incorrect dortmund quotes

a bunch of quotes that borussia dortmund players never said, but totally would. sources in the tags // open to suggestions

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

I was thinking about doing a comeback heheheeh

Not sure yet

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Tuchel [to the team]: Remember - History has its eyes on all of you! Do not throw away your shot! Stay young, scrappy, and hungry… Then we can raise a glass to your efforts!

Mats: Alright, whose idea was it to take Coach to see Hamilton instead of the basketball game last night?

Tuchel: I will never be satisfied!!

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Adrian: Hey Schmelle, happy birthday to us!

Marcel: Happy birthday!

Adrian: How old are you gettin'?

Marcel: Oh. [laughs]

Adrian: ?

Marcel: I don't get older. I just get better.

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Neven: I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Check out Twitter. Soak in the hate.

everyone to Jonas Hofmann because honestly

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

I just wanna be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.

Erik to Matze

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Jonas: Oh Erik, finally, here is your Christmas present.

Erik: Thank you! What is it?

[Erik shakes the box]

[Matze stops him]

Matze: Maybe it's a puppy.

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

My name ain't Santa but he sittin' on my lap.

Auba (about Marco)

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Mkhitaryan: You're lucky I edited your application.

Mats: Why, what was so bad?

Mkhitaryan: You requested to work in Santa's sex toy shop. Mats, that's not even a thing.

Mats: Tell that to my candy-cane-shaped vibrator.

Mkhitaryan: Mats!

Mats: I call it "Santa's big helper."

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Ilkay: So.. Christmas!

Marco: I’m actually really excited.

Miki: I am too, and I already got you your gift Marco.

Marco: Really? What is it?

Miki: A pack of razors so you can shave that bush off your face.

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Hello, it’s me again.

I have some news. First of all, the idea of this project came up with a quote that some anon submitted me. 

BUT WAIT LIA, WHAT PROJECT? - Let me tell you… THIS IS THE INCORRECT DORTMUND QUOTES CHRISTMAS WEEK PROJECT. Yo ho! Because I’m always a ho* for Christmas.

So, that’s how it will work:

You can submit me any quote/chat with Christmas theme [it can be anything, idk, from a mistletoe to a fat santa, from a Grinch-Hummels to an Elf-Durm, use your creativity]. From today until the 20th of December I will be receiving your suggestions, and the 21st to the 25th they will be posted, that will be the Christmas week. Of course I’m going to post my quotes too, c’mon it will be fun! [I hope so]

Important: there is no limit of quotes that can be submitted, you are free to send as many as you want.

Important 2: I’ll ALWAYS be giving credit to the author in the tags [unless it is anonymous, you may prefer so].

Important 3: if you have any questions about the project you can ask me any time, I will reply whenever it’s possible.

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

I've got the brains, we've both got the looks. Let's make money!

Mats trying to convince Bürki to do a photoshoot for Hugo Boss

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Auba: Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go.

Marco: Why?

Auba: ‘Cause of your butt.

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

This blog rlly dislike weiden....(╯︵╰,)

TRUE. but it’s just my pov, and i do it just for humor, i’m sorry… however, if you feel like “oh incorrect dortmund quotes should post this really funny quote about weidenfeller” you can submit me, even if it doens’t drag him. roman did so much for this club… and i don’t have the intention to commit any injustice to his job as a goalkeeper.

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

I have flaws. What are they? I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.

Neven Subotic

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Piszczek: Oh, you can bet they won't ignore me. I'm like catnip to those boys.

Erik: [gasps] They poop on you in a box?!

[incorrectdortmundquotes]

Stenzel: Any word of advice, brother?

Weigl: Man, we are cousins at most.