crash key

[the-final-sentence]

Heart on fire, ashes everywhere — there’s no return from a red like that.

Manuel de Freitas, from “Fado Menor”, translated by Richard Zenith (via soracities)

[acoolguy]

y’all mind if i unearth ancient secrets?

[incinere]

( mkay listen one of my very favorite things about the reveal of akane’s background is that ... in so many stories , that’s exactly how it goes. it’s always the sister , the daughter , the mother , or the love interest that gets killed off / or trapped , sending the ( coughs male ) protagonist on a journey to either save her or get vengeance / justice for her ... turning her into nothing more than a plot device for his development. and while akane does have aoi / and later junpei in her corner , she still takes matters into her own hands. akane has help , sure , but she’s the one who becomes zero. she does it to save her own life and turns the whole damsel thing you think she had going on on its head and i love it more than anything please )

[brightasthenight]

Visit Original Link

[incinere]

“Life is suffering. It is hard. The world is cursed. But still, you find reasons to keep living.”

❛ aoi. ❜ there’s an edge in her voice – a warning – but all of her points are a touch too hypocritical to make. the cards are out of their hands , this time around. she intends to enter the game blindfolded , knowing only that billions of lives are at stake if they fail. should he accompany her , he could be hurt – or worse , killed. it was quite simple , putting her own life on the line , but when it comes to her brother … she can’t imagine carrying on in a timeline , should something happen to him. one of the very few battles where emotion would trample over logic ; without him , she would simply fall apart. it was excruciating enough , putting his life at stake back when she memorized every possible outcome by heart , knowing there were histories where even he would succumb to death in the game they had planned with their own hands. if her life was worth all of that to him , worth all the pain and guilt and regret that would come with the path she had chosen , she knows for a fact that he would die to protect her. and she … doesn’t want that. he has suffered too much already for her sake , for her plans. 

there still exists a delicate heart beneath her surface , it rises up when it comes to those she loves the very most. she knows he only means to keep her safe , to work alongside her like always , and she doesn’t want to put him through losing her again ; but–

akane narrows her eyes at the application for the test site , filed in his hand , familiar , bold , in permanent ink. he prepared this whole speech , to show it to her , to present his case. it doesn’t make her feel any better about it. she digs her heels in , to keep a solid stance. stubborn cheeks puff out , just a little , a youthful tactic she only uses on those who know her well. 

❛ we don’t know what’s going to happen in there. it’s too dangerous! and i need you on the outside. ❜

[incinere]

(hc : akane dresses warmly for decision games b/c there’s always a possibility she might get locked in a freezer)

[incorrectzeroescapequotes]

Akane: Jumpy, truth or dare? Junpei: [laughs] Truth. Akane: Was the moon landing of 1969 faked? Junpei: What? Akane: Answer the question, Junpei.

[incinere]

“Everyone fears their own mortality.”

❛ i don’t know about that. ❜ akane muses , soft , unbothered , like mortality is as simple a topic of conversation as the weather , their favorite movies , or whether they still take sugar with their coffee. ( which , for the record , she does. she’s changed – a lot – but she’ll always have a sweet tooth )  she tilts her head , ever the philosopher , brown hair falling over her shoulder , disheveled and untended. her fingertips are warm against the freshly printed documents she’s skimming , but her mind lingers on her brother’s words. live a thousand lives , die a thousand deaths ; the overexposure eventually drew fear into the cold void that budded when she was but a child , a girl – not yet five feet tall , and it continues to flower in her chest , devouring the person she was before. it was scary , at first. but no longer. she’s tired of being the damsel , tired of being afraid. she can defy death , she can change the world. and no one will interfere with their lives again. not if she can help it. ❛ i mean , maybe that’s true … for normal people. ❜

a knowing spark passes through her eyes , there’s a tap-tap as she aligns the papers against the table , tucks them away neatly in their folder. she hesitates , just for a moment , when she glances up at aoi , finding it difficult to read his expression. perhaps he’d have been more comfortable if she had simply agreed with him , like a normal person. or , perhaps he’s just worried. there’s no telling what’s going to happen at the test site.

akane expects to die – quite a few times – for that is simply the way of things. she might ( will probably ) kill someone. she decides to spare aoi the gritty details of her imaginings , her expectations. the path she treads might be gruesome , laden with the smell of blood , but she also expects to find a solution at the end. she always does.

❛ i’m not afraid , aoi. ❜ 

[truthsgone]

‘ i miss her sometimes, even though i didn’t know her. ’

Moments like these were rare. Lately, every free drop of time was spent in search of a mysterious fanatic, one they were not sure even existed. But the threat remained, as the warning of the newest Zero loomed in their minds. So they would look. And waste away minutes, hours, days tearing through all the possible suspects. Thus when the opportunity arose for a little while of respite (tea with his beloved sister, specifically) he gladly accepted. 

The two of them were simply enjoying the presence of one another, their conversation light. He knew there was something bothering her, however; something she had been holding upon since returning from the test site. And then she brings up their late mother, eyes flickering to him, and then away again. I miss her sometimes, she says. Even though I didn’t know her.

  ❛ mm… ❜

He pauses, unsure of how exactly to respond. Aoi remembered his mother. She was kind – doting, but stern when she needed to be. Almost like Akane, had it not been for… He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. He was eight when their parents died. The police had wrote it off as a car accident, giving no further details on the matter. He had always been suspicious of the circumstances surrounding their deaths, but didn’t learn the truth until much later. On a whim he decided to dig further into it, and found the files of his fathers court case – and the subsequent suicide of his wife. He never told Akane. She was burdened with enough as it were, and he wished not to weigh her mind with more worries. (though he thought, now, perhaps, may be a good time to reveal such information… but still he held his tongue.)

He wondered, sometimes, how their parents would have felt about everything. The Nonary Games, the plans, the attempts to save a dying world. And… the way they turned out. Would they be proud? Or upset they’d never live a simple life? He did not have the answer, but hoped, at least, what they were doing was truly a good thing. That what they had done was just and for good reason. 

Fatigue swept through him for a moment, his shoulders feeling suddenly heavier, and the world a whole lot larger. He took a sip of the tea they’d prepared, eyes cast to the side. Thinking over her words, he finally answers –

  ❛ i miss her, too. y’know… she was a lot like you. maybe a little less weird – hey, don’t give me that look, i’m just sayin’ it like it is. ❜ 

Her withering glance was met with a sly grin, though it seemed his poking fun did brighten her mood, if only a little. A few seconds passed, silence settling in. He was grateful for the quiet, for the lighter atmosphere. It seemed that their peaceful serenity had returned.

[heireating]

                 BOOK STARTERS VOL.23   ( HOUSE OF LEAVES )  ( MARK Z. DANIELEWSKI )

❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜

❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜

❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜

❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜

❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜

❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜

❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜

❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜

❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜

❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜

❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜

❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜

❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜

❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜

❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜

❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜

❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜

❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜

❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜

❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜

❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜

❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜

❛ ‘Fuck’ and ‘fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜

❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜

❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜

❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜

❛ Any fool can pray. ❜

❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜

❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜

❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜

❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜

❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜

❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜

❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜

❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜

❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜

❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜

❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜

❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜

❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜

[truthsgone]

‘ can i sleep over with you? ’

Aoi had turned in early for the night. Which was a rarity, for him; getting so close to the day of reckoning meant many a days gone with little to no rest. He’d gotten used to it, at this point. There was always more to be done, but, he’d figured, it was useless to fight against the lead-like weight of his eyelids and heaving yawns which punctuated every action. Thus, he decided rather than fall prey to slumber at his desk, he would do so at the comfort of his own bed. Just this once. A good night’s sleep has never hurt anyone, after all.

A soft rapping at his door rouses him. Tired eyes flicker to the light now trickling into the room as he sits up, searching for the source – and he sees her. A familiar figure, illuminated in the doorway. Akane. ( who else could it be? ) Pillow in hand, she stood wearing a look of unease upon her face. She must be nervous, he mused. He was, too. All this planning, all this effort, it had to be perfect, otherwise it would be game over. They couldn’t afford to lose… he couldn’t afford to lose her. She was all he had left. 

Her words are a spark of nostalgia kindling old memories, those of a time not so stressful nor so weary. It’s melancholic, now, remembering the past. What was, what could have been… He sees his sister as a child, fiddling with the collar of her nightgown, her eyes downcast. Can I sleep with you tonight? I had a bad dream, she had said, her voice soft. At the time, her nightmares were rare, yet always did they end with her rushing to his door, and always did she ask the same question. He’d nodded – of course – and welcomed her forth with a hug and a smile. I’ll always keep you safe.

The memory fades, and all that remains is the quiet sorrow. 

  ❛ can’t sleep, huh? …c’mon in, then. ❜

[lkki-deactivated20190717]

.

[incinere]

“I give up. I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful.” fjgdf

❛ now, now… ❜ akane thought red would be a good look on him. honest, she did. it occurred to her as she was watching titanic a few nights before ( rather it supplied background noise as she worked, considering the film is quite long ) – and rose, the heroine, has beautiful red curls. aoi had mentioned needing a disguise and she suggested that he dye his hair… and this is what happened when he left the choice of color to her. ( …turns out the shade was more pink than the coppery red that the label promised ) aoi’s holding his face in his hands. defeated. ❛ i still think you’re pretty. besides, it’s only temporary! ❜

❛ if it makes you feel better– you could always borrow my gas mask. ❜

@truthsgone

[incinere]

▲

    AKANE’S BRAND NEW DOLL specializes in science and medicine. She’s about to discover a cure for a horrible illness-- she’s about to save the world! Because it makes sense for her to create miracles, when it felt so very much like a miracle when Akane found the doll waiting in her room when she woke up that morning. Though the conditions she lives in are different from most other kids-- Santa always got her letters and never forgot to visit on Christmas.

     She can count on Santa. The same way she counts on her brother-- which is saying a lot. 

    Sitting cross-legged on the carpet, Akane continues to play-- but the story she’s been creating starts to slip away when she wonders about Aoi’s presents. For as long as she could remember, he had always been kind of secretive about it. And if anybody deserves an amazing Christmas present, it’s her brother. He seems really happy just watching her play, but--

    ❛ Santa must have gotten your letter too, right? ❜ He’s the one who gave her the address-- so Akane doesn’t believe that it would have been lost. Her lower lip juts out a bit as she puzzles over it. ❛ I’m just wondering, because-- ❜

     Then, without warning, Aoi’s arms wrap around her from behind-- putting an end to what could have been an endless stream of questions. There’s a squeak of surprise was he pulls her close-- ruffling her hair, tickling her affectionately until she’s reduced to a mess of giggles.

      ❛ H-hey, Aoi! What are you-- hehe-- ❜ Laughter breaks her sentences in half. The doll is all lopsided in her hand now-- but she doesn’t really mind. ❛ What are you doing? ❜

@truthsgone

[histerrier]

you’ll save her for sure this time

[truthsgone]

♣

Terror acted like venom through his veins, paralyzing him, rooting him in place. Moments ago, he had been yelling, calling out for his sister, throwing his hands against the steel of the door separating them. Pure adrenaline had directed his every move, numbing him to the pain and reddening of his fingers, but as the seconds slowly passed them by, the deadline getting closer and closer… the fear took hold. These few fragments of time seemed an eternity. They were forced to wait while she was trapped, alone; there was nothing he could do, no way to save her from out here… it was maddening. He could still hear her voice, at the very least – it was a small comfort. Light and the detective were behind him, no longer moving, and silent.

There was no time left. He could hear the pounding of his heart in his ears; it drowned out everything else. His hands were balled into fists at his sides, eyes glued to the door. It began to slide open… 

And then he saw her. Tear stricken and visibly shaking, but alive. She was alive… relief washed over him like a wave crashing against the shore, his legs nearly giving out beneath him. It was then he realized he had been holding his breath. 

❛ akane! ❜

He vaguely heard her shout his name in response, and she flew towards him. He caught her in a spinning embrace, his grip unyielding despite how shaken he still was – as though she would disappear if he’d let her go. She’s okay… she’s okay… he had to remind himself. He knew they must leave, make their escape, but… just another moment. He just needed a single moment with her, to reassure himself that this was real and they were both safe. Just one more moment.

[incinere]

⊗

    ❛ –Oh! ❜ A short-lived gasp falls from her lips as Diana pulls her close. For someone who held her composure in the very worst of life-or-death situations with deceptive finesse, it’s almost comic that this sudden display of affection should cause her to start like this. Perhaps this is because for the first time in a very long time, her heart is light as a cloud. Beating a lively beat, like butterfly wings that sway and thrive on metaphors of love. For the first time since childhood, her mind is a vision of springtime, of new birth and potential.

    They would have to find the supposed fanatic first, of course, but–

    Diana pulls away quickly, as if sensing her embarrassment– a perceptive assessment, considering Akane’s cheeks are bright pink. Afterwards, their eyes are simultaneously drawn to the ring on Akane’s finger. The reason Diana hugged her must have been…

      The ring is a symbol of the future she carried with her out of the bunker– undoubtably a reason to celebrate. The decision game had unlocked some of their darkest thoughts, created gruesome scenes to fuel nightmares for a lifetime… but somehow they had still found some form of happiness amidst it all.

    Diana is truly kind to notice and support that joy. 

    However… despite all of this, she cannot lose herself to the bashful girl in love until they know that their future is truly secure. Blinking rapidly, fumbling for balance, Akane can at least manage a smile in return.

    ❛ So, you noticed. ❜ Indulgently, she tilts her hand so the ring can catch the light and sparkle. Though an unmistakable fondness creases her eyes, the voice of reason persists and inevitably comes out. ❛ But… we still have a lot to do before we can make it official. ❜

@wingwept