Hello darling~

Hello! I’m currently obsessed with BG3, and so here are some incorrect quotes. Will include spoilers (some major, some minor), some Tav/Durge stuff, and shipping (both Character x Character and Character x Tav/Durge). Also, there will be favoritism. (Banner art made by @its_HiroHi on Twitter!)

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Tav: Gale texted me “my love, I am intoxicated”, and then five minutes later, Astarion sends me a photo of him, passed out, phone in hand, and zoomed in on one of my selfies

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Tav: hey guys, how do I ask someone out?

Shadowheart: roses are red, violets are blue; guess what, my bed has room for two

Tav: OH DEAR GODS NO

Karlach: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car

Tav: STOP IT

Astarion: row row row your boat, gently down the stream; merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream

Gale: I feel like that last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory

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Tav: I just got stabbed in the lung

Astarion: LETS GOOOOOOOOOO

Karlach: SHITTTTTTT LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO

Gale: guys, Tav got stabbed in the lung

Astarion and Karlach: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shadowheart: wait what, did you actually get stabbed

Tav, actively bleeding: yeah, in the lung

Astarion, Karlach, and Shadowheart: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wyll: guys, this is serious

Astarion, Karlach, and Shadowheart: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO

Lae’zel: LEGGO MY EGGO

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Tav: having a demon boyfriend would be so great because you could hang your shopping bags on his horns and hold hands while buying groceries

Lae’zel: you could just wear a backpack

Tav: I want a demon boyfriend though

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Lae’zel: Gale, why does your bucket list have ‘Die’ on it?

Gale: So I can die feeling at least a little bit accomplished.

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Wyll: I hope you have an explanation for this.

Karlach: We have three, actually!

Shadowheart: Pick your favorite.

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Karlach: Yeah, I'll smoke a joint tonight, but let's not get too crazy.

The party proceeds to get arrested for blocking the road in large traffic cone costumes

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Shadowheart: So, what's it like living with Durge?

Gale: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

Shadowheart:

Gale: I love them so much.

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Karlach: You don't think I can fight because of my gender!

Gale: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Astarion can fight in that dress either.

Astarion: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.

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Tav: I may be stupid.

Wyll:

Tav: Oh, did you think I was going to finish that sentence?

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Astarion: We need to open this locked door. Shadowheart, give me your credit card.

Shadowheart: Here.

Astarion, pocketing it: Thanks. Gale, break down the door.

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Durge dies in a game with ships

Gale: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.

Gale: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.

Shadowheart: Legend has it that Durge still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks.

Durge: Of course I do.

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Karlach: Thank you for not saying "I told you so."

Gale: When you’re as right as I am, you don’t have to say it.

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Tav, texting: Don't worry, I have your phone! Text me when you're gonna come get it!

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Astarion: I can never give Wyll shit because I’m jealous of him. He looks at his life and say, “Sweet! This is perfect!”

Astarion: I look at my life and say, “Welp. Time to get drunk.”

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Astarion, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

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Gale: Why would you give a knife to Durge?!

Lae’zel, shrugging: Durge felt unsafe.

Gale: Now I feel unsafe!

Lae’zel: I’m sorry…

Lae’zel: Would you like a knife?