Incorrect Twilight Wolf Pack

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[Valentine’s Day]

Emily: Love is in the air!

Leah: *holding her shirt over her nose, spraying febreeze*

Leah: Not on my fucking watch.

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Emily: What's it like being so tall?

Emily: Is it nice?

Emily: Can you reach comfortably for the cabinets?

Jared: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Kim: It was one time!

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Leah: Don't flirt with strangers, Quil.

Quil:

Quil: Do you think that I'm going to listen to someone whose idea of a threesome is to join in a couple's fight?

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Jacob: *sweating* So there’s something I want to ask you...

Leah: Finally, you’re proposing

Jacob: H-how did you know?

Leah: You’ve dropped the ring 7 times during dinner alone

Leah: I even picked it up once

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Leah: Some people should be grateful that murder is illegal.

Sam: Oh? If you had to choose one person, who would you get rid of?

Leah: Funny that you ask.

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Leah: What are you looking at?

Seth, taking a Buzzfeed quiz to find out what holiday candle scent he is: Porn.

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Jared, waking up at 2 AM: Babe - hey uh would you still love me if I was a fish?

Kim: I would keep you in a big fish tank with plants and feed you every day

Jared: :D

-

Sam, also waking up at 2 AM: Emily would you still love me if I was a fish

Emily: I would cook you and eat you

Sam:

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Paul: big boobs don't count if you're fat

Leah: neither does a big dick if half of it's your personality

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Jacob: what are some cute things to call your partner?

Jared: Sugar

Sam: Honey

Embry: flour

Quil: egg

Seth: 1/2 cup butter

Embry: stir

Quil: pour into a pan

Seth: preheat to 350 degrees.

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Sam: Since Emily and I are going to be gone for a while for our honeymoon, I have left all of you a complimentary bowl of advice.

Sam: For instance, “Stop doing that” applies to just about everyone for everything.

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Paul: Rachel's playing hard-to-get.

Paul: Lucky for her, I’m good at playing hard-to-get-rid-of.

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Sam: Do I even want to know what happened?

Emily: So, it was girl's night.

Sam: Of course.

Emily: Kim was showing Rachel and I a few tiktoks and we decided that we really wanted to know how to make that viral whipped coffee stuff. It was delicious, but, uh... Kim liked it a little too much.

Jared, reading the list of ingredients: Emily, this calls for six pouches of instant espresso! Please tell me that she didn’t drink all of that

Kim: *vibrating*

Kim: I can feel colors

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Jacob: Guys, since this looks like the end, I just wanted you to know... You are really not the people I intended to die with.

Embry: Ditto.

Quil: Actually, I'd always planned on the three of us being buried together in a joint tomb.

Jacob:

Embry:

Quil:

Jacob: If we make it through this, you and I are having a serious talk.

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Sue: Leah, I think you've had enough time to grieve. Maybe it's time to let the whole Sam and Emily thing go and move on, for your own peace of mind.

Leah: Absolutely not. I love my grudges! I hold onto them like they’re little pets.

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Quil: Listen Claire, gender is a construct, society is a construct, money is a construct.

Quil: But bedtime is very, very real.

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Kim: God I need some serotonin

Jared: [Stands up]

Jared:

Jared: [Sits back down]

Jared: I forgot what that was for a second

Jared: I was going to go get you some

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Paul: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it.

Jared: You’re kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.