Dysphoria is a mismatch between your biological sex and “the sex you are inside”, meaning the sex you know you should have been born as (gender identity). For some people, dysphoria is not understood/noticed until transitioning, going through puberty or when the knowledge is acquired.
Dysphoria is not hating your body; ‘Hating’ is a reaction to dysphoria. Dysphoria is often on a scale, from mild, moderate to severe.
You are not going to experience dysphoria everyday and all of the time. It may be noticeable for a few hours and calm down later on, and then other times it will “disappear” for a few days or possibly weeks, depending on your coping strategies. Dysphoria can be controlled by the activities you do and keeping your mind active.
An example: If you are born female, but your gender is male, you know that your body should be the opposite, or if you are young and do not have the language, you may express this as “want/feel”. You will desire a flat chest, penis, masculine body shape, deep voice, seize of menstruation, etc. to feel like yourself.
If you are born male but your gender is female, you know that your body should be the opposite, or if you are young and do not have the language you “want/feel”. You will desire breasts, a vagina, feminine body shape, softer and high voice, menstruation, etc.
If you are born male/female, but your gender is under the non-binary label, you will desire characteristics of both sexes, some characteristics belonging to one particular sex more than the other.
Note: there is a difference between coping with certain characteristics that you have, and desiring/preferring characteristics.
e.g. a trans man may cope with having female genitalia, and not pursue surgery because his dysphoria is mild and he is not comfortable with the procedure, however would want to have a penis given an ideal situation.
a person who is comfortable with having female genitals, has no dysphoria and would not desire a penis at all, may come under aytpical dysphoria often experienced by non-binary people.
What it causes in Trans Men
A reaction to this mismatch causes behaviours such as:
not wanting to speak because of the pitch of your voice
not wanting to look in the mirror
not being able to use the toilet
not being able to look at your body
recognising your body for what it is but your parts are “misplaced”/“not supposed to be there”/“supposed to be there”
understanding that your body is female, but that it should be male
being uncomfortable with the shape of your body
being distressed with body redistribution
wanting natural muscle mass in men (not huge muscles, just the natural development of muscles in males)
wanting a deep male voice
being uncomfortable with intimacy
wanting a penis (you may not pursue this in later life however)
not being being able to leave the house
being disconnected from your biological sex (organs/outer appearance/what your body is capable of)
being jealous over the male body
forgetting people see you as female as you unconsciously believe you are male
uncomfortable going into public female bathrooms
feeling like you belong in the male bathroom
being upset when people do not recognise you as the gender you are
not being able to look down at your body
anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, self-harm, etc.
What it causes in Trans Women
A reaction to this mismatch causes behaviours such as:
not wanting to speak because of the pitch of your voice
not wanting to look in the mirror
not being able to use the toilet
not being able to look at your body
recognising your body for what it is but certain parts are “misplaced”/“not supposed to be there”/“supposed to be there”
being uncomfortable with the shape of your body
being distressed with body redistribution
being uncomfortable with intimacy
being uncomfortable with masturbation
wanting high female voice
wanting a vagina (you may not pursue this in later life however)
not being able to leave the house
being disconnected from your biological sex (organs/outer appearance/what your body is capable of)
being jealous over female body
forgetting people see you as male as you unconsciously believe you are female
being uncomfortable going into public male bathrooms and feel like you belong in the female bathroom
being upset when people do not recognise you as the gender you are
not being able to look down at your body
anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, self-harm, etc.
There are many things listed above that you may experience, and some that you may not. Dysphoria is different for everyone, however it is very common for people to have distress with both primary and secondary sex characteristics (from mild, moderate to severe). There are also likely more examples of dysphoria that are not coming to mind.
Dysphoria is not inherently wanting to dress in clothes of the other gender, this is a reaction in wanting to be seen as the correct sex, to overcome physical/body/sex dysphoria. Although passing temporarily alleviates dysphoria in social situations, the body is the primary issue and social transition is not enough to alleviate body dysphoria. If it is and there is no dysphoria upon being naked, this is often an issue with your assigned gender role.
jealousy over what men/women can do
wanting to be more masculine to be taken seriously
wanting to do thing’s people of the other gender do
having interests that align more with the other gender
wanting to present as the other gender (through clothes, etc. some people just like to gender fuck or be androgynous and there’s nothing wrong with that. gender non-conforming cis people exist)
you believe it will be easier to be female
you believe it will be easier to be male
you want to be the dominant person in the relationship
you want to be the submissive person in the relationship
you believe it will be easier to be a straight male/female, etc.
How to know if you have dysphoria?
If you are questioning your gender, there are many things that may be contributing to you thinking that you are trans. There are known illnesses/disorders that can cause a person to fixate on their body and desire change to escape from their discomfort. There are too environmental influences, therefore it is important to understand the different factors that can influence us from birth and affect our ways of thinking throughout life. Gender non-conformity (not conforming to your assigned gender role) is the most common misconception to being trans. If you resonated with some of the symptoms above, it is very possible you have dysphoria. However, only a specialist can thoroughly examine and assess your explained behaviours/thoughts as being dysphoria; this list is a guide.
Some important questions to ask yourself:
“Do I wish I was male/female so I could dress stereotypically male/female without being judged?”
“Do I wish I was male/female so that I could like ____ without being judged or seen as ‘weird’?”
“Do I think I am male/female because I fit in better with the other gender?”
“Do I think it would be easier to be male than a lesbian or gender non-conforming female?”
“Do I think it would be easier to be female than a gay or gender non-conforming male?”
“Do I unhealthily hate my birth sex? Why? Is the reason rational, or sexist?”
“Do I feel like I could never be what a girl or boy is supposed to be like?”
“Is past bullying/abuse/etc causing me my current distress?”
“Do I dislike/hate my body because I feel it is ugly and being the opposite sex would make me look more attractive?”
“Am I uncomfortable with my male body because I want to be ‘soft’, ‘gentle’ and ‘feminine’, but I feel like male characteristics are too ugly to be that way?”
“Am I uncomfortable with my female body because of how society sexualises my body?”
“Am I tired of being shamed and bullied into performing femininity/masculinity and feeling ‘terrified’ or ‘upset’ when I don’t?”
“Am I trying to escape from something about myself by creating a new identity to distance myself from some trauma or a stressful event I have experienced?”
“Do I feel like my homosexuality is disgusting and unnatural, and therefore my body is also disgusting and unnatural?”
“Am I tired of romantic partners behaving towards me in ways that correspond to my gender role; e.g. men being dominant towards me if I am female or women being submissive towards me if I am male?”
“Am I tired of romantic partners assuming things about me in ways that correspond to my gender role; e.g. men assuming I want to get pregnant and raise children/that I am fragile and timid if I am female/that I should do all the housework?
“Am I tired of women assuming I want to financially support them/that I am always interested in sex if I am male/that I should be the dominant one if I am male?”
“Am I jealous of my female/male peers because of how they are treated and viewed?”
If you said yes for one or more of these questions, it is very likely you are being influenced by factors other than dysphoria.
How can I help myself if I am struggling with dysphoria?
There are coping mechanisms that you can use to help ease or ignore your dysphoria, such as mindfulness (breathing exercises, yoga, etc.), general exercises such as going on walk, weight lifting, swimming, football, etc. can help with gaining muscle to alleviate dysphoria, writing, playing music and drawing are further ways to cope with your dysphoria. However for people on the severe spectrum, this may be much more difficult to pursue. I have listed several different links here to cope with your dysphoria.
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