Incorrect Black Adder Quotes

[incorrectblackadder]

Blackadder: *walks into a sign shop*

Employee: What can we get for you?

Blackadder: A sign.

[incorrectblackadder]

George: I want another nurse.

Blackadder: Well there are none. We're stretched pretty thin right now.

George: Then I want a janitor. They can do what you do right?

Blackadder: Yep. Nurses and janitors are totally interchangeable.

George: Except no-one dresses up like a janitor when they wanna be slutty.

[incorrectblackadder]

Baldrick: We can never let anyone know that we got beat up by Darling.

Blackadder: Agreed.

Baldrick: Take it to the grave?

Blackadder: To the grave.

Baldrick: This conversation never happened.

Blackadder: I don't even know who you are.

Baldrick: ...That's hurtful, you took it too far.

Blackadder: That's a weird thing for a stranger to say.

[incorrectblackadder]

Blackadder: You're not on the list. You should have made a reservation yesterday.

George: This restaurant didn't exist yesterday. I demand to be let in right now.

*Random guy walks in*

Blackadder: Good evening, sir.

Random Guy: Oh, I forgot to make a reservation. *Slips Blackadder some money*

Blackadder: No problem, dude.

George: Did that guy just bribe you?

Blackadder: He didn't bribe me. He just caught my attention in a monetary fashion. Now, back in line.

[incorrectblackadder]

Baldrick: Aren't you forgetting something?

Blackadder: Like a duplicate notebook so they won't know the real one is missing?

Baldrick: No. *pulls out candy apples* Caramel covered apples with nuts to celebrate a job well done.

[incorrectblackadder]

George: As I get older and older, I find it harder and harder to read my small little wristwatch. So I will launch Big Ben into space, and fly it all the way to the Tri-State area! La, lala, lala, here I am, I just woke up and I want to know what time it is. Woohoo! Yes! I'm a genius!

Blackadder: Wha - That's it?! That's your whole plan?!!

George: Well, in a nutshell, yes! What do you think?

Blackadder: Am I on one of those hidden-camera shows? You realize you could just buy a bigger watch? Or maybe a wall clock?

George: Yes, but then I'd have to drive to the store and find a parking space, and I'd have to choose from like - dozens of styles ... It just seemed like so much work. This would be much less complicated.

[incorrectblackadder]

Percy: Okay, if you want me to bend out this metal, you need to relax.

Blackadder, tensely: I am relaxed!

[incorrectblackadder]

Baldrick: May I help you, Mr. Blackadder?

Blackadder: No.

[incorrectblackadder]

Blackadder: We're going to die!

Percy: Think positively!

Blackadder: We're going to die quickly!

[incorrectblackadder]

Percy: What about real names?

Baldrick: I imagine they play that pretty close to the vest.

Blackadder: Kinda ruins the magic when you find out that Satan's name is Todd or Larry.

[incorrectblackadder]

Blackadder: *after Baldrick feeds his cat* Any problems?

Baldrick: Well, you left the TV on. Also, your cat is dead.

[incorrectblackadder]

Blackadder: It's too late now, you...

Percy: You?

Blackadder: I totally don't remember your name.

Percy: We've known each other for 3 years, Edmund.

Blackadder: And what an impression you've made.

[incorrectblackadder]

Baldrick: Just let go. Be in the moment.

Blackadder: I am in the moment. It's a terrible moment.

[incorrectblackadder]

Baldrick: Can I have these question mark stickers?

Blackadder: Why?

Baldrick: I wanna put them on stop signs! *runs out*

Blackadder: Baldrick no!

[incorrectblackadder]

Percy: Edmund, remember that plant that I thought might be tea?

Blackadder: You didn't!

Percy: I did. *turning around to reveal his red, swollen face* And it wasn't.

Blackadder: Yah!

Percy: When the rash spreads to my throat, I will stop breathing. But look what I found! These are bacui berries, known to cure the poison of the white jade plant. That, or macahoni berries that cause blindness.

[incorrectblackadder]

Percy: Ring ring.

Baldrick: Hello.

Percy: Ring ring.

Baldrick: H-hello?

Percy: Ring ring.

Baldrick: Helloooo?

Percy: Ring ring.

Baldrick: Hello?

Percy: Ring ri—

Blackadder: You have a bad connection!

[incorrectblackadder]

Baldrick: The plot thickens.

Blackadder: Like rancid pea soup.