Not Associated With The Real Dan And Phil

50 | 100 | 200 | 500 | 1000+

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Dan: People are always like “are you a morning person or a night person” and I’m just like buddy I’m barely even a person

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Dan: I think I know a way we can get the money

Phil: You’d make a decent stripper

Dan: I’d make an AMAZING stripper, but that’s not what I’m talking about

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Phil: I've come to offer you some friendly advice.

Dan: I don't really want your advice.

Phil: Well consider it unfriendly advice then.

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Dan: 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses

Phil: The stables have turned

Dan: I hate you for that

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Phil: I’m in love with you

Dan: You’re in love with me?

Dan: Like, romantically?

Phil: Yes, I’m in love with you romantically

Dan:

Phil:

Dan: Why?

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Phil: Potatoes are actually my unproblematic fave

Dan: But they were the cause of a famine

Phil: I can’t believe you just pulled receipts on potatoes

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Dan: I thought I was in a bad mood, but it's been a few years now. So I guess this is who I am now.

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PJ: Hey what’s up??

Dan and Phil: [T-posing at each other in complete silence]

PJ: ... okay then.

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Dan: Stop being so weird and annoying or we aren’t going to be friends anymore!

Phil: All right then

Dan: So you’ll stop being weird?

Phil: No, we aren’t friends anymore

Dan: OH YOU ARE TRYING ME TODAY!!!!!

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Due to my inability to say non-dumbass things, I will no longer be saying things

Daniel Howell

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Dan: Is there another word for horny but not in a sexual way

Dan: Like, I’m horny for Halloween but I don’t want to fuck a pumpkin, you know?

Phil: ...do you mean excited?

Dan: oooh yeah

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Phil: Which country has the most birds?

Dan: Portugeese

Dan: Wait

Pj: That’s a language

Dan: Portugull

Chris: Nice recovery

Phil: Don’t you mean nice redovery

Louise: Turkey

Louise: How did we miss Turkey

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Phil: What time do you usually go to bed?

Dan: 10:30ish sometimes 4

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Martyn: *arriving unexpectedly* Why are you naked Phil?

Phil: I ... don’t have any clothes

Martyn: *opens closet* You have shirts, pants, jackets, hi Dan, socks...

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Phil: *unbuttoning shirt* bloody hell it’s hot in here

Dan: I know but why are you unbuttoning my shirt

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Dan: No

Phil: It’s a good name

Dan: Phil, we’re not calling the dog Sarah Jessica Barker, keep thinking

Phil:

Dan:

Phil: Woofie Goldberg

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Sometimes Dan will be like "What do you think you're doing?" But that just means stop.

Phil, probably