So what the hell has been going on and why haven't you heard from me?
Long story short: I was in a bad place and I thought I could handle it. I did not, in fact, handle it.
In September I packed up my life and moved across the world, and seasonal depression hit me harder than ever: with no psychiatric support, a brand-spanking new diagnosis for progressive hearing loss, and a LOT of medication on hand, it was me alone against the world in a different country with no friends or family or any form of robust support.
Around the time Terror Camp happened, I'd just been accepted into grad school while doing another degree at the same time. I thought participating in Terror Camp would help me pick up the pace again mentally with a fresh wave of new work waiting for me on the horizon. But slowly and surely, my mental health kept declining and leading up to Terror Camp I was actively suicidal, and then the commissions and shop orders started piling up and I was not in a place to handle any of that.
And then came the holidays and the new year, during which a close friendship shattered and things haven't been the same since.
In January and February I finally got a referral for trauma counselling pertaining to sensitive matters I do not wish to share publicly, only to be turned away from the service three times. I'm happy to say that I now have regular sessions with the service and I'm in the process of getting referred to psychiatric services and hopefully a PTSD/C-PTSD diagnosis which should happen in about two weeks from posting time.
So what's next?
Right now my priorities are to get my support system up and going, then I will start to work through my half-finished backlog of commissions; posting physical items is still something I have to figure out with current global shipping affairs. I'm also busy trying to find stable housing.
I am strongly considering calling it quits on my bachelor's in object conservation and archaeology and focus on my master's in illustration, and start setting up a real art business for myself - I've been applying to local art shows to get my name out there and I'm working on building connections here in this city. I've also been applying to artist residencies and might go to Iceland for a month in July: I say "might", because I've been invited to apply for a painting competition on television but haven't heard back yet - a lot of my summer plans depend on that outcome! I've also been invited to participate in Milan Design Week but had to turn that opportunity down due to financial constraints.
Unfortunately I overdosed on sleep medication just last week. Fortunately I survived.
I'm trying my best to get help and I hope all of you will remain patient with me as I figure this out. It might be time for me to be a real career artist after all.