Incorrect Zodiac Quotes

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Aries: I'm glad you agreed to exercise with me! I got us both gym membership cards!

Scorpio, holding a crucifix and a Bible: There might have been a misunderstanding.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Virgo: something bad happened.

Sagittarius: i love that i never get a moment's peace. seriously, i'm not being sarcastic. i get bored easily.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Aquarius: How the fuck do people just stay motivated their entire lives? What drives you? I just got out of bed once and I've been exhausted ever since.

Capricorn: You need to learn to hate life to the point where you want to get revenge on existence itself.

Pisces: …Cap are you okay??

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Virgo: We need a plan.

Aries: We don't need a plan, I have a sword!

Virgo: We’re going to die.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Scorpio: This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Virgo: I hope you know what you’re doing.

Sagittarius: Yeah, me too

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Aries: Get off my back, grandpa!

Taurus: That’s not an insult. Grandfathers are the backbone of this country.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Libra: *signs a legal document with a glitter gel pen*

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Pisces: Why are you crying?

Aquarius: I'm not crying. I'm having an allergic reaction.

Pisces: To what?

Aquarius: Life.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Taurus: *fast forwarding the movie*

Scorpio: You can't just skip to the happy ending!

Taurus: I don't have time for their problems.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Scorpio: You know, contrary to popular belief, decapitation is not that easy.

Leo: Huh. You don’t usually hear “popular” and “decapitation” in the same sentence.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Aquarius, looking at Leo: This person has the absolute worst personality I have ever encountered. They’re rude, they’re narcissistic, they can’t read. Would I like to hang out with them? No.

Aquarius: Would I sleep with them? Absolutely.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Libra: So, Cap, do you have a significant other?

Capricorn: I’m significant by myself.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Taurus: I concede I was wrong about this one.

Libra: Good.

Taurus: However—

Libra: No. No ‘however’. Just be wrong. Just stand there in your wrongness and be wrong and get used to it.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Aries: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse. That's what I always say.

Taurus: You should say something else.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Gemini: okay listen i know i said i’d rather meet batman than spiderman but i forgot to take into account that i am already batman, so i’d definitely like to change my answer to spiderman if possible

Taurus: i asked you how to spell liechtenstein??

Gemini: bold of you to assume i know what that is. ANYWAY yeah final answer is spiderman, but not the tobey maguire version, can’t stand him-

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Taurus: I can't imagine how this could get any worse

Sagittarius, pulling out a box of matches: I could think of a few ways