Imperfect Polyamorous Princess

Possibly NSFW, Adults 18+ only ~ 30 something, married to @skd1975, polyamorous, cis female, Georgia, USA ~ Follows come through as @naughtyirishpirateprincess. Finally, things make sense to me! I wish I had known what it meant to be polyamorous years...

[naturaekos]

[imperfectpolyamorousprincess]

Just trying to get through the day. ;-)

[plastikmika]

[cenkrett]

Monogamy can be a wonderful and beautiful thing.  The problem is the expectation of monogamy, the way it is treated as compulsory, and the way alternatives like polyamory are treated as abhorrent.  Monogamy is not the right choice for everybody, and nobody should be ostracized or mistreated for having an alternative structure to their romantic or sexual relationships.  It’s fine if a monogamous relationship is the only type of relationship you’d be willing to have - nobody is forcing you to act otherwise - but that doesn’t mean that everybody else has to do the same.

[neckkiss]

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Tips on Flirting

1. Make eye contact. Throw small glances and catch the eye of the person you’re interested in. Hold their gaze briefly, then smile and look away.

2. Smile at the person. To be most effective, smile slowly (rather than grinning widely), and crinkle your eyes. That kind of smile is more genuine and appealing.

3. Talk to them. You don’t have to commit to a full conversation but at least say “hello” and acknowledge their existence!

4. Initiate a conversation with them (one step on from point 3). Think of easy ways to get a conversation going. In many ways the topic isn’t so significant. You just want to talk to them, and try and pique their interest. General guidelines are … ask a neutral question; try and find some areas of common interest; gauge their response before showing more interest; and keep things light and impersonal.

5. Make use of body language. Non-verbal cues can say a lot more than the actual words you speak. Some pointers to remember include: maintain an open stance (don’t cross your arms or legs); turn your body toward them; casually touch them (for example, hold their hand to help you balance when you’re getting up from your seat.)

6. Compliment them (but don’t get too personal yet).

7. Keep your interactions brief. Scarcity creates demand. If you’re not always available it makes you more mysterious and more desirable.

[nyx-nix-deactivated20190306]

[inkdnready]

Truth…😈

[defineyourgrind]

[beyond-poly-deactivated20181218]

Polyam feels: A non-date date, and jealousy

So this past Wednesday night felt like my first true test with D (my current long term partner) with jealousy after a ‘date’ of mine with my friend and love interest whom I’ll call Piglet. I use air quotes around 'date’ because it always has that feel to me but we haven’t talked about it yet. She is new to understanding polyamory/nonmonogamy after I came out to her. She’s kind of relationship avoidant too, so that combined with my own fear of making things awkward and giving her space to grieve a family loss… It’s all moving slowly. Either we are and could remain emotionally close friends with great chemistry even if we don’t talk often… Or maybe it can develop into something more.

Anyhow, D gave her seal of approval to an impromptu night of drinks with Piglet, especially knowing how rarely I get to see her. I was beaming with excitement even though I did feel bad to ask to be excused from some plans we had that night (not a date or anything major but still, time together). Sharing what didn’t use to be shared like that is new for us. As the night progressed (ultimately about 3 hours with Piglet at the brewery, though only one drink each), D told me she was filled was thoughts of what we were doing together (kissing, going back to her place, etc).

I should say, Piglet is an excellent communicator who would be an amazingly respectful metamour to D. They know and like each other. It could work really well. Just hasn’t gone there yet. I now realize that with Piglet’s relationship avoidance, it crystallized for me just how I’ll have to be the one to initiate and invite her to something more. That’s scary but at least that’s now clear. Timing and courage are the two biggest factors.

My largest challenge last night was facing D’s upset upon my return. Started as simmering quiet anger but dropped quickly to vulnerability as she shared her fears. It was tempting, in my good ol codependent way that I learned growing up, to take whatever blame, feel guilty, apologize, accommodate and appease her emotion. Instead, I quietly listened while maintaining physical contact to support and kept my head about me. I wasn’t to blame in this. I didn’t need to fall on my sword. It was 'just’ the growing pains of polyamory and facing NRE. This isn’t exactly a 'new’ relationship but new in that it was my first alone time with Piglet since coming out, so the potential is felt differently now.

Moving forward, I’m not sure how much to be that support to D after a date because that is hard on me. I want to be able to enjoy that time and not have to immediately help D recover. At some point, yes, but right after is hard. I’m not sure what the guidance is on that. For her part, D owned her shit. For my part, I didn’t succumb to codependency and let her own it while supporting her emotionally. That was a big step for me actually.

I will say, I loved Piglet calling me Pooh. Hearing it felt special. Having pet names for each other (the meaning of which came out of a post she made and my response) seems like another little step closer. It’s strange to not want to force this onto some kind of relationship escalator that has to get to a certain level yet I do acknowledge wanting more. Her love languages are physical touch and quality time. My primary is quality time and we absolutely have that when we’re together. And lately I’ve been wanting that physical closeness, more nonsexual like longer hugs, cuddling together, and yes, maybe sex at some stage but that’s not the main desire right now.

I’m very proud of D and grateful for her as we journey together and open up our relationship to seeing others as well. Particularly at a time of great need for security with me, she is still willing to put in the hard work in facing her insecurities. I can only hope to be similarly courageous and ethical when it comes time for her to go on a date.

TL;DR: I have two amazing women in my life, each of whom has a special and unique place in my heart. And the growing pains of polyamory don’t need to mean there’s anything we’re doing wrong. I am open to what comes and also willing to show up in a way that honors my commitments and courageously asks for what I want.

[imperfectpolyamorousprincess]

@beyond-poly First, congrats on your date. You’ve made that huge first step. I hope things continue to develop for you guys!

In regards to your post above, I can so relate to D's upset feelings when you returned. I deal with this with my husband and it can be really difficult, especially when you just want to enjoy the highs of this wonderful, new relationship. I guess I can’t truly understand what is going through his head because the shoe has never been on the opposite foot. I want him to enjoy other people and other pursuits, but he doesn’t feel comfortable doing that yet.

  Hang in there, it takes time and patience. That range of emotions that you experienced with her sounds very similar to what I deal with from my husband upon my return. There’s only so much comfort that you can give, because ultimately, they must meet their fears and insecurities head-on. This isn’t something that we can just magically fix for them. 

[folklorestv]

#and here’s x-men teaching you an important lesson

[stilesisbiles]

As a bisexual person I appreciate this scene. Also Alan Cumming (who plays Nightcrawler here) is bisexual, which makes it even more more appropriate. 

[bi-and-happy]

It’s also worth noting that Mystique in the comics is bisexual 💗💜💙

[stilesisbiles]

Oh, I forgot about that!

Yeah, that’s pretty effin awesome! 

[thinkpositive2]

Thanks Arvind Devalia - Make It Happen Club #life #happy #quotes

[minuty]

Just because you’re taught that something’s right and everyone believes it’s right, it don’t make it right.

Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (via minuty)

It also don’t necessarily make it right for you, either. ;-)

[naturaekos]

“She said one thing, I said another, next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation.”

Hank Moody, Californication (2007)

[naturaekos]

The heart is like a garden. It can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love.

Buddha   (via naturaekos)

[allophobia-archive-deactivated2]

what society needs to understand is that friendship and romance are not ranks, tiers, or levels. they are not above or below each other. romance is not a promotion. friendship is not a demotion. romance is not “more than” being friends with someone. friendship and romance are concepts that exist on equal terms, side by side. sometimes they happen to coincide. other times they never intersect at all. how relationships are classified is up to the individuals involved but like?? neither is inherently more or less valuable is the thing

[naturaekos]

“The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.”

Barbara De Angelis (via naturaekos)

[minuty]

Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?

rumi (via minuty)