She Thinks @incognitothinker - Tumblr Blog

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been me.”

— Fernando Pessoa

I’m just sad.

I don’t know how to save him and it breaks my heart.

God I’m so sad.

Trevor.

I’ve always been too weak to admit i was jealous. Always. We weren’t dating. How could i be jealous when you actually had a girlfriend or i saw girls tag you in pictures at the bar where you lived. But i was. I never wanted to admit it. Why? Why should i have been? I always thought Kansas was the best thing that could have ever happened for you. To get off our rez. Closer to job and education opportunities. For some reason i thought you were safer in Kansas. But it still drove me crazy to think about you being with other women, even though we weren’t together and i too was seeing other people.

We now know Kansas was not the safer option.

I miss you terribly.

I miss you every single day. I miss your messages. I miss your songs. I miss your obnoxious memes. I miss your raunchy sense of humor. I miss your surprise visits. I miss your bear hugs. If i don’t think about it real hard, it feels like your just still in Kansas and I just haven’t heard from you.

I can’t imagine missing you from Kansas. Having been in your presence every single day, enjoying your presence every day. And then poof, gone. I think that would be harder than this.

So now, all the jealousy i felt towards the women who were lucky enough to also love you is gone. It’s gone because now we all mourn you, and i am just now realizing how much more difficult it must be to be the places you were every single day and physically see the absence of your presence.

I sit here and pretend your still in Kansas.

Where do they pretend you are?

Maybe they’re all better at dealing with this than i am. I don’t know.

books-n-quotes

“Not having time for a person, not being able to sit in silence together with somebody, that’s the same as rejecting them, as being scornful about them.”

— Henning Mankell, The White Lioness

incognitothinker

😞😢😭

books-n-quotes

“Sometimes, you do things and you do them not because you’re thinking but because you’re feeling. Because you’re feeling too much. And you can’t always control the things you do when you’re feeling too much.”

— Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

You always were a lover

I imagine meeting you in heaven and depending on which one of your lovers makes it there first, you’ll be sitting on your rainbow with numerous women waiting to greet all your lovers while John prine plays in the background❤️

youreyesblazeout

The curve of her hip where I’d lay my head, that’s what I’m thinking of now, her fingers gone slow through my hair on a blue day ten thousand miles off in the future somewhere, where the beer is so cold it sweats in your hand, cool as her kissing you with crushed ice, her tongue wet with blackberry and melon.

That’s what I’m thinking of now. Because I’m all out of adrenaline, all out of smoking incendiaries.

- From R & R by Brian Turner

extramadness

incognitothinker

Best Night Ever

incognitothinker

❤️❤️❤️

We couldn’t be together

Because the miles apart

We weren’t really together

Only in our hearts

We talked about our love

We sang our favorite songs

We drank and then made love

We held each other for as long

As long as you could stay

Until you had to go

I’ll never forget that day

My pain falls from my eyes

My heart quietly breaks

I see your face when i shut my eyes

My heart, it breaks.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

books-n-quotes

“Angry, and half in love with you, and tremendously sorry, I turned away.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

books-n-quotes

We’ve known each other forever,’ she said. ‘I can hardly remember not knowing you. It’s hard to remember the days before you. I don’t even know if there were any.’

David Guterson, Snow Falling on Cedars (via books-n-quotes)