Dan: People are always like “are you a morning person or a night person” and I’m just like buddy I’m barely even a person
Xuebing Du
Not today Justin
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tannertan36
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trying on a metaphor
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noise dept.
$LAYYYTER
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Stranger Things
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@incorrectquotesfromphan
Dan: People are always like “are you a morning person or a night person” and I’m just like buddy I’m barely even a person
Dan:Â I think I know a way we can get the money
Phil: You’d make a decent stripper
Dan: I’d make an AMAZING stripper, but that’s not what I’m talking about
Phil: I've come to offer you some friendly advice.
Dan: I don't really want your advice.
Phil: Well consider it unfriendly advice then.
Dan:Â 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses
Phil:Â The stables have turned
Dan:Â I hate you for that
Phil: I’m in love with you
Dan: You’re in love with me?
Dan:Â Like, romantically?
Phil: Yes, I’m in love with you romantically
Dan:
Phil:
Dan:Â Why?
Phil:Â Potatoes are actually my unproblematic fave
Dan:Â But they were the cause of a famine
Phil: I can’t believe you just pulled receipts on potatoes
Dan: I thought I was in a bad mood, but it's been a few years now. So I guess this is who I am now.
PJ: Hey what’s up??
Dan and Phil:Â [T-posing at each other in complete silence]
PJ:Â ... okay then.
Dan: Stop being so weird and annoying or we aren’t going to be friends anymore!
Phil:Â All right then
Dan: So you’ll stop being weird?
Phil: No, we aren’t friends anymore
Dan:Â OH YOU ARE TRYING ME TODAY!!!!!
Due to my inability to say non-dumbass things, I will no longer be saying things
Daniel Howell
Dan:Â Is there another word for horny but not in a sexual way
Dan: Like, I’m horny for Halloween but I don’t want to fuck a pumpkin, you know?
Phil:Â ...do you mean excited?
Dan:Â oooh yeah
Phil:Â Which country has the most birds?
Dan:Â Portugeese
Dan:Â Wait
Pj: That’s a language
Dan:Â Portugull
Chris:Â Nice recovery
Phil: Don’t you mean nice redovery
Louise:Â Turkey
Louise:Â How did we miss Turkey
Phil:Â What time do you usually go to bed?
Dan:Â 10:30ish sometimes 4
Martyn:Â *arriving unexpectedly* Why are you naked Phil?
Phil: I ... don’t have any clothes
Martyn:Â *opens closet* You have shirts, pants, jackets, hi Dan, socks...
Phil: *unbuttoning shirt* bloody hell it’s hot in here
Dan:Â I know but why are you unbuttoning my shirt
Dan:Â No
Phil: It’s a good name
Dan: Phil, we’re not calling the dog Sarah Jessica Barker, keep thinking
Phil:
Dan:
Phil:Â Woofie Goldberg
Sometimes Dan will be like "What do you think you're doing?" But that just means stop.
Phil, probably