(incorrect) dd quotes

overheard in the hallways of hogwarts. maybe. sort of. (not really.)

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Kara, I can’t believe you finally lost your virginity! Wait, this isn’t like the time you bought a hamster, named it Virginity, and then lost it, is it?

Owen Nathan, upon learning Kara had (finally) lost her virginity

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Avery: And go take a psychology course. Try to figure out who gave you such disgusting daddy issues.

Chryson: It was, you know, probably my dad.

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Darius: Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?

Faye: I'd just as soon kiss a flobberworm.

Darius: I can arrange that.

Darius: [as he walks away] YOU COULD USE A GOOD KISS!

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Leo: Take Falon and Adira with you.

Dominique: Yes! My fantasy threesome.

Falon and Adira: ...

Dominique: Of witches on an adventure.

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Xander: Darius, I want you to do nothing. Just stand next to me and say "Yes, Xander."

Darius: Okay, Xander.

Xander: Come on, man.

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

I was thinking how I would be the perfect Minister for Magic based upon my skill set, dance ability, and bloodlust. All women are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people. I'm exquisite.

Kingsley Skeeter-Kingsley, completely unprompted one night during dinner

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Victoire: You look happy. Let me guess- your egg salad sandwich fell on the floor and they gave it to you for free.

Rose: No, can you do that? Why doesn't everybody just drop their sandwiches on the floor?

Victoire: I was trying to insult you.

Rose: And instead you gave me an amazing life hack!

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Professor Swan: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Stirling: Yes.

Professor Swan: I was hula-hooping. I attend a class for both fitness and for fun.

Stirling: Oh my Godric.

Professor Swan: I mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle.

Stirling: Why are you telling me this?

Professor Swan: Because no one will ever believe you.

Stirling: You sick son of a bitch.

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

If I had a nickel for every time I discovered some long-lost relative, I’d have a nickel.  Which isn’t a lot, but it’s kind of weird that it happened.

Chryson Nott

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

No, I never work out.  Constant stress and panic and lack of sleep and various food intolerances keep me quite thin.

Falon Burke

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Fabia: [reading from paper] I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school… I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy…

Fabia: [about to cry]

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Emily: What exactly are we debating?

Harrison: The average number of bugs Daniel swallows in a day of flying.

Emily: I look forward to seeing you accept your Nobel.

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Darius: Oh, I am so relieved that you guys found me. Wait, how did you find me?

Atalia: You haven’t done anything super annoying to us for like, five hours, so we knew something was wrong.

Darius: Oh, that’s very insulting but dead on.

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Charlus: We could make this work. We’re Romeo and Juliet.

Lily: It doesn’t work for Romeo and Juliet. That play ends in a tragic double suicide.

Charlus: That’s how it ends? Why do people like it so much?

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Elias: Hey, rough night?

Dominique: Yeah, it certainly hasn’t gone according to plan.

Elias: Oh, no. Oh, Dominique, I was ordering a drink called “A Rough Night.”

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Callum: Stay foxy.

Avery: Die lonely.

[incorrectdracodormiensquotes]

Xander: Oh, a walk in the woods, how romantic. And I know where all the murder spots are.

Dominique: Do you want to see them or avoid them?

Xander: The choice is yours, m'lady.