100% Accurate Artemis Fowl Quotes

These totally happened submit a quote | master tag list

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Hello my loyal followers!

I am happy to announce that the Master Tag List is now finished!!

And now, you have a list full of shortcuts! You should all check it out, it’s pretty cool, if I do say so myself (which I do)

Some links are fuller than others. This is a great chance to submit some quotes and fill up the Hard Knock Life for a Henchman tag! And the Minerva Paradizo tag could sure use some love too, hint hint.

Let me know if anything isn’t working, but otherwise just go crazy with it

Admin out!

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Juliet: Ow!

Butler: What’s wrong?

Juliet: I have this weird pain above my eyebrows?

Butler: Ah, that is a stress headache. I had my first one when I was four.

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“It seems very strange that we’re trusting our lives to a small, human boy. I definitely think it’s a bad idea, but it’s the best bad idea we’ve got.”

-Julius Root about Artemis 

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Artemis Fowl II: Ever since I rescued my father from the Bay of Cola, he hasn't been the same. I am forced to reevaluate my memories of a distant yet strong guardian and make sense of the man he now claims to be. Instead of the cold businessman I once knew, he has decided to turn over a new leaf and attempt to impart on me supposed 'fatherly wisdom.'

Artemis Fowl Senior: I ain't never seen two pretty best friends, it's always one of them that gotta be u—

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#FowlFest2020

Welcome to Fowl Fest, a week celebrating all things Fowl, in the lead up to September 1st (yes, its nearly September! I’m as confused as you are). Not only that, but we have a little surprise by our Podcast team for the 1st!

The Artemis Fowl: the Incident Report Podcast team has been working hard all week in order to bring this to you, and we hope you enjoy. Please post your contributions under #FowlFest2020

ID]  Fowl Fest 2020. A week of Fowl fun hosted by the Artemis Fowl: Incident Report Podcast. Tumblr: artemis-fowl-incident-report. Twitter and Instergram af_incident_report. August 24th: Meme Day. August 25th: Favorite Headcanons. August 26th: Fanfiction Day. August 27th: Fan Art Day. August 28th: Villains Day. August 29th: Obscure Characters. August 30th: Crossover Day. September 1st: The Surprise. #FowlFest2020. Full prompt details below.

Keep reading

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Holly: Are you involved in something nefarious?

Artemis: Quite often. Did you have something more specific in mind?

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The LEP: Artemis we appreciate your help but you really need to stop doing crime

Artemis: No❤️

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Holly Short: I got you a friendship bracelet!

Mulch: oh you shouldn’t have *holds out wrist*

Holly: *handcuffs him*

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Artemis: Don't be so pessimistic, it'll affect team morale

Holly: What, and getting us blown up won't?

Artemis: Only very, very briefly.

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Foaly: You actually were telling the truth.

Artemis: I do that quite a lot; yet people are always surprised.

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Juliet: Holly can handle herself. She jumped over a full-on troll back there. And like, how did she do that? She’s three feet tall and it was a troll!

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Holly: What would Root say if he was here right now?

Holly: “Holly! I know minimal information about the situation or its context, but I am ready to place all the blame squarely on your shoulders”

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Opal: I’ve trapped you here because I crave the most dangerous game-

Holly: Knife Monopoly

Opal: Actually I was just going to have you torn apart by trolls in a abandoned theme park, but now I’m interested in whatever Knife Monopoly is.

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Butler: Artemis was involved in a kidnapping.

Angeline: WHAT? IS HE OKAY? WHAT HAPPENED?

Butler: Oh yeah he was fine, for his first kidnapping, he pulled it off pretty well.

Angeline:

Angeline: What?

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“Whatever you do - don’t get caught.”

- Artemis Fowl I to Artemis Fowl II before he left for the Russian expedition.

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Artemis: Oh my goodness. Holly, look at that! That is the ugliest suit I’ve ever had the misfortune of laying eyes upon. 

Holly: It looks just like yours. 

Artemis: *splutters* Holly!

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Artemis: *hugs holly* Holly: OH MY FROND IT’S A NATIONAL FRICKING MIRACLE!!!!!!