Ramblings Of Mine

If 21RatsInAHoodie follows you that’s me. I accidentally have my poetry blog as my main.

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

Intro post

!!Minor!!

Names: Allen & Tobias (Toby)

Pronouns: he/any/all

Queer labels: Genderqueer, Gay (MLM)

Other labels: Pacifist, optimistic nihilist, guitarist, author, poet, dreamer, lover, wanderer…

Movies I love: The Iron Giant, Treasure Planet, Dead Poets Society, Lord of The Rings, Iron Lung, Project Hail Mary, Hearts Beat Loud, The Three Musketeers, Quest For Camelot, Robinhood: Prince of Thieves, Lord of The Rings, The Hobbit, The Princess Bride, The Black Cauldron, El Dorado, Master and Commander…

Hobbies: Writing, reading, listening to music, guitar, sleeping, eating, upcycling clothes, burning CDs, baking, making stuff…

Otherkin: Ghostkin & Fallenangelkin

Motto: Cogito Ergo Sum

My favorite words: Tomfoolery, contrapuntally, transubstantialism, abstain, atrophying, shenanigans, bastard, cacophony, ecstatic, egotistical, ineffable, hedonic, sanguine, pallid, ouroboros, vestigial…

Assorted likes: Music, trains, birds, bees, sheep, sweaters, clouds, clocks, doors, windows, the sky, people, physical media, books, movies, journals, history, libraries, museums, rain, mushrooms, moss, bugs, art, vinyl records, bones, railroads, philosophy, castles, buttons, rotary phones, old phones, radio, sweets, chocolate, long-term nuclear waste warning messages, Minecraft, guitar, the 1980s, cosmic horror, bread, biscuits, honey, cereal, silverware, zombies, my boyfriend... etc.

I’m a big fan of rock music and Midwest emo, and I love all physical media.

I collect physical media; CDs, vinyl records, cassettes, VHSs, DVDs, Books, Comics, etc.

Taken by @multifandom-maniacs

Also I have (diagnosed) autism so if I act strange sometimes I apologize.

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

I hope you get everything you say in your "future me" post from last month such that, when you get to be 50 you think, "I've got all these wonderful people in my life. Can you believe that younger me thought I'd still want to kill myself at this point? I definitely don't."

[Sincerely,

someone who also wondered about killing himself and doesn't want to anymore]

This means a lot to me. Thank you. Really, thank you.

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

I made a server for positivity and help if any of my moots wanna join. Doesn’t have many people but I’m trying my best.

Check out the No Bad Vibes community on Discord - hang out with 13 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.

@st4rlum1n0us @autumnbeckons @thnks-4-th-vnm @phthalocyanine-green @mmy7souvlaki @sleepycrexture

ZERO PRESSURE, I get it if you don’t want to or don’t have discord or anything like that. Just wanted to make you aware just in case.

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

I still think of you. I’m still crying over you. And I think that’s okay.

To Charlie, and any other friend that has faded away.

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

If any of my wonderful artist moots get bored and want practice drawing… you could always draw me and my boyfriend’s, uh, sonas. 👀

If you need any more details for whatever reason;

His name is Elliott, Boyflux, staticgender, almondsexual, asexual, aroace spec, he/they/it/xe/static/shark, emo/scene, thin, likes suits, more masc presenting, tv head, agnostic, adhd (diagnosed), likes purple, red, and black, likes cats, likes emo & metal music, aspiring artist…

My name is Toby, genderqueer, gay (mlm) asexual, he/any/all, cottagecore/goblincore/cryptidcore/hippie… whatever you want to call it I like earth tones, lots of jewelry and such, masc terms preferred but likes wearing skirts, star instead of a head or face, slightly larger body type (not at all skinny but not exactly overweight), autistic (diagnosed), author, poet, lover, dreamer, likes rock music and specifically Midwest emo, big fan of nature, and bees, guitarist, pacifist, collector, wanderer, vagabond… not as good of a person as I’d like to be, but I’m working on it.

I’m gonna tag my moots that I know are artists but there is 0 pressure. None. I just know sometimes I see you guys complaining about not knowing what to draw, and I would absolutely love having art of me and my partner that we could use as matching pfps or put in a locket or something. It doesn’t have to be ‘good’, I would cry and print it out if you made us stick figures holding hands 🥹❤️

@st4rlum1n0us @sleepycrexture @autumnbeckons

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

Tagging moots and people I admire to remind them they are LOVED. It’s 9:30 at night for me and for some reason I decided it’s a good time for joymaxxing. Anyone I tag you are LOVED. You are fun to be around. I love your posts. I love you. You are super cool, and amazing. Every day I look forward to checking your posts, and I wish you nothing but the best in life.

@multifandom-maniacs @mmy7souvlaki @phthalocyanine-green @thnks-4-th-vnm @st4rlum1n0us @autumnbeckons @sleepycrexture @eggzbeese

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

In case any moots were unaware this is me.

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

Honestly I cannot be misgendered. I prefer he/him, but like… they/them? Cool, nice! She/her? Alright then! It/its? Sure I guess! In truth my pronouns are just any/all with a heavy he/him preference. Because though I am male-aligned, I am genderqueer. I am full of the gender. I enjoy taking it as a compliment when someone uses other pronouns for me (as long as it is not done consistently with the intention to annoy me). they/them? thank you for not assuming my pronouns, that’s great! She/her? I mean, why not! Women are cool. It/its? I know some super cool people who use those, thanks!

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

It’s getting late and I am so desperately in love. So here’s some little ramblings, if you ever care to read them.

I’m not good at flirting, but I’d write you endless poems if that’s something you’d like. I can’t always describe how I feel, but I have a playlist that makes me think of you. Whenever I go somewhere, my first thought is how fun it would be to be there with you. When I gaze up at the stars it reminds me of us. I always want to hold your hand. To hold you close, and talk for hours. Talk about everything that has ever happened to you and to me. When something happens in my life you’re the first one I call. When I get bored I think of your laugh and your eyes. While waiting for the water to boil I remember the times we’ve been together, and long for more. As I lay there drifting to sleep, it crosses my mind what you might be doing at that moment. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I use the words ‘I love you’ because they are the only words that seem to fit right. Not really platonic, but not exactly romantic. I love you are the only words I can use to describe it. When I think of being with you my heart feels warm, my soul nearly full. When I dream of the end of the world, I can think only of being by your side when it happens. I don’t know anymore, I don’t know anything. I know only that I love you more than I have ever loved even myself.

(@multifandom-maniacs)

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

The future me...?

This might all sound crazy. But I want a mullet like medium length. I want the underside of my hair to be a different color, or at least a lighter brown. I want two helix piercings at the top of one ear that I can put hoops in. I want stars tattooed on my fingers. I want angel wings tattooed on my back, bugs on my arms, more stars everywhere, maybe a quote from the minecraft end poem... I want lip piercings, one dot on each side above my mouth, and the same on the bottom but those ones as spikes. I want to wear patchwork shirts, and have lots of homemade necklaces and such. I want to play the acoustic guitar better, and start smoking. I want top surgery, and I want my scars visible. I want to live with my boyfriend. If he goes to college, I'll rent an apartment nearby, get a job at some local shop, preferably a bookshop or such, and just live in that apartment making things happily and being with my love. I want a pet rat, or several rats. Maybe a hedgehog. I want to do what I want without worrying about my family. I want to drive around to wherever I want, and write music on late nights. I want to share my poems and stories, I want to make creative friends that I can actually hang out with in person. I want to use both my names without people thinking it's weird I have two names. I want to eventually adopt a child, and live with them and my boyfriend. I want to be a good father. I want to create things, so I am not entirely forgotten when I die. And eventually, when I'm maybe 50, I want to kill myself. I want so much. But 18 seems so far away, and my parents might never want to talk to me again.

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

I’m reading Ivanhoe and I just wanna say shoutout to Hubert. Hubert we love you man. (Page 157)

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

It just occurred to me my FBI agent may think me insane

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

A little something of things that make me think of my boyfriend and me.

(@multifandom-maniacs)

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

I wish I had lots of money and a house because I would totally make a backrooms house. There would be doors that lead to nowhere, entrances too high up to be useful, hallways that loop back around, rooms with nothing but windows, rooms with grass for the floor, colorful walls, empty rooms, stairs that lead into walls, random items places they shouldn’t be, halls that seem to stretch on forever… I need the spacial silliness. The floorplan foolery. The structural shenanigans.

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

Would it be rude or offensive of me or anything to try and learn ASL even if I don’t know anyone deaf to use it with for communication?

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

I hate the fourth of July.

I hate the Fourth of July, because regardless of what people may say, no one really remembers independence. No one is celebrating when the Declaration of Independence was adopted, no one is mourning the soldiers who gave their lives, or celebrating our forefathers. No. Rednecks are cheering as they wave their flags with their maga hats on. Extremists and Republicans are drinking beer and sending sparks into the sky, claiming this is what they love about America, something that America was never intended to be. I hate the Fourth of July because I have no fond memories of visiting a family member, hanging out with friends, or enjoying a barbecue. Only being dragged off somewhere to hang out with relatives who only pretend to care, who hate people not like them. I hate the Fourth of July, because I can only think of all those people who wait for the sky to light up, just to launch the bullet into their brain. I hate the Fourth of July because I think of animals cowering in the corner waiting for the bangs to stop, and the veterans and survivors who get scared half to death when they hear the big booms. I hate the Fourth of July, because while some act like they are celebrating our country, others are hurting themselves just for being in it. Because while some cheer and laugh, others cower and sob, and scream into nothing. Because some stay up late, not wanting to sleep, while others intend to never wake up. I hate the Fourth of July because some are enthusiastic about the life of this country, while I am busy mourning its death.

[imightbeapersonormaybenot]

Trying to learn art just to make a gift for my friend because I refuse to use ai.

It’s painful but I’d rather suffer than forfeit my friend’s joy to an emotionless robot.