[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Connor McDavid: My therapist started crying mid-session

Darnell Nurse: I think that means you win

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Kidnapper: We have your son

Leon Draisaitl: I don't have a son

Kidnapper: Then who asked us to cut the crusts off their sandwich and a glass of warm milk

Leon: Oh my god, they have Kailer

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Connor McDavid: If you were a flower, I'd pick you

Leon Draisaitl: So you'd drag me away from my home, killing me in the process

...

Connor: Just let me flirt with you, please

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Connor McDavid: If I say I love you, will you say it back?

Leon Draisaitl: Yes

Connor: I love you

Leon: "it back"

~~

Darnell Nurse: Why is Davo crying face-down on the floor?

[incorrect-hockeys-deactivated20]

Darnell: Just go over there and flirt with him, say a cheesy pick up line.

Conner: Okay

Conner, walking up to Leon: I like my partners like I like my intrusive thoughts.

Leon: What?

Conner: Fucking me over in the middle of the night.

Darnell, walking away: Oh my god.

[incorrect-hockeys-deactivated20]

Leon: You often use humor to deflect trauma.

Connor: Thank you.

Leon: I didn't say that was a good thing, Davo.

Connor: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Leon Draisaitl: *holding Jesse's face* What are you?

Jesse Puljujarvi: *familiar with western meme culture* an idiot sandwich

Leon: I- what? No-???

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Connor McDavid: Parlay, conference room, in 5 minutes.

Jesse Puljujarvi: Parlay?

Ethan Bear: Pirate code, he wants to meet.

Jesse: What, so everyone here speaks pirate?

Ethan: I understand it. I can't speak it.

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Leon Draisaitl: Almost hit Kailer with my car today. I was driving up to the safehouse and apparently he didn't see me. So this guy darts out in front of me and I hit the brakes-

Leon: And he fucking dabs.

Leon: His automatic response to almost getting hit by a car was to just fucking dab. His last moments would have been a dab.

Leon: who is Holland drafting???

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Darnell Nurse: this is a terrible idea, why didn’t anyone stop me?

Ryan Nugent-Hopkins: because you didn’t tell me. WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME???

Darnell: if I told you, you would’ve stopped me

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Darnell Nurse: ARE YOU-

Leon: Fucking.

Darnell: -KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Leon: Fucking.

Darnell: IDIOT!!!

Connor: ... what was that?!

Leon: Smith banned Nurse from swearing, so I’ve volunteered to help him out.

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Darnell Nurse: Connor, put some sunscreen on.

Connor McDavid: Darnell, i'm a grown man, i don't need that.

Darnell:

Darnell: you think you're stronger than the sun?

Connor:

Darnell: the fucking sun?

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Kailer Yamamoto: About a week ago, I accidentally slept with Ethan.

Leon Draisaitl: ...Really?

Kailer: Yes.

Leon: You accidentally slept with Ethan.

Kailer: Yes.

Leon: Accidentally.

Kailer: Yes.

Leon: I don’t understand, did you trip over something?

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Ethan Bear: What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?

Connor McDavid: I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Oscar Klefbom: why does everyone keep asking if I'm a model?

Darnell Nurse: literally every Swedish player in the league is asked that. Don't flatter yourself.

[incorrect-edmontonoilers]

Kailer Yamamoto : I'm embarassed to admit this to you, but I'd very much like to be dicked down by Connor.

Mike Smith: ...

Smith: W-why?

Kailer: I feel like he'd try his best.

[mcdavidonthebreakaway]

Yamamoto: This is way too much stuff. 

Bear: Yeah, and it’s too heavy to carry all the way back. 

Yamamoto: 

Bear: 

Yamamoto: KASSIAN!

Bear: NURSE!