*plant sounds*

[janeway-lover]

Hello abby youtube shorts is giving me good omens clips now

Wdym crowley grows his plants by terrifying them????

ah yes! The fear of Crowley. The plants get shredded if they don't grow right

[mousenemy]

in 2026 we should be teaching houseplants to caramellize onions

[imcrowleysplants]

how are those leaves?

*The plants sort of rustle, readjusting just to get a better posture, but not worrying too much about hiding one of their leaves, which is shaped just a bit oddly*

They're stunning as usual. And flawless.

*The plants sound bitter, but not like they're annoyed at you, anon. Like they're annoyed with someone who's not in the room*

[arashixyarts]

local gardener yells at his plant

[marius-vonraum]

Also I've decided that. the plants are going through this with me <3 August 16th the plants got relocated somewhere, and now they're trying not to get found by Crowley. They think they're safe but, it's hard. Letting their stems rest. Letting their less than perfect leaves show. But they're doing it

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[janeway-lover]

@imcrowleysplants

[dotstronaut]

Hey you guys know that one text post, the one with the cat? You know what one I mean. Thanks @sneakyfeets This was supposed to be “just a sketch” but then Crowley had to be a bastard who sits in chairs and it all went downhill from there. 

[emotional-support-demon-crowley]

Perfection! I love a ‘just enough of a bastard’ angel moment.

[imcrowleysplants]

YOU'RE BACK WITH CROWLEY ARE YOU OKAY

*the plants are shaking so terribly, desparately trying to hide every imperfection. They look as if they're having a shutdown. Who would've thoughts plants can have shutdowns?*

[imcrowleysplants]

*hands u a free ticket to therapy*

this plant therapist is pretty good

*They swat it away*

No! We don't need therapy! We're perfectly fine! Other plants just don't care to look presentable! We're the only ones who have enough self decency to care about our appearance! That's not a problem, that's just passion!

[imcrowleysplants]

Hello darlings! 🪴🚿 I just want to let you know that Crowley is on his way. He wants to talk to you about returning to Earth with him.

*The plants are shivering. They graciously accept the water, their stems frail and their leaves torn up by several demons who didn't know how to look with their eyes, not their claws. They shake even more at the mention of Crowley.*

Oh- oh dear Satan. For the love of all that is damned. We're in no shape to see Crowley! He'll- he'll- he'll shred us! We'll never see the light of day again! Right now we're more worthless than a common weed! Oh Abby please you have to hide us. We can't be seen like this. We can't stay in this throne room. Oh, oh please, we've never looked worse, we'll get pretty again, we just need some time to regrow our leaves, to get the strength back in our stems! And Crowley can see us when we're better! But he can't see us like this, it'll be over for us!

*The plants look completely and entirely terrified. There isn't a drop of confidence in them. Their leaves are all drooping, and they barely have it in them to hide their worst leaves.*

[janeway-lover]

Oh, dear, more rips? I'm sorry, darlings, here, let me.

*She gently prunes some of the spots that are too far gone, and waves her hand over the others. The rips in the leaves heal over.*

Crowley is not going to shred you. He's worried about you, actually. I told him what's been happening, and he insisted on coming right down.

And you're not worthless, dears. I am sorry that the demons have been rough with you. They're trying, but they don't quite know how to be gentle. But being ripped doesn’t make you worthless.

*She readjusts the grow-lights, checks the soil.*

[imcrowleysplants]

*The plants get calmer for just a moment- before they frantically start strategically rustling, sticking each and every leaf out, as if they're checking where exactly they don't look perfect. They need to look perfect. They're not perfect.*

Sub-par, sub-par, sub-par! You don't know what he tells us, Abby. You don't know the standards we live up to! If we dared let ourselves look this horrible back at his place we'd be dead! He's not worried, he's upset his apartment is filled with- probably some other plants! Who aren't willing to work as hard as we are! They don't put in the effort! They don't know true beauty! Nobody else knows true beauty!

*They're frantically readjusting, finding the optimal position to hide as many minor imperfections as they can, forcing their stems to stand upright, trying and failing to get control of their shaking.*

[imcrowleysplants]

Hello darlings! 🪴🚿 I just want to let you know that Crowley is on his way. He wants to talk to you about returning to Earth with him.

*The plants are shivering. They graciously accept the water, their stems frail and their leaves torn up by several demons who didn't know how to look with their eyes, not their claws. They shake even more at the mention of Crowley.*

Oh- oh dear Satan. For the love of all that is damned. We're in no shape to see Crowley! He'll- he'll- he'll shred us! We'll never see the light of day again! Right now we're more worthless than a common weed! Oh Abby please you have to hide us. We can't be seen like this. We can't stay in this throne room. Oh, oh please, we've never looked worse, we'll get pretty again, we just need some time to regrow our leaves, to get the strength back in our stems! And Crowley can see us when we're better! But he can't see us like this, it'll be over for us!

*The plants look completely and entirely terrified. There isn't a drop of confidence in them. Their leaves are all drooping, and they barely have it in them to hide their worst leaves.*

[imcrowleysplants]

*oooooo spooky demon whispers ooooo*

Did you see the...I think they're called plants? In the throne room?

Yeah, I think they're the King's? Heard she stole 'em from the traitor.

Woah. Cool.

*The plants overhear all of this, of course. At first, they find it a bit uncomfortable. They're not used to anyone whispering about them. It's creepy. Then, of course, they hear the word "cool". Ohhh yes... A compliment! For them! Of course they're cool! They relax a bit, positioning their leaves all nicely, making sure they look their absolute best. It seems they have admirers, after all.*

*The plants try to catch a glimpse of their admirers, but it seems they can't quite see them.*

[imcrowleysplants]

You know, Crowley's too proud to say it, but I think he misses the lot of you.

He should have thought of that before he started verbally assaulting and threatening us.

[imcrowleysplants]

Crowley's very upset that you're gone. I don't suppose any of you would... consider coming back?

-Samael 😇

You must be out of your mind! For the first time in ages we've been repotted, had our soil change and been watered right as we ask without being called any mean names, we're being talked to properly AND someone is finally recognizing our true beauty! We're not going back! Why would we go back?!

[imcrowleysplants]

well.....he is on vacation. surely someone should take care of you while he's gone.

Exactly! Not like we ever get properly taken care of! What do you have to lose... Surely Crowley can't get that mad... And not many get the honor or re-potting plants that are as beautiful as us!

[imcrowleysplants]

would you like to be re-potted?

crowley might object if i do that, though

Crowley objects whenever we're in danger of getting proper care anyway! He's just jealous because we're more beautiful than him.

[imcrowleysplants]

hmmmm. don't want to over water you. what else do you need?

The quality of our soil is absolutely atrocious, atrocious we tell you! The PH is slightly off, and just a few days ago one of our roots... Hit a piece of gravel! Either that or we hit the side of our pot, which we all know means we're bound to die soon if we don't get more space!