Isaac to Moe and Jan: If the thought of something makes you two giggle for longer than 15 seconds, you are to assume you’re not allowed to do it.
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@incorrect-richmond
Isaac to Moe and Jan: If the thought of something makes you two giggle for longer than 15 seconds, you are to assume you’re not allowed to do it.
Moe, at Starbucks: Can I get a venti vanilla latte with um, seven espresso shots?
Isaac, in line behind him: Jesus Christ, just do cocaine.
Jamie: *casually taking four stairs at a time*
Roy, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-
Sam, planning a group Halloween costume: I assigned you each a greek god that I think matches you somehow.
Moe: Did you pick Artemis for me because I'm not interested in romance?
Colin: Did you pick Apollo for me because I'm gay?
Richard: Wait you picked Hephaestus for me... Are you calling me ugly?
Jan: I don't know, but I got Hera, and I would totally throw you off a mountain.
Dani: If I were a gardener, I would put our tulips together
Jamie: Awww
Jan: If I were a gardener, you'd be my hoe
Richard: Thanks...
Colin: Quiet, laidback men, why do you go for loud, fiery women?
Thierry: Someone’s gotta tell the waiter I ordered mashed potatoes, and it’s not gonna be me.
Jamie, from another room: Do you ever get a pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?
Roy: No?
Jamie: ...How about now?
Royi: How’s Jan’s head?
Richard: The best I ever had.
Roy: His concussion!
Richard: Oh! He’s fine.
Jamie: I think my guardian angel drinks.
Moe: I'm gonna get my pilot's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses.
Jan: The big five licenses?
Moe: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and… license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.
Jamie: We're going mattress shopping.
Colin: You know, once we get it, we're gonna have to break it in.
Jamie: Oh, I hear what you're saying. Mattress trampoline.
Colin:
Jamie: Wait, no. You were talking about sex.
Isaac: I'm hardcore, made of steel, and haven't felt an emotion since 2004.
Colin: I caught you crying over baby seals just two hours ago.
Isaac: So what do you think?
Jan: I wasn't listening but I strongly disagree with Jamie.
Isaac: He's not even here
Jan: Do you think when butterflies are in love, they feel humans in their stomachs?
Colin: Jan, babe, what the FUCK?
Michael, watching a football match: If the goalkeeper is allowed to pick up the ball then why doesn't he just pick it up and run across the field to the other goal?
Colin: Babe...
Michael: Is he dumb?
Jan, sits down, coffee in hand: Blow
Richard ... *Shrugs, gets down on his knees*
Jan: thE COFFEE- RICHARD, NO-!
Jamie: Fist me.
Colin, choking: What-
Jamie, holding out his fist expectantly: You know, fist-bump?
Colin, entire life flashing before his eyes: What the absolute shit Ja-