Artemis Fowl Incorrect Quotes

[incorrect-af]

About

I post Artemis Fowl incorrect quotes. that's mainly it. I often reblog others incorrect quotes, but the original posts are one's I've done based on commonly used quotes/that one generator (I snagged a bunch of quotes from there and assigned characters in a non-random way)

Please like and reblog if you like something! those notifs make me happy! That said, if you reblog, don't make fun of the quote please? or act like it's ooc? I do these for fun, and some of the characters don't really have super defined canon personalities

[artemisfowlcodex]

Holly and Grub get caught without magical healing...

Holly: I'll need your help. You'll have to pull out the shrapnel and seal up the wound.

Grub: All right. This is gonna hurt. But I'm gonna get you through it. OH GOD I'm gonna throw up into your cut. I saw inside of you! How are people alive?!

Holly: Okay, I'll do the surgery, and you just breathe. We'll get you through this.

Grub: [looking away] Ugh what was that sound? I did not like that squish sound.

Holly: The shrapnel has been removed. Now I'm applying the sealant. Okay, this is almost over. You're doing great. Just keep talking. Keep talking.

Grub: Talking about what?

Holly: Uh, tell me about Trouble, hmm? You must be excited to see your brother back home.

Grub: Very much, oh god what if it doesn't go well? We haven't seen each other in a while, and what if it's weird? [makes the mistake of looking at Holly] Augh...

Holly: Keep going, keep going. You are doing so well. Why would it be weird?

Grub: [panicked] I don't know I don't know, I mean, maybe we've grown apart.

Holly: I'm sure it will be nice when you see him. Aaaand, guess what?

Grub: What?

Holly: I'm done. I've sewn myself up. You did great, buddy. I'm proud of you.

Grub: I can't believe I did it. I'm so strong!

[artemisfowlcodex]

Juliet goes through a Blue Diamond exam...

Madame Ko: Final question. Your charge has a dinner date booked at seven. At what time do you arrive?

Juliet: Seven. AM. Case the restaurant, run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not, I gotta kill him. Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy no later than 4:30.

Madame Ko: …You’re ready.

Juliet: Really?

Madame Ko: No. Everything you just said was insane.

[artemisfowlcodex]

Holly: Do you actually believe your own hype that much?!

Trouble: I AM THE HYPE!

[artemisfowlcodex]

[Butler, Artemis, and Holly are stranded somewhere]

Butler: I’m going to head out and find us some transport… if you two can manage not to kill each other while I’m gone.

Holly: Oh please, we’re not children.

(Butler rolls his eyes and leaves)

Holly: …Eat shit and die.

Artemis: Yes, fuck you.

(Brief pause)

Both Holly and Artemis: (Warm chuckling)

[artemisfowlcodex]

Root: Is there a reason why you can't seem to take ANYTHING seriously? Trouble: Jokes are a classic defence mechanism for someone with a traumatic childhood. Root: Would you like a traumatic adulthood? Trouble: (Briefly considers) ...I would not.

[artemisfowlcodex]

(A vital project must be completed for the LEP, and Commander Root has to turn to Foaly to get it done) Root: Foaly, what's the earliest we can have this thing ready? Foaly: Well, with what we have on hand? It'll take nine months, and we'll need six months to build it in the first place. Root: Three months. Foaly: Three? That's- Root: You're going to say it's 'impossible', and then I'm going to make a speech about the blinding capabilities of your Very Well Funded engineering team, and then you're going to do the maths in your head and say something like "The overtime alone will be a nightmare." Foaly, already making calculations: The overtime alone will be a nightmare...

[artemisfowlcodex]

(Artemis Senior and Butler are about to go out on a scheme behind Angeline's back, and are bringing a ten-year-old Artemis II along) Angeline: Another 'business meeting'? Artemis Sr.: Oh, uh, I didn't see you... sitting in the dark there. Yeah, no, there's an fire at the docks, I just got the call, they think it may be arson, so now I've got to go talk to the fire department... Angeline: Butler? (flicks light on) Is he telling the truth? Butler: ...I don't want to be put in the middle of this, sir. Artemis Sr., sighing: Thank you, Butler... Angeline, pointing at Artemis II: Why is he wearing that bandit hat? [Artemis II takes off his mask] Artemis Sr.: ...His ears were cold. He's not with us. (Points at him) Go back to bed. [Artemis II silently leaves and closes the door] Angeline: If what I think is happening, IS happening... it better not be.

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Trouble: Grub, why does your bucket list have ‘Die’ on it?

Grub: So I can die feeling at least a little bit accomplished.

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Foaly: Look, I’m glad everyone’s on the same page.

Foaly: But it’s the last page in a book titled “we’re all going to die”.

Artemis: That’s not even clever.

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Juliet: Artemis, can I ask you a question?

Artemis: You just did.

Juliet: Okay, can I ask you two questions?

Artemis: You just did.

Juliet, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!

Artemis: You did.

Juliet: When?!

Artemis: Just now.

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Beckett: If history repeats itself, I’m so getting a dinosaur!

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Artemis Sr: We've got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without?

Myles: Artemis, probably.

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Mulch: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world.

Holly: Thank you for your sacrifice, Diggums.

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Juliet: I just wanna be called cute 21/7.

Artemis: Why not 24/7?

Juliet: Snack breaks.

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Artemis: Just say when.

Juliet: When.

Artemis: I-

Artemis: Now or later?

Juliet: Oh.

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Root: I’m telling you, my team is competent.

Trouble, rushing in: Commander! Grub tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!