Incorrect Ranger's Apprentice Quotes

Submit quotes from other things here that fit the Ranger's Apprentice characters and it will be posted!

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Halt: Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

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I have a few submissions i haven't been able to get to and I am so so sorry but hopefully I can get off of mobile and post them soon!

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"Soup"

Will: Hello?

Horace: Hey, what's up?

Will: I need your help, can you come here?

Horace: I can't, I'm buying clothes.

Will: Alright, well hurry up and come over here.

Horace: Uh I can't find them.

Will: What do you mean you can't find them?

Horace: I can't find them, there's only soup.

Will: What do you mean there's only soup?

Horace: It means there's ONLY SOUP.

Will: Well then, GET OUT OF THE SOUP AISLE!

Horace: Alright, you don't have to shout at me!

Horace: ....

Horace: There's more soup.

Will: What do you mean, there's more soup?

Horace: There's more soup!

Will: Go into the next aisle!

Horace: There's still soup!

Will: Where ARE you right now??

Horace: I'm at Soup!

Will: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE AT SOUP?

Horace: I'm at Soup!

Will: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?

Horace: I'm at the SOUP STORE!

Will: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!

Horace: FUCK YOU!

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Alyss: This is my boyfriend, Will, and this is Will’s boyfriend, Horace.

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Morgarath: I know him. That can't be. That's that... little guy who spoke to me.

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Horace: I’m allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 sushis I barf.

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Gilan: How do you make any event classy on a budget? Red carpet. My entire cabin is red carpet. On top of that, leading into my bedroom, a second red carpet. Oh, what’s this in my boot? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.

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Malcolm: Have fun storming the castle!

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Will, at some point probably: Part 2

person: oh nice lute haha

will: What the fuck did you just fucking say to me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Ranger Corps, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids in Nihon-Ja, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in knife throwing and I’m the top Archer in the entire Ranger Corps. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Araluen and your location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Ranger Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

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Actor AU

Interviewer: So what's it like being around your cast members so often?

Gilan: It's really all like... one big, dysfunctional family. Individually, we're all so weird and different and there are times where we can't stand each other because of that. But there's no doubt that we love each other just as much as a family would.

Cassandra: You really like that family idea. What are we, the children?

Will: Horace is our innocent baby bro who must be protected at all costs.

Horace: Will's that sibling who makes us all want to pull out our hair!

Crowley: In that case, I claim the title as everyone’s uncle. No take-backs.

Alyss: I would assume that Pauline is the mother in our group?

Will: Then that makes Halt team dad!

Halt: You're all grounded.

Horace: What?

Halt: Grounded.

Crowley: Even me?

Halt: You are especially grounded!

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The Burning Bridge

Will: We've got everything under control!

Gilan: Is that why everything's on fire?

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Halt: Did you get a terrible fright?

Will: Yes, my heart nearly jumped out through my mouth.

Halt: Well, maybe you should have the rest of the day off and put your feet up.

Will: Really?

[Halt stares at Will]

Will: You were joking.

Halt: There really is no limit to your intelligence, is there, Will?

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Jenny: Do not breathe a word of this to anyone. Not even Will.

Horace: You're threatening me with a ladle?

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Crowley: I don't want to get married! I want to stay single and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset!

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Duncan: A lady does not put her weapon on the table.

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Will, setting the bridge aflame: Fire is catching. And if we burn, you burn with us!

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Halt: I'm out of arrows.

Arald: How many arrows did you bring?

Halt: All of them. Like 24!

Arald: 24? There's like 100,000 wargals out there!

Halt: And I killed 24 of them. You're welcome.