Incorrect Caffe Mocha Quotes

A blog dedicated to the historically accurate insanity of Ozpin and Oobleck's relationship! And the idiocy that their friends/family get into. All quotes are accurate and can be confirmed by Qrow. Icon credit goes to Shana340!

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Ozpin: What are your goals?

Barty: To pet all the dogs.

Ozpin: No, fitness goals.

Barty: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

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Summer: Don’t worry, I’ve got a few knives up my sleeve.

Tai: I think you mean cards.

Qrow and Raven: She did not.

Summer, pulling out knives: I did not.

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Oobleck: When I die, I hope I don't get sent to hell. Not because of the burning or anything, I just only have two hands and not being able to pet all 3 cerberi at once would kill me.

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Oobleck: Here’s the thing though. Is it still a murder if I give them a heads up?

Ozpin: I think that’s called a threat.

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Ozpin: -sees Qrow and Clover together-

Ozpin: They’re cute. I would put them on a boat.

Oobleck: You mean… you ship them?

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Ozpin: Bartholomew and i are no longer friends

Oobleck: OZPIN THAT’S THE WORST FUCKING WAY TO TELL PEOPLE WE’RE DATING

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Qrow: Hey Oz, how long do you think it will take until I start hallucinating from sleep deprivation?

Ozpin: I think-

Oobleck: 72 hours

Qrow: How did you-

Oobleck: There’s a clown right behind you, Qrow.

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Oobleck: Three words. Say them and I’m yours.

Ozpin: Three words.

Oobleck:

Ozpin: :3c

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Ozpin: It’s a bit cold here.

Oobleck: I can give you my jacket.

Clover: It’s colder than I expected.

Qrow: Want me to set you on fire?

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Oobleck: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Blake: Have everyone stand.

Ruby: Bring three more chairs.

Weiss: The most important ones can sit down.

Yang: Kill three.

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Ozpin: Before we start, I just want to warn you: swords aren’t a joke. I hope you’re not here because you think it’s going to be like Star Wars.

Ruby: That’s not why we’re here.

Yang: Yeah, I’m here because I think it’s going to be like Game of Thrones.

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Ironwood: I swear I’m not racist.

Ironwood: -continues to never season his chicken-

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Ozpin: I feel like causing mischief and mayhem.

Ozpin: -takes a sip from his mug-

Ozpin: Never mind, my blood sugar was low. 

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Raven: Oh? You’re approaching me?

Ozpin: I can’t give you detention without getting closer.

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Ozpin: It’s weird how people say “follow your dreams” instead of “follow your ambitions” because once I had a dream where I worked for a place that tried to genetically engineer ducks, except the ducks only criticized people’s fashion sense.

Oobleck: No, you should do that.

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Ironwood: You need a hobby.

Clover: I have one.

Ironwood: Staring at Qrow's face doesn't count.

Clover: You're right, it doesn't. It's my profession and I excel at it.

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Ozpin: Where’s Qrow?

Tai: Doing stuff.

Ozpin: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Summer?

Tai: Trying to stop Qrow from doing the stuff.

Ozpin: Raven?

Tai: Trying to stop Summer from stopping Qrow from doing the stuff.

Ozpin: I see. And what are you doing here, Tai?

Tai: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Raven from stopping Summer from stopping Qrow from doing the stuff.