incorrect oxenfree quotes

yeah there's like three more of these blogs but it doesn't matter. we're the funniest

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Ren: Do you take showers or baths? Alex: I bathe in the blood of my enemies. Ren: Mhm. Jonas: ...Is this just fucking normal for her?

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Jonas: What's the height of stupidity? Ren: I dunno Ren: Alex, how tall are you? Alex: Same fucking height as you, bitch

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Alex: Coming to terms with how much of an edgelord I am as I blast Paramore in my bathroom, smearing eyeliner on my face, getting ready to go to Spirit Halloween Alex: I am fucking cringe. But I am free Ren: You finally accepted it!

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Ren: What's up babygirl Alex: I am a nonbinary teenager Ren: What's up baby nonbinary teenager

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Ren: Hey, did you hear there's mercury in the Gatorade Alex: ...Do you mean Mercury's in retrograde Ren: No Alex: *takes long sip from Gatorade bottle* Alex: You need to take me to the hospital

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Jonas: Shut up you're under 6 feet Alex: Isn't your mom dead? Jonas: ....Yeah, so? Alex: So who's really under 6 feet? Jonas:

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Ren after Alex calls him out for lying about Nona in Truth or Slap: You promised not to tell! Alex: Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, Ren. Welcome to the real world.

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Alex: You better not be doing some stupid ass shit. Ren: I am definitely doing some stupid ass shit. Alex: Goddamnit.

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Alex: I prefer guys who make small dick jokes over guys who make big dick jokes Ren: I got a medium dick Ren: It can talk to ghosts Alex: *spits out water*

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Ren: Yeah I exercise*

*perform the Lucky Star OP dance in my bathroom mirror

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Alex: I kin Howl from Howl's Moving Castle because I, too, turn into slime when I mess up my hair dye

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Jonas, cheering Alex on as she uses the radio to unpossess Ren: You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! You can do this! You can do this! You can do th- Alex: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Jonas: I’m just encouraging you! Alex: NO!

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Jonas: Hey Ren, how’s your girlfriend? Ren: I don’t have a girlfriend, Jonas. Jonas: Haha, I know, just reminding you. Ren: How’s your mom?

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Ren: Well, guess I can’t mansplain, manipulate, malewife my way out of this one.                Alex: Have you considered manslaughter? 

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Ren: Do you believe in Bigfoot? Jonas: Like, do I think he’s real? Ren: No, like, do you support him

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Jonas: Lost my virginity to a thin mint cookie. Never doing that again. Alex: You shoved a thin mint cookie up your Jussy? Jonas: MY WHAT

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Ren: Currently imagining a button on the back of this bass that turns it into a 69-string Alex: I’m going to strangle you with all 69 of its strings. Ren: You could easily strangle me with a standard 4-string. I imagine 69-string transformer bass guitars are pretty expensive Alex: I live lavishly. Ren: Ah, then by all means- Alex: You’re ready to be choked? I want you to think about that. Ren: Remember last night when you asked me for sex? You have no room to talk. Alex: Yeah, as a conscious decision and a joke. I’m a comedian, you’re just a common fool. Ren: Mayhaps I’d like to dip my toe in the pool of comedy Ren: Ever think about that? Alex: Mayhaps I’d like to dip my fingers into your chest and rip out your heart Ren: Ren: Touché