Im Just Depressed.

That’s pretty much it.

[imjustdepressed]

I often find myself stopping myself from smiling or laughing because I feel like I don’t deserve to.

[imjustdepressed]

I often think that there isn’t really that much wrong with me. I then remember that normal people fear death.

[imjustdepressed]

It’s too often that I feel the need to say something, anything about my real problems to someone, but it’s almost as if I’m afraid to tell anyone I think of death every day, that I feel so empty inside all the time, afraid that they would think I do, think I truly have problems and try to help me. Even though I do have that problem, I don’t want anyone to think that. It makes me feel weak, uncomfortable, and like I’m burdening others with my problems.

My body physically stops me from saying the words, it closes off my throat and forces me into a corner of silence. It stops me from saying the passionate words I have to say for people to understand down into a deep dark corner, never to leave my mouth. And sometimes it just happens naturally and I can’t talk. I don’t know why this happens to me, but I feel so alone. If this happens to you on a regular basis please let me know.

[imjustdepressed]

Everyone always says things like “I think you’re getting comfortable with this life, not having friends, not leaving the house, not doing anything” and my only reply to that is NO!!! Depression is NOT enjoyable. It’s MISERY!!! If I could be doing anything more, I would be!

But all I ever get to that is the same old “you’re just lazy” “you’re just procrastinating” “you’re making a choice to live like this, you could be a perfect student, have lots of friends, have a perfect happy life, you’re choosing not to!”

But no. None of those things are within my reach. I’m not procrastinating. I’m not motivated! I’m not completely over the edge of being suicidal, but I’ve completely given up on life! I don’t care anymore! When I think of my future, I don’t think of graduating university, getting a nice job, settling down, having kids, growing old with the person I love I think of being dead. I don’t think of change. I only see the way my life is now! Nothing!

This is much more of a rant, if you find this relatable, I’m sorry. But at least know you’re not alone.

So yeah I just got hit with a “do you enjoy this life” so I really needed to get that out of my system.

If you’re still here, thanks.

[imjustdepressed]

Sometimes I feel tired, but I can’t sleep. I just lie there and stare at the ceiling in the dark. It feels more like I’m tired of life.

[imjustdepressed]

For people who are suicidal, do you ever not want people to think that you’re suicidal, not for any particular reason, just because, even though you actually are? I don’t know. You feel almost embarrassed of it, and you don’t want people to think of you like that, even though it’s true?

For me, it feels like I don’t want people to help me or feel sad for me, it makes me angry. I don’t like it when people say things like “I understand how you’re feeling” “I know you’re sad” and “it’s okay” or things like that, especially my family.

Because it’s not okay, and sometimes I don’t want to be.

[imjustdepressed]

Does anyone else ever feel like if they lived a normal life, we’re prettier, had a perfectly designed home and was a was a good student who had perfect attendance and grades then and only then would their depression be respectable? It’s probably not true, it just feels like that. Am I alone in this?

[imjustdepressed]

I’m probably just going to put depressed thoughts on here, so if you’re interested in what goes through someone’s head they’re depressed follow me I suppose.