Inconstante

20. Argentinean. Movie Director Student. Drowning into fandoms. Mostly of my life it's cry for my dead lovers. Sometimes I draw. Destiel shipper.

[atomicantcami]

pool party illaoi fucKIN SPIKING A VOLLEYBALL

GRANTED

[alfonsocasas]

[demidorks]

Alex: You aren’t allowed to fall in love with me, okay?

Magnus: Won't be a problem.

[One week later]

Magnus: T H E R E ’ S A P R O B L E M

[demidorks]

Alex: You aren’t allowed to fall in love with me, okay?

Magnus: Won't be a problem.

[One week later]

Magnus: T H E R E ’ S A P R O B L E M

[hoursago]

BUTTERFLY IN THE SKY I CAN GO TWICE AS HIGH 

[bamf-castiel]

Cigarettes and sadness, a little bit of madness Mixing with the chemicals in my brain 

(x) 

[inconstantecontodo]

Watercolor Speedpaint #3 | Demon Ginger

[gahdamnpunk]

I AM DECEASED 😭😭

for the love of god UNMUTE this

[inconstantecontodo]

This is not okay

[atlas-hour]

[the-absolute-best-gifs]

This is what it’s like when I go on someone’s blog and a playlist starts playing.

[tlakhtwritesdestiel]

Sam’s gotta be joking; Dean’s sure of it. Almost. His brother just keeps looking at him, however, gaze unwavering, and, well. Maybe he’s not. Which means Dean’s now going to have to go over this particular topic that he forgot to mention during The Talk back when Sammy was thirteen.

He’d have thought for sure that his little brother would have figured this shit out on his own by now, though; Dean did ages ago, without anyone ever telling him about it. “Dude.” He refrains from rolling his eyes. “It’s okay to think a guy looks good every now and then. Doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly magically turned gay. It’s perfectly normal. Healthy. Whatever.“ 

In Sam’s defence, of course, they did get hit by a spell yesterday, but the young, inexperienced witch thought it was gonna make their dicks instantly fall off (which, thank god, didn’t happen), so there’s really no reason to think the spell did anything at all. 

Sam doesn’t look convinced that it’s not related to the spell, however, but at least he’s being pretty chill about thinking he’s been turned gay (which he hasn’t). “I don’t know, Dean. I mean… I guess, but I’ve never looked at a guy that way before in my life. You really don’t feel any different?“ 

"Nope.” Dean shrugs. “And I even watched Dr. Sexy earlier. Felt the same as always, despite all the –” don’t say hot, don’t say hot “– guys on the show." 

"Dean, you’ve been nursing a giant man-crush on Dr. Sexy for ages now. It’s no wonder you didn’t notice anything different.” Sam smirks, the little shit. 

Dean fights the slight blush he feels making its way onto his cheeks; there’s no reason for him to be embarrassed. “Well, like I said,” he shrugs, voice gruff. “Normal." 

Sam gives him an odd look, like Dean’s managed to surprise him somehow, and Dean can see why. If anything, he’d thought Sam would be more open than him about these things, more self-aware. Instead, it seems that Sam’s been repressing this part of himself until now, and that Dean has a thing or two to teach him about it. 

Sam shakes himself out of it. "Anyway, I don’t know. I need to make sure, so I’m just gonna go and watch some…” He hitches a thumb in the direction of his bedroom and gets out of his chair. 

He doesn’t finish the sentence, but it’s no mystery what he’s gonna watch. “Knock yourself out, Sammy. Doesn’t really mean anything if you get off to two guys getting it on, though. It’s human nature. Watching sex makes us horny; doesn’t matter if it’s dudes, chicks, or both." 

Sam looks at him that way again. "Uh, I wouldn’t know, Dean, I’ve never watched gay porn before. Anyway, I’m think I’m still just gonna… go give it a try." 

Dean waggles his eyebrows. "Have fun!" 

"Gross, Dean,” Sam declares with a grimace and leaves the room, and Dean chuckles to himself. It’s a little funny that Sam, who’s so open-minded and knows a lot about sexualities and gender and stuff (or at least Dean used to think he did), has such a restrictive view of what it means to be straight. 

“What did you do that was ‘gross’ this time?” Dean looks up at the sound of Cas’s voice to see him enter the kitchen, heading for the coffee pot. 

“I told him to enjoy the gay porn he’s about to watch,” Dean shrugs. It’s fun to watch the way Cas’s eyebrows lift in surprise. “He thinks the witch’s spell yesterday made him gay, so he’s trying to prove it, so to speak. But he just thinks he’s gay because he found one dude hot. That doesn’t mean anything, am I right?” If Dean had thought that that made someone gay, he would have questioned his own sexuality a long time ago. Multiple times. 

Cas inclines his head. “I can’t say for certain that it’s unrelated to the spell, but… you’re right. Human sexuality is rarely absolute. He may well have found himself attracted to the man without any magical interference, despite having considered himself a heterosexual all his life." 

Dean’s satisfied with the confirmation that he actually knows what the hell he’s talking about. "See, that’s what I told him." 

Cas gives him a similar kind of look Sam gave him earlier, and Dean can’t help but feel kinda smug at being able to surprise both Sam and Cas with the fact that he actually knows shit about this. 

"Hey, you don’t feel any different, right?” If neither he nor Cas have noticed anything, then Sam can’t be right about this. 

Cas brings his freshly poured coffee over to the table and sits down in the chair Sam vacated a minute ago. “I wouldn’t, even if that was what the spell was supposed to do. I have no gender, so my attraction to a man is no more ‘gay’ than my attraction to a woman. And I have never had a preference for a specific gender anyway." 

"Really? Huh.” That's… interesting. Dean’s not sure why that is, because he kinda already knew about the gender thing (although he tends to forget), and the fact that Cas is into dudes shouldn’t be such a big deal when Dean himself… well. The difference is, though, that Dean is straight, whereas Cas is clearly… something else, which is fascinating. “So you could, like, see yourself having sex with a dude? Or being in a relationship with one?" 

There’s a slight hesitation before Cas meets his eyes, but he looks resolute when he says it. "Yes.” Maybe he thinks Dean has a problem with it. Dean doesn’t. 

“Good. I mean nice. I mean… good. For you.” Why is he stumbling over his words? 

“What about you, Dean?” Cas asks, and Dean’s brain shortcuts. Did Cas just ask if he could see himself – “Have you noticed the effect Sam described?” Oh. 

Well. Cas is looking pretty good to him right now, wearing one of Dean’s Zepp shirts, revealing firm biceps and toned forearms. That’s not a curse thing, though, it’s a Cas thing; it’s not the first time Dean’s noticed that Cas is, well… hot. 

“Nah. Nothing’s changed, as far as I can tell. So I guess we’ll just wait for Sam to finish jerking off, now." 

Cas frowns. "Why do you think Sam would be masturbating to homosexual pornography if you think his attraction to the other man was an aberration rather than a result of the curse?" 

”'Cause you don’t have to be gay to get turned on by that. Fucking is fucking is fucking, and unless you’re, like, asexual, you’re gonna find it hot, no matter who’s actually doing said fucking. As long as you find the people hot, of course.“ 

It takes Dean a moment to notice, but when he looks up at Cas again, the angel has his head cocked to the side and his eyes narrowed, like he always does when he’s having a hard time understanding something. 

"Yeah, I know,” Dean shrugs. “Sounds weird, but that’s the way it is. I had to explain the same thing to Sam." 

Cas seems lost in thought after that, still frowning, and Dean really hopes he’s not using some kind of angelic super-hearing to listen in on what Sam’s doing in his room. 

When Sam does emerge from his room, he’s spent a lot less time in there than Dean expected, and he’s carrying his computer with him. He places it at the edge of the table where both Dean and Cas can see the screen. There’s a porn video paused in the middle of a scene, but instead of two dudes, there are two women. 

"Tell me if you find this hot at all, Dean,” Sam says as he hits play, “'cause I don’t.” The two women immediately start moaning and touching each other, one of them sucking the other one’s nipple into her mouth and then kissing her way down her body until her mouth is covering the other woman’s vulva. 

They're… not really Dean’s type. And they’re too noisy, their moans clearly fake. Not that that’s bothered him before, though, so when he says “Nah. Not really my kinda porn,” he’s not quite sure why, exactly, only that it isn’t. Cas’s eyes, however, are glued to the screen, pupils blown, and Dean feels a tiny bit of arousal just as he looks back at the screen again. So he clearly hasn’t been turned gay. 

“And this?” Sam opens another tab with a paused video and presses play, eyebrows raised as he watches Dean. There’s a guy kneeling on the floor, a heavy, flushed dick bobbing in front of him, inches from his mouth, and Dean’s pants immediately feel tighter. He wants the kneeling guy to take that inviting cock into his mouth and suck on it, worship it. Then the guy does exactly that, and Dean wonders what that feels like – to  feel the weight of it on his tongue.

Sam clears his throat, and Dean becomes instantly aware of the situation in his pants, crossing his legs as he looks away from the screen. Which means he ends up looking at Cas, because he sure as hell isn’t going to look at his brother while he’s sporting a boner, and Cas is still looking at the screen, looking as enraptured as he did by the lesbian porn. And oh, isn’t that something; Cas is enjoying the porn not just because it’s natural to get turned by any kind of porn, no matter what your sexual orientation is, but because he's actually into guys, unlike Dean. Maybe he’s even imagining himself as either the one who’s giving the blowjob, or the one who’s receiving it, like when he learned how to make out from the pizza man. 

Finally, Sam pauses the video. “I think we have enough proof. Dean, neither of us is into women right now." 

He’s wrong, of course; Dean did get slightly aroused by the lesbian video, but he already told Sam he didn’t, and it might give the wrong impression if he says it only happened after he looked at Cas. 

"That’s a load of crap, Sam. That lesbian video was just way too staged and fake. And yeah, the gay shit was hot, but I would have thought so last week too. ‘Cause like I said, that’s natural.”

“And like I said, I’ve never been turned on by another guy in my entire life, until now.” Sam gives Dean a meaningful look, as if Dean’s supposed to glean something from that. 

“Dean, maybe you—” Cas starts to say, but he interrupts himself and looks at Sam instead with raised eyebrows, who looks back and gives the tiniest shrug ever, and Dean can’t help but feeling that the two of them are communicating silently about him, as if they know something about this stuff that he doesn’t. Which is clearly not the case. 

Sam closes the lid on his computer. “I’ve got an idea." 

***

Dean’s not always a fan of Sam’s ideas, but this one? Hell yeah. He’s enjoying his current state of mild inebriation as he catches the attention of the bartender once more, holding up three fingers, and it’s not long before she places three new beers in front of them. 

"So, how about that bartender?” Sam asks. “She looks just like your type." 

Dean can’t see it. Or, he can – she looks a bit like Lisa, actually – but not once since they got here has he really noticed the way she looks, or tried to flirt with her. Nor does he really want to. "I mean, yeah, I guess she’s pretty. But… I don’t know. I’m just not feeling it.” Yeah. That’s all it is. Just because he doesn’t want to bone one woman, that doesn’t mean anything. 

Sam nods as if he hadn’t expected anything else, although he does give Cas one of those looks again, and Dean really wishes they would stop with the whole “silent communication” thing. Sam and Cas have never really done that before; it’s always been Dean and Sam doing it, or Dean and Cas. He doesn’t like that the two of them are doing it now, as if they have some kind of special connection that Dean’s not a part of. 

Finally, Cas addresses him. “Dean. Do you see any other women here that you find attractive?" 

Dean scans the room. He can tell that a lot of the women are beautiful, objectively, but… Huh. That’s weird. "Uh. No, not really.” He begins to feel uneasy. Proving to Sam that he’s wrong isn’t going too well, so far. And what’s more, he’s beginning to feel like Cas is on Sam’s side, even though Cas told Dean earlier he could be right. 

“Look around the room”, Sam tells him. “Guys too. Is there anyone in this room you’d want to kiss?" 

Well. Dean has already surveyed the girls, so it’s time to turn his attention to the guys. Most of them aren’t much to look at; a few of them remind him of Bobby, which… is just all kinds of wrong. There are a couple of guys, however, who aren’t too shabby-looking. 

He must be taking too long, because eventually, Cas queries, "Dean”?

Dean turns to look at him, and… those two guys have nothing on Cas, he realises. He’s just so used to it by now, the way Cas’s jaw and his stubble and those ridiculous eyes make his heart stutter a little in his chest sometimes, that he doesn’t really notice it anymore. 

“Cas,” he says, forgetting what he was doing as he keeps gazing at him. 

There’s a silence, and then Sam clears his throat. “Uh, do you mean you want to kiss Cas, or…?”

Dean blushes and sputters, but he can’t deny it. “He’s the hottest person here, all right?” he says, hiding his face in his glass before he takes another swig of beer. He doesn’t dare look up at Cas afterwards – or Sam, for that matter. 

And Sam, the bastard, chuckles. “Are you still sure you’re right about the spell?" 

"I can’t have been turned gay,” Dean insists. “If I’m gay now, then why does it feel the same as it always does when I look at dudes?" 

"Dean,” Cas says softly, as if not to spook him, and puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Meanwhile, Sam looks like he’s trying not to laugh, and Dean feels like he’s so close to some kind of answer, to putting two and two together and understanding this thing. Cas continues, “Are you sure you’re not—” And in that moment, realisation hits. Cas must see it, because he doesn’t continue what he was about to say, instead allowing Dean to reach the conclusion himself. 

“Bi. I'm… bi?” It’s a lot to take in; in the space of a few seconds, he has to re-evaluate his entire adult life, as well as some of his teenage years. Has to re-evaluate the way he’s felt about a lot of guys; the way he feels about— 

“Finally.” Sam doesn’t look like he’s about to gloat; he just looks relieved. Happy. “I mean, I never knew until today, but with everything you were saying earlier, it was pretty obvious." 

To everyone except Dean, apparently. He looks up at Cas, who’s smiling, and damn if the sight isn’t making him dizzy, just like it’s done every time he’s seen Cas smile before. How could he not have seen this?

"You mentioned you wanted to kiss me, Dean?”

He did; he did, and apparently he didn’t mean it in an abstract I’d totally kiss Cas if I were into dudes way; he meant it in an I’m into dudes and I really fucking want to kiss Cas way.

All he can think as Cas closes the distance between them, before he’s lost in Cas’s lips and the rightness of the kiss, is how stupid he is. 

***

“I’m so stupid." 

"Stop saying that,” Cas chides as he molds himself to Dean’s side, both of them sweaty from exertion. “You’re not." 

"Who the fuck doesn’t realise they’re bi when they’re interested in both dudes and chicks? I even watched gay porn. Hell, I didn’t even realise I was in lo—” Dean’s mouth snaps shut, and he blushes. 

“That you were what?” Cas asks. 

Dean probably just gave himself away, but he still isn’t ready to say it out loud quite yet. He’ll get there, though. 

“That I could have this,” he says instead. “Just think of all the time we could have had." 

Cas captures Dean’s lips in a tender kiss. "Then we’ll just have to make up for lost time." 

"Mmm,” Dean hums into yet another kiss Cas places on his lips. “You don’t think we should be trying to break the curse? For Sam’s sake,” he clarifies, so Cas doesn’t think Dean misses being attracted to women. 

“Let him have his fun. He wanted to sate his curiosity.” Cas is referring, of course, to the guy Sam brought home from the bar. And speaking of sating, Dean is thankful the Bunker has soundproof walls – for two reasons – as Cas makes his way down Dean’s body once more. Yeah, making up for lost time sounds good. Very good.

[dandelion-teabag-deactivated202]

TFW promo - x,x,x

[cuddlesforcockles]

look at the godDAMN EYE COLOURS

[mishalocked24-deactivated202004]

[bluefirecas]

BLESS YOU FOR THIS

[some-people-call-it-tragic]

[bluefirecas]

How extremely wonderful :))

[indiespace-blog1]

[palabraspoeticas]

[felipecortez16]

“El amor infantil sigue el principio: Amo porque me aman. El amor maduro obedece al principio: Me aman porque amo. El amor inmaduro dice: Te amo porque lo necesito. El amor maduro dice: Te necesito porque te amo.”

— “El arte de amar”, Erich Fromm

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x05 “Nightmare Logic”

oh, what a perfectly soft and emotional Destiel-parallelly piece of Meredith Glynn artwork. so precious, so loved~

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