I'm Not A Bitch, I'm A Goddess

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Toxicity

How do you deal with a toxic person? I’ve always tried to live by the whole “do unto others as you’d have them do unto you” rule, but sometimes you just gotta give people a taste of their own medicine. Be a bully TO a bully. Shove his disrespectful attitude right back at him. Want to talk about hooking up with the waitstaff and what other women you could be fucking with your friend while out to dinner with me? Boy, you better check yourself. When I find out you’ve been trying to ask some other chick out while you are AT MY HOUSE - IN MY BED?? That puts you right in JACKASS DOUCHEBAG category. So don’t act all arrogant and self-righteous when I pull attitude on you and put you in your place. Find someone new to criticize constantly and put down with your “jokes” and only act decent to when you want something. Go buy another bottle of whiskey and down that while messaging every woman you can find - you will always find yourself in the same place you are now because you refuse to look in the mirror and see the one that is ruining all of your relationships (because they all end the same way) is YOU. For an almost 40-year-old man, you sure act like a 17-year-old boy...... Grow up already and take your ass to an AA meeting.

#Douchebag #ToxicMen #Jackass #Jerk

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Pineapples? Really?

So.... experiment A will commence this weekend. BF says he heard from a friend that eating pineapple will make his spunk taste better. Said according to his buddy, his wife actually LIKES the taste of it when he eats pineapple. Me, personally, it totally does depend on what BF eats/drinks beforehand. Beer, steak, pizza = all good, not tasty or anything, but not gag-inducing. Whiskey, Taco Hell, radishes = do NOT put that anywhere near my taste buds. So the pineapple experiment will be interesting....

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Who EXACTLY is the slut here?

Hold up - wait a second.... did those words seriously just come out of your mouth??! You’re gonna sit there and call your fuck buddy/friend with benefits/booty call that you’ve been screwing for about a month a slut? Really? And HOW MANY women have you screwed so far this year? It’s only May and you’re already in double-digits, boy, while she’s only been with you and one other dude. Oh - and bragging that you don’t use a condom with all these women? Yeah..... you just went full-blown dumbass. You obviously didn’t see the shock and revulsion on everyone’s faces while you were imparting your story to all of us and disparaging the girl who doesn’t want to fuck you anymore. Dipshit.

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Being Replaced

Wow... you DO move fast. Not even 2 weeks and she’s already been replaced by a new woman in your life. Did you ever even REALLY love her? Were you just going through the motions and playing with her heart? I fail to understand how ANYBODY who really loves someone can move on that quickly. Unless you’re just using this new chick to fill the hole that’s left in your life because you’re too cowardly to face up to the pain and loss that you created. In that case - I really feel sorry for the girl, you’re going to break her heart too and when it ends, and it will end, you’ll still be the lonely, miserable, unhappy man you are now. And when you do realize that the one who loved you and accepted you even with all of your flaws was the one you didn’t love enough to fight for, she’ll have moved on by then. She’ll have taken the time to mourn the relationship and become happy being single again and when you finally decide you want her back because she’s truly was “the one”, it will be too late. You made your choice when you chose to see someone else instead of fighting for your relationship. You chose the easy route. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

I want to stay friends

I’m sure you would love to stay friends with her! Who wouldn’t? She’s smart, classy, amazing, funny and everything any man could ever want in a woman - except for you, of course, because you broke up with her over stupid, piddly little things that you turned into huge arguments because you were looking for an excuse to end it so you wouldn’t have to feel guilty about flirting and pursuing other women. Of course you’d like to stay friends with her, so you can still have her presence in your life, because she is the nicest, sweetest woman you’ve ever met. You’d like to keep in contact with her to salve your own conscious and make yourself feel better about dumping her and breaking her heart. You’d like all that, even though she told you if you ever broke up, it wouldn’t happen, that she couldn’t be friends with you for a long while, but you didn’t believe her. So now you’re surprised and shocked and angry that she blocked you on Facebook and blocked your number on her phone so you can’t contact her anymore. You said you loved her - so love her enough to give her time to heal. So she doesn’t have to see you falling for someone else and feel that dagger to her heart every time you get drunk and say you do love her.

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

“Taking a break”

Taking a break from our relationship is SUPPOSED to be for two people to get their heads straight and figure out if they want to work on their issues or if they want to just break up. That doesn’t mean immediately go out and flirt with other women and tell THEM they’re beautiful and gorgeous and get as many phone numbers as you can. Pursuing other women isn’t “taking a break”, that’s “breaking up”. You’re just too much of a coward to tell her that up front so you take the easy way out and figure you’ll string her along, keeping her hoping that you would work on the issues while you decided if any of these women were better than her. Guess what, asshole? She’s worth more than that, she’s NOBODY’S back-up plan.

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Trash-talking

If a relationship doesn’t work out or you’re angry at somebody, remind yourself that you’re an adult and not a 12-year-old. Deactivate your Facebook or Twitter for a while if you need to (yes, I include myself in this one. I fucked up when I got pissed, lesson learned.). Trash-talking people all over social media makes for good entertainment value (I’ve enjoyed several buckets of popcorn lately – thanks peeps), but makes the person doing the posting look like more of a fool than the person they’re talking about. Just saying...

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

I’m more than just a “nice, attractive” woman. I’m not diluted. I’m as strong as I can be. Sometimes I’m weak. I’m imperfect. I don’t always feel like smiling. I get acne sometimes. I snore and I am stubborn. I WILL disappoint you. I need you to check me from time to time. But I will make you proud more than anything. You’re getting a whole person with me. I am who I am and I won’t alter that for anyone else’s expectations.

http://heartsconverse.com/2014/06/24/put-someone-on-a-pedestal/

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Pedestal

If you love someone – don’t put them on a pedestal. When they fail to meet this idea you’ve created about them in your mind, they’re the ones who bear the brunt of your disapproval for not meeting your expectations. Hell, how about NOT having preconceived notions about someone and just accepting them for who they are, flaws and all? 

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Judging People

People like to judge so bad based on people’s pasts. Really? Show me somebody who HASN’T made any mistakes and plays like they have a perfect past and I’ll show you an accomplished liar. Even Mother Theresa and Ghandi will own up that they’re not perfect. Judge people based on their behavior while you’ve known them. Don't make people regret sharing their past with you. Hell, even a man-whore will become monogamous for the right woman.

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Discipline

Don’t tell me how to discipline my child unless you’re living there with us and seeing what goes down on a daily basis. You can raise your eyebrows at me all you want when I put her in a corner in a public place – doesn’t make a damn bit of difference to me. Hell, I'll even smack her ass in the store if she deserves it. My child isn’t going to be the one back-talking me when she’s older because she knows and understands what respect is NOW and knows she’ll get a whooping if she does something that foolish. A smack on the ass goes a long way at this age – not so much when your kid is 14 years old and knocked up and you’re a grandparent before you’re 40.

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Marriage

Marriage: yup, it’s the ultimate commitment. Maybe a commitment like that isn’t for everyone. If so, own up to it. Don’t put down marriage itself because you can’t be honest with yourself. And who cares what another person’s marriage looks like? Gay, straight, separate bedrooms, hell – even extended separations. What does it have to do with you, personally? 2 men or 2 women getting married affects you how? People get married, and stay married even when they shouldn’t, for all sorts of reasons. Are you living their life? Walking in their shoes? Didn’t think so – so STFU haters. 

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Nice girls keep their integrity

I’ve been told I’m “too nice” – maybe that’s true. But that’s my nature. ¾ of the time being nice gets me nowhere and I wind up with it thrown back in my face and getting stabbed in the back. But that’s not my problem – that’s a personality flaw of the other person. If someone’s being nice to you and helping you and you shit on them in return – you’re not a good person, you’re a selfish asshole.

[imnotabitchimagoddess-blog]

Yeah - cheaters suck

To the two married co-workers of mine: everybody knows you two have something going on. The flirtation between you is quite obvious, we all notice the little touches here and there and the looks you give each other. There are bets on when your respective spouses are going to find out and we’ll hear that you’re getting a divorce. Here’s a hint for a lot of people: don’t shit where you eat. Also – if you’re not happy in your relationships, get a divorce or break up, don’t disrespect your significant other by flirting with/fucking someone else. Yes, Mr. Co-worker - I know you've been trying to flirt with me. You're a prick, you have a girlfriend, I've talked to her - she's nice. That's why I ignore you, douchebag.