What the heck is a gramophone?

Incorrect quotes from TSO past, present, and future. East and West.

[incorrect-tso]

Kidnapper: We have your bandmember

Paul: which one

Kidnapper: The long haired one

Paul: gotta be more specific

Kidnapper: The guitar one

Paul: more specific

Kidnapper, getting annoyed: the one who tried to set us on fire

Paul:

Paul: more specific

[incorrect-tso]

Kidnapper: oh lord, the blonde one!

Paul:

Paul: you have seen our lineup, right?

Kidnapper: *screams*

[incorrect-tso]

Paul: did you really not get a name

Kidnapper: It wasn't important! Listen, ok, just give us what we want an-

[Henchman walks in]

Henchman: uhhh boss?

Kidnapper: what do you WANT

Henchman: the uhhh music guy got away

Kidnapper:

Kidnapper: what do you MEAN he got AWAY

Henchman: he knew how to make molotov cocktails

Kidnapper:

Kidnapper: *slams head on table*

[incorrect-tso]

Paul: listen, this has been fun, but I gotta make a phone call

Kidnapper: wai-

*Paul hangs up the phone and dials a new number*

Paul: Chris, you there?

Chris: hey boss, can't talk! driving a stolen car down 75! i'll see you at rehearsal tomor-

Paul: *hangs up the phone*

[incorrect-tso]

Kidnapper: We have your bandmember

Paul: which one

Kidnapper: The long haired one

Paul: gotta be more specific

Kidnapper: The guitar one

Paul: more specific

Kidnapper, getting annoyed: the one who tried to set us on fire

Paul:

Paul: more specific

[incorrect-tso]

Kidnapper: oh lord, the blonde one!

Paul:

Paul: you have seen our lineup, right?

Kidnapper: *screams*

[incorrect-tso]

Paul: did you really not get a name

Kidnapper: It wasn't important! Listen, ok, just give us what we want an-

[Henchman walks in]

Henchman: uhhh boss?

Kidnapper: what do you WANT

Henchman: the uhhh music guy got away

Kidnapper:

Kidnapper: what do you MEAN he got AWAY

Henchman: he knew how to make molotov cocktails

Kidnapper:

Kidnapper: *slams head on table*

[incorrect-tso]

Kidnapper: We have your bandmember

Paul: which one

Kidnapper: The long haired one

Paul: gotta be more specific

Kidnapper: The guitar one

Paul: more specific

Kidnapper, getting annoyed: the one who tried to set us on fire

Paul:

Paul: more specific

[incorrect-tso]

Kidnapper: oh lord, the blonde one!

Paul:

Paul: you have seen our lineup, right?

Kidnapper: *screams*

[incorrect-tso]

Kidnapper: We have your bandmember

Paul: which one

Kidnapper: The long haired one

Paul: gotta be more specific

Kidnapper: The guitar one

Paul: more specific

Kidnapper, getting annoyed: the one who tried to set us on fire

Paul:

Paul: more specific

[incorrect-tso]

Nate: wow, I didn't even know you guys had a tour manager

Asha: well, duh, we're not anarchists, Nate.

Angus: speak for yourself

[incorrect-tso]

Angus, in the recovery room at the hospital: you call it a near-death experience, I call it a vibe-check from God

Al: [smacks him in the head]

[incorrect-tso]

Dino on Christmas, probably

Dino: Jeff help, I'm trapped under the tree and the star's tangled in my hair

JSS: Why were you under the tree?

Dino: ...because I'm a gift to this world?

[incorrect-tso]

Asha: hey Al

Al: yeah

Asha: can you breathe in the washing machine while its on

Al:

Asha:

Al: where's Angus

[incorrect-tso]

Al: I can't believe you forgot your phone.

Paul: Yeah. I hope David liked that shirt I got him yesterday. Oh, he called.

Siri: You have 17 new messages.

Paul: What?!

David: Hey boss, thanks for the Weird Al t-shirt it's...great. I was just calling because I might need a ride later tonight. Chris can't drive and I ran Roddy's car into that ditch after we watched Fast Five on Netflix together.

Roddy: You still owe me for that.

David: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Cars are really flammable, did you know that? I didn't know that. Well, I do now..but anyway I'll call you later if we need a pick up from the show, alright?

Chris: [Snoring]

David: Chris, you're up! Talk to you later, boss!

Siri: End of message.

Paul: I'm not listening to all of these.

[Skips to last message]

Siri: Message 17.

David: Oh my god, is he dead?! Why did you put him in the car?!

Roddy: It's Joel, you idiot! Just shut up and keep driving to the hospital!

Chris: Roddy, when are we getting to the Chuck E Cheese?

David: Chris, shut up! Boss, please pick up the phone! We are in so much trouble! The show went south, so we decided to make our own, but...oh man, oh man, pick up your stupid phone! Boss, go to my bass case, and burn everything inside! But hold your breath while you do it! Use that stupid t-shirt you got me to help the fire, you gotta do this, boss!

Roddy: David, eyes on the road!

Chris: TRUCK!!!

All: [Screaming]

Siri: End of message.

Paul and Al: [Stare at the phone in horror]

[incorrect-tso]

Jon: Hmm, so what kind of songs are we going to put on this album based on the magic of Christmas and the strength of the human spirit?

Paul, who just inhaled five gallons of hot chocolate mixed with Ambien and Adderall: I have an idea

[incorrect-tso]

Paul: Since I'm leaving for vacation, I'm leaving you all a complimentary bowl of advice!

Paul, picking a piece of paper from the bowl: For example...

Paul: "Angus...don't do that"

Paul: See? It applies to everything!

[incorrect-tso]

Phillip: Hello! Welcome to the Ghosts of Christmas Eve!

Phillip: I am here to tell the story.

Angus, walking up next to him, cookie in hand: and I am here for the food

[incorrect-tso]

Angus: *is jumping in place*

Al: Why are you hopping up and down?

Angus: Because I'm hopping mad!

Al, leaning towards Paul: We picked up a weirdo...

[incorrect-tso]

Roddy: *is on the phone with Paul*

Roddy: hey boss...you know how you told me not to burn down the stage?

Paul: You burned down the stage.

Roddy: No!

Roddy: I had the fire put out almost immediatley!

Roddy: This is a success story!

[incorrect-tso]

Angus: *sitting outside in the pouring rain*

Angus: Its raining...why should I move? I'll just sit here and get wet!

Angus: I'll sit here until I catch pneumonia and die! Nobody cares anything about me anyway!

Al, from the studio doorway: HEY STUPID!! Get out of the rain!

Angus, running to the door: Gee...SOMEbody cares...

[incorrect-tso]

Angus: fire is the answer to all unasked questions

[incorrect-tso]

David: It's been a while since I've done something stupid...

David: So today, we're gonna start a fire on the stage