āI donāt know how to stop feeling everything so deeply. I look at the smiles on the faces of the ones I love and I look around my messy room. I keep still and look at how everything sits. Then somehow itās the middle of the night and Iām stuck with a heavy chest and eyes redder than the roses in my Grandmotherās garden. I start thinking about the things I shouldnāt and I donāt stop. Some time, everything that I care for wonāt be existing. My parents will be gone, and Iāll follow soon after. The friends I once had will live their firework lives: fast paced, bright and meaningful. But then theyāll plummet down, fizzling out. I canāt understand why I often get upset over the inevitable. Once you get stuck in a certain frame of mind, itās a struggle to get out. We grow up and change, but little habits never quite leave us. I wish I could pour all of this out of me. Thereās all of these names and diagnoses but I feel like some of us are just so intelligent that we constantly see the truth in everything. Even on the days that are more pleasant than the others, a persistent thought remains: itās all just temporary. Temporary smiles, temporary tears, temporary feelings. Is there any point to anything? I canāt remember any of my days last week, so do they even matter much? What was the point of them? Itās difficult to want to see the daylight, when itās 3:56am and you canāt stop feeling that youāre simply not cut out to live.ā
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