totally canon

Incorrect quotes blog for the Cryptid Squad (Henrik Hanssen, Roxanna MacMillan, David Hopkins, and John Gaskell) from Holby City. Other characters will pop up from time to time, too. (Blog is run by lonelier-version-of-you.)

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

I’m sure you’re all let down that I’ve made my first post in ages and it’s not a quote, but I don’t want you all thinking I just abandoned this blog for no reason.

As most of you, if you follow me on my main (@lonelier-version-of-you, I’m still active on there if anyone gives a damn) know, I suffer from depression and I’ve been having a particularly hard time of things in recent weeks. As a result, I have not had the energy, motivation or clarity of mind to think up new quotes to share with you all. And with recent events, it simply doesn’t feel right to be having such fun anymore.

If anyone sends in submissions, I will continue to post them. Otherwise... this blog is officially on hiatus for the foreseeable future. I’m sorry for the disappointment.

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Roxanna: Well, I never thought I’d say this, but I think I know what’s going on in your head.

John: Oh, well then, welcome to the terror dome.

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

If the Holbyverse actually acknowledged that Henrik is a terrible choice of leader...

Henrik, walking into the ED, heading to Connie’s office: CEO coming through!

Henrik, seeing Connie has renovated the office and that she now has an espresso machine: Oh my goodness spacious, Ms. Beauchamp! Is where Holby’s money is going?!

Connie: More accurately, Henrik, it’s where Holby’s money comes from.

Connie: Our ED has a hiring rate five times higher than the rest of the hospital combined. Our money comprises 80% of your entire hospital’s budget.

Connie: And you want to know why we think we deserve an espresso machine?!

Henrik: Well, I guess I didn’t know. I--

Connie: And you never had to, Henrik. You could’ve lived the rest of your life in blissful ignorance and died a happy, pansexual imp.

Connie: But you wanted to feel power this year. Well, now, you're going to feel my power as it surges downward from me, straight through you, from nostril to rectum, now until the end of time.

Connie: And that’s what’s up.

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Henrik: John had his seventh epiphany today, which has given me an epiphany of my own. John is a genius. He has to be. If he isn’t, I’ve given over thirty years of my life to an idiot. That is unacceptable. Therefore John is a genius, and I will die protecting his vision.

Roxanna: Are you, by any chance, familiar with Stockholm Syndrome?

Henrik: Is it something that John created? Because if not, I don’t care.

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

David, after seeing Henrik talking to John: Uh-oh, somebody’s in looove!

Henrik: I just think John is cool, okay? It’s not like I lay awake at night thinking about him.

*later that night*

Henrik, lying awake thinking about John: Oh no.

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Henrik: I don’t ‘step up’ to being leader. I reluctantly accept it when it is thrust upon me.

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Henrik, texting John: The world is fucked, I swear.

John: What’s wrong?

Henrik: You have to explain something because I’m baffled and upset.

John: Okay.

Henrik: Like really upset.

John: Tell me.

Henrik: Why the FUCK is there a “D” in “fridge”, but not in “refrigerator”?!

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

John and Rox: *arguing like children*

Henrik: I can't believe I made out with both of you.

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

John, in his lab: Come on, stem cells. Work your astounding scientific nonsense!

Roxanna: Foetal stem cells? Aren’t those controversial?

John: In your time, yes. But, nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells!

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

John: Rules are made to be broken!

Henrik: Rules are made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

John: Uh, pinatas?

David: Glow sticks.

Roxanna: Karate boards.

David: Spaghetti, when you have a small pot.

John: Rules.

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Henrik: I can’t believe you and Roxanna broke the bed last night.

John: Yeah, it must have been wild.

David: Haha, yeah...

*the previous night*

Roxanna: Bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling!

David: Try me!

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Henrik, phoning John: Roxanna says I shouldn’t trust you. Does that mean I shouldn’t trust her either?

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Henrik, texting: Hi, who is this? David changed all my contacts to mythical creatures.

John: What’s mine?

Henrik: ‘Dwarf’.

John: HE’S SO MEAN! I’M NOT THAT SHORT!

Henrik: Oh, hi John.

John: FUCK

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Rox, on John's interest in Henrik: It's just like The Notebook, except instead of Alzheimer's, Henrik has...

Rox, about to say 'autism': ...

Rox: ...someone who likes him!

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Therapist: And what do we do when we feel like this?

Henrik: Flee my job and possibly also the country?

Therapist: No.

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Teacher: If you have 12 apples and you give your friend 6, what do you have?

John, through tears: A friend.

[incorrectcryptidsquadquotes]

Maja, texting Henrik: Answer your phone.

Henrik, texting back: Give me a minute, I can’t find my phone.

Maja: OK.

*seven minutes later*

Maja: You are an awful person. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing your ex-girlfriend, Henrik.