FOXGLOVED.

evelyn morley. strategic advisor. twenty nine. council member.

[soundsempressive-blog]

JUDGEMENT.

STATUS: open LOCATION: the lair 

His fingers ran through his hair, which felt sticky from the remnants of soot. Daniel didn’t plan to work out earlier than his normal schedule, however, battling a fire proved to be enough of a fitness regime. While Daniel looked exhausted, his other hand carried an empty fire extinguisher. The job was done ; the training room wasn’t burned to ashes ( even if his appearance suggested otherwise ). 

“Fire is out,” he announced. “Any other disaster I missed?” 

Glints of shards she had missed were still caught in her hair, skin scattered with pricks of blood as she tried to root them out, standing in the hallway, eyes sliding to Daniel. “All the glass in the rec room, like, exploded. And alas, the good whiskey Fei has been saving for multiple cycles is lost to us. But there’s a liquor soaked mop if anyone is feeling thirsty. Warn them of the glass shards.” She tried for a weak smile, letting the shadow of her humour creep into her voice. Automatically, instinctually, Evelyn licked her thumb to dab at the soot along his cheek bone. “Hold still–––better.”

“Are you alright?”

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THE LOVERS.

DATE: July 6th, late afternoon. LOCATION: The garden @ anyone

Everything looked the same as it had over two weeks ago, sun-drenched and exploding with life with no parallel on earth. The most beautiful place she’d ever seen with one notable exception: the jagged ridge of solid rock that ripped through the center of the otherwise serene garden, a great scar of brown and grey amid a sea of dazzling, endless color. This was the first time Azra dared visit the place since she spoke to the monster with her face. She feared if she returned on her own, it would appear again, violent and angry with intentions of making her suffer for her misstep. 

Azra stood on the edge of the garden, shoulders lifted tensely as she held her breath and waited for an ambush that never happened. Time ticked on but nothing appeared, and so her shoulders dropped and she tentatively stepped closer to the ridge of sharp rocks. Where she managed to mostly repair the damage she did to the lair itself, she couldn’t bring herself to fix this too, and so it remained, a permanent, ugly monument to her own cowardice. She deserved it, in her mind.

Hesitantly, she reached towards the wall and brushed the top ridge of a lower portion with her fingertips. Sharp and rocky, nothing unusual save its very sudden appearance. The last time she was here, frost licked the top in spindly white patterns, and the cold air stung with every inhale. Now with the temperature in the mid-90s and DC’s natural humidity, the rocks felt hot to the touch, sun-warmed and absent of any evidence of their frigid beginnings.

A sound behind her caught her attention and she whirled, ready to bolt, only to recognize the approaching figure. “You scared me,” she said, her voice weaker than she would have liked.

Since April 24th, Evelyn seemed to just be keeping count of the days sleeping by. And that was her great contribution to finding Feiyan. ‘I have seen Feiyan in five days,’ she had whispered to Kian, not wanting to think the worst but heart thundering all the same. And since then, even though she already knew, every morning she had counted the markings on the calendar since Feiyan had gone. 30 days... 52... two months...

And now, two days since the vision of her appeared.

And that terrible, poisonous guilt churned in her stomach and turned food to ash. She was barely sleeping, barely eating. Even when she told herself that she needed to stay strong, her appetite just wasn’t there. All there was was the gnawing that while she was standing in the sun, knees muddied and hair tangled with sweat from her work, she was doing nothing to help Feiyan.

It was a horrible feeling. More oppressive than the humidity.

Evelyn leaned back against her ankles, a hand rising to shelter her eyes so she could blink out the sun and see who else was in her gardens. She rose, dusting her hands on her old, dirty jeans and made her way over to Azra. The gardens were better now. The wildness had been tamed. But there was echoes of what had happened to them still in the roots that she hadn’t yet smoothed down. And she was a little surprised, although very glad, that those small reminders didn’t keep Azra away.

“Shit, sorry! I didn’t mean to.” The words had started off bubbling with a laugh that faded, worry pulling her eyebrows together. “Are you okay, Azra?” It wasn’t a fair question to ask. None of them were really okay. Not after everything. She took a few steps until the distance was closed between them, leaning one shoulder against the wall, trying for a small smile because if she didn’t, it’d only be Xiomara left to smile. “You don’t need to be out here by yourself, if you’d like some company.”

You shouldn’t be out here by yourself.

[soundsempressive-blog]

THE HERMIT‌.

Eve had so much to say, and so much sheer happiness radiating off of her like she exuded it from her skin, that all Lailani could do was listen and feel her own giddy smile begin to bloom. She shut the door to her bedroom behind them and gestured for Eve to make herself at home before curling her legs under her on her bed. She added a little deferential wave of her hand when Eve mentioned her advice - it had been the cards, not her, and she could hardly ever take responsibility for anyone’s romantic luck.

When Eve finally remembered to breathe Lailani let out a soft laugh. “That’s so exciting,” she said, her little voice pitched high with happiness. She reached out as if she wanted to take Eve’s hand again, stopping an inch away and curling her fingers into her bedspread instead. “Seems like kissing her was exactly the right thing to do. See? She’s difficult to read, but… It was always hard to imagine there was nothing there. Being assertive was the right move, clearly.”

“Eve,” came her name in a playful whine, followed by a surprised giggle as even Lailani wasn’t sure what to make of her own glee for her sister. “What are you gonna do now? Go on dates at fancy restaurants? Send her flowers? Not that you have to send any, really, but- you know what I mean. I’m so happy for you.”

When they reached the room, Evelyn flopped back onto the bed, hair spreading out beneath her, gazing up at the ceiling, and she stayed like that. The smile stayed too, pulling at the corner of her lips, reaching her eyes and making them shine when happiness. “I know.” Exciting didn’t seem like the right word, like it was enough, but it would do. She had grown up knowing she had a soulmate. And then she had met her and it had felt right, for both of them she had thought, until it didn’t. And then it was years before... She took a deep breath, drifting more into a sigh. “I know. It’s so exciting.” She rolled over onto her side to smile up at Lailani, the mirror glee in the other woman reflecting like the sun on the surface of water.

“Oh my god, I know. I kinda wish I’d done something sooner, like, years ago. I hate that it had to be now, you know, with everything that’s happened...” her gaze drifted away, a sharp tug in her chest squeezing around her happiness, reminding her that things were far from perfect. That she couldn’t share her news with Feiyan. But it was okay to want to have this moment just to enjoy it. She could allow herself that. “And you know, we would have had years of doing it, you know. Not that that’s all I care about of course, but my god, Lani, it is just....” she did a hand gesture, puffing out her cheeks and letting the air escape slowly escape through pursed lips, miming her mind blowing. “Like I get the fuss. It’s an experience.”

“I don’t know, to be honest with you. I mean, she said she wanted to be my partner. That’s like... serious, right? I want it to be serious. But I don’t know, like, with everything that’s going on do we have time to go dating?” 

[soundsempressive-blog]

DEATH‌.

it seems like a long time since he’s seen a smile. no less one that managed to convey such patience and understanding.  an empathy that went a little deeper than most liked to portray… something genuine.  something real.  which is more than can be said about the unreality of things spinning around them on an axis so vastly out of kilter that it was starting to make him dizzy.

she states, rather than asks if he’s been visited.  and there’s nothing other than a small nod to confirm her words.

what he does, is listen carefully as she answers graciously.  honestly. wonders if her vision meshes with the one his shade brought to him.  while hers sounds bright and full of promise and temptation, his was dark, blooded, worn and hollow.  is that the difference between those who choose to stand fast and fight, and those who choose temptation over all else.  

❝ you don’t need a crown and a dress.  you’re already beautiful. ❞

that’s his own honesty.  beauty was in paintings or in flowers or in a sunset… things you could see or smell or touch.  but in people, beauty took on more than just a visage.  it wasn’t the trimmings.  evelyn was already beautiful, outwardly… but it was the inner beauty that made the difference.

Not sure she had the best of intentions.

well… at least he wasn’t the only one who had doubts over the intent of those dopplegangers.  whether they were a true version of the future or something else, just trying to trick them onto a path of destruction.

( is he a little relieved at that?  that there was at least one other person who was questioning?  he doesn’t trust his shade… but he doesn’t wholly disbelieve it either.  there’s nothing that it had said that would be so far fantastical that he couldn’t imagine it as the truth…  ).

❝ there’s a difference between taking control and being given control so… i’d stay – stick with your instincts.  mine was… ❞

foreboding.  tales of death.  a fractured, broken creature with haunted eyes and a broken soul.  he doesn’t want to go into the specifics… of how it had foretold of his bringing the end to some of them.  which ones, he doesn’t know.  but he does know the face of a man with the weight of lives on his shoulders…

❝ …here to warn me. ❞

perhaps evelyns beautiful vision was from a time in the future before his.  before it all turns bad and bloody.  or perhaps neither of them were a true aspect of what was to come.  

he seems to suddenly remember about the gun… safety is on and he tucks it away into the back of his jeans.  why the gun?  he’s still not sure.  perhaps he’d take a pot shot at his own crow if he catches sight of it again ( probably not though… ).  or perhaps it’s because the thing that seems to be the danger here isn’t the magic.  it’s the people.  fallible and fragile and flawed as they all are - including himself.  and sometimes… magic wasn’t the solution to everything.  

❝ about those - temptations.  he said that if people give into them… try to start taking more power… then it ends… badly.  i don’t know if i believe everything he said… but i think i believe that much.  ❞

When he says she’s beautiful, her smile returns, small and sad and like a poem for a lost lover. Evelyn isn’t sure she believes him. The vision had been so breathtaking. The night had seemed to shift around her, like she was the moon cutting through the darkness. Evelyn wasn’t like that. Or at least, if Aeron was right, she wasn’t beautiful in that same way. Maybe in the way that daisies were beautiful –– a sweet kind; one that was there but didn’t demand attention. Certainly not the moon. 

“Thank you,” she says quietly, sadly. “You’re kind.” She doesn’t say anymore about, although a distant part of her wants him to say it again, because it was nice to hear when she felt so twisted about Feiyan and her vision and everything in between.

The smile fades as she listens. Instead, her eyebrows come together and her teeth chew at the inside of her cheek. She doesn’t look at him while he speaks. She lets him have his moment, to say it all aloud, because she doesn’t know if she has yet and she remembers when she told Daniel, she had to hope he didn’t think she was crazy. So she lets Aeron talk to the wind and instead, she looks out at the gardens, at the winding river. The railing of the roof digs into her, uncomfortable, but she doesn’t move.

“Warn you,” she echoes, voice weary, troubled. It was a far cry from her own. More like Daniel’s. She takes a moment to think, like she’s stepping back from a puzzle. “Yes, I mean, okay. So. Obviously when Feiyan disappeared––” disappeared. Like a ghost. The word mocks her. But what else to call it? Feiyan hadn’t left. And if she had, she wouldn’t be in pain. “––when Feiyan disappeared, some people wanted to step up. For the good of the council,” she adds, because it wasn’t fair to talk badly of any of them. “But... there was no real moves to do that. No one has made this wild grab for power.”

Evelyn’s gaze shifts to Aeron’s to study him again. “I think you’re right, you know, that would not be good if we gave into those temptations. But my double wanted me to. She was very sweet about it and made it all about how I needed to fulfil my potential. But I would have never considered it before she started talking all that shit into my ear, like. And––and,” the words fall over themselves as she starts to become animated as she speaks, as if she had taken a step back to study the full painting and not just the small dots of colour. “Dan’s double had talked about there being only one solution to... something. They’re all really vague in the way that they speak. But they’re obviously trying to pull us apart and convince us each to be on their side. To do... what? Manipulate whoever tries to come into power?”

Evelyn pushes herself off from the railing, turning to face Aeron. “Did yours want you to do something? Or did you just... need warning about the rest of us?” The small bit of hurt creeps into her voice. This is her family. Her family, that she loves with all her hurt. And these things were trying to pull them apart. “Mine almost seemed like it came from the past or like it was my first self. But like, Daniel said they shouldn’t be able to do that. I don’t think any of us should be able to walk through time. So I don’t understand what the fuck these things are.”

[soundsempressive-blog]

THE TOWER‌.

DATE & TIME: july 9th, 9:03pm LOCATION: gardens, the lair STATUS: closed for @soundsempressive

what does he know of the world? 

that he has never been too far out of these four walls, and if so, never for long - that it is too big and he has had to start as many fires as he has had to put out to see the sunrise today - that he has been through this five times and that it is never kind - that it is undeserving - 

that it is the girl before him but not like this, but smiling - that it is a woman who found him in a city made of volcanic ash - that it is sparklers and birthday candles and bonfires and warmth - that it is two girls he has worried too many times - that it is too kind for the likes of him - 

the world is a home, and without her, the world is not the same to them. 

“she’s not hurt. she’s not - she’s fine.” ignore the frazzled look of the usually composed woman, ignore the haunted look she gave them all, one by one. “she’s still alive. she’s just - “ 

in the moonlight, only a few flowers bloom wide. he’s nearly gone through half a pack since fei’s apparition left them, and the smoke trailing from his mouth doesn’t seem to be stopping soon. 

“ - she’s disappointed. in us. fuck, i - “ he doesn’t want to ask what to do, doesn’t want to be helpless, can’t be - needs to be an answer, a fucking result for all he was meant to symbolize. not nothing. not nothing. not to her. to either of them. 

a deep breath. more smoke. he’s so tired. “we’re on the right track, at least. with the ley lines. but she said something escaped - so even if we closed them right there’s still more to it. but we’re onto something. anything.” is it enough? is he enough? he doesn’t look at evelyn, just sinks short nails into palms instead. 

“but she’s alive. we can start with that. if she’s alive then we can get her back - right?”

she sits on the ground, legs tucked in close because she needs what little comfort she can find and she watches him pace and she misses the days it was just the three of them with justice coming through the door only to leave again. she hides in her knees, eyes falling away from him. the flowers shift in the dusk, petals unfurling. they wind a little high before she lets them sleep again. 

she’s hurt, evelyn nearly says. she’s not fine. it’s painful to think. and it’s painful that she’s not the one to be saying those sweet, empty promises. she doesn’t think she can anymore. that hurts too.

she lets him pace and she still stays quiet. her breath catches. the little light at the end of his cigarette catches her eye, like a firefly fluttering in the dark. the ash flutters to the ground. a part of her is jealous that he has something to do, even if it is just smoking. she nearly asks for one but she doesn’t really want it. she just wants to smother the worry that pulls her like a weight under water.

“she’s alive,” evelyn whispers, because she thinks he might need to hear the words from someone else.

she can feel the sting of tears then. she’s not even upset at herself for feeling them. that moment, in the meeting, when feiyan had appeared, her heart had stopped. she wasn’t entirely sure it had started again. the tremble in her hands had lasted long after the vision had disappeared. the ‘no’ sat on her tongue for hours, a whisper of agony, as chaos erupted around her and all she could do was stand in place and stare at where her mother had been standing.

she uses her sleeve to dry the tears before they can fall. her breathing is sharp. it cuts like a knife. feiyan was disappointed with them. even when the pair of them had wreaked havoc, she never made them feel like failures. scolded them, yes, but there was never punishment for exploring their powers. but they were letting her down now. 

“we have to. and i think––” she takes another shuddering breath. she stands up, stiff from being so tight. there’s that height difference between them, just as there always was, and she looks up at him and sees the young boy she met twenty years ago. her hand takes the one that isn’t bringing the cigarette to his lips. she stands in the smoke, tasting it in the air, but doesn’t move away. her fingers curl over his and her hand falls to his shoulder. she can’t just let him pace his agitation anymore. she needs the comfort now. 

“kian,” she doesn’t look at him but there’s a strength in her voice that was there before. “i can’t sit around anymore. we have to find our mom. i think i have an idea. feiyan –– or that, that thing, whatever it was –– said something has escaped, right? that must be what the doubles are. some kind of manifestations of that, or something. i don’t know. but the doubles are obsessed with the leylines. you’re right, we’re onto something. when we all checked them out last time, there was just, like, a ton of shit on top of them. maybe we need to go back and see now that it’s cleared up. see what happens when our magic gets close to them. i don’t know. i don’t even know if that makes sense.” her head adjusts and she curls into him more.

“i need to do something, kian.”

[soundsempressive-blog]

DEATH.

Location: Lair - The roof With:  OPEN STARTER - @ anyone  tw: firearms/gun

he’s made his way up to the roof of the lair…  a vantage point from which to keep watch ( for that damned evasive crow ).  though the message from the shade had been clear - it wasn’t necessarily ‘outward’ that he should be looking.  whatever was coming their way wouldn’t corrupt from beyond, but from within… 

…in which they were suddenly their own worst enemy.   not all.  not each individual… but some… the potential to succumb to temptation.  to whispered promises - or lies…  to glean a glimpse of things that could be - corrupt power - if they just took that step over an invisible, intangible line.

he’s still looking for the crow.  wondering if it was still there - trapped in a hellish limbo of a torn and blooded future, but thrown into the past to watch as mistakes were repeated.  perhaps he’d been angry, frustrated, perhaps throwing the lamp at the damn thing ( at the haunted version of himself ) might have been the best option.  but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to violence toward those hollow eyes… the eyes of death who had – once again – held the bodies of the dying and the dead…  who was so familiar with that violence that he’d used it… in ways he can barely fathom right now.

however.  there is something in his possession currently that he hasn’t picked up for… some time.  something he’d sorely hoped never to pick up again.  a solution to a problem that hadn’t presented yet.  a scythe in the hand of the reaper that walked among them.  – a gun.  and while the soldier in him is both careful and competent… the human in him knows the complexity of physical ease and moral difficulty that pulling a trigger presents.  does he - once again - steep his hands in blood so they don’t have to…?

after all.  magic was one thing. but those who wielded it were still distinctly human and very, very mortal.

it’s… just in case.  right? it’s a precaution. it’s entirely possible that he’s playing into the self same purported ‘future’ that his crow had foretold… by picking this up, events are set into motion - he’s already making choices that… he doesn’t want to have to make.

the problem is – he doesn’t quite know who he’s trying to protect… from who… or… what.

so for now - the gun idles in his hand ( with no actual intent, it’s simply… there ) as he tries to think his way through an impossible fog of unknowns.  safety on.  but loaded, oiled, ready… 

just.  in.  case.

it’s not until he hears a scuff behind him that he’s half turning, a question already in his eyes, no hesitation on his lips… always to the point.

❝ what did you see? ❞

because, after lani’s vision… and then his own ‘encounter’, with everyone jumping at shadows… he’s damn sure he’s not the only one… 

Do you trust her?

Daniel’s words still hung around her, like the velvet cloak fastened at the base of her neck in the pictures of her on tarot cards. No. No. I don’t trust her, she whispered ( not that he could hear it ) every time she remembered how his eyebrows had furrowed when she told him about the vision. I shouldn’t have trusted her at all. But the air had tasted of honeysuckle and the hand on her cheek had been real and she had wanted, so badly, for this to be help with finding Feiyan.

And, to be fair, her double had been right about Marcella.

Her double had told her Marcella just needed a little push, that she did share Evelyn’s feelings. Her double was right. Even in the chaos, the heavy air of the house –– that sense of energy flicking through it right before lightning arched through the sky, a smile curled at the corner of her lips ( hidden, just for her ) at the thought of Marcella.

She couldn’t resent her double for that.

What she did resent, however, was her efforts to drive Evelyn away from the council. That could be the only explanation for why she wanted Eve to take control. Days after Feiyan’s disappearance had shown that making a play for power wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. And it wasn’t fair to try to make Evelyn turn on her fellow councillors when her whole life was the council. 

It always had been. And it had been her downfall before, even if she didn’t know it.

As she walked, her fingers curled out while she counted the number of double ‘visits’ there had been. Lailani and Azra, herself, Dan... too many. It only confirmed that her own really hadn’t been an echo from her past. Her visit didn’t make her special.

It was important to remember that.

She wasn’t sure why she was on the roof. Perhaps because, as much as she hid it, it stung to be in her gardens, to apologise over and over to her flowers for all the hurt they had been through –– only to have them trampled and injured again. I’m sorry, she told them, fingers deep in the soil, magic humming in her touch. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again. An uncharacteristic edginess made her jump out of her thoughts, shoulders bracing, when she saw Aeron. “Oh hey –– sorry ––” a flickering smile over her lips fell for a moment, as did her eyes when they went to his hands. A thought, the worst possible scenario, made her vision blur. The tension bled into her limbs, panic freezing her, heart pounding too hard. What was he about to–– “Aeron––”

His voice though. It was steady. The look on his face was determined. The tension eased, heart rate subsiding. She hadn’t feared her own life. Only his. A deep escaped her, almost like a laugh, relief washing over her. But... was he really just standing on the roof with a gun in his hand... thinking?

It took a moment, a long one, to register what he was saying. “What––what have I seen? Um, I... I’ve seen Kian making cookies downstairs and Azra in the gardens, like, but nothing else crazy today.” Her eyes flickered to the gun again. Like the hand of a clock making it chime suddenly, her understanding snapped into place. She understood why he was on the roof, why he was holding a gun, what he was really asking her.

“Oh.” Empathy, a tug that made her take a step, then two, towards him, hand reaching out like that might comfort him. “You’ve been visited too.”

The smile, soft and understanding, twisted on her lips again, this time staying. She came closer, patting his arm for a second before bracing herself against the railing of the rooftop, looking out at her gardens, at the river circling around the island. “Mine was really, really nice. And beautiful. Like she had this gorgeous crown of flowers and a really beautiful dress and told me to reach my potential and be who I used to be.” Even now, even with her new understanding of the situation, awe tinged in her voice. “But that apparently involves taking control of the council and being your Great Leader so... you know.... Not sure she had the best of intentions.”

She turned to look at him, eyes darting up to meet his. “Yours? What did you see? Are you okay? After it, I mean.”

[soundsempressive-blog]

THE DEVIL‌.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Rose said first as Evelyn began to curse ( the dichotomy of that, of sweet Evelyn cursing always made her blink, made her want to apologize for being the cause ). She’d never had the pleasure ( or not so, if everyone’s reactions were to anything to judge by ) of being summoned herself, but no matter how useful it was, it always made her feel a little guilty that the use came a cost; it always made her hesitant to summon others but then, Evelyn had asked, had wanted it. And if the gaze made of warmth that followed was anything to judge by, even for the unpleasantness, summoning her hadn’t been a mistake.

An easy smile blossomed as natural response to Evelyn’s warmth, before she shook her head and laughed at her just a little. “It’s only been like a week, Ev.” Notably, Rose didn’t return the sentiment and that didn’t have anything to do with missing Evelyn or not missing her, but instead everything to do with not wanting Evelyn’s next question to be, so then when are you coming home? After all; the answer was never, or at least she was pretty sure that was the case. “You know you didn’t have to come all the way here just to check on me.”

Evelyn took a moment to stretch, rolling her shoulders until they popped and she felt the ( most psychological ) effects of being summoned ease away. She used it as an excuse to remember the speech she had already rehearsed. In her head, it went perfectly smoothly. She would tell Rosemary how the Lair wasn’t the same without her sudden drawl and that they all missed her and Rose would be touched by the thought. Then, she would follow with a gentle reminder ( accompanied with a tight hug, voice humming through her chest as they held each other ) that the council was who Rosemary was, who she would always be. This was what they were all made for. Rosemary would probably start crying at that point –– Eve knew it was going to be overwhelming for both of them and she’d probably cry too. And then they’d stay huddled close until the emotions ebbed away, pulling back like a wave, and she would help her pack a back and the two of them would go home. The council would be a little more complete again.

Eve had thought it would be easy enough to say all of that when she had been lying in bed, or tending to her poor, destroyed gardens, or barely bothering to brush her hair before it went up into a loose braid.

Now though, her stomach rolled at the thought. It was the unexpected tightness in the air, even as Rose laughed. The tug in her chest when Rose never said she missed her too, never mind the council. There would be time to convince Rose to come home later, Evelyn decided, even as a voice suspiciously like Feiyan’s scolded her for procrastinating. “’Course I did. Sometimes my thumbs get tired from all the texting so I just thought it’d be easier to come by. And it’s been ages since I visited you here.” Come home. Why are you doing this? “Have you been doing okay? Did you get that song finished?” She settled onto the couch, sliding her bag off of her shoulder and letting it fall to the floor. Just her handbag. She didn’t plan on staying the night. Rose wouldn’t be either, if she managed to build up her courage enough. The moment isn’t right. 

“Things have been––” she cut herself off. Things have been fucking crazy with the council. It’s actually really freaking serious. There’s doppelgangers and Feiyan is still missing and magic is really fucky and we really need you back home because we’re stronger together. But Rose had shut down when she’d mentioned urgent matters, and that was just about the trees. “––pretty good with me!”

[soundsempressive-blog]

JUDGEMENT‌.

If they were caught in the garden, Evelyn would be the only flower in bloom. In the midst of all the chaos, her comforting touch pulled him back to reality ; maybe he needed some fresh air, to run until he couldn’t breathe, to project far away from their current predicament. The data scientist couldn’t remember the last time he was so caught up in a ticking mystery, in search for an answer that wasn’t appearing. The double’s words kept haunting him, repeating: ‘you’ll get a message soon. Follow its instructions, and I’ll show you what you need to know.’ But what did he need to know, what was the missing piece of information? 

What was the only solution? 

Evelyn seemed positive about her findings, causing him to straighten up. A new perspective on the issue would help … he’d take anything that might push the needle further, bringing them closer to answers. However, her explanation only caused his eyes to widen, his heart racing at the fact that she saw her double. Another reincarnation with promises and ideas that seemed too sweet, too tempting.

This was wrong. 

“ … but do you trust her?” do you trust yourself? 

His double had asked him the same question, his manic energy causing Daniel to doubt his answer for a split second. Interacting with the past didn’t seem like the best idea and he wanted to tell her that, tell her that his own double wasn’t like him … his own double worried him. 

“I talked to Balfour, he said our past selves shouldn’t even exist. Not with the given timelines. I’ve been thinking, thinking about the leylines. Don’t you think it’s a strange coincidence that they all malfunctioned and you managed to run into your double? Don’t you think it might be premeditated?” As if the shadows were watching them all along, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. 

But do you trust her?

The words hung in the air, and although she doubted Daniel meant them to, they taunted her, like the children in her class had before the social worker had introduced her to Feiyan. Mocking her, snickering at her, when she raised her hand and asked a question that was glaringly obvious. The truth was, it hadn’t even occurred to her not to trust her first self. Feiyan had been missing for literal months now and none of them had any idea how to find her. All they’d come across was distraction after distraction, pulling them away from what really mattered. And seeing this vision –– because she really had been a vision –– had filled her with so much hope and promise, even with all the questions her first self had left trailing behind her.

It had seemed like a sign. Like it was meant to be. 

Doubt sprouted like a seedling, young, bright green leaves unfurling and warming in the sunlight. She leaned back in her chair, hand moving farther away from Dan’s, as if he’d just drawn a line between them. Evelyn didn’t know why it stung. He had a point. And as a strategic advisor, she should have thought more like that.

    ( “You trust so much, my little empress. You have so much faith. A good heart. It’s one of the best things about you. That’s why I need you by my side,” Feiyan had said, because she had worried about her capabilities before. )

Why did everything Daniel had to say hurt so much?

Why had she placed so much faith in something that should have seemed to good to be true?

“I.... I suppose I didn’t think about it at all.” Her voice was small, folding in as she did, shoulders curling inwards, arms wrapping around herself, defensive. “She was... she didn’t seem dangerous. She said she wanted to help.” But even at the time when she was so enthralled with the elegance standing in front of her –– and the hint of jealous that came with it –– she had felt something, like the edge of a blade running along her skin. Not cutting her but... an uncomfortable pressure. A sense of... something.

“She did really seem to want me to be more assertive and take the reins.” 

She understood then, after a long moment’s silence, why the planted doubt had deflated her so much. Why the back of her eyes stung.

Because if it had been her first self, visiting to give her guidance, that was something good. Something to cherish ( even if her first self had betrayed the Ancients like the rest of them ). Something to hold onto.

Now it was another thing to face. Another thing to fear.

“Sorry. I got lost in thought for a second. I just... Okay. Okay.” She took a deep breath, trying... Trying to... what exactly? “So Balfour says this hasn’t happened before. Feiyan obviously hasn’t gone missing before. When I was in Toronto, the trees told me something unnatural and dark was scaring them away from the leylines. So if... if it is premediated and my–– double? Is that what we’re calling it? Okay, my double. Do you think that my double is what the trees were talking about? Or... or... did my double purposefully fuck with the leylines to draw me out on my own? But there has to be easier ways to get me on my own. Unless someone else has had a similar... vision?”

[soundsempressive-blog]

THE HERMIT‌.

Watching Eve rattle off breathlessly was like keeping eyes on a bouncy ball that had been fired from a BB gun. Lailani blinked again and again just trying to keep up with her. If it wasn’t for the dazzling smile on her face, she would have been worried that this was related to her strange vision, somehow…

Then Eve’s hand shot out to grab her own, and Lailani almost yanked hers away reflexively. She was too slow and a little too curious. What couldn’t Eve say out loud, that she was so excited to show off in such a personal - and unpredictable - way? Quickly those questions were lost as Lailani’s gaze softened, her mind thrown into a vision of the recent past.

Two women, dark-haired and haloed by uncertain hope, looking into each other’s eyes. Tension so thick they could carve it into the crowns they both ought o wear. The couch becoming their refuge, the site of almost unbearable happiness as they press into each other. Close and closer and closer. They move on, headed for a pristine bedroom, fingers tangled in hair, legs wrapped up together-

Lailani gasped, pulling her hand away from Eve as warmth crawled up her neck and into her ears. “Oh, my,” she breathed. Then she smiled, a tentative but bright expression, infected by Eve’s enthusiasm. “Really?” she asked, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “Eve! You have to tell me more. Come, my room.” With a moment to consider if it was appropriate - she had just grabbed her hand without question, after all - Lailani looped her arm around Eve’s and led her toward her bedroom. “What happened?”

She let Lailani’s hand slip away, eyes following the creeping blush warming Lailani, feeling one of her own but too giddy to mind. “I know. I can like, barely believe it myself.” And because it bubbled up, her energy too loud until she gave a little hop of excitement. “Really. Really. It actually happened.” Her eyes shone, a playful delight warming them. “I have to tell you everything. I’m sorry, I don’t know how much you saw but I–– agh–– I didn’t know how to say it!”

She let herself be led towards Lailani’s bedroom, still with a bounce in her step. “Sorry about your tea but I just couldn’t wait, you know.” The grin made her cheeks ache. “God, I don’t even know to be honest. I mean I do, but I don’t know how. I kind of have you to thank because I’ve been thinking about what you said about taking control of the situation and be more seductive? And I had... someone else tell me something similar about being more assertive and I had asked her to help me see if we could find any leads on Feiyan and I mean we didn’t, unfortunately, but I went to her place after and I wanted to, you know... but I didn’t really know how to go about it and there was just this one moment where she seemed vulnerable like not in a creepy way like she was being open with me and kissing her just seemed like the right thing to do.”

Her heart skipped at the thought; the memory of Marcella’s lips, her soft whispers, the intimacy of sharing their feelings that made everything that came after so much sweeter. “But it wasn’t just that like I think we’re something now.”

[soundsempressive-blog]

DATE: 28th of June, 3.34 PM LOCATION: Nashville AVAILABILITY: Rosemary // @thedevilupright

There was a lot to be happy about. Mostly, Marcella. But there was a lot to worry about too. The doubles, Feiyan, the ley lines... and Rose. She should have come by earlier, really. The guilt made her food taste sour. Checking in shouldn’t have been an afterthought. And really, wasn’t she sort of proving Rose’s point by letting everything else but one of her closest friends take priority? And so, she sent another text –– can you bring me to Nashville?

The magic pulled her through, the floor of the Lair beneath her disappearing from under her feet until suddenly it materialised again, the shift too sudden and too disorientating. Evelyn stumbled forward, “Shit–fu––” before she caught herself, grabbing a chair to steady herself. It took a moment, even the change of the light dazzling her for a moment. And once she did, she straightened, warmth flooded her features. “Rose.”

“I missed you.”

[soundsempressive-blog]

THE EMPEROR.

Stories. The world, when you thought about it, was just a collection of stories. Some were more interesting than others. A few were snuffed out before their time was due. Rarely did they have happy endings. In a sense, she and Eve were a story that ended neither happily nor sad, for it kept repeating itself, lifetimes over. Sometimes, she wondered how neither of them grew sick of it, pondering the notion that perhaps it kept playing itself out because they were, in a sense, trapped. Or rather, Eve was trapped with her. A part of Marcella couldn’t help but wonder how richer her story might be without her at her side. How beautiful. So really, that was what she was asking. It was a question about stories.

Only, Eve couldn’t give her a proper answer. Not a true answer. Because she didn’t know the whole story.

Marcella had no intention of filling in the blanks.

Selfish she might be, but in no lifetime had she been crowned a saint. 

Besides, why should she be held to the sins she herself had not committed? To suffer alone was not her punishment to bear.

With her answer, a chord snapped inside of Marcella, shoulders visibly sagging in relief. Tension draining from her body, she returned to tracing patterns on Eve’s skin, drawing constellations with her fingertips. This was, she decided, magic of another kind. Not the kind her doppelganger had spoken of. But one she had to have understood just as intimately, surely?

Lighter now, Marcella smiled. It was the sort of smile she hadn’t shared since the last lifetime (although, she wasn’t to know this) - a smile of pure unadulterated joy. The kind only Eve could tease from her. Softly, she moved her other arm to rest in the crook of Evelyn’s back. “I really care about you too. I’ve never - “ Now she remembered why she hated confessions. That emotional exposure…digusting. “It’s only been you.” The only soul who could be a partner in more than just bed, who filled in her blanks, who was a perfect match. “I want you to be more than just my…you know - I want you to be my partner too.” That was a greater gift than any wedding ring. In her head, Marcella saw the grand designs lay themselves. Tapping into raw power - elevating Evelyn to her rightful position. She would be a far better leader than Marcella ever could be - kind and beloved. Marcella would make the hard choices, she would keep Justice and the others in place. Marcella would stab them with iron daggers, whilst Evelyn glistened in the sunlight. A true successor to Feiyan - in the brief time she wasn’t with them, of course. 

Although, of late, Marcella was starting to wonder whether a more sinister fate hadn’t befallen her.

Pushing those thought away, she forced a teasing smile onto her lips, voice scarcely more than a purr. “Did you manage to find our very graphic sex novel? Have to say, it made for a pleasant evenings read, eight or nine years ago. Can’t wait to find out what the real thing is like.” At Evelyn’s request, Marcella shook her head sharply. “No.” She whispered, leaning in closer, a breath away from a kiss. “It’s my turn.”

So much of the time, Evelyn struggled to stop talking. Words came without any thought, and even she could recognise how incoherent she was between all of the ‘you know’s and ‘like’s. But sitting there, on Marcella’s couch, one hand on her waist and the other at the back of her neck, soft hair brushing over her knuckles, she couldn’t find anything to say. She could barely breathe as she listened to Marcella speak. God, her heart was beating so hard. It was racing, hammering, slamming against her ribs. Could Marcella hear how wild it was? 

All she could manage to breathe was, “I want that too.” The words didn’t even sound like her own. It felt like she was far away from the couch, the apartment, the city. She wants me. She wants me to be her partner. Even the thought was dazzling. Colour and heat darkened her cheeks and what came next before she melted into the kiss and into Marcella.

        ––––––––– LATER.

The light of the morning was enough to wake her, spilling through the gap in the curtain and making her blink against it. For a moment, she just stretched, joints popping and back relaxing after. Until she registered the softness of the sheets, the missing greenery of her own bedroom and then the heat of the body next to her. Memories of the night before were enough to wake her fully. Fists full of hair, names gasped, wild kisses placed hastily on skin. Evelyn had resist the aching temptation to turn into the pillow and squeal with delight and pure joy. Was it wrong to want to race to Lailani and tell her everything? Not because she wanted to brag. Just because she thought if she didn’t share the happiness inside her –– it felt like she had swallowed sunshine –– it might explode out of her.

Instead, she rolled over, slinging her arm around Marcella and kissed her bared shoulder as softly as she could, her hair falling across Marcella’s skin. It would be wrong to wake her, although she desperately wanted to. She looked so peaceful while she slept. All of that steel melted away. Or maybe Eve had melted it. It was a selfish thought, to think that she was special enough to have taken away Marcella’s edge. But then again, they were each other’s halves. 

Last night had proved as much. And Marcella had said it. It’s only been you.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to been torn apart over her dilemma any longer. “Good morning,” Eve whispered, dropping another kiss to Marcella, this time to her collarbone. “How did you sleep?”

[soundsempressive-blog]

THE LOVERS‌.

Eve’s placations sounded miles away, too distant to permeate the gripping fear that wracked both body and mind. Instead, she stared at the rain as it battered the nearest window while her mind ran through the ordeal the pair of them just survived. Every single one of them was out of their depth, whether they liked to admit it or not–they couldn’t do this, at least not in her mind. She was 28 and not capable of doing this. Feiyan was gone, and they were all going to die alone.

“I almost kill– almost–” She wheezed the words through ragged breaths as tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Another loud, terrified keen passed her lips as she shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. “We can’t– we’re not going–” No matter how hard she tried, her brain and mouth wouldn’t form anything resembling a coherent thought, each sentence eventually overtaken by panicked sobs and breath that came in loud, jagged bursts. The numbness in her arms and legs persisted even as Eve settled close to her and Azra tipped forwards to bury her face in her friend’s shoulder, trembling hand held in the other’s as she tried to simply ride out the panic attack.

The numbness that followed when the tears ebbed seemed to give Eve an opportunity to move them, and Azra followed without resistance, though her legs wobbled under her as the pair of them headed towards Eve’s suite. It was as she remembered it–warm and inviting, the sort of space that makes someone feel safe. Thirteen year old Azra liked it there, but that very much could have been the way Eve took her in almost immediately and treated her, a stranger, like she was family. The memory eased some of the tension, enough for Azra to more fully pay attention as Eve continued to talk to her even if she couldn’t muster the will to respond.

Muddy, saturated clothing resisted her efforts to peel them away from her skin, and after crashing herself into the wall a couple of times and nearly hitting the floor completely, Azra finally managed to dip into the shower. Her vision unfocused as she stood under the hot water, arms folded and head tipped forwards as mud ran in murky tendrils off her body and around her feet, coiling and then vanishing down the drain. Nothing ran through her mind, not the events of the day, not the aches that would bloom into ugly bruises by the next day, not the fact that she’d almost killed them. Distantly, however, she realized she should get out of the shower before it turned cold–Eve was likely freezing still.

She emerged from the bathroom dressed in the pyjamas Eve gave her and stood in the doorway, expression blank and shoulders rounded. “Eve?” she said hoarsely. “Water’s still… not cold,” she continued.

Her bones felt the cold. It stiffened her, made it harder to move, particularly when she felt the absence of Azra to motivate her. Now, she was standing in her room, stretching her duvet off the edge of her bed over to her desk to create a canopy before tossing her pillows inside the makeshift tent. Everything felt slow, as if she was moving through water. And worse, everything ached. Her arms, her shoulders, her thighs. How long had they been trapped in the tangle of the garden? How many bruises were blossoming across her skin, torn from the cut of her once beautiful roses? For a moment, she forgot about the small little safe haven she was making, and she straightened, muscles spasming their complaints. Nerves danced inside her stomach as she unfurled her fist, looking at her empty palm, before she swallowed and tried to shake the idea away. 

No, it was too dangerous. They were safe inside and she didn’t want to risk that.

A strange thing to be afraid of her own magic, when hours earlier she would have casually summoned a rose into her hand like some people play with the ends of their hair.

Not strange. Wrong.

The thought felt colder than the wet clothes clinging to her.

Evelyn turned when she heard her named called out, and smiled, although it did waver, to see Azra in the pyjamas. “That’s better. Hopefully you won’t catch a cold.” She moved to the side, waving a hand at the fort she’d managed to throw together. “Make yourself at home. Mi casa es su casa. I’m telling you, nothing will remedy this like cuddles in a blanket fort. I won’t be long, okay?” And with that, she grabbed a pair of pyjamas for herself and closed the bathroom door behind her.

The shower was hot enough to sting and leave her red, although she didn’t turn down the heat. Once the water had washed away the dirt clinging to her and the muck tangled in her long hair, knotted and frustratingly hard to ease apart, she took a minute to stretch out her arms and glance over the damage done. Not the prettiest she had ever been. Blooming blotches of deep purple marked her, although she had no memory of knocking off the branches and vines. But all she had been thinking of was running, so perhaps she simply hadn’t registered the pain. They would be an ugly yellow in the morning. 

But for now, little mattered beyond settling Azra.

Once the heat had sunk into her bones and the sting had faded, Evelyn was crawling into the fort and stretching out on the ground, the pillow propping up her head and thick carpet soft beneath her. What little light of the day was left after having been stolen by the storm snuck through the material of the blanket and lit their fort up just enough. “How are you feeling?” Eve asked, voice soft. “I wish Rose was here so we could just summon up some tea. I don’t think I have the energy to go to the kitchen. Now that I’m lying down I never want to move ever again. But hey, if you’d like tea, I can run down and get it? Or text Kian to bring it into us. He’ll grumble about it but let’s be honest, he’ll probably speed-bake some cookies for us too.”

[soundsempressive-blog]

THE HERMIT.

and it’s worth it, it’s divine / i have this some of the time when & where: june 23rd, between bedrooms and a kitchen, early afternoon closed to @soundsempressive

Lailani was on her sixth cup of tea of the day already. The atmosphere surrounding The Lair was… off, to her senses, but she couldn’t put her finger on how exactly or why. Besides, of course, the vaguely threatening nines she kept finding everywhere. That seemed to be limited to her though, and if she was perfectly honest with herself, she couldn’t be sure she wasn’t just imagining things.

Or having visions, but that was the scarier possibility.

She was on her way back from the kitchen with sugar when a figure jumped out in front of her with the energy of eight suns in one body. She winced, but quickly recognized a favorite face and offered her a little smile. “Hi, Eve. Do you want some tea? I was just making more.”

A part of her did feel the toxic twist of guilt that she was so happy in the middle of the chaos that so closely resembled Kian’s wild fire, licking up the side of her childhood home and scorching the memories. And even still, even with the stab in her stomach, she couldn’t fight the bounce in her step, the smile she tried to stifle but couldn’t anyways. 

Marcella wanted her to be her partner. After all this time, ten years... and although she really didn’t understand why Marcella had waited so long, she was too happy to question it.

“Lani!” Just the person. Really, looking back, she had to thank her. “Tea, yes, tea would be great–– but no, Lailani, wait, wait. I have something to tell you. Oh god, I don’t know how to say it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I need to calm down.” She took a deep breath, hoping it would settle her. It didn’t. She pressed her lips against the wide, stretching smile that was starting to hurt her cheeks, only for it to burst out again. “I can’t. I can’t calm down. Are you ready? You aren’t, you totally aren’t. Where do I start? Never mind, I can’t say it out loud, just touch my hand and find out!” And she took Lailani’s hand, waiting for the vision to cloud her eyes.

[soundsempressive-blog]

JUDGEMENT.

He felt it, felt stress and fatigue lace over each and every muscle. His body was telling him to rest but his mind kept running rampant ― the encounter with his previous reincarnation only worried him. The fact that there is only a single solution, a possibly grave solution, also didn’t help him rest with ease. Daniel needed to know, he needed to figure out what the hell that meant. The notes arrived out of the blue, the writing appearing to be hasty and mysterious. 

He leaned over the papers again, spending hours trying to analyze them. They all repeated the same thing, the same warning: there is no other way. Daniel wasn’t sure what that foreshadowed, what that guaranteed. It didn’t sit right with him, forcing him to barely pay attention to his other surroundings. It wasn’t until Evelyn called his name that he realized he had company … except her smile didn’t reach his face. Not entirely. 

Not today. 

His hands rubbed his eyes, willing himself to focus on her words. “I did receive your texts. Tell me what happened in Toronto.” tell me about the old magic. 

It didn’t faze her that Daniel didn’t soften with her like he normally did. The air was tight with tension, like a humidity clinging to her skin. There was something wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrong with their magic, wrong without Feiyan. Just wrong. So Evelyn could understand the tiredness that weighed on his shoulders –– she could see it enough that she wavered before she launched into her storytelling. 

Her hesitation stilled the moment, eyes roaming over his face, worry pulling at her eyebrows. She muted her smile, hand stretching out to cover his in a gesture of solidarity –– I’m here. We’re going to be okay. Her touch fell away, arms crossing over her chest, excitement brightening her smile again. 

“It’s a game changer, Daniel. I think–– I think it’ll be really good for us. For all of us.” Another deep breath, because she was still scared she was making a mistake in being so honest but, at the same time, the urge to speak the truth tugged at her even more now. Daniel needed a win.

They all did.

“On the first night when we got to Toronto –– before Nadine and I discovered the ley line stuff about the trees, we actually need to talk about that too but that’s not the point –– I was in the garden of the hotel, thinking and... this is going to sound crazy, I know, but you have to believe me. I saw myself. But she was so beautiful, beautiful in ways that I’m not. She had a flower crown on and was dressed in this really gorgeous gown. Daniel, I swear to the Ancients that she was my first self. I don’t know how, or how she knew me but she did and she was standing right there. She was so kind and sweet and told me I needed to find Feiyan but she couldn’t say how. And she told me that––” Evelyn stopped herself, tripping over her excitement. Was it the right thing telling Daniel that her first self wanted her to step up and guide them all? But Daniel was so centred, he understood the important of balance. 

And mostly, Evelyn trusted him. She trusted all of them, like she had so completely before.

“She told me I needed to guide you all, to keep the council on the right path.” She had also talked about Marcella but that felt too personal to share, even for Eve. “I don’t know what this means, or why it’s happening now but it has to be connected to Feiyan disappearing and losing control of our magic and the trouble with the ley lines. But what if –– what if we can all talk to our past selves? Maybe they could help us fix things? Do you think there’s a way for us to time travel too? Maybe she was able to because they had access to all different types of magic before the Cataclysm?”

[soundsempressive-blog]

THE EMPEROR‌.

Marcella? It was almost odd, how one question could be so complete and incomplete at the same time. On one level, it was unfinished - missing a purpose. Not, Marcella can I? Or Marcella, are you? Just…her name. But then, purpose was given form by action - and the words fell away. In that moment, she felt ancient - the weight of all the lives she did not remember falling upon her shoulders at once. She imagined Ancient Temples and tenderness in the midst of a wedding ceremony, two halves clicking into place. She imagined corsets and society’s judgement and a longing that consumed them both. Fantasies, she knew - figments of fiction. No. That wasn’t it. They were lighter than that. They were dreams. Evelyn was teaching her to dream.

It was the lightest of kisses. Had she been a poet, she might have described it as bearing witness to the first day of Spring. Had she been a theologian, she might have mused that this was God’s divinity, or the brush of Angel wings against your skin. But she was neither of those things. She had - once - been an Emperor, who would have lifted the crowns from their brows and carried their wife to bed. But she wasn’t that entity, not yet, not quite. First and foremost, she was a politician, a strategist thinking five moves ahead - who looked to see how her happiness could be unspun, how this could be snatched from her, or how she might gain with it. 

Maybe today, she could put that away. Maybe she’d allow herself to be a little more than human.

“Eve…” Breath heavy, she pulled away, ever so slightly. Crossroads stretched before her. A voice, Feiyans, encouraged her to speak the truth - to tell Evelyn what had truly happened before her brutality chipped away at her beauty, before it become treachery of another kind. She did not give into it. Selfish and greedy, she savoured what she had always sought to cherish. Hand cupped on Evelyn’s cheek, she stroked her skin softly, intimately. “You surprised me.” Then, a pause. Her hand freezing, tensing.

“Is this because of all the other lifetimes? Is this because of history? Because of…sentimentality?” Because if it is, I don’t want it. I want you to want me - not a ghost, not a memory, nothing but me.

Her eyes fluttered closed, lips still pressed against Marcella’s. And that was all. Just their lips touching, moving, a whisper of a kiss. Because everything coursed through her; excitement, terror, relief. After such a long time of waiting and wondering and hoping something had changed, she’d taken her fate into her own hands, perhaps for the very first time in her life. But the doubt tugged at her, made her stomach drop. And even still, her hand came up, because it felt like the right thing to do, and curled around Marcella’s side. She was so aware, so very aware, of her entire body and a sudden need to be touched that ran along her skin.

Until the moment was gone –– but it wasn’t really. Because Marcella stayed close and wow, Evelyn never thought her name could sound so pretty until Marcella breathed it like that. A smile, shy and small, pulled at the edges of her lips. So much of the time she spoke too much, rambling around her thoughts before she could finally get them out in the most incoherent way. But in that moment, she could say nothing, just waiting to see how Marcella reacted, hand still on her waist, fingers light in their touch, hesitant. 

Her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into Marcella’s hand on her cheek, soaking in the warmth. Distantly, echoes of the past called out, a reminder of a memory that should have been lost but lingered all the same. Had her heartbeat been this wild when Marcella touched her before? It couldn’t possibly have been any stronger; otherwise, her ribs might snap with the force of it. 

Her eyes opened, smile still shy. “A good surprise, I hope. I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time.”

That didn’t seem like a stupid thing to say, until the thumb running across her cheekbones froze and tension tightened Marcella’s face. Evelyn’s smile fell, worry replacing it. Shit, shit, shit. Don’t ruin this, Eve. “Oh.” A moment passed, her gaze falling, eyebrows knitting together. The truth was, she hadn’t really thought about it before. The moment grew longer as she struggled, knowing that she needed to find the right answer, and mean it. “I suppose––” she hesitated, still trying, whispering, as if speaking too loudly would chase away the potential hovering in the air between them. “I guess it was, in the beginning. I really don’t want to lie to you, Marcella. But I’d always heard about us and what we used to be, for ten years before you came to the Council. But... That changed? It’s like I was saying earlier, I met you and... You weren’t a story anymore, you know? You were real –– you are real –– and it felt like everything I had ever read about us didn’t really live up to what you actually were. This smart, beautiful, captivating woman –– I mean, you don’t even have to speak but the room is still yours.” 

She paused, swallowing, risking a glance at Marcella and forcing herself to hold her gaze. “What I’m trying to say, is this isn’t because of what used to be, but I guess of what could be. That sounded so much better in my head... I really, really care about you.” Her hand tightened around Marcella’s waist, free hand coming up to curl around the back of her neck. And slowly, gently, she eased Marcella down from the arm of the chair, so they were both sitting down into the couch. “I want to know what we could be together, now, in this lifetime. That’s all I want. That’s all that really matters, you know?”

Slower this time, Evelyn leaned in close, but before she let the distance close between them ( and it took all her self-control to wait ), she whispered, “Would it be alright if I kissed you again?”

[soundsempressive-blog]

THE EMPEROR.

Those rose-tinted glasses are the reason I stabbed you in the back. It had been like a riddle up until now - one Marcella hadn’t been sure whether she wanted to solve or not. But with her speech, the pieces began to slot into place. She could almost see it now - their past incarnations, the decision an Emperor had once made. A girl who saw the best in everyone, who crafted beautiful things, who leaned on the Angelic side of immortal - she would never cross over into treachery. But she wasn’t the sort you let slip between your fingertips either. So instead, you lied. You told yourself that the dagger you plunged was an act of kindness. You soaked up her milk and honey words and pressed false kisses onto her lips.

She thought she understood now. You didn’t let something as precious as that go.

“I don’t think you can love someone until you know them.” She didn’t mean for them to come out so sadly, so mournfully - but they did anyway, half-twisted and half-bitter as Marcella recalled the ones who had been supposed to love her more than anything - and who had let her down anyway. “But then I’m not sure you can really love someone when you know them.” Maybe you can’t love at all. Or maybe it was just her - corrupted and twisted and broken in all the ways that make you shine - not like the sun, but steel, when you’ve sharpened your sword. “We’re different like that.”

Snapping herself out of her melancholy, Marcella dug her nails into her skin, forcing herself to depart from such silly sentimentality. It didn’t matter. She was infused with magic - mighty and proud. No one, no ghost, no phantom could reduce her now. “No, I insist.” With a shrug, she uncrossed her legs. “I’m used to it.”

The smile faded. I loved you before I knew you. The words were there, resting on her tongue, catching her breath. Say it. Just fucking say it. Her heart was beating, she could feel it, hard against her ribs. All of her instincts, everything inside of her, begged her to do something – anything – but she stayed locked in place, frozen on the couch, as if she had left her body behind her. She had never seen Marcella like this. For the past ten years, all she had gotten glimpses was the warrior, the Emperor, she had heard so much of. And maybe it should have felt wrong, glimpsing behind the Marcella’s mask and seeing this flash of vulnerability.

It didn’t though. It felt right. Like they had done this before. Like there had always been an intimacy between them. But they had been married, they had been married. 

Of course they’d been intimate a thousand times before. 

It was that thought that made her finally gather her courage. It wasn’t Lailani’s advice or the push her first self had given her. And maybe they had both planted the idea in her head but really, in the moment, knowing that they had been in love each and every time they had found each other was enough.

“We are different.” Evelyn said, her whisper delicate. “I don’t think that’s a bad thing either.”

A beat that turned into a moment, her instincts still pushing her. And before she could stop herself, and because she didn’t really want to anymore, she breathed, “Marcella?” like her name was a question and then pushed herself from the couch to bring herself up to Marcella’s lips.

[soundsempressive-blog]

THE EMPEROR‌.

She wondered how many of these moments they had experienced before, if you counted up all the lifetimes. The moments where their dance slowed down, gentle enough to drink up the other, to see each other as if it were for the very first time. Perhaps they hadn’t gone like this before. Her journals always were frustratingly vague when it came to Evelyn, as if echoes of the past were trying to prevent tragedy from unfolding, fruitlessly so. Perhaps, in other lifetimes, they didn’t fall bit by bit, but all at once. Maybe there never was a moment of falling. Maybe they grew up entwined, as natural as breathing.

This felt like that. This felt like it could have been any other evening, kicking her heels off after a long day, mesmerised as she watched Evelyn speak, perplexed by her genuine commitment to the others. 

But it shouldn’t be.

What would Feiyan say? 

Marcella dreaded the answer. Good job she wasn’t here to deliver it.

There were many things she might have said in response. She could have said no, ordering Evelyn away - by magical means or otherwise. She could have pointed out that real ubers existed - and hell, she’d happily foot the bill. As it was, she did neither of those things, although she knew she should.

“Sure.” A beat. “You know, I still find your genuine adoration for them puzzling.” But where those words might have been addressed as an insult, sharp enough to slice reality, Marcella could only find curiosity. Evelyn was an endless entity to be explored. “I’ll take the couch. Appreciate the Egyptian cotton whilst you have it - Feiyan always was too much of a cheapskate to fork out.”

Sure.

Don’t be an idiot. Don’t smile like an idiot. Even so, her stomach fluttered and she had to swallow against her rising excitement. And she couldn’t help wondering if Marcella knew the effect even just one, throwaway word had on her. It was ridiculous. But some part of her, the part that hadn’t been pining for the better part of ten years, liked this feeling. There was something beautiful in it. It was a reminder of who they were. Two souls that had found each other so many times before that the smallest of things could make her giddy.

“Thank you.” And despite her fighting it, the smile tugged at her lips anyways, just like it always did around Marcella.

It seemed like an invitation to open up. And even if it wasn’t, Evelyn took it anyways. “I suppose I loved them before I even really knew them, you know. Like I came to the house when I was only ten and Feiyan told me all of these incredible stories about everyone,” about us. “And I read about them in my journals and well, I mean, I just cared about them all before I even met them. Once I met them then, and they were all so different to what I expected, it was even better. It kind of sounds dumb when I say it aloud but,” she gave a small shrug.

“Oh no, um––god–– I don’t want to put you out of your way.” Softly, Evelyn. Calm down. “I can take the couch. I might fall in love with Egyptian cotton and then never be able to go back to my bed in the Lair. Probably safer not to.” She leaned back into the couch, arm falling around the back of it, twisting her body towards Marcella.

“Do you like it? Having a place to yourself?”