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(Root is in his office with Holly, going over information to try and pin down a suspect. Unfortunately, Foaly is on holiday.)
Holly: So we've got a supercomputer and we can't find this guy?
Root: I'm five centuries old, Short...
Holly: Right, I forgot computers aren't really your thing.
Root: Good. Now shut up.
(Root selects a file on his desktop titled 'Spud Emporium Fights')
(Video plays, showing a montage of Fairies getting in fistfights in Spud's Spud Emporium locations while jaunty music plays)
Holly: ...This is what you do all day?
Root: I've got a lot of hang-ups.
I've been thinking about LEP uniforms again, part 2.
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Recon Uniform - Commander's Uniform - Ceremonial Dress Uniform
Traffic Field Uniform - Recon Field Uniform - Retrieval Field Uniform
I kept the faux jumpsuit design with trousers and a jacket, with a vest on top for field missions. The uniforms (with the exception of the dress uniform) also have a tool belt and vambraces that have their wrist computers. Wings are a part of or attach to the vest as needed.
The style is fairly militaristic and most uniforms are shades of green, while the general officers uniforms (basic, field and office) are blue. The uniforms have rank insignia and name tags, with the LEP badge above the name tag.
Ceremonial dress uniforms are sleeker with asymmetrical hem. Rank insignia is only on the collar, additional insignia and medals are placed on the left breast mirroring the name tag and badge.
Traffic field uniform is brighter with hi-vis patterns to help officers stand out. Their vests include screens in the front and back.
Retrieval uniforms are black and heavily reinforced. They don't have name tags and the rank of the officer is marked on the pauldrons.
Kit:
Basic and field uniforms have a tool belts that can include: Moonbelt, gun holster, buzz baton, handcuffs + additional zipties, pheromone spray (read: pepper spray), ammo, omnitool, first aid kit, camouflage foil, pitons. Optionally knife and flashlight.
For longer Recon field missions officers can include a backpack that attaches to the vest. The surveillance backpack includes: surveillance kit (spare com set, throat mics, iris camera, cameras, mics), camouflage foil, first aid box, block memory wipe kit.
Retrieval uniforms have heavier kit with a combat focus: different types of extra ammo, first aid, buzz baton, handcuffs and zipties, flashlights and com set.
Ranks:
I've already talked about how weird the ranks are in the original post so here's my rank structure for LEPRecon and LEPRetrieval.
Most are ranks mentioned in the books, wrangled in a order that makes sense if you don't think about it too much and I added the Lieutenant Colonel and Lieutenant Commander ranks to add more senior and general officers.
Junior and enlisted badges are silver and general and senior badges are gold.
Rank insignia is both on the collar and epaulettes.
What's so funny to me is that Artemis does not need to do dramatic heists in which he and Butler assume fake identities (e.g., The Fairy Thief). Many of the more lucrative crimes he commits don't require much active involvement of Artemis at all -- we learn in TEC that he "developed software to divert funds from various bank accounts to [his] own.ā However.
Artemis really fucking likes heists.
Thus, Butler ends up having to switch to decaf in his early 40s from stress.
Artemis only went after The Fairy Thief in the first place because he wanted to break the record as the youngest thief of it. He also intended to stick to the tradition of thieves holding onto the painting until somebody else bested them, so there isn't even a monetary motivation.
Butler, for his part, points out that the previous youngest thief was some street kid who stole a random briefcase in 1927, which is a touch less advanced than the situation they are now presented with.
I went into The Time Paradox to find a line reference and oh my GOD I forgot that Artemis shot a magnesium flare into Opal's face and closed her visor behind it. That's genuinely the most brutal thing that boy's ever done, and he didn't feel the slightest bit of guilt about it because he was like 'Eh, what's a few third-degree burns when you have magic?'
(Artemis Senior and Butler are about to go out on a scheme behind Angeline's back, and are bringing a ten-year-old Artemis II along)
Angeline: Another 'business meeting'?
Artemis Sr.: Oh, uh, I didn't see you... sitting in the dark there. Yeah, no, there's an fire at the docks, I just got the call, they think it may be arson, so now I've got to go talk to the fire department...
Angeline: Butler? (flicks light on) Is he telling the truth?
Butler: ...I don't want to be put in the middle of this, sir.
Artemis Sr., sighing: Thank you, Butler...
Angeline, pointing at Artemis II: Why is he wearing that bandit hat?
[Artemis II takes off his mask]
Artemis Sr.: ...His ears were cold. He's not with us. (Points at him) Go back to bed.
[Artemis II silently leaves and closes the door]
Angeline: If what I think is happening, IS happening... it better not be.
(A vital project must be completed for the LEP, and Commander Root has to turn to Foaly to get it done)
Root: Foaly, what's the earliest we can have this thing ready?
Foaly: Well, with what we have on hand? It'll take nine months, and we'll need six months to build it in the first place.
Root: Three months.
Foaly: Three? That's-
Root: You're going to say it's 'impossible', and then I'm going to make a speech about the blinding capabilities of your Very Well Funded engineering team, and then you're going to do the maths in your head and say something like "The overtime alone will be a nightmare."
Foaly, already making calculations: The overtime alone will be a nightmare...
So growing up with the AF series i LOVED the Gnommish code, but it always took forever to write/draw it well. As i got older, i thought that the gnommish we see in the books makes sense for printing/technology, but wouldn't be very practical for hand writing. And while the fairies are pretty technologically advanced and would therefore type most things, i believe there'd not only be a point in their history where they would have written in a simplified gnommish, but there's also still practical uses for it even in a technologically centered era.
So, bored at work, here's my take on simplified Gnommish
I wrote out the original gnommish to the best of my ability, then workshopped the simplified below. Some of the letters look similar, but as far as i know that's common in many written languages.
Then, in my practice, i determined that double letters would overlap, because why not
The J can be a loopy squiggle or three neat hoops depending on the fairy's handwriting imo
Root: Is there a reason why you can't seem to take ANYTHING seriously?
Trouble: Jokes are a classic defence mechanism for someone with a traumatic childhood.
Root: Would you like a traumatic adulthood?
Trouble: (Briefly considers) ...I would not.
if I can request another character outfit doodle: Artemis in either š (camping/outdoor gear) or š (farmer)?
pls. I need to see him dealing with a Situation that results in him getting covered in Dirt and being unhappy about it.
He fell :(
So Artemis in adventuring gear, I did again pick the most cartoony option of khaki shirt and shorts and a hat. And the adventuring went about as well as expected.
