he asks the question, but he waits for her to make the decision and its such a logan thing to do, to never just take anything from her unless he knows it’s something she would willingly give even though it should be painfully clear by now that everything she has and everything she is has always been inexplicably his.
she should say no, they should wait. there were still discussions to be had, wires to uncross and untangle, other hearts that needed to be taken into consideration. and they’d been apart for so long, lived entire lives without each other, both of them had grown and changed, there were things they needed to relearn and things that needed to be learned anew. and they were supposed to be miserable today right? she wasn’t supposed to allow herself even the smallest amount of relief or joy.
but none of that seemed to matter, not with logan’s fingers gently brushing her cheek and her jawline and not with their lips barely a hairsbreadth apart.
he asks the question but this time she’s the one the closes the distance between them.
suddenly she’s thirteen again, relaxed and languid by the poolside, logan’s hair gently teasing the skin of her thighs and she’s gazing down at him like he’s the most beautiful boy she’s ever seen.
back then the second his lips had brushed against hers she’d known there was no one else on earth she’d ever love more, that logan was exactly who she’d always belong with and that there was nowhere else she’d ever want to be but next to him .
she’d known and she’d panicked.
(because you’re not supposed to love someone that much at thirteen, you’re not supposed to want the things she had wanted when you’re too young to make those kinds of decisions on your own)
there’s no panic this time, just an almost calm sort of certainty as logan’s warm lips caress her own - even with her heart pounding rhythmically in her chest - and this time when they pull back, holly’s nose brushing against his playfully as they part just enough to be able to see into each others eyes and see every thought neither one of them can give voice to just yet, there’s no denial threatening to spill off the tip of her tongue.
“what did you think?” his smile is slightly lopsided and goofy but breathtakingly soft as he echoes the words of the boy he used to be over a decade ago. the boy that still lived on inside the man that he’d become and she knows the look on her own face matches his exactly.
“i…” her cheeks heat up as she recalls the lie she’d fed him the last time they’d been in this position, how ridiculous a thing it seems to be to say now. i love you - those are the three tiny words she wants to say, the response he can read her well enough to see in her eyes anyway if he looks for it.
but she cant, she wont, not until she can be sure she can say the words and have them be safe with him.
“i think we probably shouldn’t wait another twelve years to do that again.”
even twelve years later, their lips press together so naturally, the sensations so familiar. but maybe it’s not the kiss that is familiar so much as holly herself, their lives and souls intertwined so closely that coming together is inevitable. he laughs at her quip, leaning in to press their mouths together again, tentatively exploring this new aspect of their relationship.
“not sure i can go another twelve seconds without kissing you again,” he murmurs, and then as if to prove his point, kisses her again. chastely this time, but even though it’s nothing more than the briefest brushing of their lips, logan feels the warmth of it even after he pulls away.
it feels wrong, to be this happy on a day that’s supposed to be dedicated to mourning the dead, but he can’t help himself. it’s only be sheer willpower does logan manage to stop himself from kissing her again, but he’s reluctant to move his hand away from her face, needing a way to ground himself to reality, to be sure that this is real, and not simply a manifestation of his deepest desires as he lays dying somewhere along the highways of georgia.
but no matter how much he wants to bask in this moment, he knows that are things that must be said, bridges that need to be crossed. he’d done a lot of things wrong when he was younger, but his biggest regret is not having been completely honest with holly, and he’s not about to make the same mistake again. so he lets his hand slide down her face, fingers gently tracing down her neck, the slope of her shoulders, until his fingers curl securely around her waist and he pulls her against his side.
“i love you.” he says the words she cannot easily, not because he treasure this thing they have any less than she does, but because he wants to hold himself accountable. he thinks he’d placed holly on a pedastal once, had been so afraid to give voice to his feelings because a part of him had viewed her as something that would always be out of reach. but that wasn’t fair to holly at all, because holly was human too—she hurt too, made mistakes just like anyone else, and all she’d ever asked of him was to be the safe space where she could be herself. not the daughter of the mayor, not the captain of the cheerleader or the high school valedictorian, just plain old holly with all of her imperfections. “i love you,” he says again, grip on her tightening slightly. “i’m sorry it took me so long to let you know.”
“i know i’ve missed out on a lot, and i know things have changed—but there are things that haven’t, and the way i feel about you is one of them. it doesn’t matter that you’re not the same holly that i used to know, and i will learn to love the parts of you that are new, because it’s still you.” he turns his head, presses his face against her hair and breathes her in. “you don’t have to tell me everything at once, we can take things slow. i’m not going anywhere, we’ve got all the time in the world.”
“how’d you end up back in georgia, baby?” the term of endearment slips from his lips easily, and it takes a second for him to register what he’s said. afraid that he might have made holly feel awkward, he rushes on, “not that i’m not glad you’re here, of course, but last i’d spoken to you, you were still in boston.”