There is not much to say to that, not when something in her had believed Fei instantly, despite her questions ( which had, in all honesty, leaned more towards the interrogative side ). Magic, something the outside world would scoff at, say wasn’t real, and yet here they were. But magic came with it’s own set of rules, own set of consequences, and wasn’t that a sort of logic in itself?
“ Trying to read, ” she corrects, because after all this while he is still a blur. “ You don’t make any sense either. You know this, I have never been able to read you very well, and one day I will find out the reason. Everyone else practically screams them at me, and yet it’s been 12 years and I still aren’t able to properly sense yours. ”
Her fingers are at her earlobe again, tugging slightly, a tell tale sign of when she’s thinking deeply again. “ Besides, magic and ancients and reincarnation is a lot easier to accept when there is proof that it’s been happening for centuries like clockwork. I’ve never heard of anyone else failing so miserably at baking before. I even brought out a pipette and that milligram weighing scale. ”
A slight blush tinges her face at that admission, and she quickly grasps on to another topic. “ I am not too short for the top shelf, it just takes more of an effort. ” If it were someone else, perhaps they might have added a ‘ duh ’, but in this instance the expression she was wearing would surely be enough. Something flashes in her eyes at the importance bit, but she chooses to let it go.
The knife thuds on board a little too sharply, a little too harshly, perhaps the only thing that would belie him. “ If we know that why are we still fighting? Surely everyone knows a council divided is not a good thing, is especially not something Fei wanted. ”
It would never be easy, to have so many different people, so many different histories of lifetimes and past connections and current connections and wanting different things, to come together and work together smoothly, but they had managed with Fei, she was the one who had always bound them together. So why could they not let her do the same now? That finding her should be the first priority, whatever own personal grudges and wishes be second.
And there is a touch of guilt, at the memory of the last council meeting. Failing. She was here to do her duty, and yet until now no concrete leads to be found, nowhere closer to what happened to Fei. “ I know I haven’t found anything yet, but there has to be something. I’ll find it soon. Fei wouldn’t leave us with nothing. ”
Fingers change into a firm hold, doesn’t like how he’s thinking, what he’s saying. The council is not as strong with even one less, and more than that is the friend she’s had for 12 years. “ Oh? Would Eve say that? Would Daniel, would Lailani, would Mitch? Just because you feel like you haven’t done enough doesn’t mean that you aren’t enough. Without you we’d be a lot worse off. ”
The intensity has gone on longer than it was supposed to be for a late night bake session, and perhaps pushing too much would lead to the opposite of what she wants to achieve, and so she tries for a more light-hearted joke. “ Do you need a powerpoint on why we need you, what you’ve done for the council? Is this your way of getting me to stoke your ego? ” A light laugh, eyes shining, but there’s still a little worry hidden away.
aren’t they both lucky things that fei has perhaps taught him too well, that the control he has with the curl of fingertips extends into how he touches her - how he doesn’t?
understandable, he had tried to justify it. how many lifetimes has he ended it for them? how many has he ruined, if not? wouldn’t you be tired of all this ember and ash, of having to clean it up lifetime after lifetime?
careful control, fei had always told him. too much results in nothing good.
he can see her looking at him with those eyes, knows that mind of hers is trying to find answers, tries to find feelings he has long since buried, lock and key underneath the graves of the people he used to be.
too much, he wants to tell annalise, stepping closer. please.
“shame. though it’s for the best - god knows if you tried to read me, all you’d get is constant annoyance and sleep deprivation.” he says it so easily, doesn’t meet her eyes. “and here i was, thinking i was doing you a favour - isn’t one less person’s emotions cluttering around that head of yours a relief?”
it feels wrong to laugh as of late, but still, she coaxes a short one out of him, shaking his head slightly at how upset she seems. “you’re tiny. and you’ve wasted your money on that pipette and whatever weight - i’ll show you a better way one day. that is, if your cookies don’t end up burning - and not because of me.”
he’s always been shit at ignoring her, though he does his best whilst dicing the strawberries into too-little pieces; tries to bypass the mention of fei and nothing, tries to bypass fingers on arms saying something he doesn’t want to read, tries to bypass how voices are light and forced through and he wishes he could bare his teeth at her just so she would leave.
(not that he wants her to, but want and necessity are rarely conjoined, and kian knows better than to believe himself exempt from duty. when it came down to it, do the feelings matter? so what if evie - if annalise - if dan - if fei, even - )
( - so what? when it comes down to it, what would you do for them? against them, if it calls for it? who else but you? who else could ever stomach such a thing?)
(best keep feeling out of it. he tries to keep the indifference around her words, but there’s a flicker of a scowl that’s misplaced in the nonchalance he’s so carefully left for her to read from him)
“not doing enough is being not enough.” he says shortly, leaves it at that. “grab the piping bag on the top shelf, please - pick whichever nozzle you’d like.”
there’s a laugh but there’s that worry, and his smile is a grim line at best.
“and if it was? you’d be the only one foolish enough to waste your time on even considering making that powerpoint. it’d be endearing if i didn’t know you were smarter than that.”
