incorrect podcast quotes

absolutely accurate quotes from all your favorite podcasts. submissions are welcome and encouraged!

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Sorry I super disappeared I will come back soon

But any way if you're at PodCon hmu???

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Juno: Are these guys gonna kill us?

Peter: I mean… I should hope not.

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

I came into this world screaming while covered in someone else’s blood and I’m not afraid to leave it the same way.

Temptress

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Jon: Since I have been forced to flee, I've left a complimentary bowl of advice.

Jon: For instance, "Martin, stop doing that". Just applies to everything.

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Sam: So, here we are…officially on a date. Romantical date…

Mark: Yes, we are. No longer just friends…Dating. [pause] You got a haircut. It looks nice.

Sam: Oh, thanks. You also got a haircut…At some point in your life, I’m sure, that’s not your baby hair. That would be crazy. But, uh, you look very nice.

Mark: Domo Arigato.

Sam: Do you speak Japanese?

Mark: No…

Sam: Oh. Uh…Sorry. I think I’m feeling a little awkward.

Mark: Yeah, me too.

Sam: How do we make it not weird?

Mark: I know - let’s just get super drunk.

Sam: Yes! Great idea! [to the waitress] Ma'am, could you please bring us four kamikaze shots?

Mark: And four for me as well.

Sam: Ah, I like your style. See, we can do this. We’re back on track. We’re keeping it light and breezy!

[cut to them in bed together]

Mark: So, we broke a rule.

Sam: Yeah. I hope it wasn’t a mistake.

Mark: Is “I hope it wasn’t a mistake,” the title of your sex tape? [gasps] Title of our sex tape!

Source: Brooklyn 99

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Makeup is for women who want husbands. Contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers and collect the inheritance of their ex-boyfriends, who disappeared under mysterious circumstances.

Temptress

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Minkowski: What is Eiffel even doing?

Hera: His best.

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Angus: Sirs, listen carefully. Life is a journey.

Taako: Uh-huh?

Angus: That’s all I got. I don’t have advice. I’m fifteen.

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

[Mark pulls out a ring and gets on bended knee]

Chloe: Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh, it’s finally happening! Say yes!

Sam: Yes!

Mark: Oh—okay, but technically, you just said yes to Chloe.

Sam: Well, ask me, Mark!

Mark: Will you marry us? Me? Mostly me. Just marry me so that I can show you how amazing our life will be together.

Sam: Yes! Yes! I will marry the crap out of you, Mark Bryant! Now give me the ring!

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Von (talking about Marxman): Ugh, I can’t believe I’m going to sleep with him.

Adira: Well, you don’t have to.

Von: No, I’m gonna.

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

I watched Mistah Steel drop the remote on his foot and the only thing he said was ‘I am so sick of being alive.‘

Rita

Source: tumblr

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Nammu: I’m going to need a straight answer from you, Adira.

Adira: Heh. Eheheheh.

Temptress: Ehehehehehehe.

Marxman: Hahahahahaha!

Von: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

Nammu (facepalming): I honestly don’t know why I even bother anymore.

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

If I pay 40 creds for a haunted house, I’d better die.

Juno Steel

Source: Twitter

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

And you just take out your trusty lock pick [gunshot] and you’re in! Ain’t no thang!

Juno Steel, much to Nureyev’s horror

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Marxman: Alright, listen up fives! A ten is speaking!

Marxman: Von, do you wanna talk one ten to another?

Von: I’m an eleven, Marxman, but continue.

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Von: You need to learn to relax or the stress will kill you before the thing that’s supposed to kill you gets a chance.

Adira: Well it’s good to know I have options.

[incorrectpodcastquotes]

Juno: I slept for almost twelve hours but I might still be tired so let’s go for twelve more just in case. Peter: Juno, that’s a coma. Juno: Sounds festive.