Desire to Inspire

A collection of my musings, contemplations, photographs, dreams, loved ones, and unforgettable memories, compiled in one place. A chronicling of the chapters and seasons of my life, with thoughts and reflections captioning the headlines. A piece of work descriptive of the woman I am today. I'm Diana Im, and this is my story. Questions? [email protected]

[imdianaim]

About validation

I want to believe that it's human nature for us to want to feel loved and validated in one way or another - whether through quality time spent with another or a warm, loving "good morning" to welcome you to each new morning - and that this desire for validation is not a flaw nor fault nor evidence of foolishness. So I want to believe also that the validation that I'm craving, through words of affirmation and yes, even the silliest of out-loud exclamations of care via social media, is not foolish, nor a flaw, nor a fault. I desire explicit demonstrations of care - I've known this about myself for as long as I've known myself, and it's why I care so much, think so much, and give myself so much to pre-thinking and thinking and post-thinking every little demonstration of love I present to you. At the core, I just want to be loved. And when you show me in the out-loud, exclamatory ways, I feel my heart being filled, reminding me that you love me just as I love you. It's silly, but it's me.

[imdianaim]

I am stronger

It's taken me about a year and a half to get to this point, so yes, it was a long way coming. But I'm here, I can breathe, and I can say that you, you weighing down on my heart and on my relationship, do not make me insecure anymore. You don't mean much. This is no contest (but if it were, I would always win), this is my happiness.

[imdianaim]

Loving you

It's like falling in love every single day.

[imdianaim]

To the moon and back

A million times To the moon and back I’ll love you

[thequotejournals]

You are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy.

Andrea Gibson (via thequotejournals)

[wordsnquotes]

I’m a mess of unfinished thoughts.

John Meyer  (via wordsnquotes)

[imdianaim]

Feeling contentedness in the midst of school-induced anxiety

I’m really, really happy with where we are.

Also, I’m actually doing everything I can to procrastinate on writing this dang paper. 

Countdown to the end of senior fall: 1 day

[imdianaim]

[imdianaim]

Forgetting

Forget about it! It’s not worth your time. Let yourself move forward from something so energy-consuming. Seriously.

[wnq-writers]

She was one of those girls who breathed fire when confronted but loved so gently that it made you forget she could.

thewriterthatnobodynoticed (via wnq-writers)

[imdianaim]

[imdianaim]

Strength

We have the strength to make it through anything, because from where I stand today, you are my person, and nothing is insurmountable.

[imdianaim]

The following statement is false

“Suck it up and don’t think you’re better than anyone else”

[imdianaim]

Learning to feel big again

I’ve felt really small for a really long time now - longer than I can recall. In some moments, I could feel myself shrink as it was happening in that moment, but I remember that I felt too small to be able to do anything about it.

In high school, I was too busy and too in charge to hear the tiny voice inside of me that is much too loud nowadays saying, “you’re not good enough!” But when the busyness sometimes subsided in those few quite seconds, I recall that emptiness and loathing for what was to come. I self criticized, but things moved too quickly for me to dwell, and my positions of power and prestige allowed me to blanket my insecurities with the veneer of confidence and put togetherness.

In college, I felt like the tiniest fish in the largest of ponds imaginable. I tried to propel myself forward, but I always ended up wading, afraid of failure and disappointment or frantically doggy-paddling, wishing I had never started in the first place or feeling myself sink deeper and deeper.

This is all to say I’ve felt and continue to feel small, through the quiet and the busy, through the power and lack thereof.

I really have to love myself better. I have to tell myself that I am big and strong and ready to resist and ready to confront and ready to be the radiant, confident, beautiful, strong, and self-loving woman that I want to be. What can radical love do for me? Hopefully move mountains! But while the mountains are waiting to be moved, I’ll focus on my version of radical self love of myself: doing yoga, eating chocolate, journaling, writing love notes to my boyfriend, and being still because stillness is where the calm can transcend.

[imdianaim]

Let’s

“Let’s never be afraid of talking. Let’s never be afraid of tackling the uncomfortable things. Let’s never be afraid of opening ourselves up. Let’s never be afraid of being vulnerable with each other.”

[deeplifequotes]

My mother worked too hard for me not to be great.

(via deeplifequotes)

[imdianaim]

Next time

Recently, it has felt like we are constantly waiting for “next time,” and because we’ve grown together into good planners, there always is a next time. The tricky thing about waiting for that next time to come is that the waiting can be stifling, stagnant, and still. And so those days or weeks or months go by, beckoning next time yet holding last time exactly where is had been “last time.” So still that when next times comes we accelerate in ways that feel normal and abnormal at the same time, altogether satisfying yet dissatisfying, clarifying but confusing.

Waiting sucks, and I don't like wasteful waiting.