediately. Their memories as payment for Maya’s life. To go back on his promise now was to trample the hopes and dreams they carried for this new world. One where humanity’s dark wish didn’t follow them and bring to fruition a future of ruin. He didn’t have a right to step back on that decision.
But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t upset about everything.
Heaving a sigh, Tatsuya took a step towards the portal, readying himself to pass through and lose everything, when he was stopped by a hand roughly grabbing the sleeve of his blazer.
“And just where do you think you’re going?”
The voice was as distorted as ever, but he recognized it all the same. He turned around and came face to face with his shadow, its bright red eyes gazing back at him with scorn, just like back in the Leo Temple.
Tatsuya unconsciously moved to flick his lighter, but the comforting feeling of metal clasped between his fingers was nowhere to be found.
Ah, that’s right. This was the passage between dimensions; if he was going to move on, then in this new world, he and Jun technically would never have met—never would have exchanged their personal treasures with each other in front of that shop once upon a time. It made sense if he was already being stripped of everything that connected him to this side.
The loss of yet another precious memory burned in his chest.
Instead, Tatsuya shoved at the hand still holding him in a vice grip as irritation began prickling at his skin. His other hand, still seeking out the cool metal of his once prized possession, clenched and unclenched at his side. This only made his shadow laugh, the harsh sound carried through the vastness of the void around them.
“What? You think I’m stepping out of line?” His facial features twisted into a cruel grin, eyes practically gleaming with derision. “I’m only telling the truth, Tatsuya; after all, that’s why I’m here in the first place.
“I’ve told you before, you self-righteous hypocrite, your weakness is a sin. What makes you think that you can take on the necessary burden to save the world?
“You couldn’t even save the life of your beloved older sister figure.”
At those words, Tatsuya grabbed his shadow by the collar, arm poised at the ready to strike. However, his shadow didn’t even bother gracing him with a flinch, as if expecting this of his other self. Rather, he only looked unamused, eyes watching Tatsuya like a hawk, waiting.
"If you really want to go to the Other Side, go ahead. Strike me down. Forget about your friends, your memories—all of the things you did, here and now. Your other half isn’t here to shelter you like before. So let's see your resolve.”
Tatsuya’s fist shook with barely restrained anger.
How dare he. Was he not already proving his resolve by choosing to give up everything for this slim chance at a better future? Was he not already showing how strong he was—giving up the sliver of happiness he was denied after ten long, long years of loneliness and isolation? He didn’t have his friends by his side for so long yet, through a chance meeting, met them again… only to have them ripped away oh-so suddenly because some god decided he wanted to win a stupid bet that damn badly?
And now his shadow of all things was saying that he didn’t have the strength to move on?
He could kill his shadow right here and now with his bare hands. Prove his resolve and leave this doomed world behind.
All he had to do was let go of everything holding him back.
But as his mind filled with the last words spoken to him in the Sea of Souls, he hesitated.
He thought back on everything that happened—the impromptu Joker game at Sumaru Prison leading a ragtag group on a wild goose chase throughout the entire city; finally getting closure for the Alaya Shrine incident; and reuniting with people he thought he would never see again.
Could he really give all of that up? It was such a short amount of time they had together…
“I don’t…I don’t want to forget what happened. How could I forget…?”
Tatsuya’s fist dropped, his grip on his shadow’s collar loosening ever so slightly.
His shadow sneered. "Oh you can't? Figures. You’ve never been able to make decisions for yourself, always relying on the strengths of others. Pathetic, aren’t you? You can't do anything, the way you are now.
“And this is why you don’t deserve this second chance.”
The split second hesitation was all that was needed as hands shot out and wrapped themselves around Tatsuya’s neck, squeezing and constricting his air flow immediately.
The crushing weight of the memories that clung to him like a vice felt suffocating in the grip his shadow had around his neck. Tatsuya tried to scramble to break the hold on him—to shove his shadow away, kick him, bite even, anything to just breathe—but his shadow was relentless. The fluttering of his heart pounding incessantly against his rib cage spoke to the very real part of him that didn’t want to die yet, fear crawling down his spine.
Was he really going to die here? Was he really not going to be able to fulfill his promise?
After a few moments, the grip loosened and Tatsuya fell to the floor, lungs burning and coughs racking his body as he tried to take in the oxygen he was deprived of.
His shadow looked at him, disgusted. “Whatever. In the end, you’re free to continue to cling to those damnable memories of yours. But—“
Hands immediately pulled Tatsuya back up to his feet and every nerve in his being seized up on instinct, moving his arms sluggishly to protect his throat. His body was pulled forward with such force that he stumbled, face to face with red eyes that glowed with an ethereal anger.
“—just know you can never outrun the guilt of your sins.”
With that, a rough shove propelled Tatsuya backwards and he fell through the portal. A darkness unlike any other began to overtake his vision.
Right as he was carried to the new world, Tatsuya could have sworn he heard muttered words in the distance.
“For your sake, I can only hope the consequences of your actions come back to bite you.”
——————
When the world came back into focus, Tatsuya was lying on a dark checkered tile floor, marble pillars positioned in a semi-circle reaching into a starry sky. Glowing runes floated around him, undulating with magic that seemed to keep the entire place together. He slowly sat up, taking in his surroundings.
He was back in the Sea of Souls. But why? Didn't he just come from there, or some extension thereof?
And where was Philemon?
However, before Tatsuya could stand and start to look around, the sound of loud clapping and thunderous laughter reverberated through the space, bouncing off the shadows that enveloped him.
"Let's give it up for Tatsuya Suou, Philemon's beloved champion! The boy who doomed the whole world with his selfishness!”
From the darkness, a sharp click was heard before a tall figure stepped out, the edges of a Sevens uniform coming into view and fluffy brown hair illuminated by the runes that surrounded them. A gleam caught Tatsuya’s eye, a familiar sight of a metal lighter held between the figure’s hands. For a moment, he thought that his shadow had followed him across universes to perhaps finish him off—his muscles tensed in the case of a fight breaking out—but the golden eyes that stared down at him with contemptuous condescension spoke to who it was that greeted him.
The creature wearing his face gave him a mouth-splitting smile, the corners of its lips curling impossibly far as it delighted in Tatsuya’s shock. “Don’t you think this visage suits me? Or, perhaps—“
A blinding flash of light forced Tatsuya to close his eyes and, when it was once again safe to open them, he found a mockery of his best friend, eyes closed and a sweet smile on his face, standing in its place. A silver watch adorned his wrist, catching the light as if to further taunt Tatsuya on what he couldn’t have.
“—you’re more inclined towards his face, hmm? After all, this is your beloved, the one you yearn to see most.”
Even the voice was the same. Yet the distortion underlying the words served as a reminder to who was truly in front of him.
Tatsuya immediately lunged at the cruel god, the burning embers of rage licking at his veins as hands readied to rip him to shreds. He already played his asinine game; no way in hell was he going to let this farce continue for even a second. Not on his nor Jun’s honor.
However, inky black hands sprouted from the floor below, grabbing onto his limbs and pinning him down with an inhuman strength. The pressure was enough to force Tatsuya in a kneeling position no matter how much he struggled. A smile began to slowly spread across Nyarlathotep’s lips at the sight of the proud lion reduced to a mere docile kitten.
“Ah, ah, ah, watch that temper of yours, Sun Arcana. You wouldn’t want to hurt the face of the one you hold dearest, no?”
Another haughty and malicious laugh echoed through the void as Tatsuya snarled but didn’t make any further movement. The nails digging into his skin served as a well-needed distraction because, loathe as he was to admit it, Tatsuya couldn’t bear to attack any version of Jun.
Even if that version was currently a monster wearing his face.
Swallowing his pride, Tatsuya just bowed his head, hiding his eyes behind his bangs. At least this way, he didn’t have to witness this disgusting display before him. Nyarlathotep resumed his closed-eyed fox smile, head tilted in contented glee as he circled Tatsuya like a predator to prey.
“In the end, you chose to forgo the parameters you yourself decided and kept your memories in an act of pure selfishness. You pushed all the pain upon your friends, yet retained your memories…you claim that I’m evil, but I would say you’re just as heartless as you say I am."
The footsteps stopped directly in front of Tatsuya but he refused to look up. Nyarlathotep instead bent down at the waist and hooked a finger under Tatsuya’s chin, forcing his head up so their faces were leveled with one another. “So tell me, how does it feel to sit upon your throne of lies and broken promises, knowing that everything is and was futile in the end?”
Tatsuya flinched at the words. The Crawling Chaos cackled.
“What will you do now, hmm? Doom this world like you did the other, on account of your selfish wish? Start over again anew? You had your one chance and yet you squandered it, all in the name of the tepid things you humans call bonds.”
From his spot, Tatsuya began to curl into himself, fists clenching tighter. He hated this. He hated the fact that he had done the one thing he swore he wouldn’t while he was still battling with uncertainty towards the decision to start the world anew. And in doing so, he had betrayed his friends’ feelings. And for what? Because he himself didn’t want to let them go so soon?
Maybe his shadow was right about him being a hypocrite…
“No need to feel bad—this is what you humans wanted after all. But perhaps you wish for some comfort? A shoulder to cry on? You’re looking for the wrong person if you think I can provide that. But maybe…”
The monster knelt down in front of Tatsuya and slowly reached a hand out to touch his hair, fingers tracing down—past his bangs, the curve of his cheekbone, under his chin—before settling back against his cheek in a tender caress. It felt cold. Tatsuya closed his eyes.
“Tatsuya…”
No…
“Tatsuya, it’s alright…”
Anything but this…
The hand cupping his cheek was so achingly gentle. The telltale distortion marking the cruel, faceless god had disappeared, the voice calling out to him light and soft, so much like the voice he was so familiar with. Flashes of memories exploded behind his mind’s eye—small touches here and there, a dazzling smile, bright laughter, and the scent of floral notes mixed with a mild perfume…
He should know better. He should know better, but a part of him wanted to give in, to chase after the siren’s song that lured him in. Even though Tatsuya knew—knew that behind those closed eyelids awaited, not the beautiful brown irises he loved, but a cold, unfeeling golden glare—it was the closest he could ever be to his beloved in a world that pegged them as strangers.
But still, Tatsuya remained quiet.
Silence passed for a beat or two and, ever the hopeful one, Tatsuya thought that perhaps Nyarlathotep had given up on this charade and gotten bored. However, the sound of feet shuffling closer and a body shifting positions gave the answer.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything, Tatsuya. I’m never leaving your side…”
Something soft pressed against his forehead.
The tender dissonance of the action caused Tatsuya to jerk his head to the side, away from the offending figure, biting down on his tongue as his body shook with unbridled rage. He thrashed against the hands holding him down but they didn’t let up. This only caused the figure—brash, cold, and threatening; nothing like the soft and sweet memories of his Jun—to cackle.
"Now, now, don't turn away. You and I both know that this is the one face you could never deny," ‘Jun' opened his eyes and instead of the warm browns that Tatsuya knew and loved, they shone gold, glimmering with malice. “Brilliant. Look at that expression, teeming with desolation."
“As much as I would like to keep you here to torment for eternity, that’s not what I’m here for.” Having said that, the fake doppelgänger stood up. With a snap of his fingers, a crown of red flowers materialized into his hands. It seemed to pulsate, swaying in an invisible wind as a few petals dropped to the floor like droplets of fresh blood. Between each bloom, the same inky hands that held Tatsuya down linked together in a mass of writhing limbs, forming a monstrous Mobius strip of sorts.
“A gift for you, Paradox Boy. The first of two. I think you’ll find it quite thoughtful.” Nyarlathotep chuckled as if proud of himself. “A crown for the king of fools May it serve as a testament to your greatest sin, the reminder of the point at which this world was doomed by your own hands.”
Another silence rang out in the Sea of Souls and Tatsuya peered up cautiously, bracing himself for whatever that monster had in store. He could still see the image of Jun—‘not Jun,’ he reminded himself; the unnatural gold staring coldly down at him shattered all illusion he could have deluded himself into—looking at him with an expression he never thought his Jun could have.
“I won’t give you an explanation for what this does. That would ruin the fun. But considering all the time you’ve spent with my previous pawn, you’ll know what these mean.”
Bending down slightly, the Crawling Chaos placed the flower crown upon Tatsuya’s head.
As soon as the crown touched his brow, a sharp pain coursing through his body caused his sight to become blurry, body quaking and writhing from the shock. Tatsuya wanted to scream, cry, curl up onto the floor–anything to get away from the pain assaulting his body—but the hands still gripping onto him kept him upright. At least there was the comfort that they loosened enough to give him back mobility in his arms, even if it was slight. An involuntary cough left him, shaky as the breaths he tried to take in through the hands that covered his mouth. When he pulled one hand away, Tatsuya could barely make out the blobs of red that coated his fingers.
They smelled slightly floral with a hint of iron.
He could only stare bleary-eyed at the god in question. Said god only huffed in response. “Oh don’t worry. This won’t be enough to kill you. After all, this is meant to be a punishment. There would be no fun if I just allowed you to simply die.
“No, no. I want you to remember your sins with every breath you take and have carved into your heart the reminder that no one can escape Fate so easily.
“That is my final mercy to you, Paradox Boy,” Nyarlathotep said, his voice still distinctly Jun’s but now carrying the power of the monstrous god behind it. “And one that is far more kind than anything Philemon could ever give you.”
As the Crawling Chaos dissipated into the shadows, the echoes of maniacal laughter leaving Tatsuya alone in the Sea of Souls, he swore he could see the faint, weak fluttering of golden butterfly wings in the corner of his eye.
——————
At the front of an unassuming train station, six strangers met for the first time.
Here's a small preview of a collab fic that @thatrandomlittlegirl and I are planning for Persona 2 :3c we swear we're normal about this game ⭐ Hope y'all enjoy because this is gonna be a long boi
Notes from Kaja: it features Mawi's favorite sprite of Tatsuya <3
In the metallic sheen that perfectly preserved his friends’ memories, Tatsuya stared at his own reflection, watching and waiting for something to happen.
He could feel Apollo’s flame burning brightly in his chest, his other self no doubt trying to momentarily seize control to move, do something.
To save his life.
But Tatsuya knew that he had to face this punishment head on. He dug his grave and now he was lying in it, atop the shining altar, ready to sacrifice himself up to his friends for his blasphemy.
‘Accept your punishment,’ he told himself, eyes still trained on his reflection that he only belatedly realized was trembling slightly. All those lectures he gave during demon contacts about what being a man meant came back to bite him. Tatsuya focused all his energy on keeping his eyes opened, staring at the blade that dug deeper into his neck until a thin line of blood dribbled down onto the scattered flowers surrounding him.
This was only fair, he needed to keep looking, to take his death with dignity and grace, he—
…he closed his eyes.
He could feel his body shake, small tremors wracking his entire frame as he cursed his own cowardice. A wet cough pushed out a few spider lily petals from his lungs, decorating the space next to his head with a pattern resembling blood spatters.
“These flowers will mark your grave.”
They sure will, Jun.
In the darkness, he could hear the swish of metal swinging through the air and braced himself for the final blow.
“TATSUYA!”
Katsuya and the others ran through the front gates of the shrine, calls of his name laced with desperation and panic as the situation before them sank in. He could hear Maya gasp and Katsuya yell his name louder, afraid to lose his one and only little brother.
He squeezed his eyes tighter at hearing the despair in Maya’s voice. He didn’t want her to see this. Didn’t want her to suffer like they had on the Other Side.
But fate was always a cruel thing, wasn’t it?
“Tatsuya, what are you doing!?”
“Little Suou!”
“Hey, kid!”
“Tatsuya-kun, please! Not like this…”
[Is this really how you want to die?]
It was only for a split second.
The fiery will to continue on ignited for the first time since he had awoken to his memories. Without thinking, Tatsuya’s hand reached up to grip the blade of the sword that threatened his life. The edge bit into his flesh, the searing pain almost overtaking his senses, but he didn’t care.
Because in that moment, he knew that he had to live so that he could atone. Properly.
If not for his sake, then for theirs.
“I’ll accept my punishment, Jun,” Tatsuya said, shoving the sword away and standing defiantly next to the altar that would have been his tomb. Blood flowed freely down his palm but determination blazed through his eyes, clear and bright. “But not now. Not until I can fix my mistake."
Fandom: Persona 2 (Innocent Sin and Eternal Punishment)
Concept: At the end of the day, he was a boy who loved too much. And look at all the good that it did for him. Spoilers for both Persona 2: IS and EP. (Also Tatsujun if you squint a bit at the end.)
Date Written: 6/20/2023
Thoughts: @thatrandomlittlegirl and I were talking (as always) about Persona 2 and the fate of our dear son sun boy Tatsuya Suou. Inspired by @twinkle-art‘s beautiful comic, this is a...a little taste for a fic that may be soon to come.
Eventually he returned back to his original world. A world that—unlike the one he had been residing in for months in a body that was both familiar and so foreign at the same time—was riddled with demons and shadows at every turn, the edges of Xibalba on the precipice of his vision as the ship soared through the universe with the remnants of humanity that weren’t yet destroyed by the darkness.
And for the boy whose heart was too big for his own good; who cared too much in his own, stoic way; whose suffering was a result of loving too hard…
…he sat down on the nearest bit of rubble and sobbed.
He mourned for all that he once had. All that he had been denied. The friends who, in another life, are thriving but whom he will never, and can never, meet again. The bonds that he made that were never meant to be his.
For the world that was ruined by an unfair game of gods and demons.
For the world he almost ruined with his selfishness.
And when all was said and done, he fell back onto the pavement and just stared straight up at the swirling cosmos above.
He sat in silence with the stars he once loved so much, so long ago—the memory of the boy he adored echoing in the recesses of his mind as a small voice rattled off the names of the different constellations he belatedly recognized—and let their light wash over him.
The nostalgia stung the corners of his eyes, but embraced him with a warmth to stave off the loneliness of a whole universe that separated him from the ones he loved most.
And, perhaps for the first time in a while, Tatsuya Suou’s bleeding heart didn’t feel as heavy with the weight of his all-encompassing love.
Planning another fic in the semi-near future but also thinking of starting up my OC headcanons tags again that I did way back at the start of this blog because I would love to start cataloguing some things about my hot mess of a self-insert daughter Mika Rin
Fandom: Mystic Messenger
Concept: Ray has only known the life of a puppet, fated to bend to the wills of others. It’s better this way. (Saeran/Ray x MC if you squint)
Date Written: 8/21/2022
Thoughts: Didn’t think I would write again for mysme tbh. But, as my good friend @thatrandomlittlegirl says, “this is our therapy arc.” I’m still not comfortable writing fully again so please take these segments that I offer. I’m rusty so forgive me if it’s bad; it’s been 2 years after all.
Ray was meant to be nothing more than a puppet.
Ever since the beginning of his meaningless life, he had existed only for the sake of others. Taught to obey, to question nothing, kept blind from everything around him, he had waited in the small bubble of his limited world, doing what he was told without a sound…lest he incur the wrath of the one he had called a mother—if she could even be referred to as such.
For him, everything was fleeting.
All of the good things in his life were barely even counted on a singular hand—the source of those moments of solace long gone, even though in his heart of hearts, he wished for a miracle to return to him—and Ray thought that, perhaps, he had done something to anger the gods above.
Simply by the nature of existing.
Perhaps sinners like him deserved their lots in life, trapped in an endless nightmare.
And so he had continued on in this monochrome world of his, his emotions drained like the tears that escaped his eyes for days on end after his beloved twin had disappeared like the wind.
No happiness, no kindness, nothing to keep his sanity.
--------------------
On days when he was alone working the nights away, his sleep-addled mind would dream up sacrilegious ideas.
He had entertained on a few times that, perhaps, his savior was just as lonely and weak as he was, hiding her true emotions behind a well-placed mask. After all, in the rare times the two of them were alone—a messiah and her ever-loyal believer—he would catch a glimpse of the dark despair that lurked behind her gaze as she told him of her plans for the RFA, his fellow believers, their Paradise.
Sometimes when she thought no one was looking, he would see her mask break for a brief second, a flash of pain across her face and incoherent mumblings that he never understood.
He thought of the beautiful being who had taken his hand blindly, trusting him enough to come and reside to a place unknown to them and test his “game.”
He thought of their bright smile as they grinned when he came through the door of their room; their voice light as angel feathers in the rare times he could afford to take a break…or rather, the times when his will was too weak and he yearned to hear them speak. He dreamed of taking a nap with them in his beloved garden, their hand in his, as they basked in one another’s warmth. The touch of their lips against his felt still felt warm after all this time, his cheeks dusting with a pink as he remembered how elated he had been.
But those thoughts were quickly banished to the deepest recesses of his mind. He could never afford to think that way, let alone form his own thoughts and opinions.
He was too stupid to understand anything. He was only a puppet after all.
To consider either of them as his equal? Who was he to even have the gall to think such?
His savior would be disappointed. His beloved would be disgusted.
--------------------
A puppet can never go against its puppeteer.
And as such, Ray chose instead to destroy himself. He could never betray his beloved savior, but he also could never dare to hurt the one he held in his heart, the one who trusted him with their everything wholeheartedly. A conflict of interest, a choice he should never have had—he was supposed to just blindly follow orders. How did he even manage to mess that up?
Maybe the puppet Ray was better off just disappearing.
Perhaps if he had wished on a star hard enough...or sooner...he could have had a chance to stay with his beloved for a bit longer. But even the magic of midnight runs out eventually and all must return to reality.
It was just sadly his turn to exit the stage before he even had a chance to shine.
So with the final thoughts of the smiling face that always waited for him, he succumbed to the darkness in favor of being the perfect marionette—one who followed his puppeteer with absolute obedience. Never again would he waver. Never again would his convictions be weak.
It was…better this way.
--------------------
Rika looked down at the boy kneeling reverently before her, looking intently at the way those once-soft features hardened with hatred. His head was bowed in respect, awaiting her orders with a diligence that she hadn’t seen ever since that…pest…had come into her paradise. Satisfied, Rika dropped the emptied bottle of elixir and reached over to hand the new set of clothes to Saeran.
Ray was finally gone. That weak boy, that failed puppet…she would never have to worry about losing her strongest and most beloved believer now.
Perhaps she should thank that person who dared to defy her. If it wasn’t for them, the change from the weak Ray to the strong Saeran would have never taken place.
Now she could carry out her plans without a hitch, as she ordained…first starting with eliminating that outsider. She now had her strongest tool; no one would dare to defy their paradise any longer.
After all, a revolver is only as strong as the ammo it fires.
Hi y’all. It’s been four years. I’m not sure if you ever noticed that my mystic messenger fics on tumblr specifically were gone, or if any of you are still in the fandom.
There was a reason for this, spanning a trauma that occurred four years ago almost to the date.
However, after much deliberation, I’m finally moving on from it and decided that it would be a good idea to un-private the posts.
I hope you enjoy reading the fics again as much as I had enjoyed writing them in the past, and hopefully there might be more stories to come.
-Mari
Fandom: Persona 5 Royal
Concept: Akira needs a hug for his troubles. [Side A: Bad End]
Date Written: 5/5/20
Thoughts: I have feelings. They are not good feelings. Takuto Maruki makes me depressed. Spoilers for 1/9, or the first bad end of Third Semester.
I just went through all my fics I have ever written so far and made a thread of the best lines that I think I ever wrote here
If y’all have any favorites that weren’t included here, let me know which ones were your favs and why! (Though if it’s from the mysme fandom, y’all gonna have to find those on AO3 since all those stories are locked on tumblr)
Fandom: Persona 5 Royal
Concept: Akira needs a hug for his troubles. [Side A: Bad End]
Date Written: 5/5/20
Thoughts: I have feelings. They are not good feelings. Takuto Maruki makes me depressed. Spoilers for 1/9, or the first bad end of Third Semester.
“So will you deny this happiness? Or will you accept this reality as the true reality? I need your answer.”
Takuto looked down at both Akira and Akechi from his place on the stage, grinning with hands spread about him as he asked for their final answer. Next to him, Kasumi—no, Sumire slept upon a gilded throne of pure white, just like the rest of the clean, unnaturally sterile auditorium.
There was that smile again. The gentle smile that encouraged him to let his guard down; that gleamed at Akira’s quick-witted responses; that joked with him as their glasses fogged over during their last lunch together…
The smile that now asked him to reject reality for a falsified belief, a cruel yet beautiful lie to live in.
Akira thought back to his friends yet again. Their faces flashed before his mind’s eye, one by one, and his mask of confidence and calm that he wore as Joker nearly broke.
If he rejected Takuto’s deal, he would be condemning his friends back to a world where their struggles followed them like the shadows they fought. Yet, if he accepted, then what would happen then? Would the world just live in blissful yet stagnated ignorance? His gaze turned towards Akechi, who merely looked at Takuto with that hateful glint in his eyes. And what of Akechi once this false world disappeared? He still refused to answer how he survived. What would happen to him then?
Break his friends’ hearts or break the chains of uniformity? It was a harder choice than when Yaldabaoth had asked, but…
“I…accept.”
His words came out as a shaky whisper, carrying the broken shards of his heart along the wind. Next to him, he could already hear the disbelief in Akechi’s voice as he begged him to reconsider, but Akira’s mind was already made up.
He just couldn’t break his precious teammates, his friends’ hearts like that. Not even for what was right.
“Really?” Takuto sounded genuinely surprised at Akira’s choice, and honestly, who could blame him? It was wrong but was it really? “You’ll truly accept this world?”
“Yes. I…will.”
~*****~
Everything felt like a dream.
As the group stood outside of Shujin to celebrate Makoto’s and Haru’s graduation, Akira stared at his friends, taking in each of their smiles while they chatted about their future plans. Futaba would be attending Shujin as a first year come next semester, perhaps even accompanied by Morgana; Yusuke was pondering over whether to transfer from Kosei; and Ann, Makoto, and Haru were laughing at Ryuji’s enthusiasm for the two upperclassmen to “graduate” properly by popping the lid off their diplomas. Even Akechi had been excited about his future plans to become a freelance detective, finally taking the break he deserved.
Kasumi soon ran up to them, hair tied up in her signature ponytail, as she said her congrats to the pair through huffs of breath, asking for a picture of everyone to remember this moment. She passed Akechi her phone as everyone got into position, filing together in a group. Akechi readied the phone, giving a signal as he aligned the camera just right—
“Do you need someone else to take the picture?”
Just as he was about to snap a commemorative picture of the group in front of Shujin for one final time, a voice resounded through the silence. Akira and the others looked over to see a man approaching them, a hat pulled down to cover his eyes.
“You guys are friends, right? So it’s only right for you all to be in the picture.”
The group looked at one another, a silence agreement between them, before Akechi handed the strange man the phone and took his place next to Akira.
“Okay, on three! One, two, three!”
The sound of a camera snap and the joyful moment was captured, the man handing them back the phone just before Futaba grabbed onto it to take a look at how the picture came out. The others gathered around, smiling at their happy expressions.
No one even noticed the man walking away, until Kasumi turned and shouted after him. “Thank you, sir!” She called out, resulting in a chorus of thank yous to follow after.
But while his friends were still celebrating, Akira’s focus remained on the man, who had only sent a wave back to them over his shoulder. He waved a hand back before slowly dropping it as a realization hit him.
Could it have been...?
“Senpai? Is something the matter?”
His attention was soon brought back to his friends, all looking at him with slightly worried expressions.
Akira only showed them his signature smile, tucking his hand back into his pocket. “Yeah, I’m fine. You guys go ahead, I’ll meet with you soon.”
Waving a hand to his friends as they turned to leave towards Leblanc to celebrate, Akira turned heel and immediately began to run towards the mysterious man in the hat that had taken their picture.
It can’t be.
There was no way, was it?
“Dr. Maruki!”
The man stopped mid-stride, glancing back at Akira in surprise, but even with his hat pulled down over his face, Akira could still make out glasses glinting under the bright sun.
“Akira? What are you doing?” A tilt of the hat’s brim revealed dark, messy hair and those kind yet melancholic eyes he was so well-acquainted with. “You should be with your friends; how do you even remember—”
“Of course I remember. How could I forget?”
After all, the choice still echoed in the recesses of his mind, keeping him awake at night as he struggled to cope with the guilt of denying the truth. How he had to convince himself since that day that what he was doing was right for everyone, that he wasn’t being selfish. Through that single choice, Akira had given up his position as the messiah of the world, Satanael by his side, instead turning his back on the truth. Now…now he was a pariah in a world that was so familiar yet so eerily wrong and he didn’t know what to do, what to even think—
Akira didn’t even notice the slight tremble of his hands, now curled into tight fists, or the way his vision blurred at the corners with the beginnings of unshed tears.
He couldn’t cry, he refused to cry; he had to be strong for everyone, he had to—
“Akira, you’re shaking.”
Takuto looked at him with a mix of pity and concern, watching the way he tried to reequip that mask of calm indifference, failing each time. “Do you regret the choice you made? To remain in this world?”
Akira said nothing; he only continued to glare at the man before him.
The only other person who knew the truth of everything.
The one who had disappeared so suddenly from their lives as if he hadn’t existed, leaving Akira to cope on his own.
Takuto only sighed, removing his hat to run a hand through messy locks. He stared at the ground, brows knitted together and a conflicted expression on his tired features.
“You know, you’re allowed to take off your mask, Akira.” Takuto said gently, finally looking back at the teen. “You don’t have to suffer anymore. Sadly, I can’t give up on this reality for the sake of one person, so this is all I can offer.” He closed the distance between them and slowly wrapped his arms around Akira, tight enough to provide a sense of warmth but loose enough that he could be pushed away if needed.
Takuto half-expected Akira to quickly move away, perhaps even deck him in the face for his insolence—he braced himself a little in case—but Akira didn’t make any movements. He just stood there, hands still clenched and eyes downcast as Takuto gently hugged him.
Just as Takuto was about to pull away and apologize, he felt arms wrap around him tightly, pulling him closer as Akira buried his head against his shoulder, the abrupt force of his hug nearly knocking the wind out of Takuto. He refused to look up, only clinging tightly to the counselor as he remained silent. But even Takuto could see the way his shoulders shook slightly with his quiet sobs, the cold tears seeping through his button-up.
‘How long had he been bottling this up?’ Takuto wondered as he stared at the mess of black hair nestled into his shoulder. He didn’t want anyone to suffer in this new world, much less the person who had helped him make this world a reality through his research.
But how was he supposed to make Akira happy now if this false reality was the very source of his despair?
Takuto could only hope that this hug, this small token of comfort, would help Akira’s heart settle into finally accepting this reality. But in the back of his mind, he knew—not even this could soothe the guilt nor the loneliness of both parties.
So as the echoes of empty happiness resounded around them, the broken pariah and lonely false god stood together, trapped in their sorrows derived from their own desires to make others happy.
All for the joy of the world.
