this is me

hi, i was diagnosed with severe depression and assessed with ADD. this is me trying to figure out my life. please don't judge me because im not judging you.

[imbeinghonest]

lol i fucking regret so much

[imbeinghonest]

im talking to much tonight

i regret a lot. 

i regret the sex i had with the people i had

i regret going back to certain people although it made me feel shitty after

i regret not getting help sooner

i regret drinking so much sometimes and not remembering

i regret when i blacked out and had sex

i regret calling guys over when i was drunk and/or high 

i regret having sex with guys when i was drunk and/or high

i regret never having sex when im sober

i regret not remembering my first time

i regret a lot of things but it pretty much centers around one. 

i honestly love having sex but idk why i do it when im not sober. maybe i just want one person instead of multiple. think of me however you want tho.

i regret never committing and feeling like i needed to find the next best thing 

[imbeinghonest]

it’s hard.

it’s hard to feel like people know what you’re going through or that they understand. i kinda feel like when i am open with my friends and tell them, hey this is what’s going on, i can feel a bit of judgement. whether they mean to or not, i think it’s cause mental health stuff isn’t ever talked about in public. it’s always been taboo i feel like

but i guess i can tell tumblr. 

My name is _ and i have depression and add. i wanted to end my life last may and im so glad i didn’t. i take medication for my depression and add. i went to counseling this summer and got help. i sometimes feel really really really sad but it happens less now. i regret a lot of things i did before this summer. i did a lot of things that after, made me unhappy and feel terrible. i dont want to feel that way anymore. i want to be without regret. 

honestly idk the difference between counseling and therapy. im sorry.

[imbeinghonest]

hi.

i said i was going to be honest on this blog so let me be honest now. i tried to start this post so many ways and never knew how. how do i express what im going through and if i do, wont there always be that one person who judges me because maybe their experience was not the same or to shame me for my emotions? i guess im just thinking too much about the negatives. so let me start off with this, hi. i am 20 years old in college. i was diagnosed with severe depression and later assessed with ADD. I guess my bio is a bit off then.. but anyways, a little bit about me, i get distracted very easily and can go onto different topics fairly quickly. 

so, i started to take medication for both depression and ADD and honestly in the beginning, i felt like my life was falling apart. that i had no idea what was going on and i couldn’t control anything and the only way for me even to be normal like everyone else was to take drugs and medicate myself. honestly, it took me a while to realize that it could just be a chemical imbalance and that my body just needs help with producing certain chemicals. 

honestly, i feel like i have so much to say but idk how to say it. i just need to express myself.

i go to counseling and that helps a lot. i did cognitive behavioral therapy and that has helped me so much to change the way i think and see the world. it’s hard though. to change the way you’ve viewed the world and things that happen and to try and look at events that come my way in a different perspective.

also, not a great writer.

but for the longest time, i associated making my parents proud with their love. i thought if they were disappointed in me, that meant they did love me. that i was unlovable. it made me hate myself when i did things that went against their values even though it was stuff i wanted. it felt like a constant battle.

sometimes i still want to cry. like it was before i felt better. i don’t know why though. it just happens. it’s less often now which is good but i want it to all go away. i want to be normal and i want to be better and i want to be fine. i am better than i was before but i want to be better than i am now. 

honestly, it’s okay to ask for help and to reach out. i thought i could do it all on my own and haha i cant. if it wasn’t for my friends telling me i needed to seek help and talk to someone, i would still be in that hole. i thought i could make it out of the hole by myself but boy was i wrong. when i was by myself, it felt like i was using a shovel and digging deeper and deeper, making the whole bigger. 

i want to keep typing and talking but i feel like i should just make a new post. this is too long.