Ineffable Quotes

Incorrect Good Omens quotes Ask box is open for submissions! Post once a day (Just a PSA I LOVE when y’all comment and interact so pls do!)

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Anathema: If you say anything stupid I will shut your mouth with aggressive making out sessions.

Newt: …crocodiles are avians.

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Crowley: You are supposed to support me when I want to kill someone!

Aziraphale, pulling him away from Gabe: Not in this case, my dear!

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Crowley: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Aziraphale: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Crowley: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ADAM WITH ME

Adam, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

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Crowley, consoling a crying Aziraphale: There, there. Hug?

Aziraphale: *nods*

Crowley, hugging him: *whispering* I think you just need a little updog.

Aziraphale, sniffling: Can we go get some now?

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Shadwell: I suspect you thought I wouldn’t return after our last encounter. How did I survive, you ask?

Newt: I didn’t ask.

Anathema: No one asked.

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Crowley, drunk: I have to say, you know, getting married is the bravest, most wonderful thing you can do. Because every day you come home and you’re just, like, “What? It’s you! I love you! You’re my sexy roommate and we love each other!”

Aziraphale, also drunk: He's talking about me.

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Crowley, about Gabriel: I swear, I am going to rip that angel into shreds, and make a dress out of it!

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Shadwell: Listen, have I ever put you in an unsafe situation?

Newt: All the time!

Shadwell: Then you should be used to it!

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Crowley: This is my boyfriend, Aziraphale.

Aziraphale: *glares*

Crowley: We’re in a relationship?

Aziraphale: *glares*

Crowley: I give up. I thought we were dating.

Aziraphale: Crowley, we’re MARRIED.

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Adam: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.

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Aziraphale, on the phone: It's more scared of you than you are of it-

Crowley: Pigeons aren't scared of anything! They stand on electric wires!

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*Newt gets a paper cut*

Newt: Crap that hurt.

Anathema: Baby

Newt: Now’s not the time for pet names, I'm bleeding out.

Anathema: No, I was calling you a baby.

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Crowley: I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous.

Crowley: I've mind controlled those cops over there, but I'm not that great at controlling human minds so it could wear off at any second.

Crowley: I really don't want to kill them because that means more police will come.

Crowley: Possibly even Christians, which is the last thing I need.

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Newt: Did something awkward happen? I can probably relate.

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Aziraphale: I’m such a bad judge of character!

Crowley: Of course you are. I'm your best friend.

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Newt: You're running away from your feelings.

Crowley: Yeah? So what? I hate my feelings.

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Crowley: I love you

Aziraphale: Oh, thank you

Crowley: *sighing* No problem.