I Write Comedies Not Tragedies

Stars. Can't Do It. Not Today.

[soundsand-deactivated20250802]

[casismycherrypiebaby]

“EBU wants Eurovision to be more family friendly and has asked the artists to tone down the nudity and inappropriate references this year. That went to hell immediately”

- Edward af Sillén, Swedish commentator, about Australia

[euroblog]

Why have a burning piano on stage when your whole stage could be on fire

[wexregolden]

!!!!!

[insomniac-arrest]

I find it kind of funny that human babies are so fragile and helpless and useless that natural selection went like HARD-hard on humans finding babies cute. This thing is a wailing messy resource sinkhole so please find other reason to enjoy it. And the humans that did find baby cute and invest time in them, the crazy bastards?? Lived!!

And now there’s so much spill-over from “baby cute” gene that humans see literally any “baby” creature that even slightly resembles us, like

and we’re like 😍🥰🤩🥺🥺🥺 I wanna love you so bad. I wanna make so many images of you, you are so small, just baby. I’m inventing new emotions as we speak bc I love you so much.

Like, I’m almost convinced humans didn’t even domesticate dogs bc we thought they’d be useful, we saw some puppies and it activated our Big Boi Primate Baby buttons, it wasn’t even logic time baby, it was 🥺 time.

[sqgworld]

The funniest thing about that is the fact that neuroimaging of elephant brains have proved that they think that we – humans – are cute in exactly the same way. They most likely want to squish and cuddle us the way we want to do with puppies based on the firing of their neurons.

[insomniac-arrest]

This is so important to me.

Actually hatebros, “survival of the fittest” means you have to make as many friends as possible in one lifetime. Naruto understands Darwinism better than you.

(These images are sourced from ethical places to interact with elephants)

[the-goddess-of-annoying]

reblogging for “Naruto understands Darwinism better than you”

[denizenhardwick]

"that doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" is an iconic confession for a lot of reasons but i love that andrew obviously picked his wording so so carefully there to avoid admitting any feelings involved and then neil's demisexual ass just totally bypasses that and he responds saying "you like me." WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT ANDREW WAS TRYING TO AVOID ADMITTING.

[bisexualchaosdemon]

Andrew just sat there like BITCH–!

[assiraphales]

“tumblr ceo sucks too” oh mood my bad I honestly forget we even have a ceo I kind of just view this website as a self governed purgatory that runs on sulfur and spite alone

[tweetingukpolitics]

[ravioliraz]

[aru]

Tumblr Code.

[geekishchic]

If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”

that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything

I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person

must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!

Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.

always reblog tumblr identification

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

good god this just crossed my dash in the year of our lord 2023

[jeremysknoxes]

I LIKE YOUR SHOELACES??? IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2024??

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Let’s take it to 4 million, folks!

[alt-menu]

almost there!

[sociallyodd260]

TO 4 MILLION!!!!!!!!!

[snarky-wallflower]

THE ORIGINAL SHOELACES POST?? ON MY DASH IN 2024??

[nerugiganon]

shoelaces. on your dash. in 2025.

[norvicensiandoran]

[mckitterick]

the Ides of March grows near

[caspercryptid]

New sleep style: hitting the snooze button so many times that you sleep two additional hours in ten minute intervals. I call this Horse Sleep

[caspercryptid]

Worse sleep. That was meant to say worse sleep

[caspercryptid]

I Am So Fucking Tired

[caspercryptid]

Literally immediately after reblogging this to correct it I went "wow, it has a reblog already?" And got all the way to checking my notifs before I realized. That it was me.

[caspercryptid]

I actually wasn't that far off you guys

[caspercryptid]

HOLY SHIT THE POST IS SAVED

[caspercryptid]

Anyway horse sleep: sleep, but horse. Worse. Sleep but worse. Definitely one of the two.

[pizzaback]

“nobody in miami knows how to drive” “nobody in austin knows how to drive” “nobody in chicago knows how to drive” maybe we shouldnt have cars

[tweedlebean]

Maybe we should find people who are good at driving and give them really big cars, and then people can just pay a small fee to be driven around the city. Maybe in a regular loop so people always know where they'll be at certain times of the day.

[red-twist]

But what if those really big cars were also really long and fast?

[anexperimentallife]

And what if they ran on electricity? But what to call them?

[inthefallofasparrow]

Fantabulous Looping Electromnibus!

[tragicallybeautifultiger]

I like the way you think

[inaduck]

The Fantastical Electronic Transporter Carrying Humanoids would be delightful but let's be honest, F.E.T.C.H. will never happen.

[cryptotheism]

Ain't my circus but I would know my monkeys anywhere.

[the-average-gatsby]

how do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber

[the-average-gatsby]

ask them to pronounce “unionized”

[aqueerkettleofish]

The worst part of this is that I stared at it for a minute knowing without DOUBT that it was funny, and I just wasn’t getting the joke, and by the time it hit me, the shame outweighed the humour.

[tlirsgender]

A really fun ballet thing is when they have like a bunch of actual child extras and also there's clearly some twink jumping around who's meant to also be a little boy but the role involves a level of dancing far too strenuous to make a kid do ethically. This isn't me nitpicking it's not a medium that's remotely focused on realism or whatever I just chuckle a little

[tlirsgender]

It's just really funny visually. To me. There'll be like children prancing in the background & this guy who's like 20 serving unfathomable cunt & he's supposed to be like 8

[tlirsgender]

(Flawlessly executing a deathdrop) how do you do fellow kids

[fruitpilled-peachcel]

[nuggss]

Ants be like that

[conspiring-limabean]

I used to keep track of the different ant colonies in my yard as a child and it was the wildest shit. You could tell the difference between colonies by colors & pattern if you looked closely enough. They’d stage ant wars on the sidewalks that lasted days, just ants murdering each other, and the cleanup afterwards would last days longer as the survivors pick up and carry away the carcasses. Once I saw a war happening between the colony that lived under the berry bush and a colony I didn’t recognize, and evidently the berry colony lost, because after the war their nest site was empty… and then a few days later was inhabited by the other colony that had fought them.

Once at a lake I saw an ant travel like 3 meters across flat rock carrying a dead ant, and he kept going until he got to the cliff side and then kept going down towards the water, and he didn’t stop until he got to where the rock was wet. Then he stood there for a few seconds, dropped the corpse into the water, waited a little longer, and then headed back the way he came. I feel like I witnessed a ceremony

[fiollaigean]

[caats]