Things Asked During Sex Ed
“If I go in the bathroom and jerk off, then touch the doorknob to get out of the bathroom…then my mom touches the doorknob while going into the bathroom and fingers herself- can I get her pregnant?”
“OK what if I’m in a hot tub with 50 guys and they all ejaculate at the exact same time, then can I get pregnant?”
“If you’re having anal sex with a girl and she farts, will your testicles explode?”
“If my dick is long enough, can it puncture a girl’s stomach (through vaginal intercourse) and murder her?”
“Uterus? Isn’t that the thing that cows have?”
“Why does it hurt when you get shampoo in your dick hole?”
“Why do flavoured condoms exist?”
“If a girl has her nipples pierced, does the milk come out like a sprinkler?”
“Can I give myself an STD from masturbating?”
“Can we get a demonstration?”
“If you put cum in your hair does it make it shinier?”
“Where does the penis bone go after your boner goes away”
“What if your having sex and then you released your semen into one girls mouth and then she passes it into another girls mouth and then they spit it into each other’s vaginas? Can they both get pregnant?”
“Why are my periods green?”
“How come every time I ejaculate my balls shrivel up like a frightened turtle?”
“Eww, what turned this one black?”
“Does a longer penis mean more chance of conception because the sperm has less distance to travel?”
“Why do people make noise/moan while.. you know…?”
“Is it a dick move to piss in the girl because the toilet is really really far away?”
“Wait that’s what crabs look like?”
“Well if the vagina has acid why don’t girls fingers get burned off?”
“Is it masturbation or incest if you have sex with your clone?”
“Is it wrong to masturbate while holding a picture of Jesus?”
“Can I get pregnant from oral sex?”
“Is a solid kick to the stomach a viable method of abortion?”
“If I’m caught masturbating during a test, does that count as cheating?”
“Why did god make me gay?”
“Is a snickers wrapper an appropriate substitute for a condom?”
“Will we have a practical exam?”
“What if we get an erection when we play golf?”
“Whenever we’re all showering, I notice that my dads wiener is way bigger than mine. Will it ever grow or just stay tiny forever?”
“Can you get a girl pregnant from cumming In her butt?”
“What does ‘cumdumpster’ mean?”
“How do Daddy-long-legs reproduce if they’re all Daddy’s?”
“What do they do with your virginity once they take it?”
“Why does it hurt when you bend your penis?”
“Can you show us how to put the condom on the banana with your mouth?”
“So, what you’re saying is.. I was the uber sperm Of my dads load?”
“If you have a coca-cola flavoured condom, do you have a coca-cola flavoured baby?”
“Is it cannibalism to swallow semen?”
“What’s a penis on the Mohs Hardness Scale?”
“What does all of this have to do with Bill Clinton?”
“Why does the diagram only have 2 testicles?”
“So if the sperm takes 3 to 4 days to get to the egg, does that mean the penis has to be inside all that time?”
“How many men can fit into a whale’s vagina?”
“Why does the penis have to be hard to go in?”
“What’s it mean when Daddy ties up Mommy and uses his belt on her like he does on me when I’m trouble? They’re having sex but she’s getting punished? What does that mean?”
What STD’s can you get from phone sex?
“Do we manually insert placentas into women so the baby can grow?”
“Is breast milk skim or 2% milk?”
“If both participants were wearing gender specific condoms and using lube, could it start a fire?”
“Is it gay to have anal sex with a woman because males have assholes too?”
“What does cum taste like?”
“What happens when two people who both have aids have sex?”
“How can something so wrong feel so good?”
“If you get pregnant next to a microwave, will the baby have radiation poisoning?”
“Can you run a car off of fart gas?!”
“If I put hot sauce on my penis and get a girl pregnant, will the baby be a Mexican”?
“Vulva… Isn’t that a car?”
“Can you get your virginity back?”
“Yo! If you getcho thang shot off in a war, can you getchoself an artificial dangalang?”
“Who are the anal sex police? Do they just be creeping up in your yard and peeping through the window to make sure you’re not sticking it in her booty hole?”
“How much masturbation is too much masturbation?”
“Would you break your neck if you sucked yourself”
“If God didn’t want us to eat it then why’d he make it look like a taco?!“
“YO! ARE YOU PREGNANT, OR JUST FAT?!”
“Wait so what is a sperm whale made of?“
"If you have sex with a pregnant woman could you get the baby pregnant?”
“Can excessive masturbation delay puberty?”
“So… what if the snake is too big for the hole?”
“WAIT! How do you have an orgasm from having a dick in your mouth?!”
“Is sperm considered kosher?”
“If you have sex with a pregnant woman, can the baby reach out and grab your penis?”
“Does superman have supersperm?”
“So if you have herpes and you jerk off and get jizz on your hands, then you answer the phone and get jizz on the phone by accident, can the next person who uses the phone get herpes from it?”
“Do the balls go in too?”
“Can you get pregnant through the belly button?”
“Will my hair down there keep growing and need the barber to cut it like the hair on top of my head?”
“When am I gonna get MY period, huh??”
“Ahhh yes I know you pee on the girl, but where do you pee?”
“Why can’t a guy get pregnant? What if he tries, really, really hard?”
“If a woman has sex with a dog will she have puppies?”
“I’m ready to have sex but my condom hasn’t grown yet? When will I be able to grow my condom?”
“Why do gay people have to wear condoms? They can’t get pregnant!”
“How big is a whale’s penis?”
“Should I wear a condom while masturbating in case someone sits by were I came and gets pregnant?"
"Can you get an STD from having sex with a dead body that has it?”
“Is it true that the baby comes out looking most like the parent who worked the hardest during sex?”
“Can you use a lobster as a condom?”
“So does that mean you cant bust a nut?”
“Can you make cheese out of breast milk?”
“If you and your partner both have the same STD does it cancel out like PEMDAS or something?”
“Is the plural of penis peni?”
“What happens if someone is born with both the gun an’ the holster?”
“How does the lady get something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon?”
“What’s the deal with tampons? Whadu they do shove em up their butt or sumpin?”
“So, if I squeeze one of my balls when I cum, I’ll be able to decide the sex of my kid?”
“Does your dick ever stop growing? I had a dream where mine was giant.”
“Okay, say you’re nailing this chick and your sack hits her ass, does it retard the sperm?”
“Do boobs help you swim?”
“If you’re having sex really hard, can your penis break off?”
“Why is called a blowjob if you suck?”
“When do boys get their penis?”
“If I finger a girl and then eat nachos can I get aids.”
“Do girls have uteruses all the time?”
“So what exactly are these vaginal fluids?”
“Is it necrophilia if she dies during sex?”
“You said every man has a penis. Does that mean even JESUS had a penis?“
“How do you make love to a woman in a wheelchair?”
“Does vaginal discharge involve electricity?”
"If you punch a woman in the stomach and she has twins or triplets will all the babies shoot out like bullets?”
“What’s the chemical composition of cum?”
“If a girl has braces, can it rip your dickskin like a chess grater?”
“Why does it hurt when you pee after sex?”
“Can you get aids if you lick poop off of a bathroom stall?”
“Is that a technical term?”
“when a girl does anal is poop?”
"Can you use semen to clear acne?”
“So is it possible to stimulate the penis and ejaculate WITHOUT having sex?”
“I heard octupuses have 8 testicles. Is that true?”
“Can you make bread out of a yeast infection?”
“If you blow into one nipple will the other boob inflate?”
“I heard that if you shove 6 red skittles up your vagina and let them dissolve before having sex you won’t get pregnant. Is that true?”
“If I inject LSD into my testicles will my penis hallucinate?”
“Do girls pee out of their clitoris?”
“Can a hermaphrodite get itself pregnant?”
“Does the penis get attached after birth?”
“Could you explain again why they cut their willies off?”
“If a girl didn’t use a condom, can she do jumping Jack’s to not get pregnant?”
“Do black people have black cum?”
“Why did the cafeteria stop selling peach Snapple?”
“Can a guy, like, nut before his balls drop?”
“Can’t you just aim without having to put it in?”
