incorrect belgian red devils

Wildly incorrect quotes from the Belgium National Football Team

[incorrectfootballerquotes]

Jan Vertonghen: How can anyone call Dries feral? He’s the most precious soft little soul!

Dries Mertens: *in the middle of burying Eden alive* YEAH I’M ADORABLE

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

(Telling ghost stories around the campfire)

Thibaut: And even though the computer was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was ... the Windows logo!

Kevin: Pft, that's not scary!

Thibaut: It is if you're a laser printer.

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Mousa: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?

Jan: Oh no, it's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

(Dries and Kevin are playing 1 v 1, both using their left feet)

Dries: You are wonderful.

Kevin: Thank you; I've worked hard to become so.

Dries: I admit it, you are better than I am.

Kevin: Then why are you smiling?

Dries: Because I know something you don't know.

Kevin: And what is that?

Dries: I am not left-footed. *switches to using his right foot*

Kevin: You are amazing.

Dries: I ought to be, after 20 years.

Kevin: Oh, there's something I ought to tell you.

Dries: Tell me.

Kevin: I'm not left-footed either.

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

(Exchanging gifts at Christmas)

Rom: Axel, this is for you. A set of combs for your beautiful hair.

Axel: Oh, that's so sweet. But I sold my hair to a wigmaker so I could buy a set of combs for Fellaini.

(He pulls his hat off, revealing that he is bald)

Fellaini: Oh, the irony. I sold *my* hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Rom!

(He pulls his hat off; he is also bald)

Rom: Thank you. These'll come in handy for my new hair!

(He pulls his hat off. He's wearing a wig made of Fellaini's and Axel's hair)

Rom: Finally, I look as pretty as I feel!

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Eden: Where are you going, Thibaut?

Thibaut: To volunteer at a soup kitchen.

Kevin: Yeah, right! As if you ever did anything charitable.

Thibaut: I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood?

Toby: Whose blood?

Thibaut: Some guy's.

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Dries: Hey Jan, can I borrow your car?

Jan: I already lent you my car. Do you not know where my car is?

Dries: Ugh! I'm so sick of the third degree! 

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Vinnie: You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in rutting charge here.

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Eden: *studying a formation diagram* I honestly don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.

Thorgan: We attack the goalkeeper with hummus.

Eden:

Eden: I stand corrected.

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

(Team movie night)

Mousa: All right, people, prepare to have your spines tingled and your gooses bumped by the terrifying...

Mousa: *pulls a movie out of a bag* ...Fantasia?

Jan: Huh. Maybe it's everything we've been through, but hippos wearing tutus just don't unnerve me the way they used to.

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Michy: So then, Axel's like, "It's share time," and I'm like, "Oh yeah? Share THIS."

Michy: *punches the air a few times*

Eden: So either you hit him, or you did your wacky mime routine for him?

Michy: Well, I didn't do either, actually... but he deserved it, don't you think?

Eden: Nobody deserves mime, Michy.

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Jan: Have you always been this big a pain in the ass?

Toby: What can I say? I've always been bad.

(Earlier)

Toby: *writing in his diary* What's another word for gleaming?

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Eden: What are you doing here? Five words or less.

Thibaut: *tallying on his fingers* Out for a walk.

Eden:

Thibaut:

Thibaut: Bitch.

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Thorgan: Do you have to be a 21st Century real estate agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?

Eden: Do you say this stuff to girls?

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

(The phone rings)

Operator: Collect call from...

Thibaut: *on phone* I'm not giving my name to a machine!

Jan: I'll accept.

Thibaut: Toby's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me.

Jan: I like you.

Thibaut: You do? Huh. Look, are you going to help or not?

Jan: I don't know why I should. I mean after what he--

Thibaut: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What is it you like best about me?

(Later)

Dries: Is he coming?

Thibaut: I'm not sure. But I do know that he likes my in-your-face attitude.

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Eden: *whispering* Listen, this is Thibaut's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, OK?

Toby: Yeah, OK.

Rom: Alright.

(They start eating)

Eden: Oh, dear God!

(Everybody spits the food out)

Toby: That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!

(Everyone guzzles down a glass of water and once again they spit it out.)

Jan: Thibaut, is this salt water?

Thibaut: It's salt with water in it if that's what you mean.

Toby: *waves his hand in front of his eyes*

Toby: My vision's fading. I think I'm gonna die.

Thibaut: There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose.

Rom: Uh-oh! I shouldn't have had seconds!

[incorrectbelgiumnt]

Toby: Hey, what you watching?

Thibaut: *quickly turns off the TV* Uh, nothing!

Eden: Is that a cooking show?

Thibaut: No, of course not! It was... uh... porno! Yeah, that's it!

(Eden turns the TV back on and sees the programme)

Eden: Aw, Thibaut, I didn't know you liked cooking! That's so cute!

Thibaut: *ashamed* Oh, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long...

Toby: It's OK, Thibaut. I like cooking too.

Thibaut: *whispering* Pansy!